ask_silentbob silentbob This is where you can ask me quiestions and i'll blather the answers, while ALSO ripping off my friend the shlieffen man. Kill two birds with one blather. 000806 ... Kaskarkaminski dear silentbob please please please tell me what is going on, someone is tampering with the links on Blather (the code that connects the various pages together) fortunately, i had already saved all of mine (save them regularly) 000806 ... The Schleiffen Man dear silentbob, What's your favourite colour and why? Signed kurious planner 000806 ... silentbob wow i forgot to do this. sorry. lets see.....kaskarkinsky, the reason the blatherlinks are all crazy is because they're working on them, i think. i do not know why, and i do not know how. all i know is that i dont know nothin. Shleiffen Man. My favorite color is black because...well...i just like dark things i guess. Vampires. Capes. shadows. all things of antilight and the sweet life of darkness. but fear not, for i do not go around drinking peoples bloods and jumping from shadow to shadow like a madman. except on the weekends. 000813 ... claudia dear silentbob. i feel like murdering everybody i see. what do i do? 000813 ... silentbob Claudia Obviously you are the sole leader of the universe and deserve much more attention than everyone else, much more attention than you are getting, so what you must do is learn to control your urges to kill everyone, and tell them of your spiritual connection to the Lights of Life. then they will pay attention to you and give you the respectful treatment you deserve instead of making you want to kill them. Can ya dig it? 000814 ... silentbob i was just kidding by the way,i dont think you are starving for attention, that was just a joke 000814 ... daxle dear silentbob were you quoting op ivy in your earlier response? and if so how did you get to be so cool? rude girl 000814 ... silentbob daxle I was indeed quoting Opivy, and im just cool because i have inner knowledge. i noticed long ago that you appreciate beautiful music. how did YOU get to be so cool? 000816 ... Wayne dear silentbob who am i? would i be better with soy sauce? 000828 ... another grendel schizoid moment dear silentbob; to borrow the question from Paul Verhoeven's Action/Sci-Fi classic "RoboCop":... "can You fly, Bobby?" 000828 ... silentbob Wayne i am unsure of your name and social security number but everyone knows that everything tastes better in a wok with soy sauce. mmm-mmmm Mr. Grendel Birdmad My Lover Of The Night I can fly. and i can fly high. but i dont get fresh when i fly. because that just aint bobby! 000828 ... klairchen Dear Silentbob, So, do you like stuff? Signed, moi 000902 ... silentbob Klarchen Ilike stuff and i like things and things and stuff and stuff and things, but mostly...i like doritos. Wuv Silentbob 000903 ... klairchen dear silentbob, Who's "klarchen"? Signed, i 000903 ... silentbob klarchen is this girl that used to email me but then i think she decided she was too good or something :( And now im trying to be friends with this girl named klairchen i think, but she just thinks im dumb :*( 000903 ... nirvana bird i think i'm dumb (maybe just happy) 000903 ... silentbob you are not dumb! you are a beautiful bird with feathers of flannel! 000904 ... Barrett Is it wrong to kiss your sister? I don't have one. But if I did, would it be wrong? 000927 ... silentbob makin out with my sister is wrong friendly kiss on the cheek is a little odd...but not necessarily icky and gross. But You kissing my sister is wrong. nothing against you as a barrett, just that she has a boyfriend and she wouldn't be down with cheating. 000927 ... Raina dear bob, if you were in the forest, and someone stepped on your toes, would you remained silent? 000927 ... silentbob I probably would. Sigh 000927 ... Barrett Bob, Is it safe to eat pizza that's been out overnight? (I mean not in the refridgerator as apposed to being out partying) O.k..... Barrett, Shut Up. 000927 ... silentbob barrett now here's the trick of the trade. Sunday night. Got a medium pizza for myself. sausage. not bad! couldn't eat the whole thing. Monday midday. had no money to eat anything. Hungry as a bastard. Come home from school, and WHAT do i find? my overnight pizza! so i shove it in the microwave for 2 minutes, and have a hearty meal after school. yes, its quite alright, but microwaving it is much more pleasent. 000927 ... Wayne dear sb i have so many questions and so little time. but YOU, you are mr. reliable himself. can you get me a computer with internet access? my roommate left and now i usually have to sweat out the 30 minute timer at the public library. ok, so i only had one question. ps sb means silentbob i just thought of another question. if you rearrange the letters in your name, you can get "bent boils". is this significant? in any case, i would recommend gold bond anti itch powder. 000928 ... MollyCule Dearest Silent Bob - How do I keep someone I hate from coming home (Ohio) from someplace in Oregon? I rilly rilly rilly hate this girl, and am rather enjoying being 2000 miles away from her. 001001 ... silentbob wayne i cannot provide you with a pc with internet access, but i want to thank you because you made me laugh heartily with the bent boils thing. sorry. mollycule, dearest mollycule, tell this ohioan oreganian girl to stay in oregon! sever all communication and when she tries to come home...LOCK YOUR DOOR! that is all. resume blathering. 001001 ... MollyCule One more question - say you meet this guy online. He seems rather nice, and defends you against some stupid bitch in a chat room, and that's why you start talking to him. he tells you that he has a crush on you, but you have a fiancee and will probably never meet this guy because he lives 6 hours away. He tells you that he works as a DJ for a radio station. He gets your cell phone number, calls you, and puts you on the air. A few weeks later, he's in a car accident. He calls you from the hospital, tells you that some crazy guy tried to kill him by running his car off the road, and then lapses into a coma. While he's in the coma, you're staying in touch with his sister and his friends, who tell you that if he doesn't wake up within 48 hours, they're going to pull the plugs. So, 48 hours pass, he's still out and they're getting everything ready to unhook his machines and let him die. As they're doing this, someone brings in his laptop and they play a .wav file of you, singing a song, that you'd sent to him a few weeks ago. At the sound of your voice, he sits up in bed, miraculously recovering from all of the massive internal injuries that almost signaled his death. At least, this is what he tells you. He is convinced that your voice brought him back from the dead. But wait, things get wierder. He's out of the hospital within a week. He tells you that his parents just confessed to him that he was adopted - something that would have come out when, in the hospital, the doctors wanted his father to donate blood, and he couldn't. He also says that not only is he adopted, he was a twin. His parents and twin brother, who was a day old, were in a plane crash and all died immediatly. He, who had not yet been born, was delivered from the body of his dead mother at the crash scene. And, to add a final odd twist, his parents had been millionaires and royalty, and he's now a prince who owns his own private island in the Medditeranian. So my question is, how much of this would you believe? and what do you tell the friend who believes every word of it? (she's the one this whole story is about.) xoxoxox MollyCule 001016 ... silentbob Molly my apologies for not paying enough attention to realize you were a different molly My answer to you is this: your friend is crazy for believing this man. i would not believe any of it. if she has never met him it will be easier to tell him to buzz off. its all lies. tell your friend, I love you but get your head outta your ass and listen to reason . A) why the hell would they happen to bring a laptop and play wave files? B) his story is so outrageous he would have been on Montel and Oprah already, we WOULD have heard about it. C) its the internet...how much could he possibly love her unless he was a psycho D) SHE HAS A FIANCEE!!!!! This alone should be reason enough to NOT SPEAK TO THIS CRACKHEAD! thank you, that is all 001016 ... Barrett Silentbob, Upon seeing you're seniorpics (from the pictures of me contri) I am left wondering... Are you or have you ever been, Glen Danzig? 001019 ... silentbob i was Glen danzig once but then my brother and my mother wanted to find hell with me so we raised a little hell and broke the misfits up and then rereleased all their old albums and raised the price and made a fortune. 001019 ... splinken dear bobby, where is my perfect hairdo? this one is getting on my nerves. l-word, molly 001020 ... tourist greetings and felicitations silentbob you seem like a knowledgable fellow, perhaps you'd know this. I'm new to most of this internet stuff,but since they made the mistake of allowing access from work I find myself surfing more than slaving. Can I sue them if they fire me? After all they put more temptation in front of me than I could resist. 