lonliness eruth be who would i be without you? my closest companion. 000714 ... klarchen sitting here at my little job. bored like krazy. it is raining. good let it rain. fine then. have it your way. 000714 ... daz why i do feel so bad, so lonely, i miss her so much, the pain, like a violent storm in my head, in my heart, just wishing i could have faced up to my fear. the fear, which is worse, fear or lonliness, good v evil, are they both evil. maybe i will see her again, but fear, will strike it's ugly head again. then again, am i too old for lonliness not to be my future.... 001217 ... unhinged it feels like it should be 80 degrees outside and sticky and warm, the heat hanging like curtains from the sky. i feel the same way i did then...everything i do is the wrong thing...i want to disappear. if i disappeared it wouldn't matter what i said or did. there is just something about this place that i'm suppposed to call home...something about this heart that i'm supposed to call my own. it always sounds adolescent and bitchy and the more i visualize it the more i know that i should just shut up and bear it. it's not that hard to see....i've been sticking my foot in my mouth a lot lately. it all feels like high school again. crude, blunt, egotistical....lonely. it's such a comfortable feeling. i would be beside myself if i didn't feel this way. 001217 ... e lon(_)liness 010108 ... Zeroshin my madness amongst the silence, the darkness before my eyes, there isn't much to find, and yet not much to hide, feelings that blind me, the pain that awakens, a dulling of my soul, and voices mistaken... anybody there? 010118 ... florescant light My mouth is dry It longs in the anticipation of water And I am lonely- I tell myself I shouldn't be It's not socially correct to feel lonely. I convince everyone around me of my happiness; including myself. But when night comes and I am alone the thirst plagues me. And when I do have some water oh how it poisons. And suddenly tastes bland - quenching my thirst- I knock over the cup in frustration. And I revel in my new found freedome. Until my soul thirsts for more. Always wanting what I can't have. Happiness is unattainable. 010125 ... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LONELINESS, for fuck's sakes!!! 010125 ... dB I go to my nine to five gig everyday. I come home every day. I eat most days. Watch TV, have a smoke, listen to the kind of music that serves to aggravate the problem rather than assist. Apparently my imumune system is shutting down due to hack of sleep. That's caused by insomnia. That's caused by stress. That's caused by being alone. That's caused by substance abuse. That's caused by lonliness. Do you know what it is like to go for weeks without sleep? Can you imagine anything worse? What about lonliness? That is worse. I'm surrounded by people all day. Meetings, customers, co-workers, employees. Yet they don't register. They are not there. Just figments, figures, just sacks of carbon, compost. They do not equate. There is one person on this forsaken rock that I can actually converse with on a mutual level. My mentor. That is it. Everyone else is nil. Again the world turns. Look at the clock. It's time to roll. Gotta get up and perform the whole stinkin' show all over again. Never stopping. Slowly walking forward, silently, indefinately toward something that we all know, because all the worlds a stage. Sometimes the actors will have to go on more than once, because half the cast has either not showed up, or crashed out in the bathroom, with vile needles covered in the pestilence from previous owners sticking in their arms and feet. I oberve this. Impervious. These... people. These... friends. And once again the curtain comes down. The show moves on. Another day, in the same place. The same recycled cast. Same recycled story line. Same end. The last one out locks up, and prepares for tomorrow. And I wander in hopeless nichts. Knowing that tomorrow will be exactly as you want it to be. The same show. Never changes. You feel safe here. In monotoly. Whereas I... I see things differently; I see people differently. Sacks of carbon. On it's way to slow oblivion, totally unaware. And I'm still alone. 010211 ... kx21 Does it exist if you are Nothing? 010211 ... dB Yes. Nut only if you look at it the same way as you'd look a a singulaity. 010211 ... dB Man, I hate this tiny keyboard. You ask for an ergonomic keyboard and they give you a TINY, miniscule little multimedia keyboard. How can I touch type with this when it's so small that my hands smack together every time I return to the home keys? 010211 ... florescent light Did you ever consider the possibility it's not the keyboard that has the problem, but that your hands are just too big? 010212 ... dB well there is that too. I also have problems finding shoes big enough. The point is though, when I got this 'puter built, I said it had to have an ergonomic keyboard, and even included it in the budget. Anyway this is going way off-topic. 