abuse wesleann what do 50,000 abused women have in common? they just don't fucking listen. 000124 ... Zoe i was abused most of my life, in one way or another. let me tell you, it is the most horrible experience in the world. i stil can only talk about it like this. 000717 ... Jon Come on abuse me more I like. Come on abuse Now it's true. 001005 ... Meara What a jerk. He abuses his kids. They all leave home as soon as they are 18. It will take at least a lifetime for their hearts to heal, maybe longer. Too bad I'm one of those kids. Too bad he's my father... 001116 ... misstree i have always been strong but he abused me and i liked it 001116 ... rollins she once told me that she wasn't the kind who liked to fight. she'd rather take the abuse. it's all she knew. Her death makes me hate cowards. 001211 ... sabbie once i looked up 'masturbation' in an old dictonary. the definion read 'self abuse'. i thought that was pretty weird. 001211 ... chanaka she keeps going back "we're in love! i know he has changed." she proclaims how many psychology texts have i read that say the exact same thing look it's happening everywhere. i want to help her, but i can't. she must find her own way, though the end result may be death. how i wish i could change the past, or scream at her. but instead i sit on my hands and smile 001211 ... danielle eleven years and counting........ 010125 ... ilovepatsajak they only hit until you cry after that you don't ask why you just don't argue anymore... just don't ask me how i am a song by someone 011204 ... roll up yr sleeves its time for recess and our mommies are lost now and daddy's someone else and we love the abuse because it makes us feel like we are needed 011204 ... nemo me 011204 ... ClairE Is one of the most heartwrenching things to contemplate. Sometimes I wished my dad hit me so I'd have an excuse to run away, put down the garbage bag and run away in the cold with no jacket on, tears running down my face. Children shouldn't be exposed to life. 011204 ... Grievance I think it would be worse to be exposed to life after childhood. Maybe selective life during childhood, the strong types that sustain themselves. "Need to ask a question Calling out my name Nothing seems to bother Wish I had a clue C'mon abuse me more I like it Well I don't think you like me Well I hate you as well No one seems to like you Wish I couldn't tell C'mon abuse me more I like it C'mon keep talking 'cause it's true Throw the sailors overboard" --silverchair "Laying lost and wounded Just myself to blame Have no life and Being hand-fed pain Head's a crying wasteland Filled with shame Cried for help before and Nobody came His father beats him No hesitation His face left dripping In humiliation As he lies wounded His father turns to clay A frozen statue Can't walk away His head's a crying wasteland Filled with shame Cried for help before and Nobody came To see what I can lose again For being the victim No" ==silverchair, again. (sorry to suck space with quotes) 011204 ... among the rest "sweet dreams are made of these, who am i to disagree? i traveled the world and the seven seas everybody's looking for something some of them want to use you some of them want to be used by you some of them want to abuse you some of them want to be abused" 030220 ... Eowithien not something that I particularly want but has crept its way into my life without being direct. 030228 ... celestias shadow "what are you talking about? it's just love....." 031012 ... Death of a Rose turns innocence into feeding time 031013 ... Lemon_Soda A thought I have not the courage to say nor the moral standing to excuse. Hopefully I will forget and forgive, and such thoughts won't come to me anymore. Until then I will think it everytime I see him. "You know who that was? Someone else who thought he had a right to abuse! To hit someone, or lie, or cut, or steal...or beat senseless with a lead pipe! Whats WRONG with you people! You're just making more of it! There is no justice, just a self approved right to inflict hurting and pain on more and more people because THAT somehow makes what they did to you better. That violated thing is a horrible feeling...your mind, your body, your heart...but if it was so horrible for you why do you INSIST on making other people feel it to?" 031013 ... Sam Vaknin Abusers exploit, lie, insult, demean, ignore (the "silent treatment"), manipulate, and control. There are many ways to abuse. To love too much is to abuse. It is tantamount to treating someone as an extension, an object, or an instrument of gratification. To be over-protective, not to respect privacy, to be brutally honest, with a sadistic sense of humour, or consistently tactless - is to abuse. To expect too much, to denigrate, to ignore - are all modes of abuse. There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse. The list is long. Most abusers abuse surreptitiously. They are "stealth abusers". You have to actually live with one in order to witness the abuse. There are three important categories of abuse: Overt Abuse The open and explicit abuse of another person. Threatening, coercing, beating, lying, berating, demeaning, chastising, insulting, humiliating, exploiting, ignoring ("silent treatment"), devaluing, unceremoniously discarding, verbal abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse are all forms of overt abuse. Covert or Controlling Abuse Abuse is almost entirely about