001020 ... silentbob Splinken, Winken, and Nod your new hairdo is waiting just around the motorcycle track. believe me. it will blow your hair back! Tourist A lengthy jabberer are Ye! i appreciate your blathers, and i welcome you to the blather page place. To answer your question: it would depend on why they are firing you. if they are firing you because you sexually harassed someone, you probably could only sue if you didn't REALLY sexually harass someone and you had guts enough to try to make them believe you. If they are firing you because you are not the same color, religion, or member of sexual persuasion as they, then yes you could sue their skanky asses off. but if they fire you for slacking off at work...well....i think they kind of reserve the right to do that. but this is what you can do.... Go into your boss's office. Illuminate and impress and intimidate (my_third_eye) him with your knowledge of how to make napalm and bombs with equal parts gasoline, equal parts orange juice concentrate, and then say you will gladly leave if you recieve one years pay check and any number of office supplies you please. he is not convinced. so you punch yourself in the face. Now you are Jacks smirking revenge. "Please" you say as he calls security. "Don't hit me again." and you continue beating YOURSELF up, until you are a bloody mess at his feet and it looks like he went mad and beat the everloving shit out of you. then you can black mail him to your hearts content. Now you are Jack's overwhelming success. 001021 ... tourist thank you silentbob... couldn't have done it without you. Easystreet here I come. 001021 ... jennifer Dearest Bobby... Do you ever eat cake? 001021 ... hopeless bobby, I like this guy alot and I don't know if he feels the same way about me. I think we are meant for each other and I don't know how to tell him. I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship. He is just so amazing. He is super smart and really funny. Yet, he is sensitive and political. He can be serious and the life of the party. I wish we could be together forever... 001022 ... Barrett ? 001023 ... silentbob jennifer but of COURSE i eat cake especially this saturday on my birthday. Hopeless, You obviously have a lot figured out. you treasure your friendship with Mr. Political quite a bit, i see. perhaps the best way to tell him is just to...TELL him. Say, "YO! You's a hottie! that's mine! tear it up!" and then jump all over him. i know guys. they like it when girls make the first move. Barret, ! that is all. 001023 ... startfires dear bob is there a better sound than breaking glass? 001023 ... silentbob Erin Yes the sound of a camera taking a picture is better. the sound of a can of pop opening. and i KNOW you like the sound of fire devouring anything at Farenheit 451. 001023 ... silentbob but dont take my word for it check out what splinken_says 001023 ... klairchen We have the same birthday. Rock! 001023 ... silentbob do we indeed? yes i think i knew that! i think it was like who_are_you 001024 ... a curious onlooker do you like jucy gypsies? 001024 ... silentbob i like things that are juicy and gypsies are usually nice enough people so yeah i guess a juicy gypsy might suit me nice like 001024 ... kx21 dear silentbob, What is your bubble's size? Will it crash? 001024 ... chanaka silent bob-- why is it that i am able to connect with someone on such a personal level without ever meeting them? and why are you so fucking awesome? i am in awe of you....and i do believe you are in somewhat awe of me.... someone who's head is above water now 001025 ... silentbob kx21 my bubble is only as big as the universe, no bigger, no smaller. it will crash some day and after that i dont really care what happens. Chanaka You are able to connect to this person because you arent blinded by such superficial things as tooth decay and lack of shaving. all you see is their raw text. cold but moving. i am awesome because you say i am. i am in awe of you because you say i am. 001025 ... god dear silent bob, hi there. this is god. answer me this and i'll let you sit in my big purple chair. what do you think will be going on 753 trillion years after the end of time? 001025 ... silentbob what do i think will be going on 753 trillion years after time....... hmmmmm i think you will have destroyed it all....and so all the believers will be in heaven, all the nonbelievers will be in hell.... Maybe you'll let us out of hell and let us come to the party, too. you'll say, "Ok, you little bastards, come in, and wipe your feet. You learnt your lesson." So what do i think will probably be going on 753 trillion years after time? if heaven exists, it will be a massive spiritual orgy. if it doesnt...well let me tell ya...i think the amoebas are next in line for most intelligent form of life. 001026 ... god hmmm. sounds good to me. i'll put it on the schedule. thanks, god 001026 ... MollyCule hey silent bob - I'll give you one doll hair if you can tell me where I got my aol name from. P.S. it's weetzie99. P.P.S. the 99 part doesn't matter P.P.S.S. snootchie bootchies! 001029 ... silentbob hmmmmm i reckon you got it from a matress shop. no? well, if you have any more clues, then come find me there, cuz i am fast asleep. ? 001029 ... The Schleiffen Man dear silent bob, do you think mollycule got her AOL name from a book about Weetzie Bat? 001029 ... Jon Do you really like doritos? they are the spawn off s8n. also Am I gay if I find Seth green attractive or just pain stupid!????? FROM ME (he is cute tho) 001030 ... Jon PLAIN - plain stupid sorry 001030 ... j_blue sorry, wouldnt want to usurp silentbob's ask-ness, but i have to say jon is gay for spelling his name without the h. homos are weird, its like they come out and start spelling their names funny. like john becomes jon, mike becomes myke, you get the picture. sorry jon, i am sure you have a good reason for not being john (like your parents or something, whatever) it just needed to be said. anyways, that just needed to be said 001030 ... silentbob ...i'd appreciate the None-spreading of anti-homosexuality, please. Your hate and alienation is unwelcome. Schlieffen man, i think perhaps mollycule COULD have gotten her name from the weetzie bat... Jon, if you want to fuck Seth Green you are gay. if you just think his face is easy on the eyes, but you dont want to fuck him, then y ou are not gay. simple as that. 001030 ... j_blue i am a homo, duh... i thought that was obvious, i was addressing a trend humorously, and am sorry to have come across as anything but. sorry... 001030 ... silentbob ok now i feel like a jackass i didnt know that i thought you were just using "gay" as an insult to someone ok, Big sign over my head the says WORLDS BIGGEST JACKASS! right here everyone! pay a nickel to see the idiot. watch him put his foot in his mouth. Sorry. 001030 ... j_blue no, i would place blame on this one to the great limitation of the written word when utilized by us novices. and i hate using asterisked text or emoticons, so i guess these things are just part of life. anyway, your intentions were good, and my speech was unclear, so its all good. 001030 ... startfires francesca lia block is the sheeeit. in a good way. 001030 ... silentbob J Blue You cool, Bro Erin What the fuck??? 001030 ... Jon I'm not gay my parents named me. Silentbob is da bomb and if I had to be in bed with seth to meet him I'd have to say hmmmmmmmmm NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jon(without an H) 001031 ... silentbob groovy. 001031 ... lolita silent bob a question involving those everpresent vicious things in my life, boys--i have 3 of them following me around. i want one to go away. how do i decide between the other two? one is sweet and cute, the other is smart, sarcastic, and not quite so cute. they're both lovely. yet another question: please tell me why i have this recurring dream in which i o.d. on prozac, razor off all of my skin, eat it, and yet am still living? 001102 ... the spork dear silentbob do you think that the idea of bits of polyester and dryer lint mushed together and liberally spiked with a variety of fruit flavors would be a good marketing idea?? 001102 ... silentbob lolita: first off, boys suck. become a lesbian. secondly, choose the Cute sweet boy, because the sarcastic one will probably end up being an asshole later. the cute sweet one will probbly be the one worth keeping. but maybe find out if they want you and stuff. um also.... i dont know you very well, so i cant say whats giving you these dreams. i think maybe because of this boy situation you feel a little self-loathing and want to do bad things to yourself subconsciously, but hey, thats just me. for all i know you could be totally selfcentered, but you're a probably well-behaved individual. as to why you didnt die from such a dream in real life....i think that story where if you die in a dreem y ou die in real life is just an old wives tale Ala Nightmare on Elmstreet. Spork : Yes! 001102 ... Barrett Bob, do you still love me? 001102 ... silentbob I will always love you barret 001102 ... klairchen Why are guys in bunnyhugs so intriguing? 001102 ... Barrett It's bait for the kanadian bunnies. Le' rrrrrrrrrrrr 001102 ... silentbob a kweschun for klairchen what are bunnyhugs? and barrett i still love u 001103 ... Barrett and I you, Bobby. Klairchen wanna join in on the bunny hugg'n? 001103 ... startfires bobby-poo how_does_it_feel? 001116 ... silentbob feels pretty degenerated. like dusky varigated leaves, with a rough texture that smell grainy and planty. i wish he wouldnt talk to me because he just makes me feel worthless. 001116 ... Wayne dear silentbob blather is awake. i'm so excited i almost had a symphonic movement. why are you up so late? i thought your mom sent you to bed at 9:00 every night. i'm dreaming myself so i'll probably be asleep by the time you respond. 