010213 ... florescent light well, I think you are being insensitive. Thinking only of your hands...how many more insults must your keyboard endure? The loneliness it is feeling must be intolerable..... 010213 ... fanta lonely in the crowd people around me all day I laugh try to smile hey, how are you great it all means nothing superficial people pass by are they interested in knowing me? doubt it too busy with their own lives sad alone smile sure, it's all fine right? 010224 ... firehunden lonliness="esc" key 010225 ... crissa i wouldn't be lonely if you would just stop playing games. 010424 ... akastones all thats left is a bottle of perfume in the closet..... the smell of it makes me cry. she never said goodbye. 010424 ... Pstr Clever Is it lonliness if you'd rather be seperate from the world around you. Not wanting to live a world of fantasy within your mind knowing you are going crazy but embracing the fact that reality no longer confines you 010424 ... Pstr Clever Is it lonliness if you'd rather be seperate from the world around you. wanting to live a world of fantasy within your mind knowing you are going crazy but embracing the fact that reality no longer confines you 010424 ... snow_angel tommorow still comes even though i wish it all would stop. i've never felt this way before and for awhile i thought things would change. now my life is rearranged and you tell me that you're feeling the same. tell me then,why did you lie if it hurts you too, why aren't you here with me? sometimes i feel that i couldn't handle you back but its such bullshit and i know it. i just wish it was the way it used to be. before you left me so angry and lonely. 010430 ... Dafremen I promised myself that I wouldn't blather under another misspelled word. Another promise broken...sigh. 010430 ... solo My room is dark and the air is stuffy. I'd open the windows but, I'd have to move. I am safe here. If I pretend that nobody is out there then maybe they will disappear. I tell myself that I am strong as the tears pour from my face causing me to ly in a puddle of my pain. All alone I call out and I wait but, nothing. Nobody hears me. Nobody reponds. Feelings of lonliness caused by feelings of being unloved. Whats wrong with me. I never saw such an ugly face in the mirror til now. I Stand there for hours at a person that I once though was attractive and now I find nothing attractive at all. Just a blury blob of reflection. Why did he leave. Why did they leave. I thought I did everything right. I tried so hard. I wanted to beg. Don't leave. Don't leave. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME. He left I wanted to call him. I wanted to ask him whats wrong with. Why am I unloveable but, I didn't I pray to god for help but, he never answers. Not even god loves me. What do you do when not even god hears your pain? What do I do. 011126 ... John My life once filled with so much joy, so much hope. Just as the oceans current it reached its peak and turned on itself. She was my everything and everything was what I new. Lonliness came knocking at my door like the scent of a dying rose. She was cold and my heart began to die. My legs became weak and my sole fell from the comforting clouds it once called home. Lonliness brought tears, she brought pain and dispair. Lonliness does not leave when you know it is there, it stays until you can't tell the difference. Lonliness laughs when you cry and consumes you'r every hopeful thought. Will my love return, will my soulmate find me and pull me from lonliness' arms. Find me my love, I await for the angel, I await for lonliness to fade as a petal in the wind. A flower that has been torn and withered by emotion and heartache. A symbol of something once so precious and now so forgotten. You, my star from above that follows me yet can never be, you are too far for me to reach. Lonliness leave my heart, please, leave me be.......... 020316 ... rachael Everywhere I turn i see his face, Im always falling into a daydream where we're meeting accidentally, on a crowded street or empty night..and I feel lonely when I think that he's not there or here, its wierd..in the busiest times of the day i feel lonely cause i miss him 020316 ... fire dancer oh look at how she listens she says nothing of what she thinks she just goes stumbling through her m e m o r i e s staring out onto grey street but she thinks, hey- how did i come to this? i dreamed myself a million times around the world but i can't get out of this place and she has loneliness inside her and she'd do anything to fill it in but all the colors mix together to grey a n d i t b r e a k s h e r h e a r t 020421 ... not me every journey