control. It is often a primitive and immature reaction to life circumstances in which the abuser (usually in his childhood) was rendered helpless. It is about re-exerting one's identity, re-establishing predictability, mastering the environment - human and physical. The bulk of abusive behaviours can be traced to this panicky reaction to the remote potential for loss of control. Many abusers are hypochondriacs (and difficult patients) because they are afraid to lose control over their body, its looks and its proper functioning. They are obsessive-compulsive in an effort to subdue their physical habitat and render it foreseeable. They stalk people and harass them as a means of "being in touch" - another form of control. To the abuser, nothing exists outside himself. Meaningful others are extensions, internal, assimilated, objects - not external ones. Thus, losing control over a significant other - is equivalent to losing control of a limb, or of one's brain. It is terrifying. Independent or disobedient people evoke in the abuser the realization that something is wrong with his worldview, that he is not the centre of the world or its cause and that he cannot control what, to him, are internal representations. To the abuser, losing control means going insane. Because other people are mere elements in the abuser's mind - being unable to manipulate them literally means losing it (his mind). Imagine, if you suddenly were to find out that you cannot manipulate your memories or control your thoughts ... Nightmarish! In his frantic efforts to maintain control or re-assert it, the abuser resorts to a myriad of fiendishly inventive stratagems and mechanisms. Here is a partial list: Unpredictability and Uncertainty The abuser acts unpredictably, capriciously, inconsistently and irrationally. This serves to render others dependent upon the next twist and turn of the abuser, his next inexplicable whim, upon his next outburst, denial, or smile. The abuser makes sure that HE is the only reliable element in the lives of his nearest and dearest - by shattering the rest of their world through his seemingly insane behaviour. He perpetuates his stable presence in their lives - by destabilizing their own. TIP Refuse to accept such behaviour. Demand reasonably predictable and rational actions and reactions. Insist on respect for your boundaries, predilections, preferences, and priorities. Disproportional Reactions One of the favourite tools of manipulation in the abuser's arsenal is the disproportionality of his reactions. He reacts with supreme rage to the slightest slight. Or, he would punish severely for what he perceives to be an offence against him, no matter how minor. Or, he would throw a temper tantrum over any discord or disagreement, however gently and considerately expressed. Or, he would act inordinately attentive, charming and tempting (even over-sexed, if need be). This ever-shifting code of conduct and the unusually harsh and arbitrarily applied penalties are premeditated. The victims are kept in the dark. Neediness and dependence on the source of "justice" meted and judgment passed - on the abuser - are thus guaranteed. TIP Demand a just and proportional treatment. Reject or ignore unjust and capricious behaviour. If you are up to the inevitable confrontation, react in kind. Let him taste some of his own medicine. Dehumanization and Objectification (Abuse) People have a need to believe in the empathic skills and basic good-heartedness of others. By dehumanizing and objectifying people - the abuser attacks the very foundations of human interaction. This is the "alien" aspect of abusers - they may be excellent imitations of fully formed adults but they are emotionally absent and immature. Abuse is so horrid, so repulsive, so phantasmagoric - that people recoil in terror. It is then, with their defences absolutely down, that they are the most susceptible and vulnerable to the abuser's control. Physical, psychological, verbal and sexual abuse are all forms of dehumanization and objectification. TIP Never show your abuser that you are afraid of him. Do not negotiate with bullies. They are insatiable. Do not succumb to blackmail. If things get rough- disengage, involve law enforcement officers, friends and colleagues, or threaten him (legally). Do not keep your abuse a secret. Secrecy is the abuser's weapon. Never give him a second chance. React with your full arsenal to the first transgression. Abuse of Information From the first moments of an encounter with another person, the abuser is on the prowl. He collects information. The more he knows about his potential victim - the better able he is to coerce, manipulate, charm, extort or convert it "to the cause". The abuser does not hesitate to misuse the information he gleaned, regardless of its intimate nature or the circumstances in which he obtained it. This is a powerful tool in his armory. TIP Be guarded. Don't be too forthcoming in a first or casual meeting. Gather intelligence. Be yourself. Don't misrepresent your wishes, boundaries, preferences, priorities, and red lines. Do not behave inconsistently. Do not go back on your word. Be firm and resolute. Impossible Situations The abuser engineers impossible, dangerous, unpredictable, unprecedented, or highly specific situations in which he is sorely needed. The abuser makes sure that his knowledge, his skills, his connections, or his traits are the only ones