001118 ... ladyg dear silentbob, i read everything you write, but i must ask, who is your girlfriend????? I try to figure it out, but, i get kind of lost sometimes 001118 ... silentbob Wayne kid im up so late cuz i talk to people i should not have done that maybe tho cuz now im runnning on little sleep. i hate doing that Lady G I have no girlfriend. whatever blathe you read you probably were reading about my exgirlfriend alicia. her name was rummy on here, but she stopped long before we broke up. But now there is no girl that currently meets my fancy. at least none of which i meet the fancy of back. 001118 ... ladyg silentbob sorry i was being nosey, and i hope i didn't hit a sore spot 001118 ... silentbob dont worry lady g, im flattered at your interest. you hit no sorespot, and i apologize if i made it appear so. 001118 ... Glory Box Bob, what's your position on little toy trucks, little toy drums, rooty-toot-toots and rummty-tum-tums? 001118 ... Glory Box Bob, what's your position on little toy trains, little toy drums, rooty-toot-toots and rummty-tum-tums? 001118 ... Glory Box Does it differ from trucks to trains? 001118 ... silentbob well see, Glory Box i suppose i think Nothing short of AMAZING when i think of old toy trucks, rooty toots and...what was the other one? it doesnt differ, they're all great. 001118 ... ladyg dear silentbob do you thing the 5th dentist will ever recommend trident chewing gum? 001119 ... silentbob hehe No i do not, and let me tell ya why Hmmm.... Actually i don't know why i think that way. maybe its just a marketing ploy so people can compare and contrast when buying gum and/or toothpaste. Or maybe the 5th_dentist is just some crazy guy on an operating chair getting high on his Knock Out gas and he mutters, "Gum aint no good for teeth! Begone, devil beast!" Yeah, i bet thats what he says. 001120 ... Rhin dear silentbob, you and a person you love deeply are placed in separate rooms with a button next to each of you. you know that you will both be killed unless one of you presses your button before 60 minutes pass; furthermore, the first to press the button will save the other person, but will immediately be killed. what do you think you would do? what if the person in the next room were merely an acquaintance? what if it was someone you loathed? 001120 ... silentbob well i dont think i would like the torture none too much. if it was someone i loathed id see if theyd do that for me and if they didnt i'd just kill myself. just an acquaintance, i like to think id just kill myself, and someone i loved deeply no question. Of course id see if there was a way for both of us to get out safely, even if it was someone i loathed i wouldnt truthfully wish that upon them. Who is doing this anyway? 001120 ... splinken no one asked me, but i'm going to answer anyway. i would not press the button for someone i hate. i would not press the button for someone i love. dying scares me. the end. 001120 ... silentbob i love you molly Don't worry I'll die for you :) 001120 ... kendra i'd crawl into the corner waiting for the magic fairy to save us. yeah, bobby, howd' you know that I have green eyes? 001120 ... Rhin the person doing this, is a nameless, faceless individual... thank you silentbob. now i have to ask...would you pause, no matter how slight, before pressing the button, if the person in the other room, was not someone you loved deeply? 001120 ... Rhin dear silentbob, please scratch the last question. i reviewed your response again, and realized you had already answered it. 001120 ... grendel i would press the button, but not for the sake of the other person. but more like pugsley and wednesday's game. The question: "Is there a god??? 001120 ... startfires bobby. if i started my own sorority would you join? 001120 ... startfires er, pledge? 001120 ... silentbob Miss K-L-A-I-R-C-H-E-N I didn't know you had green eyes. that was just the first song that popped into my head and i recited it all, cuz its real purdy. and it happens to talk about green eyes. i dont know if i capitalized that part when i signed that thingie, but if i did its because thats my favorite part of the song. Meanwhile.... you have green eyes?? cool. dear R-H-I-N i might hesitate around everyone in every situation. Miss E-R-I-N I would very happily join your soritory but only if we could have leg-shaving slumber parties because alas...i have hairy thighs. Grendelbirdmad : I love you. 001120 ... startfires bobby. if i am a girl and i dream i am a man having sex with a girl does that make me a lesbian? 001120 ... startfires um also what if it's a girl i know? hypothetically. of course. 001120 ... ladyg dear silentbob would you, if no one was looking, and you didn't think you would get caught, and the timing was right, pull the tags off of the mattress that says do not remove? 001120 ... silentbob Erin The Psycho Pyronmaniac Gypsy It doesn't mean anything. Except maybe you ate somehting really really weird before you went to bed. you arent a lesbian, i promise. its fine. i have dreams all the time about having sex with girls, its really NO big deal at all. lady G i probably would, very quickly do that. i was at a college this weekend visiting friends and i kept writing all over peoples white boards, just weird little things like "I (heart) U" and stuff like that Im just a mischevious guy that way yeah...right. But i probbly would do that. 001120 ... lovers lament Hello Silentbob. My friend, Mollycule speaks highly of you. I was just curious as to whether or not you thought it was twisted to want to watch yourself bleed? In all seriousness. 001121 ... lovers lament there is one more question waiting for you at ask_silent_bob, as i forgot that silentbob was, of course, together and not hyphenated. oops. 001121 ... snakeyes silentbob are you crazy or are you normal are you alien or are you not are you a human or are you a bob..? 001121 ... silentbob lovers lament alas i do think it is rather twisted question for you: Am I twisted? Snakeyes I am human form with 2 eyes, 2 hands, one tongue and many personalities. and now on to ask_silent_bob 001121 ... camille when you dream, you dream in color? 001121 ... silentbob i dream in color almost every time what about you 001121 ... lovers lament there is more for you at ask_silent_bob check it out if ya feel froggy. 001122 ... lovers lament you are twisted silent bob. but not in the offensive way that you will probably take this. twisted and formed and shaped, beautifully. not bad. just something a little bit different. refreshing. 001122 ... silentbob Worry not, lamentation of love, i do not take such compliments offensively. I am quite in agreement with you saying i am twisted and i hope to learn more about you to tell you the same....in..that ggood way! :) 001122 ... silentbob hed probably go on a raging rebellion and not want to chuck any wood. hed stomp his little furry foot and say, "I hate wood! i refuse to chuck it!" 001122 ... lovers lament silent bob, you may be the most intellectually stimulating 17 year old male i've ever met. i realize that this may not be appropriate material for this page as it is not in question format. but i don't care. :) 001123 ... silentbob To answer your....statement... or..in response to it i turned 18 a few weeks ago woohoo! now i can by cigarrettes for evan! 001123 ... splinken bobby, if YOU were casting a broadway production of hi fidelity, who would you cast ME as? 001123 ... Glory Box Bob, if you were walking down the street, minding your own business, maybe whistling a little bit and Ani DiFranco came up and propositioned you, what would you do? What if she and Pamela Anderson did it at the same time, but made you choose one or the other? Would you choose Pam for her silicone-tasty good looks, or would you choose Ani because she's smart and beautiful and she feels with her soul? You can tell who I would pick. And if you don't know who Ani is (shocked gasp from the peanut gallery) pick someone with equal virtues and her less-than-supermodel looks. 001123 ... silentbob This finally loaded Splinkilywinken: i would cast you as "Sharon!" the shocking social worker with the heart of gold and fabulous fashion sense! ok so shes not in the movie, but i reckon it would be different, wouldnt it? Glory Box of COURSE i know who ani difranco is, im practically in love with her. i would choose her, because i would feel it would be so much more worth it than pam anderson. No offense, pam. Ani has class! 001123 ... lovers lament hey silentbob. if we only had five minutes to live, just me and you. . .would you do it with me? ;) anyhow, i got a sorta promotion today. i am, yay, all kindsa happy. what do you think happens to us after we die? lovingly yours, lamentation of love 001124 ... silentbob lets see... five minutes left to live Well...if you let me, i'd probably violate you in ways you never thought possible...or maybe you did, and i'm just self-centered or something. A promotion, eh? I applied at the movie theater in town and it starts off at five dollars an hour. Whoopdi-shit! 001124 ... silentbob what do i think happens to us when we die? I think we become part of everything, kind of Star Wars style. or maybe we just turn into smoke, like a candle when it is put out. or that we all (everyone, not just the people who know The Guy Inside) go to that paradise place where we can all play fooz ball and swim in a waterfall. And everytime a bell rings, another of us gets wings! i dont believe in hell. i think hell is partly what we experience on earth. hell is a scare tactic. and if i die and go to hell....well, i guess i'll be pretty miserable and say, "Well, looks like i was wrong." I try not to live my life afraid. 