starts with a lonliness, whether it is a shared lonliness or a solitary lonliness 020421 ... Mahayana i shouldnt be here i have only captured a few hours of sleep after a late late night session of staring at the screen for far too long, that now my eyes are puffy & awake, yet urging me for a return sleeping session i shouldnt be here but that voice of yours woke me up with a call i adore your calls every & all and now i am here and i shouldnt no i shouldnt eyes are puffy & awake i should be back in bed once you had to relinquish the phone over to some "old lady" i should be back in bed the conversation ended mid "toilet with no stall" story and now the lonliness has set it cuz your not here and im not there and i shouldnt be here yet here i am i should be back in bed i shouldnt be here 020421 ... spelling... it really bugs me when people spell loneliness wrong... 020504 ... Mahayana loneliness without the [e] is even more lonely [{lonliness}] :: doesnt even have the benefit of having an [e] around :: 020504 ... Casey I am never lonely. Mainly because lonliness will always be here to keep me company. 020504 ... not important New friends to replace the ones that left And fill the empty spaces of your soul But healing does not occur so easily They left a hole that cauterized your flesh Laugh to cover the pain you feel It sounds hollow because you are And you can't even fool yourself It only hurts you more now So try to smile instead The position aches your face And your eyes and your throat Twitch to give you warning Flip through your photo album See the familiar faces But regardless you see them Constantly in your mind Go back to your day Imagine you're not thinking of them Because they aren't thinking of you They are too good for that Too good to know To love, to lose Too much to feel So laugh again 030629 ... counterentity It grows on me everyday. I think that H was right. I do have a melancholy streak. I used to be so good at hiding it, to fabricate a barrier that made everything appear perfect. And then it tore apart, brick by brick, atom by atom, until all that's left is the dusty remnants of hypocrisy and everything that my life wasn't. I wonder what would happen if I just leave it all now. I wonder who would care or what they would say. I wonder what opportunities I would have given up or what miseries I would have escaped. I wonder if anyone is still reading this still. There's so many things I wonder about. Am I truly a captive of overstrictness or has that too become a part of my cursed identity that I shall never escape from? Will my life too also be ruled only by dollars and cents? I guess we shall see in two weeks time, as old grievances are replaced by new ones, as old friends seem to fade away and drift further and further apart. 030805 ... nomatter In case you haven't heard I'm sick and tired of trying 031023 ... pac_AzWeThinkWeIz i was with her but never really loved her if it was love, love sucks that was 2 years ago and i have been lonley since there is a girl i want but it is too confusing all i get is mixed signals so i give up i am still lonely 040301 ... Kathryn Lowe I don't know why I'm lonely all the time I start taking it out on my one friend because when he's bored with nothing to do he calls me to talk and we spend hours on the phone he lives quite far away and I really only get to see him every second wekend because he's usually to busy to come here to visit me and I have a child and also I don't drive so I can't be going out to see him. I know that it's not his fault he's just the last person who gave me what I needed in the way of a companion and now he's busier than usual and I know that he's quickly getting tiredof me needing him around he also always tells me to lust relax and I find that very hard when I can't even think where to start. I care about him quite a lot and yes we did have a relationship before that he ended because we didn't feel the same way about eachother. Why is it that I can't just do what he says he also doesn't understand lonliness. He doesn't get lonely so when I try to explain it to him he has know personal knowledge of it or any experience that he can refer to to help me cope with this overwhelming feeling of empty. I realize that this is for people to find someone in possibly a simalar situation or someone to talk to about the problam at hand now if anyone can tell me what t do or at least point me in a direction of something that will get my mind off of being alone all the time please do so. Also I do have a child and I can't afford a babysitter my parents watch her every second weekend so that I can go to work and I see my friend there because he works there to actually he got me the job. Someone if you are out there please just drop me a line and let me know ? 