ghostbusters perspie wbo can you call? 000507 ... MollyGoLightly That part in the second movie when all the kids start to chant "He-Man, He-man!" makes me genuinely sad... 000507 ... birdmad i have no idea what a "Giant, moving Torg" is or looks like, but the last time i did acid, i think i might have seen one. 000507 ... jennifer "next time anyone asks you if you are a god, you say YES" 000507 ... jennifer venkman stantz spengler zeddemore all information © 1985 By Don Shay Taken from "Making Ghostbusters" 000508 ... blather Fade in EXT. NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY -- DAY The sun shines brightly on the classic facade of the main library at Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street. In the adjacent park area, pretty hustlers and drug peddlers go about their business. FRONT STEPS A few people lounge on the steps flanked by the familiar stone lions. INT. MAIN READING ROOM -- DAY People are dotted throughout the room sitting at the long oak tables polished by decades of use. Reading lamps with green glass shades cast a golden glow on the tables. The patina of age is everywhere. It is very quiet. LIBRARIAN A slightly stout, studious looking girl in her late twenties circulates quietly among the tables picking up books and putting them on her cart. Everything seems completely normal and peaceful. POV A single eerie musical note signals the presence of something strange looking down on the Librarian from a vantage point high above the room. It follows the Librarian as she pushes her cart around the corner. INT. WORK AREA The Librarian is alone in a back room sorting books for reshelving. Behind her is the card catalogue. One of the books attracts her interest and she starts leafing through it. THE CARD CATALOGUE Another eerie note is heard as one of the drawers silently slides open behind the Librarian and hundreds of index cards start popping out. The Librarian continues reading completely oblivious to this strange phenomenon. She gets up and moves past another row of cabinets. Two more drawers quietly slide open, and thousands of file cards start shooting out of the open drawers just behind her, but the Librarian still doesn't notice. THE STACKS The Librarian works her way through rows and rows of old iron shelves containing many thousands of volumes stacked from floor to ceiling. As she puts the books back in their proper places, she slowly gets the feeling that she's being watched. She continues her task but suddenly hears a scratching noise and stops. LIBRARIAN (puzzled) Hello? Is anybody there? A ROW OF BOOKS As the Librarian walks down the aisle, books start shooting off the shelf behind her. She turns suddenly and sees the fallen books. THE LIBRARIAN Frightened now, she walks slowly to the end of the aisle and tentatively peeks around the corner. Seeing no one, she starts to scratch her head and suddenly a dozen books fly off the shelf right in front of her and fall to the floor. THE LIBRARIAN (frightened) All right! Who's there? Lyle? Is that you? Very slowly now, her heart pounding, the Librarian tiptoes to the other end of the aisle. She gets to the corner and starts to peek around it, afraid to look but unable to resist. INT. THE NEXT AISLE -- DAY The Librarian comes slowly around the end of the stacks and gets her first look at the thing that's been watching her. Her eyes go very wide and her mouth opens in horror. She screams. EXT. COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY -- DAY Students are entering and leaving a neo-Gothic building on the University's upper west side campus. A sign identifies the building as: Weaver Hall -- Department of Psychology. INT. BASEMENT -- WEAVER HALL -- DAY At one end of the dingy corridor is a door marked PARANORMAL STUDIES LABORATORY. A sign dangles from the doorknob: Maid -- Please Make Up This Room. Scrawled across the door is a line of student graffiti that reads: "Venkman Burn In Hell!" It looks like it's been written in blood. VENKMAN (V.O.) Now I'm going to turn over the next card and I want you to concentrate and tell me what you think it is. INT. PARANORMAL STUDIES LAB -- SAME TIME - DAY DR. PETER VENKMAN is administering an ESP test to two student volunteers, a boy and a girl, who sit across the table from him separated from each other by a screen. Venkman is an associate professor but his rumpled suit and the manic gleam in his eyes indicate an underlying instability in his nature. However, while a little short on academic credentials, Venkman is long on confidence, charm and salesmanship. He turns to the male volunteer, an obnoxious SOPHOMORE, and pulls out a card from the standard deck of ESP symbols. The card is visible to the camera over Venkman's shoulder but hidden from the sophomore by a masonite board that rests between them on the table. The card shows a star symbol on it. VENKMAN All right. What