001124 ... Glory Box Oh My Darling Bob!!! I KEES YEW!!! 001124 ... Glory Box Bobby Blather, be my friend! My best friend ever! Help me build sandcastles in the dark. We can add turrets and towers as needed, and when the Queen stops having babies we can marry off the grown ones and build them all new manors in the heath. Sand and branches, and a willing, able and secluded beach are all we'll need. Come with me! I'll make you happy, and we can be children in the sun once more! 001125 ... silentbob we will be children of the sun even when it is raining and the waves are crashing against our little castles because there is a place where the sun always shines and that is in our hearts woohoo! i like getting deep with old Glory Box. 001125 ... Glory Box Bob, you're a poet! I cry with the intensity and depth of your soul. Just like you said, "Yes, silentbob has a sensitive, touching side. TOUCHING HIMSELF!!!" Me too. I love you. Be my husband, and we can never sleep together for the rest of our lives. 001125 ... silentbob NEVER sleep together?? NEVER sleep together? what the hell is THAT all about? :) 001126 ... Glory Box It's just that you're a BOY Bobby, and we lesbians try to avoid you guys. But other than that, you're SPARKLY-WONDERFUL!!!! And I love you. 001126 ... Jokingly DepressedBob but...that's not fair... Here. I'm kind of chubby. you can feel my breasts. it's almost the same thing. can't we work something out? WHy are all the really good girls engaged lesbians who are way older than me and 6000 miles away? Tell_silentbob 001126 ... Katie Rose Dear Silent Bob.. why is it that when you love someone..that all the time in the world is not enough time to be spent with that person.. and you can't stop thinking of them? 001126 ... Katie Rose no...I just wanted to ask the brilliant bob something..but I didn't have anything real to ask ;-) hehehe 001127 ... Glory Box You asked, I told Bobby my Dear. But we can still get married. We can have all the benefits of marriage (tax shelters, property rights) but never, never touch each other! It will be magnificent. I promise. By the way: You know the words, sing it with me: EVERYONE LOVES A SILENTBOB!!! (But me especially) 001127 ... silentbob awww you're too nice And i suppose that means premiscuity for the both of us then? 001127 ... Rhin Silentbob, Where's your field of dreams? 001127 ... silentbob a nice apartment in a big shitty city with cool stores and great local bands, and some good well-known to the underground bands come through. This is my field of dreams. tell_silentbob yours 001127 ... MollyCule dear silent_bob have you ever considered the possiblity that God does not like you? Does not want you? hehe. okay, onto the actual question - why are you so damned wonderful? and why don't you e-mail me? xoxox 001128 ... MollyCule ironically, i forgot this one - why am i so damned forgetful? even more xoxoxoxox 001128 ... silentbob im so damned wonderful because beautiful people like you read my shit and i dont email you because, honestly it never occurred to me, and now i feel like shit. 001128 ... Glory Box Promiscuity abound Bobby Dear. You can fuck whoever you want, no complaints, as long as your heart stays with me. Promises, promise? 001129 ... Glory Box OH MY GOD BOB. This is all I'm going to say, and if you don't remember it, I'll die: MUUUUUUUUUUUUUVVVVVVVVOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Oh yeah. That's great. Better than Seinfeld. 001129 ... silentbob Muvo yes, always remember muvo heart promises, etc etc 001129 ... lovers lament silent bob i have two questions for you. 1) do you think that inanimate objects ever miss the objects that they were coupled with originally? for example, if you're eating peas, and you leave one behind, do you think it misses the rest of the peas that are going through your digestive tract? do you ever wonder about things like that? cuz i do. 2) do YOU ever miss inanimate objects? for example, if you lose your favorite pen, do you pine for it for weeks? lovingly yours, 001204 ... Glory Box Bobby, honeybear, where have you been? I can't continue our virtual love affair if you're not around! Come back, come back, we can watch Elizabeth Taylor movies together and drink cheap champagne. It will be fun like never before. And we don't even have to wear pants if you'd like. 001204 ... Glory Box Oh, even though I'm not Bobby, I'm going to answer one of your questions Lovers Lament. The second one. YES!!! I do miss things I lose. I lost my car keys once and I was sad for weeks, walking all around the city. And one time I lost my computer, and then I found out that I had left it in a Starbucks and one of the employees had dowloaded his entire collection of barnyard porn onto my hard drive. Boy, was I happy when he gave it back to me, though my eyes were scarred forever from the porn. I still have nightmares. We'll never speak of this again. 001204 ... Glory Box Oh, even though I'm not Bobby, I'm going to answer one of your questions Lovers Lament. The second one. YES!! I do miss things I lose. I lost my car keys once and I was sad for weeks, walking all around the city. And one time I lost my computer, and then I found out that I had left it in a Starbucks and one of the employees had dowloaded his entire collection of barnyard porn onto my hard drive. Boy, was I happy when he gave it back to me, though my eyes were scarred forever from the porn. I still have nightmares. We'll never speak of this again. 001204 ... Glory Box Ahh yes. The infamous double entry. I suck. I'm sorry. I'll go now. 001204 ... kitty? silent bob. i enjoy dennys. i enjoy your company. i know that "dennys" gave me a way. but.. baah! i think i can understand your fixation with this now. this.. "blather" is obscene.. and i rather enjoy it.. but.. my question is.. when are you going to come play with me.. you wonderful boy YOU! 001204 ... silentbob wow you like me, you really like me! Ok First Lover's Lamentation I think there is a certain lonliness that is acquired when a pea becomes the last pea and the soup can becomes the last soup can. i sometimes miss inanimate objects, such as my watch. and my DK button. GloryBox Where have i been? Ive been away and not reading so much. im back now tho so go head continue a love affair Kittykittykitty I love you! I will return the next time tanya returns, i'll go with and we will play with string, and emily will play with string, and elsa and ann and ann and laura can play with string and then we'll all DO IT! john can come too. seth too. 001204 ... startfires slime vent bob, what are you getting me for christmas? 001205 ... silentbob Umm hmmm i dunno i'll probably send you a really stupid e-card but maybe just maybe i'll send you myself in a box and a sign that says dont open til xmas and it gets lost in the mail and all you find 5 months later is my decomposed skeleton... hmm...thats cast quite a gloom over the evening hasnt it? 001205 ... Glory Box Bobby dear, are you sad? If you are, I'll give you a tiny kiss, like the little boy and girl in that picture that people hang over their bathrooms. A peck on the cheek, comfort flowing through me into you. Guess what? I got knighted today. My new name is "Headgiver." Has a nice ring, doesn't it? "Down on your knees." I love you! 001206 ... *CatMeow* silentbob... you seen to be the man/boy to ask, so here goes... this question was posed to me last week, and the implications and repercussions are so great that i had to put off answering to ponder and seek advice anyway and anywhere i possibly could... please help me if you can, but if you must decline answering i will completely understand... ok... if you had to choose between a patch of bright fluorescent green fur on your face that extended from cheek to cheek underneath your chin, that couldn't be dyed, and if you shaved it, it would instantly grow back (like Homer on the Simpsons), +++OR+++ a mouth that was so small that things the size of a pinkie finger or smaller could pass your lips, which would you choose? there it is, in all it's indecision, a life-altering choice, i know, and keep in mind that i'm a girl, and neither option is very appealing (for VERY different reasons). anyone else out there, do let me know if you can help in this situation, it's a horrible impass and my time is growing short...snoogins! 001207 ... silentbob glory box im not sad at the moment, but thank you for the kiss :) Meow Kitty Meow... I'd probably choose the beard of grass because i like to take big bites of things. and if you are a girl other things like to go in there as well. So i choose the green furry stuff. 001207 ... chanaka why does my roomate snore, and should i try to make her talk to me when she is sleeping? 