toxic_kisses Mahayana Hey there hun, glad you have once again arrived amongst words & twisty tangly nonsensicalness 020118 ... Toxic_Kisses *Glows* I'm glad your here too, it's just some how compherting 020118 ... Mahayana 2 me, it is like... crisp white butterfly fuzzies snow flaked shaped warming in your summers heart [i think i may know what U mean] 020118 ... farmfish is very beautiful. 020227 ... Demure Toxic_Kisses awww *Trys to hide the fact she's blushing* betcha say that ta all tha girlz ^.^ 020227 ... farmfish only to thee ones that be. 020228 ... freakizh i remember this nonsmoking campaign in a popular university. my favorite phrase from it was: "to kiss a smoker is like sucking an ashtray." 020301 ... lycanthrope take out the trash tonight you jerk, and i'll know...even in the most mundane acts, she knows how to say she loves me take it out now the foreplay is starting early tonight a kiss on the lips, so full and twisting, now i know she means it... now 020301 ... yummyC i like your name 020302 ... Toxic_Kisses I've always liked your name too ^.^ makes me wonder what a hug would taste like if a chuckle would taste yummy, would a hug have some sort of distinct flavor to it? *Laughs @ herself az she shakes her head slightly* any way it was just a thought. BTW when I go to college after getting my GED I want to study psychology too 020317 ... cube Thank you for your kindness. I left, for a time, because someone implied that i was too full of myself - and perhaps they were right. I will check in with you again soon... ³ 020426 ... Toxic_Kisses your back!!! *does a lil happy dance* how ironic that I blathe in cube_i_have_something_to_say and the verry same night you come back!!*L* I’m just to giddy for words right now! 020426 ... Toxic_Kisses if any one is looking for me you should probibly read_this_now *Waves* bye every one! 020428 ... TK Talking in 3ed person bc she can ...computer iz dead and the guy who said he haz fixed it hasn’t come around to do it yet, witch really wouldn’t matter much any way seeing az how she now cant have internet past this month, but none the less she shell still access Blather through the Library when ever she can 020530 ... cube How could your kisses be toxic? Unless they are addictive... ³ 020627 ... Dafremen For one, if she is a succubus. 020627 ... Toxic_Kisses Cube³ - Their Toxic to keep ppl from getting to close/attached to me after all who would want to be close/attached to some one who can kill them w/ a kiss, and for that matter why would I want to get too close to any one if it only ment that it would end up killing them? It's a curse I put on my self as a protection mechanism. . Dafremen - am I -that- obvious . 020729 ... TK --------Iz an Idiot 021129 ... Rhin very few people surprise me, but alas someone has. you have such a generous heart toxic kisses. thank you so much! :) 021202 ... Dafremen You have a very special way of seeing through to the heart of a person. That is a gift beyond compare that makes YOU a rare and special gift to us all. Thank you so much for taking the time..it means a lot. 021202 ... User24 why the name change? 030522 ... somebody you have a distinct personality. 030625 ... blown cherry I sent you a thankyou, did you get my thankyou? Well in case you didn't, here's another: THANKYOU!!!!! and a hug too *hug* just for good measure :) 030916 ... Toxic_Kisses YeaY!! hehehe I feel all happy now! I havent checked my E-addy yet but I will now! ^.^ I'm just supper happy that I could make you feel better ^.^ 030916 ... TK Oh and hey! somebody take a picture of us!! *returns blown cherrys hug* I bet we look so cute like this! 030916 ... metamantrg please check @ other location for message 030920 ... TK mmmmkay 030920 ... Dafremen Hey there besos. I suppose I should go check out that site now. I'm going to post a new poem there. 030920 ... Dafremen THE_FAREWELL So long sweetie. Daf 11:11 031002 ... marked . 031210 ... metamantrg please call home 040831 ... TK It's 3:55am I just got done watching an educational thing about Cognitive Psychology and wrestled with the thought of even starting the comp up to check on blather before heading off to bed I guess what I'm trying to say in a longwinded round about way is: it's late and I don’t want to wake you, you might not be able to go back to sleep if I do, I know how much your work load is and how much you push yourself, you need sleep to get away from the pain your body punishes you with for all the work you do, I'll try and not sleep too late and call you later (say 630-8ish at latest) in the morn, and if you don’t answer then I'll just be persistent I worry sometimes that you wont wake up w/ all he pills you take… 040901 ... realistic optimist ahhh i miss my psychology classes... so many questions, and so few answers! good luck this year miss caustic tisses if you ever need an online tutor, i'd be happy to lend what little expertise i can offer! :) 040901 ... Happy/Sleepy TK I'd really like that! ^.^ I just checked the PBS schedule and it seems as though that their just airing the same two tapes (the introductory of the course) for the next two weeks, but I'm hoping I miss understood in some way because other wise I'll be highly disappointed, the first two gave good info on how to take notes and good study habits and an over view of what we were going to study in the next tapes (shot term memory, long term memory, perception and the such) anyway I've got it riged so that I get e-mailed everyday the show comes on (same for when "Discovering Psychology" come on as well as a few others having to do w/ this subject) I also just last week found this interesting site: http://www.gerardkeegan.co.uk/index.htm And poked around it a lil bit, although if I can’t sleep tonight I'll most likely explore it more deeply now that my interest has been renewed. I really appreciate you offering some help! You don’t know just how happy that makes me! Thank you RO!! 040901 ... realistic optimist anytime, caustic tissues! sounds like you've got quite a leg