is it? SOPHOMORE (concentrates) A square? VENKMAN (shakes his head) Good guess -- but no. He shows the Sophomore the star card then presses a button on the table which administers a mild electric shock to the volunteer. The Sophomore twitches involuntarily as the shock passes through the electrode attached to his fingertips. Then Venkman turns to the female volunteer, a very beautiful COED. VENKMAN Now just clear your mind and tell me what you see. He turns over a card with a circle on it. COED (thinks hard) Is it a star? VENKMAN (feigning surprise) It is a star! That's great. You're very good. The Coed beams proudly as Venkman turns back to the Sophomore without showing her the card. VENKMAN (to the Sophomore) Now think. He turns up the diamond card. The Sophomore glances nervously at the electrodes, then ventures a guess. SOPHOMORE Circle? VENKMAN Close -- but definitely wrong. He shocks him again and swivels around to face the Coed. VENKMAN (CONT'D) Ready? (she nods and he turns up the triangle card) What is it? COED (biting her lip) Ummm -- figure eight? VENKMAN (lies) Incredible! Five for five. You're not cheating on me here, are you? COED (amazed at her own ability) No. They're just coming to me. VENKMAN Well, you're doing great. Keep it up. He turns back to the Sophomore who winces as the next card is turned up -- two parallel wavy lines. VENKMAN (CONT'D) Nervous? SOPHOMORE Yes. I don't like this. VENKMAN Well, just 75 more to go. What's this one? SOPHOMORE (takes a deep breath) Two wavy lines? VENKMAN (burying the card) Sorry. This isn't your day. He zaps him again but this time the Sophomore really jumps. SOPHOMORE (angry) Hey! I'm getting a little tired of this. VENKMAN You volunteered, didn't you? Aren't we paying you for this? SOPHOMORE Yeah, but I didn't know you were going to give me electric shocks. What are you trying to prove? VENKMAN I'm studying the effect of negative reinforcement on ESP ability. SOPHOMORE I'll tell you the effect! It pisses me off! VENKMAN Then my theory was correct. The Sophomore gets up, pulls the electrodes off his fingertips and exits. SOPHOMORE (as he goes) Keep the five bucks. I've had it! Venkman turns back to the Coed and shrugs. VENKMAN Well, I guess some people have it and some don't. COED (provocatively) Do you think I have it, Dr. Venkman? VENKMAN Definitely. I think you may be a very gifted telepath. Suddenly the door opens and RAY STANTZ enters. STANTZ He is Venkman's colleague and best friend. A hard scientist with a good academic background, Stantz is a maverick who genuinely loves a challenge. At the moment, he seems really keyed up. STANTZ Drop everything, Venkman. We got one. He starts rummaging through cabinets and drawers, gathering up a variety of electronic devices. VENKMAN He frowns at the intrusion and turns to the Coed. VENKMAN Excuse me for a minute. (he crosses to Stantz) Ray, I'm right in the middle of something here. Can you come back in about an hour? STANTZ (excited, but hushed and confidential) Peter, at 1:40 this afternoon at the main branch of the New York Public Library on Fifth Avenue, ten people witnessed a free-roaming, vaporous, full-torso apparition. It blew books from shelves at twenty feet away. Scared the socks off some poor librarian. VENKMAN (unimpressed) Sure. That's great, Ray. I think you should get down there right away and check it out. Let me know what happens. STANTZ (insistent) No, this one's for real, Peter. Spengler went down there and took some PKE readings. Right off the top of the scale. Buried the needle. We're close this time. I can feel it. Venkman looks at Stantz, then back at the Coed, torn between duty and pleasure. VENKMAN (decides) Okay. Just give me a second here. (he crosses back to the Coed) I have to leave now but if you've got some time I'd like you to come back this evening and do some more work with me. COED Eight o'clock? VENKMAN (lying again) I was just going to say "eight." You're fantastic! He waves good-bye and exits with Stantz. EXT. PUBLIC LIBRARY -- DAY Venkman and Stantz arrive in a taxi and trot up the front steps. Stantz is loaded down with equipment. STANTZ Spengler and I have charted every psychic occurrence in the Tri-State area for the past two years. The graph we came up with definitely points to something big. VENKMAN Ray, as your friend I have to tell you I think you've really gone around the bend on this ghost stuff. You've been running your ass off for two years checking out every schizo in the Five Boroughs who thinks he's had an experience. And what have you seen? STANTZ What do you mean by "seen?" VENKMAN Looked at with your eyes. STANTZ Well, I was at an unexplained multiple high-altitude rockfall once. VENKMAN Uh-huh. I've heard about the rockfall, Ray. I think you've been spending too much time with Spengler. INT. MAIN READING ROOM -- DAY EGON SPENGLER is looking for spirits