001207 ... silentbob you know the answer to that question. the answer is yes. you should always on every possible occassion see if you can get your roommate to talk in her sleep, eat tainted food, and/or take nude pictures of herself and then without her knowing it, put them on the internet and mail them to bobbyevers@hotmail.com She snores because she is not breathing properly during sleep. cover her head with a pillow. NOT a pellow. Ever. 001207 ... *CatMeow* thanks a bunch silentbob, you're a life-saver... the red kind... 001207 ... sabbie silentbob once asked "heh hehe queens and primary schools and troves wheres sabbie from? Botzoowania? heh heh heh" and here sabbie answers with "sabbie is a self-constructed angel with royal blue hair. She soars the skies with feathered wings of silver words, gliding on her imagination, and the tales of others. she was born in the darkness behind her eyes, and lives in a little house with some faeries and a god." ask again tommorrow and you may get a different answer. i hope this helps. 001210 ... silentbob heh heh heh sabbie kicks ass 001211 ... Glory Box Aww, Bobby, surgery just isn't the same! But, you can try it out if you want to. Be warned: It's very hard to reverse. But, what I wanted to ask you is: How do I wake myself up on time, and what can I do to improve my laundry-doing habits? And how should I cut my hair? 001211 ... Not so sure. Dear Silent Bob: if you're silent bob, can i be jay? (oops! didn't mean to say "bj" - haha) 001211 ... silentbob Set your biological clock for the time you wish to wake up. Do NOT overstarch and use plenty of slavery. Cut it like a cute little punk chick, short and spikey and with plenty of dye. For Sure: Yes. you can be J 001211 ... Glory Box I DID WHAT YOU TOLD ME BOBBY!!! SHORT AND SPIKEY, BUT no dye. I didn't have enough money. Why do I never have enough money? 001215 ... daxle what possessed me to ruin the one good thing in my life, and hence my life in general? 001218 ... daxle what possessed me to ruin the one good thing in my life, and hence my life in general? 001218 ... daxle the dreaded double post! 001218 ... silentbob Glory Box id like to see pictures Daxle Don't worry, dear daxle. things will shape up. you just didn't think it would affect it that harshly. or maybe it's like when a little fetus is miscarried: there were complications anyway, and since it didnt last, perhaps it was just a matter of time... or maybe everything will turn around and get fixed. but...that doesnt happen in miscarriages. oh well. Carry on. 001218 ... j_blue this is a long ass page, so if the answer to my question is here already i wouldnt know my question is, what was the phrase that links to the blatherskite experimental page that was set up by either you or barrett (though i am inclined to think it was you)? i was just wondering, and couldnt find it 001222 ... silentbob blatherskites experiemental page? im quite confused. please rephrase in a different blathe. 001222 ... The Morning Star One fish two fish J Fish Blue fish, I believe the answer lies on blatherkids_lookatme. Perhaps Bobby was confused. I really need to quit reading over his shoulder. The Big L 001222 ... *spoons* Bobby...where is your spoon? 001226 ... silentbob are you or have you ever been a girl named andrea? to answer your question my spoons are next to my naked pictures of Lavar Burton. happy? 001226 ... *spoons* as far as I knwo I am. yippy skippy's you found your spoon! 001226 ... Glory Box Ooh Bobby you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, ooh Bobby! Today I feel like a cheerleader, red and white, pom-poms (and breasts) bouncing. What's new, hip, hap'nin? I wrote you, letters and lovers, but no answer, and no nookie. Here is my question: Why hast thou forsaken me, and what can I do to get un-saked? 001229 ... silentbob What??/ when did you write me?? im sure i wrote you back!!! write me again and i'll write you back 001230 ... Glory Box No loooove for Bobby tonight. Tonight I spend the night with Laura. So tell me, what happened? And why does my house smell like cold, canned vegetable soup? I haven't eaten any recently. Be my psychic friend Bobby. My mom hates you. Why? 010107 ... silentbob what!? Your mom hates me!!?? Maybe she sees me as a threat cuz i'm a bloody 'Merican. or maybe cuz i'm a Boy. hmm...how confusing. tell me why she hates me... 010107 ... [heart is breaking] startfires bobby. how do i go about saving the world? without being glorified into a superhero/jesus position, no, i just wanna quietly save the world with out anybody knowing. like they just wake up one day and everything looks a little better. alot better. i think the key is to break it down into small steps. but what would the first step be? and how do i avoid muddling it up with politics and financial situations? 010109 ... silentbob gather a band of humble chums who also want the same goals as you, to quietly save the world with no notice. what you must do is shutdown some kind of large coporation and free all the birds they have locked away. also, plant lots of pretty flowers and trees and nice things such as those. and tell everyone you see that you love them with a heartfelt smile if you get the media's attention, abort the mission and start again tomorrow. if they ask to interview you tell them to fuck themselves. punch their news cameras and say, "This one's for the princess!" and then run off. this is how you will make the world a better place. 010110 ... daxle I know nobody asked me, but I'm going to answer anyway the only way to saave this world is to get rid of the majority of humans that are on it we are the cause of everything that's going awry convieniently the media keeps most of us from realizing this 010110 ... *maryJane to clarify something: i am lolita, *maryJane. but my email address has, regrettably, changed. bob, what do i do now? my stupid computer crashed, and alas i could not receive the answer of the mystic silent bob until it was too late. boys do suck and i wish i had become a lesbian, i went with the smart sarcastic boy and he is on the verge of suicide as far as dreams go i have died in mine several times.... so either the old saying about dying in a dream is somewhat inaccurate, or i am Really, Really dead already... what shall i do now? lesbians are scarce here. ho-hum. 010116 ... silentbob oi vey lolita-i-wanna-meetcha-iwanna-take-ya-inmy-arms-n-squeeze ya, i have heard this little situation time and time again in reall life. and dont mind the nickname, its just a song. Hey. Listen. I'm on my third round of this shit where the depressed person wants to kill themselves and desires the hand of his lady fair. Doesnt it suck so much balls and ass? What i mean by i'm on my third round is... my friend went thru this with a girl. he went crazy when she dumped him. she started going with some other guy then he got over her. he started with another girl too. Eventually, relationships failed for them and secretly started dating each other again. then he didnt like it, so he dumped her. this broke her heart and she threatened suicide, it was the same situation in reverse meanwhile, that boy she dumped for her first love, that she was now threatening suicide over her. this was the second time this happened to her and she didnt love him, she loved the original boy. Its upsetting. the only thing you can do is talk the kid out of suicide every night and suffer thru the pain, be his friend, but dont be his lover if you dont want to...dont play with his head, but make him think thers a reason to live...but that reason isn't YOU. get what i'm saying, cheese? and dont make yourself lonely in this, that is too fucking hard for you. have friends you can talk to, just like Mr. Sarcastic should have friends, too. dig? for more questions, just ask, i'd love to help if i can. otherwise, email me, cuz then i dont have to load this big fucking page ,tons-o-fun 010116 ... Commander Keen Dear bob Snootchie bootchies! How's Jay? 010117 ... pathwrat i made a change to your page... and now it is blank. i'd hate to think i screwed things up? sorry. 010213 ... Deputy_Mayor dear silent, it is possible to fall in love on the internet(scroll up to se what i am talking about yeah scroll way up)it has happened to me. I have been with her for 6 months now we talked for quite a while befor that. and if your girlfreind was bisexual and her roommate was a shick would you be worried? cuz i keep telling my best freind to dump his girlfreind. 010213 ... deb dearest bobby? are you still here? or did you really run away for mars (blatherred) like they all say you did? ::sniffles:: 010214 ... silentbob Jay is fine Don't worry about the page I'd try not to worry, i'd trust my girlfriend, even if she was my internet girlfriend. if he is worried, it might be good to feed his worry, if you believe in the cause. I'm still here, i just hide in the places underneath the parts i'd rather not go into. email me. 010215 ... startfires bobby my pet: there is this guy and his name is jeremy. and there is this other guy named josh and i think jeremy is trying to get in my pants and i think josh wants him to but i think i like josh. and jeremy is nice and smart and i think he's like 24 and he respects me for my brains and my intrests and my taste in music and my lack of punctuation but i am not attracted to him at all. physically. emotionally and mentally yes, but he's like 3 or 4 inches shorter than me and well, hes just not a real looker. should i go for it and hope that i can just get over it or should i leave the whole situation alone as to not break the boy's heart? what would you do? 010330 ... florescent light Dear Bobby, Why are Spaghetti-o's shaped like o's, not x's? 010331 ... Mr. Wonderful Oh Silent One, Do you love me? if you dont still come over to my house and watch fight club on DVD!!! 010331 ... silentbob startfires this is old but o well Id try not to hurt jeremy by liking josh, and i might just want to be friends with jeremy and if you really like josh go for it, and if jeremy's really worth it, go for that. or learn to like jeremy's face. ive fallen for so many girls that way, i just think, "Ya know, shes not SO bad..." then i start to appreciate the uniqueness of their face and fallin love florsecnt light if spaghettios were made of x's theyd be spaghettixes Johnse, i love you a lot, maybe sometime 010409 ... Teddybear Will you educate me more in good music? What will I get for my birthday tomorrow on the 11th? why is it I'm stuck in a neverending battle between happiness and depression? Also why is it some people want to be my friend? I have no good qualities. I'm a creep and a wierdo. People should just separate themselves from me. I'm not important. Is that O.K.? 010410 ... Yoda Are you John Galt, silentbob? 