up, with your alternative information sources and whatnot. most of my expertise comes in conceptual understanding as well as applied theory as it relates to community and residential mental health, with special in depth understanding of paranoid schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder, though not limited to those subjects... anyway, just drop me a line anytime! (even if it's just to say "boo!") 040902 ... TK goofing around Wow, that’s kinda intimidating, *predatorily circles RO as she looks him over* and yet at the same time I find myself deeply admiring all your knowledge *emits a low growl* I think I’m going to like you… 040903 ... realistic optimist *growls back, then rolls down the hill* i wish i'd have studied my subjects on the internet in addition to books (i mostly ditched class) while in school. i would have had a wider breadth of knowledge, like you are building. with the rising cost of medication and current administration's social service funding policies, it's difficult to properly advocate for and help people in the portland mental health system. an uberconglomorategiantcorp took over most of the mental health agengies in the city and neighboring suburbs, then promptly laid off 50% of its employees and cut most ot eh burgeoning fledgeling side programs that were just far enough removed from the parent corporation, that they were fairly successful in delivering quality care. like farmers are subject to the whims of mother nature, social services are subject to the whims of each administration's policy on funding social services. all that is to say that i'm not working in the field, and i'm unsure that i ever will again until it can be more self sustaining and less invasive and harmful. (if i can't figure out a better graduate school subject, i'm going to get my master's of social work in spite of all i just said in the paragraph above. ain't life funny sometimes?) sorry for the novel on the toxic_kisses page instead of the ro_rambling_roost or somesuch place. 040904 ... TK Don’t apologize, you actually answered a question I wasn’t sure how to put into words, and besides depending on the subject and number interruptions I can read a 400 paged book w/n a day; no if you want to read a blatherskite novel read some of Dafremen’s work ^.^ You: “if i can't figure out a better graduate school subject, i'm going to get my master's of social work in spite of all i just said in the paragraph above” Me: Why don’t you just move after getting your Masters, or even better, set up your own privately run practice? You don’t have to color inside the box to accomplish what you want, heck buy a small piece of commercial land w/ a building on it and Bam your on your way to being our own small business! As intimidating as it sounds theirs tons of info out their on how to do this, you just have to look for it also think of all the benefits, you decide who your clients are, you decide how much they pay and you don’t have to cater and cower to uberconglomorategiantcorps, yea it’ll take some time money and elbow grease to get it goin but considering the alternative (working for/under a uberconglomorategiantcorp who tell not only when where and how to wipe your ass but also telling you when wear and how to wipe your patients asses as well) and besides if your as passionate about your profession to see it though to a Masters despite all the obstacles uberconglomorategiantcorps have put in your way then why not put in the extra effort to get them off your back? Besides you probably wont even have to pay for it all on your own, the Gov. seems to have tons of programs dedicated to giving away money for this or that reason (think of that old crazy professor looking guy w/ glasses in commercials who’s always trying to sell you his book about the Gov. giving away money, dam I wish I could remember that guys name) *shrugs* any way it’s just a thought, its up to you as to if you want to do anything w/ it. P.S. so uh, if you have a roost, then would that make you a cock? (rooster) 040905 ... realistic optimist yeah, i've been told that i'm a cock until people get to know me, and learn not to take me too seriously. and i DO plan on gettting my master's degree, it's just that i'm not so sure i want to remain in the field. i've considered several career avenues, and have no idea where i will end up. i was just saying that it is most important for me to choose one, so that's why i said if i don't come up with something better, i'm going to choose the most obvious and logical choice left to me, MSW. if i go the private practice route, i plan to learn more about chinese medicine, acupuncture, herbal medicine, and massage therapy. i hope to employ a holistic, less drug centered approach. but again... who knows? :) anyway, it's time to go drink beer, sing kareoke, and forget all the apathetic and/or downtrodden people i tried to convince to care about the environment today. have a good weekend tk! 040910 ... Death of a Rose just a quick hello TK. hope you are doing well. . 050629 ... TK As apposed to all the awful horrendous and otherwise terrifying things happing to ppl around the world than yes, comparatively speaking I am doing rather well Na, I just seem to be in a dismal blue cynical funk for no apparent reason, it'll pass, they always do, and than as usual I'll be exuberantly happy, or at the very lest not so dismal *smirks* If you read the main blather page w/o going inside to further investigate it seems as if others may be sharing in my mood as well. I wonder wear all the happy ppl have gone(?) 050629 ... Death of a Rose happiness starts as a red rage, continued with such processing of information. anger at what might be read, stillness at the narration you didn't seek. a longer waiting in the outpatient room then you had worried over. racing to meet an unrealistic hubris. over the past you cannot drive and cannot steam another window. . 