msw Full_Circle_to_Comatose my name is A nger J inx P oison. i knew a girl. her name was M ystery S tellar W onder. once we got past hating each other, we practically fell in love. we were together from dusk to dawn. the hours of darkness were ours. terrorizing, fantasizing, loving, dreaming. we'd trek out to the K iller B rutal house and imagine all sorts of noises from the woods and movement from the dusty windows. we'd sit under the bridge and scare the shit out of each other. we took road trips to visit friends, we slept in each other's arms. we'd hide out in S heldon's Park and graffiti anything possible with the name's of boys we dreamed about and aches we'd not soon forget. i still sometimes go there, just to feel her. and now she loathes me, but somewhere in that heart loves me as well. i feel no loathe for her, only fear. i have not been able to look at her the same since those last months. we tried to speak again, but i always heard something besides friendliness beneath her voice. and yes, my brothers, this was probably only imaginary. but i am quite sure that this girl, with all her insecurities, could understand this... if she tried. she always believed that people disliked her, were using her, etc. and now, when we tried to reconcile, i felt that same insecurity. felt that she was befriending me to leave me again. i don't know. she seemed to hate me so deeply in the last few months we talked, and although she has apologized, and i forgive, it is that hate that i see in her face and hear in her voice each time we talk. paranoia. i know it is this, but it takes hold just the same. and oh, how i've changed since then. i'm sure she wouldn't like me now. but i still think of her all the time. i find myself telling stories to new acquaintances in my life now, and her name always comes tumbling out. all the crazy, silly things we did together. and they just go, "who is M ystery?" and i just smile. i tell them she was my sister, my soulmate. they just seem puzzled, waiting for me to go on, but i don't. she is my special secret. she is the person that none of them are. but i don't spend my nights at D avid's Eatery anymore, and i don't have a job. what fun could we have? i wonder if she'd still have fun terrorizing and fantasizing and driving out to K iller B rutal's house at 2 am. somehow i doubt it. and this, dear brothers, may be the real reason i don't call her. maybe it's easier for me to think that we still could have fun but never know. easier to not meet with her once more and find that we are two strangers who now have nothing in common but memories of a perfect summer. i fear that. i'm scared. but i still, and will always, love M ystery S tellar W onder. 020520 ... MollyCule my initials - Molly Sue Walters. 020521 ... MollyCule color me idiotic for not reading before posting. so is this a goodbye or a hello or what? or are your hellos their own goodbyes these days? 020521 ... daxle mew mispelled 020521 what's it to you? who go blather from