pete caught up in the recent past i can't sleep. its like the whole she cut in who i was is fresh again, and the four months that had passed since she dropped my heart down that abyss never did exist. its a horrible feeling really, lying in bed thinking about the past year and having this one event come up again and again and again and again. happy birthday ann. oh thank you pete. we both had to go. it was probaly the first time in the month of november that we did not sit beside eachother in class. and we didn't after that day either. the next week she stopped talking past one word answers and soon exams were on and nothing existed of what did. nothing except the recurring memory and the emptiness it caused. wow. from november 29th, nervousness and excitement, to april 8th, angst and bitter heart ache. perhaps seeing her five days a week helped extend it. in such a small program and sharing that langauge class it is a given. oh well. my memory still remembers when my mom was pregnant with my little sister (over 13 years ago now) and i tried to help her do the laundry.. that didn't turn out well either. oh i hope she got to see the pink moon atleast once. i haven't listened to that song since, or that lovely mellow mix she gave to me so long ago. or what seems so long ago. those walks, twice a week atleast for over a month, were probaly the best walks and talks ive had in a long time. excluding one nearly 8 hour phone conversation over a year ago, and others in that ones legacy. but those are different. i remember that rainy day i walked her home, hand in hand, sharing one umbrella because mine blew out and broke. when i got to her house she leant me her umbrella for the walk home. the walks back were just as good as the walks there. though alone i reflected on the walk there with her. oh ann. such bitter angst, such beautiful memories, such a pretty smile. why was the only time we've talked in about 4 months (except asking eachother about school assignments) when i was drunk and it didnt carry over from there? 4 months. wow. she took some pete away, and it didn't come back fully yet. well.. it was fun ann.. from the talks after spanish at the end of september, through the halloween party and that last meeting.. the last i heard from you was how that present was the favourite one you recieved.. was that a lie? 040407
pete it feels like we are fitting into the mould of early-mid november again... why does this scare me? 040518
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