010418 ... Dafremen Bob, Will I EVER stop having so much fun at the expense of these poor angst-filled hormonally imbalanced teens? Should I? Must I? Also, if you were a font...what font would you be? Furthermore, do you normally find my opinionated remarks offensive? Innane? Intrusive? Do they appear to be computer generated? Enhanced? Airbrushed? Does you car take gas on the driver or passenger side? In the back? What's your favorite piece of office equipment? Do you own one? And finally...how the hell ARE you bob? : ) Daffy - - 010418 ... Casey If assholes could fly, this would be O'Hare 010421 ... silentbob ok lets see... the silent bob is feelin fine and cherry wine I do not find you offensive in anyway mr. Dafreman dude If i were an office equipment item i would probably be a fucking black inky sexy pen or a nice cooshy chair that spun around. i have neither. I am a monkey. You will never get enough of the teens. they are too dumb. My blue aerostar minivan which my sister katie calls Babe The Blue OX and my friend danny refers to as Gonzo, takes gas on the drivers side, toward the back. you have to flip a switch to get it open, though. a gas station man tried to pick at it and then he knocked on the window and said, "Could you open your...gas...cap...thingie?" i dont know what font i would be...thast far to insane! 010421 ... silentbob Hi, i'm silentbob, and i'm here to put the world to rights. If you have a question then pop it in here and i'll tell you how to live your life. I am the oracle. I am the word. 010506 ... Sol who are you silent bob and where do you exist, how are you such a virtual guru? 010506 ... silentbob fuck you, you arent silentbob. i am. dont impersonate me. 010506 ... alkalinepixie where for art thou bobby ? 010506 ... Sol why are you? silent Bob, for what and how do you exist? 010507 ... silentbob i am here, among the kinetic vibarations that radiate inside your modem. 010507 ... Glory Box My Bobby, I forsook you. I returned from my sabbatical, my lack of inspiration forcing me away from a community full of wit, and beauty. I missed you when I was gone. Do you still love me? Are we still cosmic? 010507 ... pill who 010510 ... SadProfessor It's cold here...my life flows out and my dreams are the knife. The sadder I am the more secure I feel. I know no-one really cares...I'm just one. "I just wanted somebody to talk to me. I think i'll be leaving tomorrow. I think i'll be going on my own. I think I've been wasting way too much time. i think i'll be drifting away." Just thought I'd breathe, one last time. 010510 ... carden why won't my parents let me go to school in iowa city? 010510 ... owko why dont all pizza's have pepperoni on them? and just what is asda price? 010510 ... nocturnal I'm not trying to do bobby's job here, but owko...think of the vegetarians. they like pizza too ya know. 010510 ... kevinsmith You might be the real silentbob in here but i am the real Silent Bob in the rest of the world. Don't fuck with me little ghost or a real fight will start. Nobody likes a smart ass bobby. 010511 ... silentbob calm down, kev this is the only place i'm really silentbob Don't worry, i'd never harsh your buzz, dude 010511 ... Glory Box Bobby. What are you doing? I'm sitting, semi-creative, multi-tasking like a true child of the internet, wishing against wish to write something solid and still. I am so sick of slippery Bobby. When will I stop fooling myself into submission? 010514 ... alkalinepixie why do you hate me ? 010514 ... valis deer rrrroberto silencio, is this infected? it looks infected. 010515 ... ASK post Man Pat how many bloody pages was that then? 010515 ... cali j Why do people so enjoy others suffering? I mean...say your cool to people but they are just total assholes behind your back and they also happen to be family? 010516 ... NinNy Nu Nu hi silent bobby boy, nice name by de way, my question to you is are you sexy? if so why. 010516 ... cali j And next time....on jerry springer...... 010524 ... The Truth Dear silentbob, I was thinking about starting a forum and having people ask questions and I spaddle off truths and everyone's happy. However! Then I clicked on the ask_silentbob word for the first time and realized that I wouldn't be the first to have such a forum. You see...you did it first! I have severe copyphobia and don't like to do anything that someone else has already done. So, do I do my own, or would that be copying? And if I did, would you have any problems with that? 010524 ... Dafremen I'm afraid that regardless of S'Bob's answer, your copyphobia might still kick in. See I've been spouting off Truths for years. Course you could just continue blathering the things you normally blather. That should avoid the truth altogether and thereby avoid any duplication of my technique. 010524 ... birdmad see also: ask_god ask_satan ask_grendel ask_schleiffen_man ask_mr_bad_advice and a few others and for a cunterpoint to all of that see: don't_ask_daxle 010524 ... birdmad uhh, that was supposed to read "counterpoint" ::trembles in fear before the spectre of an indignant daxle:: 010524 ... silentbob katie i could never hate you people have insecurities and try to soothe them by hurting others and they are saded. I try not to answer questions on here and encourage you to ask them, because it has gotten so huge that it takes like ten fucking minutes to load. damn. And I copied everyone else who was copying Ask_Schliefffen_man, so its like, you would not be copying me. i wouldnt feel bad. i wasn't the first and i certainly wasn't the last. in fact i feel bad for getting credit and not schlieffen man. 010524 ... safety pin bird dear SB, long time, no see/hear/speak/chat/type how the hell are you? 010524 ... Wayne Dear silentbob So why not start up a new ask_silentbob, like ask_silentbob1 or something? 010601 ... florescent light Dear silent bob-- If black absorbs every wave length, why doesn't it absorb our touch? 010602 ... flo why am i condemmed to mock? 010603 ... black-dyed gel product Dear bobby boy, If you killed a man and buried him in the backyard and the neighbor's dog keept sniffing around the yard, would you kill the dog? Would you then sell it's corpse to the Korean grocer down the street? 010617 ... Toxic_Kisses If you Had to select any single manmade object that best represents your personality, what would it be and why? 011011 ... Sonya Dear silentbob, Any idea why men have nipples? It's something I've pondered over with other people and yet none of us really have a solid answer or even a borderline theory. Your thoughts are appreciated. Meandering, Sonya 011011 ... Dafremen Am I sentient? Or is that just the bo0ze talking? 011012 ... nah....! hey bobby - tell me this: why am i so giddy right now? 011116 ... Teenage Jesus Why is it that the hard-working decent people in this country are so fed up with being sick and tired of being sick and tired? I, for one, am sick and tired of it. 011116 ... silentbob birdy wordy, i am fine. ... i am silent because i observe rather than contribute. ... Wayne good point. but it isnt up to me. its up to pdeople to take it upon themselves and stop asking questions here. ... florescent light because it thinks we smell like ass. ... flo you have a superiority complex. ... Dear gelly friend, asuming the dog could read, i would put a sign that said, back away dog, just back away. and iw ould sell it to the korean market yes. Toxic_Kisses a note book because. ... Sonya they have them so they wont be jealous of women. ... Daffyman. The booze. ... nah....! cuz you know i think yer hot. ... Teenage Jesus they are sick and tired ofb eing sick and tired because being sick and tired sucks. 011116 ... nah....! why *thank* you, bobby! yeay. : ) 011116 ... niki hey there bobby... what is the meaning of life? 011116 ... pralines&cream Dear Silentbob, Why does Abe love me so intensely and so wonderfully? Do i deserve his love after all the pain i caused him? Silentbob, am i a good girlfriend? 011117 ... nah....! ask_silentbob_more 011117 ... silentbob the meaning in life is to have fun and enjoy things while making it easier on other when you can. do what you can. dont do what you dont want to. make your life outstanding. ... pralines&cream it depends on what youve done to hurt him. hurting him at all is bad. is he a good boyfriend? if you are a good girlfriend and he is just a bad boyfriend and therefore makes you feel like a bad girlfriend, then you dont need that. Just try to be a good girlfriend and you will deserve a good boyfriend and if abe isnt it, then he has to GO girlfriend! 