applicable and the most useful in the situations that he, himself, wrought. The abuser generates his own indispensability. TIP Stay away from such quagmires. Scrutinize every offer and suggestion, no matter how innocuous. Prepare backup plans. Keep others informed of your whereabouts and appraised of your situation. Be vigilant and doubting. Do not be gullible and suggestible. Better safe than sorry. Control by Proxy If all else fails, the abuser recruits friends, colleagues, mates, family members, the authorities, institutions, neighbours, the media, teachers - in short, third parties - to do his bidding. He uses them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey. He employs the same mechanisms and devices. And he dumps his props unceremoniously when the job is done. Another form of control by proxy is to engineer situations in which abuse is inflicted upon another person. Such carefully crafted scenarios of embarrassment and humiliation provoke social sanctions (condemnation, opprobrium, or even physical punishment) against the victim. Society, or a social group become the instruments of the abuser. TIP Often the abuser's proxies are unaware of their role. Expose him. Inform them. Demonstrate to them how they are being abused, misused, and plain used by the abuser. Trap your abuser. Treat him as he treats you. Involve others. Bring it into the open. Nothing like sunshine to disinfest abuse. Ambient Abuse The fostering, propagation and enhancement of an atmosphere of fear, intimidation, instability, unpredictability and irritation. There are no acts of traceable explicit abuse, nor any manipulative settings of control. Yet, the irksome feeling remains, a disagreeable foreboding, a premonition, a bad omen. This is sometimes called "gaslighting". In the long term, such an environment erodes the victim's sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Self-confidence is shaken badly. Often, the victim adopts a paranoid or schizoid stance and thus renders himself or herself exposed even more to criticism and judgment. The roles are thus reversed: the victim is considered mentally deranged and the abuser - the suffering soul. TIP Run! Get away! Ambient abuse often develops to overt and violent abuse. You don't owe anyone an explanation - but you owe yourself a life. Bail out. 031014 ... -Succubus- ...everyone in abused... 031108 ... anonymous -_- I don't get it. I know in my heart if Jesus existed he would give me a clue. I am not talking about some old book with scary stories - I mean he would really get down with me and chill! But the funny thing is... I was walking home a few days ago passed the ghetto and three guys pulled me into an ally so deep and narrow it was like a tunnel. When I saw the first guy start to unzip his pants I just drop to my knees and started praying. Oh GOD! Oh GOD! oh GOD! He just looked down at me and pulled out his nasty weenie and said - yah grl that's jus wherr I wans ya ta b. Then he tore at my t-shirt until my breasts where exposed. Then pinched my nipple soooo hard with a twist I almost fainted. I could smell his stinky crotch as he pulled me near. I wanted to scream -- but all I do was whisper. No lord, please no. Then I heard a whoop whoop cop car thingie sound and saw a bright light shine at the end of the tunnel. Next thing I knew they all ran like roaches when you turn on the light. OK so -- it was no burning bush but it sure saved mine! Perhaps I'll have to reconsider this thing called faith! -_- 040218 ... iJun092004 Rights Group Says Bush Policies Created Iraq Abuse Wed Jun 9, 5:47 PM ET NEW YORK (Reuters) - Human Rights Watch on Wednesday accused the Bush administration of creating the climate for the Iraqi prison torture scandal when it "cast the rules aside" on prisoner interrogation techniques. http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=519&e=1&u=/ap/20040610/ap_on_re_us/prisoner_abuse_lawsuit_1 040609 ... among the rest one lonely lonely summer when i drew carry and john stewart friends i wrote down in a journal what i said to myself. i kept it till i made a friend. we started dating. the last entry went something like this... "I'm worried now. He told me to "not be so nuerotic." I think he only likes me because i give bj's. Not my personality. Will I try and change for him? ... I just feel inferior and confused. is this verbal abuse? no. don't even kid like that. just go to sleep." 040617 ... kx21 iLink:- War_Crimes 040617 ... zoloftboy a few weeks, long ago leave scars deep in my mind how could he where is he now Maybe It wasn't real God I wish it wasn't real 041019 ... pandora I hate him, I hate him. I_have_no_home. Just a rotting little bungalow and this man, this man who comes home slurring and lusty from some seedy bar stinking of tabacco and decides to fuck me to an inch of my life. He lights a cuban cigar after and then goes on and fucking on about how plato didn't know what he was talking about, and De Cartes (spelling?) is a socialist, and how his vote for Kerry was blah blah blah. And here he comes, an obedient dog, back for sex. I wish I were dead. 050325 ... skyburst777 "abuse it you lose it" 050611 ... unhinged 2: improper or excessive use or treatment 4: language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately and angrily 5: physical maltreatment 120927 ... lovers lament It's about time I admitted this... 150119 what's it to you? who go blather from