removed if i could talk id tell you i have been removed from you i'm tired of pointing fingers, so fine, babe, it's no one's fault... 020128 ... 400 Lonely Things odd sensation to speak with nothing moving bizarre nothing moving very little pain now but feel occasional bizarre nerve patterns deep depression lifting now but feel removed bizarre nerve removed pattern removed very little pain now nothing moving very little pain now in limbo thoughts primitive in limbo nothing moving 030327 ... oli we are all removable 030721 ... Syrope when you do this when you pretend i'm so certain absolutely that i want to be alone 050929 ... flowerock I feel removed from the flow of life. I feel that I replace being present and involved with escaping through food, the internet, vaporized_flowers, music, coffee, sleep, walks... all of these can be good things too, and it's always that I am "using" them as an escape route... but I think I am uncomfortable in reality, I forgot how to be here, how to socialize, how to navigate without a phone, how to say no to my cravings, how to get up and get out... I can't FOCUS. Something makes my mind skip around... sunset at the beach setting the world in fire and I can't keep an eye steady on it... the waves crashing in a soothing symphony and I can't quiet my mind to listen... I forget to breathe, I feel bored, I need to check my email or my phone... I need to.make sure everything is orderly and ready for tomorrow, but not too deeply because there so much to do that I just can't even begin to dig into because my mind won't connect Ll the dots to put effective actions together ti even begin... I panic when I settle into myself, I feel.me and I feel.my body... I imagine not having a body, I imagine the process of leaving it and I nearly.passout from fear and dread of that day. I act like a cat to my lover sometimes, removed and distant even irritated but then when he leaves or I'm alone I miss him and it's all I can feel... missing... and I panic then, what if one of dies? I don't want to die alone or away from.him... I tried to imagine my world without him living in it today and it was inconceivable, what would I do? I'd feel like a balloon floating away out of control until I burst and am no longer a thing. No anchor, no other... So I need to wake up, I need to reconnect, I need to rediscover the world and feel the flow. 151204 ... daf A cat bit itself and was immediately condemned to die. 151205 what's it to you? who go blather from