011118 ... pralines&cream I have nothing else to ask you at the moment, but you know i think you're awesome. (however, my boyfriend is wonderful; i'm the one that doesn't deserve his love, but he is an angel for giving it to me.) What college do you go to? 011118 ... silentbob kirkwood in cedar rapids iowa 011125 ... girl_jane Bobby, This is Sondra. I stumbled upon this part of blather and was amazed that you had not told me about it before? I'm hurt. Bobby, I love you. I look forward to you coming home. I have some questions to ask you. Why are there no boys around here that I can date? There are plenty of boys for me to be friends with, but they don't like me in 'that way' and I don't like them in 'that way' Except that one I used to like 'that way' You know who that is. And he is still himself and tormenting me with his guitar and lyrics. But then this other boy came along and made me change the words of songs. He also torments me with guitars and lyrics. What do I do, Bobby? *sigh* Bobby, I miss you. 020207 ... silentbob First of all. Avoid boys with guitars. They are bound to be trouble, for they are obsessed with their guitars and like to get girls with their guitars, as many as possible and to them youre just another. Second. You're in frickin northern iowa. Its a very narrow minded community. The reason you cant find boys who like and understand you beyond the physical sense is because all the boys around our area were raised pretty much the same way so they all pretty much have the same viewpoints that are as narrow and tight as their assholes. Thumbs down to midwestern boys. What you need to do is branch out and find a place where you feel comfortable being you and where people are comfortable being them and challenging themselves to think about different ideas. they have to be able to debate with themselves to be worthy of your time. Other than it being all their fault, i don't at all understand why more boys dont like you for who you are, as opposed to who they want you to be, or think you are. 020207 ... lady lunchbox bobby, will you be my blather friend?? methinks no one here likes me... 020216 ... silentbob You bet i'll be! cuz you have lunchbox in your name. Want to hear something interesting? I carry a lunchbox to school. it is the nightmare_before_christmas i got it from tanya. i watched a thing on maralyn manson. He carried a lunchbox. they said, "no one takes a lunchbox to college" i said, "THATS FUCKIN AWESOME!!!" This was last weekend, after id been doing it for like a year 020220 ... Your Friendly Neighborhood Logan Dear Bobbo: Once, I was an insanely apathetic soul. I didn't care much for anything and I was a very lonely person because of it. Now, I care about many things in many different manners and I find myself becoming fully enamored with things that before I ignored due to their fundamental confusing nature. So, my question is, has my station in existence changed, or merely my disposition of self? 020220 ... silentbob where did my answer go? Ok. I said that you have grown, and that your disposition of self has changed. YOu have gotten wrapped up in the matters of the world and they matter to you. or something 020221 ... lady lunchbox oooh! oooh!! i have my first blather friend!! yay!! ;-) thanks, man! i used to carry a lunchbox in 10th grade...it was one of those old-looking lunch pails with the raised-up dome lid, and it had the sanrio character badtz maru on it. it was the coolest thing i have ever seen!! everyone picked on me for it, but i still carried it proudly every day. now i'm a sophomore in college and i want to start carrying it again. i love being different. :-) another question, since this is the ask silentbob page... if i go to mardi gras, will i end up on some "girls gone wild" video?? (warning: i have no self-restraint) i hope you have a great day, blather friend!!! *~later!~* 020222 ... silentbob badtz maru is the best. i want your lunch box. And yes you will wind up on the video. show me pictures! 020222 ... lady lunchbox my lunch box it the shizznit!! i think i will start carrying it again!! thanks, mr. bob!! :-) and of course i'll send pictures! what are friends for? ok, new question: my friend just had a baby and i'm not sure what to buy as a gift. i was thinking i should make something, since i am an art student. what should i do? (ps- the baby is a girl.) 020223 ... lady lunchbox oh, yeah. mellon collie was my first cd, too. ;-) ok, i read your 100_facts_about_me list, since we're going to be friends. i have one, too. :-) 020223 ... silentbob So when do i get these pictures then? 020224 ... lady lunchbox hehe...silly boy... i have not made it to mardi gras, as of yet. when i make it, i promise you will be the first to get pictures. ;o) besides, we've only just begun to be blather-friends. i wouldn't want to seem forward... i will send you some other pics until i get better ones. just where will i be sending these pics to?? have a smashing day, bobby!! 020225 ... silentbob Email me for the address. Unless you mean scanned pictures. Then just send them to my email address. bobbyevers@Hotmail.com 020226 ... lady lunchbox i'll be sending scanned pix, dearie. thanks for the addy!! they'll be on their way in a few days!! so, have you had a good day? i sure hope so. ok, question....tell me, bobby evers, will i break 100 in bowling class tomorrow?? bye, hunny!! :o) 020226 ... silentbob You will 020227 ... Jenna bobby I joined moc but I don't think I'll fit in there... what do you think? 020227 ... silentbob Everyone fits in at make out club. Thtas like saying you wouldn't fit in at blather. If you have a picture and can write things about yourself, you fit in at make out club. 020228 ... bryanfrbs why do stupid politicians have to push campaign_finance_reform (shameless plug for my topic :)? It's a retarded idea. your insight would be helpful, bob. Also, why do people have to spend their lives sucking_the_government_dry (another shameless plug for another of my topics)? I just don't get it. Thanks Silent Bob. P.S. I just watched J&SBSB and it rawked!! Just to let you know.... 020228 ... silentbob dear bryan its because politicians have little else to do. And yes, jay and silentbob rocked my socks. as soon as i find it, i'm going to buy it. but i havent been able to get out of this one block radius of our school since the movie came out. So... yeah. 020228 ... bryanfrbs if you would like to, I could loan it to you. my friend bought it for me for Christmas. would you like that? (see how I keenly added a question so it would fit in the ask_silentbob page? pretty tricky....) 020228 ... silentbob Thats ok Bryan, but thank you. I Intend on purchasing it foist chance i get thanks for the descendents 020228 ... lady lunchbox i broke 100 :o) thank you!! ok, new question.... why are yawns contagious?? answer that one and i'll buy you a silent bob doll! 020228 ... silentbob yawns are contageous because people see people yawning and they think, "Golly that looks nice" so then they do too. and o boy is it nice 020401 ... girl_jane Bobby- I have to decide on where I'm going to be for the summer. I can go work at a camp for the summer. Or I can go to Minneapolis this summer. Or I can stay home this summer. The perks of the three different places: camp-it'd be fun-looks great on college and scholarship applications-by a lake Minneapolis-lots of things to do-new people-new things home-a few select people are in this area-Call Park-Stinson Prairie-my own bed-my family-comfort The bad things about each camp-I have to watch my mouth-limited money-home only on weekends-no escape from bugs-no "private me time" Minneapolis-really far from those select people-pollution and lung cancer-city driving-no stars-no Call Park-I don't know many people there home-can be painfully boring-...ummm... I think I answered my own question-but if you want, you can answer too, Bobby. 020402 ... silentbob someone will guide you and she is yourself 020403 ... Dafremen Well bob, I waited for MONTHS on ask_silent_bob and finally well, the answer came to me I just wanted to say THANKS, for heaps of nuthing in a silver box with blue ribbon. 020403 ... silentbob Answer Hazy Ask Again Later see: tell_silentbob 020403 ... girl_jane Are you coming to Monson's going away party on Saturday at Whittimore pits? 020603 ... jane bob: do you remember me? i miss you 020607 ... jg Do you think I should tell that one boy what I think of him-or do you think it's best to make my thoughts go away. 020707 ... yummychuckle bobby, would you still think I was so adorable if my face was cut up? 020708 ... yummychuckle did you know josh was such a black thing with such a sticky dark life? i guess he cares too much to let you see, but me...I'm so convenient... 020708 ... kerry do you think if i had a blathe called ask_kerry people would actually ask me questions? or should i leave it up to more experienced question_answerers? 020708 ... soshesays Would you make out with me if I came to Minnesota? 020708 ... silentbob im sorry that was forever ago that you asked that yes i would, if i so happened to be in minnesota at the same time as you. however, youd definately get to make out with me if you came to iowa 020819 ... soshesays i just think minnesota is much more conducive to making out. But Iowa works too. 020820 ... blue star works in a book store what's the best sex book to purchase? 