040307 ... the nights child We're always out here. Just keep reading. And we do care about you, don't let the fact that so many of us are swallowed up in our own self-absorbed loneliness let you think otherwise. Blather is more often than not the place to be when you want to hang out with other people who are feeling as down as you, or me. 040308 ... just make sense i'm feeling sick now. How long can a week last? I didn't know it was possible to go from perfection to nothingness. Maybe I imagined him to get me through Bosnia. He seemed so real though... Piano music floats through the floor and it makes me want to cry. What am I doing? Get in the car and drive drive drive to pretend that i'm going somewhere and make the people around me think that i'm not so lonely. 040410 ... ethereal encases. 040410 ... fragile strength Its comforting to know we are not alone in our loneliness How does one fill the emptiness What do you find fullfilling I would like to learn to be alone and happy, contented I am safe in my loneliness insulated where no one can hurt me 050224 ... minnesota_chris some days I am more like Lon. Lon Chaney, man of a thousand faces. The full moon rises, and the monster in me comes out. Alas I am but an actor, my wild furry face is only glued on. 050225 ... anonymousbird Lonliness is like a reproach, of everything that didn't go right with past friendships, a coldness that is a reminder of how most people just come and go in your life, like the wind- of how rare it is to find a true friend in this life. Even though someone is a good person,knows how to keep their personal space, is forgiving and gentle, even though someone has learned from their mistakes- and when I say mistakes, I am reffering to simple immaturity with dealing with others- but even with that overcome, even being kind and good, even being funny and happy and creative, loving ,giving and good- STILL there is not one phone call, not one email, not one person who could just simply BE a friend. Lonliness mocks me and says to me: "You've put all your effort in trying to understand everyone else, but not ONE of them ever ever took an interest in you, not ONE ever cared to understand YOU." -I've graduated college now, and have not ONE friend from college. Everyone in my class too busy keeping up their appearances of being Avant-garde and the "Artist" label. Not one of them with guts enough to actually want real friendship. I say to you lonliness "YOUR LOSS!!!" Because it IS the other's loss- For I have extended my hand in unselfish friendship, and it was not extended to me even ONCE. I say it is YOUR loss; all of you people at my college you could've cared less about being my friend.BECAUSE ALL YOU CARED ABOUT WAS YOURSELVES! The word "Unselfish" doesn't even belong in your vocabulary; you were always putting yourselves on pedestals, mocking the teacher, MOCKING GOD who GAVE you your art talents in the FIRST PLACE! You'll be sorry for it one day, one day you'll realize how ungrateful you were for every God given gift. Spoiled brat-rich kids dressing like they were paupers because they want to be "cool". It is your loss, because you hadn't the brains or courage enough to just Damn BE YOURSELVES!!! 051014 ... andru235 look at all these people who feel like they are missing something ... i feel for them ... i'v ben thre. they are missing an E! misspelt_blathes_day. i need a guh! 051201 ... Barefoot Revolutionary my worst fear realized. 20 years old and day by terrifying day my world falls apart a little bit more. im alone. and im scared. i cry so much that my eyes are permanently bloodshot and i can never quite swallow that lump in my throat. i always knew this would happen to me. "but youre only 20..things will get better"...what if they dont? what if im sticking it out for no reason? what if this pain never goes away and i always regret not just letting go? im alone. and no one cares. the phone never rings. no one knocks on my door. what the fuck is wrong with me? why cant i be happy? why do i have to constantly move? i cant stay still. my heart feels so heavy. my body is tired. and im alone. if i was gone, no one would notice. no one would be here to find me. lonliness can kill. take it from me. it hurts, and it can break a person. 060525 ... the awful truth this is not a word 060623 ... somebody i am human, and i need to be loved in a certain way, and i need the love i have to offer to be accepted by he whom i seek to shower it upon, these are things i need, rationalize it away though some might try, these are legitimate needs and a thoroughly unpleasant source of despair. will i ever get there? 070228 ... ergo Perhaps a healthy perspective. http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2010-09/uocm-ant090710.php We all deserve love. 100908 ... snook Be alone with it, everyone else is. 100909 what's it to you? who go blather from