050715 ... Toxic_Kisses test test test 070402 ... REAListic optimIST Nice to see you again in the blather blue, Caustic Tissues! I wonder how your studies in psychology have treated you? 071123 ... user24 it's been a long time 071123 ... Toxic_Kisses Very... Odd how so much time can pass and yet so much can still seem the same... Every year seems to pass pretty much like the one right before it and within the blink of an eye so many years have up and passed me by. I still come around when I have access to the net yet it’s rare that I take the time out to say anything. What’s left to say? Every things already been said, they just tend to use different words then I would have however the meanings still the same. I hope life’s sustained you well enough to more then just get by my old friend, it feels good to know that you still care and that I cross your mind every once and again, I wonder if we've ever thought about each other at the same time ^.^ 080820 ... insert elbow into ribs no typos and misspelled words? this obviously isn't the real toxic kisses. ;) 080820 ... TK that’s what Microsoft Word's Spelling and Grammar thing is for, just copy and past what I have to say to it first so it'll catch all my typos first, other wise I may as well be speaking some long dead language as far as readability goes *L* 080820 ... heh copy and past, eh? it can't catch 'em all :) 080820 ... dosquatch apparently thinks I'm a pervert. 080828 ... TK Why should it matter what I think of you, or any one else for that matter? Beyond that your stance seems to be that theirs is nothing wrong with being a pervert and as such how could being considered as one by myself or others then be bad? 080828 ... someolm hiv infected 101016 ... Doar TK.....you beautiful soul. I miss you. . 101016 ... REAListic optimIST A toast to toxic_kisses. 131111 ... daf Dear TK, You know how sometimes you're hanging with your friend and you're both kinda joking around, ribbing each other and then suddenly you say something and the look on your friend's face changes? You realize you just said something wrong, and maybe you don't know what it was? Or maybe you take a quick second to think about it and realize what it was; but either way you just wish you could get back to being friends and joking around again? Well if we're lucky, we have a friend who tells us why that look on their expression changed instead of just walking away. I'd like to think that I'm that sort of friend. The kind that vents and gets it out because I'd rather not walk away from good people for small reasons. Easy reasons for abandoning people are so available one could carve out a lonely existence that way. That's not a guess. I want to thank you for the apology. I know what a TRULY difficult thing it is for you to do. Pride, armor, strength, tenacity..these traits make great warriors of people, but not usually great apologists. That's as it should be for now and I'm very grateful and touched by the effort it took you to step outside of your nature for our friendship. In the end, I hadn't given much thought to the matter after writing my_happy_day, except to note how enjoyable (in a twisted way) it is to read..raw emotional purge and voyeuristic opportunity that it is. No, all of the mistrust and pain came before anything you could have possibly done, my friend. People are gutless, selfish, cowardly liars much of the time. They say what they think people want to hear about 80% of the time, behind one's back 15% of the time, and speak their minds in one's presence a mere 5%..3% of which is muttered under their breath. (Nitpickers, bean counters and tailchasers: All figures are approximate.) But what causes me more pain than any of that, is all of the self hate that's externalizing itself on the world. Yours. Mine. Hell damned near half of us at least. Loving ourselves sincerely and deeply is a prerequisite for loving others sincerely and deeply. You deserve to love yourself and know that you_are_loved. At least that much. Everyone deserves that much. (see also: dear_self) I've taken to writing letters to myself to show me that I DO care about myself and think about MY well being as well as that of others. You know..we don't listen to people who neglect us or hate us. That goes for hating and neglecting ourselves too. Not just our material needs, but our spiritual ones as well. It's an easy thing to turn your subconscious against your conscious mind and spiral into a pattern of self sabotage..again that is not a guess. Hugs, TK. Everything's ok between us and always has been. Your sentence was self imposed and I hope that you're free now. No one deserves to suffer so. Especially not you. -=-- 140405 ... TK Dafremen Your amazing, but then again you already knew that ^.^ And yea I agree I took quite a big bite out of my foot with that apology =/ I was simply fed up and frustrated with trying to Perfect my apology to you so I figed if I’m unhappy with the way I’ve previously done it then why not go in the complete and absolute opposite direction? Make it all jagged and raw… And yea that turned out all =/ Regardless I’m just so glad that you were able to see beyond ~HOW~ I apologized and understand what I was trying to express anyway. Truly I’ve never been so happy to have someone tell me I’m completely inconsequential *L* and yea I know you didn’t mean it like ~that~ =p~ I still don’t feel ok about what I did to you, don’t think that feelings going to budge anytime soon, but the fact that you say you and I are ok, well while that’s rather taken me off guard (seriously was ~not~ expecting that), makes me feel quite a bit better bc I’ve missed you. Mind you not that I expect us to go make daisy wreaths together and braid each other hair but it feels good to know you harbor no ill will my way. I really shouldn’t be writing after taking nightquil but fuck it perfection can go flog itself, I’m so damn tired of fighting that battle. Anyway Daf your freakin awesome and I’m glad you and I are copacetic Ok well my eyelids are protesting staying open so I’m off to bed, G’nite Daf – Good Night World ^.^ 140405 what's it to you? who go blather from