packing Mahayana im 'pose to be packing for the move in 2 days but im failing, all i seem 2 be able to bundle is myself... tucking ... hiding... storing aspirations of ignorance of all that i am not :so many lil things to crate away: 020816 ... gay gizmo it sucks when you look around and realize that your whole (materialisticly speaking) fits into a bunch of boxes in the back of an U-Haul truck. isnt there more to me than a nuch of boxes filled with things that are only there because I cant live in an empty apartment. 020926 ... Syrope the more stuff i tuck away, the sadder i get (and the more unsure i am of my previous claim to the parents that what's left can be crammed into just one car) it didn't even hit me til just now...fenny's going to new york and i'll never see her again (unless by some chance my parents forget who they are & accidentally agree i can go visit ;) let's hope...) and michael...i just hope i get to drive down to see him some. i wanted to gaze into his eyes and tell him i loved him, but instead i kissed him and walked away...it was just too real. i'm supposed to be studying for my literature exam tomorrow morning, but right now i just want to sit and stare at the empty room and bare walls... 030512 ... jane i can't wait to start packing it would have been easier to do so before we put the house on the market, so i could clean and pack at the same time (and not just stuff it all in the closet), but oh well. we're moving to sacramento and then in a few months i will be makin the big move to new york to find my destiny 030512 ... pete there is something about the actions i am tacking part on that make me sad. dismantling this room, this small white cell, that has been mine since the last day of august. strange. i'm leaving. i'm packing up and moving out. by this time tomorrow I'll just be sitting here waiting for my older brother to call and say that he is on his way. Everything will be in bags or crates. the four white walls will smile at me, and snidely say "good riddance boy." what a strange sensation, waiting to move out is. it will come again at the end of july. wow. 040427 ... emmi whenever i do it it seems like it's all i ever do. 040916 what's it to you? who go blather from