020820 ... silentbob kama sutra 020821 ... cresentwhench Silentbob... What are the first and second rules of thermodynamics, I just can't seem to find out. 021104 ... phil do you have any friends named phil? 021105 ... silentbob phil - i have two friends named phil other guy- First Law of Thermodynamics- Energy can be changed from one form to another but can never be created nor destroyed. total amount of energy in universe is constant. Second law of thermodynamics- Entropy is constantly increasing. entropy: disorder - how messy, how disorderly. a pile of bricks is more likely to fall over if left alone than to stack up in a neat pile. its the way of the world that things break and decompose and are chaotic and destructive. 021105 ... Blackbeard The Pirate Parrot Whats the longest word in the english language? 021124 ... silentbob could it possibly be antidisestablismentarianism? 021125 ... Aimee how're you doing? 030107 ... megan jane couldn't do it... can YOU make it all go away? 030107 ... paranoid martyr s.bobby: why do you hate mulholland drive so much? :D 030107 ... littleidiot dear silentbob, i am assuming i can ask you more than one question. if i may only ask one, please pick the one you find most interesting. am i crazy? i think i am, but im not sure. also: how can mini-wheats be 100% whole wheat if they are frosted in sugar? one more: i see the number 23 everywhere. but EVERYWHERE. like its haunting me. this has been going on for over a year now. what does it mean? with a firm handshake, littleidiot 030108 ... girl_jane Dear Bobby, I don't know...why are you mad. I never called you the other night. I'm confused. 030126 ... melissa i dont no if my boy friend is cheeting on me how do i no if he is or isnt? 031107 ... silentbob you should ask him straight out be honest. honest is good. Or ask other people their opinion to see if they suspect anything either. But a bad idea would be to cheat on him out of revenge before you know for sure. and if he is cheating on you...break up with him. you dont need that. 031107 ... tchiseen silent bob how would you feel if your mother named you silent boob instead of silent bob? and what do you do for a living? honestly cause, i need that job. 040503 ... silentbob well i probably wouldn't be as offended when people misspelled my name if she had named me boob, because then... they would be right i am a student and i get loans to pay for school and living expenses. do that. 040503 ... Casey I have this canker sore on my lips, and I keep poking it with my tounge, but that's only making it worse. 040503 ... kookaburra dear silentbob why is your page so gosh darn diddly long? and why do i have the simspsons theme running through my head? 040504 ... silentbob Casey: time heals all wounds kookaburra: people ask me lots of questions. also, because you talk like flanders 040504 ... alrighty_then silent bob, who were you in your past life? 040704 ... kookaburra is the sea boiling hot? and do pigs have wings? 040704 ... seventeen where do broken hearts go? are you allergic to anything? did you know that i listened to your poem (the one with danny playing guitar)while I was wearing a low cut black tanktop and pink lipstick and found it very amusing when you said that line about girls wearing lowcut black tanktops and pink lipstick? yeah. 040704 ... mysterious Who are you silentbob?? Tell me... 040705 ... kookaburra could i have a hug? because i feel really small right now. but youre not even on blather. *sigh* 040710 ... silentbob alrighty_then james_joyce was born in 1882, and on june 16, 1904 he took an amazing walk with the woman who would be his wife. i was born in 1982 and on june 16, 2004 i took an amazing walk with a girl who would later only speak to me in one word sentences and eventually not at all. maybe james joyce. maybe not. ... kookaburra Yes, and yes ... seventeen broken hearts are like broken hymens i may be allergic to pet dander, otherwise i dont know. i did not know that about your black tanktop business, but now that you mention it that is fucking hot. ... mysterious im my own goddamn best friend ... kookaburra yes you could have a hug, and shall, soon 040711 ... kookaburra yay! warm hug for me! but one last question: why the hell am i so damn moody? is it normal for even a teenager to go from panic to feeling silly then back to panic in the space of a minute? or is this just a phase that i'll get over in *checks calender* about 5 years? is burdening you with her problems again 040711 ... naive artist dearest silentbob, may you find it wothin you to bless my question with an answer: ok, so over the past year i've become friends with this guy, he's really nice , etc. You know, just a good guy friend. eventually my friends start to say he likes me, and he does that creepy thing where everytime i sign online, he IMs me within 3 minutes. ok, so theres the background. now here's the question: lately, his away message has said "Sorry. I ran out for a bit!" that's an exact quote. (he's not british) now, in my mind, its practically a typed confirmation that he's gay, which wouldn't be bad, because then i'd never have to deal with him asking me out (in fact it might be better if he was. i have a friend who would love to meet him). on the other hand, it's still a little weird that he continues to hit on me. so the question is, gay or no? thats it for right now. thank you for your time. love becks, the naive artist 040712 ... naive artist dearest silentbob, may you find it wothin you to bless my question with an answer: ok, so over the past year i've become friends with this guy, he's really nice , etc. You know, just a good guy friend. eventually my friends start to say he likes me, and he does that creepy thing where everytime i sign online, he IMs me within 3 minutes. ok, so theres the background. now here's the question: lately, his away message has said "Sorry. I ran out for a bit!" that's an exact quote. (he's not british) now, in my mind, its practically a typed confirmation that he's gay, which wouldn't be bad, because then i'd never have to deal with him asking me out (in fact it might be better if he was. i have a friend who would love to meet him). on the other hand, it's still a little weird that he continues to hit on me. so the question is, gay or no? thats it for right now. thank you for your time. love becks, the naive artist 040712 ... silentbob K Yes it is very normal for people your age to be up one minute and down the next, growing up is very emotional and very turbulant. you just have to go with the flow of where you take yourself, and dont do anything drastic. if you do something drastic you might have a real problem, or if it continues for a long time. sadly as you get older you feel less intently about things. ... naive artist personally, i think three minutes is pretty long to be online before someone messages you. i would say being on less thirty seconds is a clearer indication of hitting on them. three minutes is just friends. meanwhile, that doesnt sound like a particularly homosexual away message. if his away message were, "i am getting it on with another man" that would be a better indication. personally, if you guys have been pretty good friends, i would think that if he were open about it you would have found out by now. or youd have better indications such as watching guys as they pass, or i hate to say it, but just some of the stereotypes, good fashion sense, acts effeminate. a lot of the times even those things dont matter. But if he isn't open about it, or is still struggling with it inside, the worst thing you could do would be introducing him to a guy, because maybe he hasn't figured out his feelings yet, and if you introduce him to someone in that context he could totally just get scared and end up hating homosexuals or something. My question for you is, what other indications have you had that he is even hitting on you? Maybe he actually does like you and is just shy. or maybe he is just being your friend because you guys .. Are... Friends. The best thing to do would be to ask him outright, just be honest but not accusatory. that at least will clear up some confusion. 040712 ... naive artist just for clarification, i didn't include other things in the background information, like the fact that he has bought me a ticket to a concert i'm dying to go to, and this concert ain't cheap. as well as a myriad of other things, like talking on the phone basically every night, despite having had a 3 hour conversation online. and he remembered my birthday, which i have to admit, even some of my girl-friends don't. I didn't mean to sound insensitive. the part about introducing him to a friend was actually a joke, i guess it didn't come out that way. He has great fashion sense, but in a very male way. He has never seemed all that attracted to guys, but then again, he has never seemed all that attracted to anyone, regardless of sex. at least not that I've noticed. maybe i just haven't noticed. and he's always very shy. I now have another question: i just broke a pair of nailclippers. you know, the cheap ones that have the swing-out nailfile. it's not really broken, just taken apart, is there a way to put it back together, or should i just spend $1.29 on another pair? 040712 ... naive artist nevermind, i just fixed the nailclippers 040712 ... cntstnd Bobby, Why were we born in Algona? Why are all Betsy's college friends so cool? Who put bop in the bop o ran? Lastly when I'm done with college and I and everyone else disperses throughout the world how will we have super great times like we always do? 040918 what's it to you? who go blather from