when Venkman and Stantz arrive. Spengler is a real egghead, a New Wave Mr. Spock, who single-handedly got Venkman through graduate school. Spengler is incredibly intelligent but amazingly dense at the same time. At the moment he is listening to a table using a stethoscope connected to stereo earphones. Venkman comes up behind him and taps on the table to get his attention. VENKMAN Egon? Spengler hears the tapping and thinks he's made contact with the spirit world. Then Venkman slams a heavy book down on the table. VENKMAN (CONT'D) Egon! Spengler jumps at the deafening noise in his earphones and turns to see Venkman and Stantz. SPENGLER Oh! You're here. VENKMAN What have you got, Egon? SPENGLER Oh, this is big, Peter. This is very big. There's definitely something here. VENKMAN Egon, somehow this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole in your head. Do you remember that? HEAD LIBRARIAN A choleric, middle-aged civil servant, MR. DELACORTE, hurries over to meet them. HEAD LIBRARIAN (nervous) Hello, I'm Roger Delacorte - the Head Librarian. Are you the men from the University? VENKMAN Yes. I'm Dr. Venkman and this is Dr. Stantz. HEAD LIBRARIAN (leads them off) Thank you for coming. I'd appreciate it if we could take care of this quickly and quietly. VENKMAN One thing at a time. We don't even know what it is yet. INT. AN OFFICE -- A LITTLE LATER Venkman is questioning the plump Librarian who saw the spirit, while a Paramedic continues treating her for shock. LIBRARIAN I don't remember seeing any legs, but it definitely had arms because it reached for me. STANTZ (excited) Arms! Great! I can't wait to get a look at this thing. Venkman glowers at him, still skeptical. VENKMAN (to the girl) All right, miss. Have you or has any member of your family ever been diagnosed schizophrenic or mentally incompetent? LIBRARIAN Well, my uncle thought he was St. Jerome. VENKMAN (looks at Stantz) I'll call that a big "yes." (to the girl) Do you yourself habitually use drugs, stimulants or alcohol? LIBRARIAN No. VENKMAN I thought not. And one last thing. Are you currently menstruating? HEAD LIBRARIAN (shocked) What's that got to do with it? VENKMAN (snaps) Back off, man! I'm a scientist! THE DOOR Spengler sticks his head in. SPENGLER (excited) It's moving! Stantz and Venkman rush out. INT. DEEP IN THE STACKS -- DAY They come slowly down the dark aisle with Spengler leading, taking constant readings. Their faces are lit mainly by the light of their own monitoring and recording equipment. HIGH POV Looking down on them from the spectral point of view. A SPIRAL STAIRCASE One by one, Venkman, Stantz and Spengler come down the tightly winding, old iron staircase. They are scared. Books are strewn all over the floor. A BOOKSHELF The books start to slide forward then the whole shelving unit topples over and almost crushes the team under a ton of books. They jump to safety. VENKMAN Nice. (out loud) Hello... Spengler looks at his meters and silently points at a dark aisle intersecting the one they're in. The team inches toward it. SPENGLER It's here. They stop at the corner. INT. THE DARK AISLE -- DAY The team peeks around the corner and looks toward camera. THEIR POV -- DAY An ethereal presence is hovering between the stacks about four feet off the ground. It seems to waver on the edge of being and non-being, then a large legless, headless torso begins to emerge. VENKMAN, STANTZ AND SPENGLER They stand there amazed. STANTZ (whispers) What is it? VENKMAN It looks like a big pair of breasts and a pot belly. THE TORSO -- DAY A head and arms begin to form. The apparition is now unmistakably a full-bodied, somewhat elderly lady. SPENGLER It's a woman. He edges closer to take valence readings. Stantz starts snapping infra-red photos of it. STANTZ (excited) I told you it's real. VENKMAN (whispers) What do we do now? STANTZ (whispers back) I don't know. Talk to it. VENKMAN (nods in agreement then hesitates) What do I say? STANTZ Anything! Just make contact. VENKMAN (takes a deep breath, then addresses the specter) Hey, Lady? (the apparition turns and seems to look right past them) Lady! Can you talk? Who are you? (no answer) (to Stantz) This is not working. Think of something else. STANTZ (sotto voce) Okay. Okay. I got it. I know what to do. Stay close. I have a plan. He starts moving closer to the apparition. Venkman and Spengler edge closer, fighting their fear. They stop just a few feet from the vision. STANTZ (CONT'D) (whispers) Okay, now do exactly as I say. Everybody ready? VENKMAN & SPENGLER Ready. STANTZ Okay... (shouts) GET HER!!! He leaps at the apparition. Venkman and Spengler jump reflexively at almost the same moment but they all end up on the floor grabbing at thin air. THE GHOST -- DAY She drops back a few feet, looms up into a raging demonlike specter and blasts them with a rush of hot breath as she mouths a single word. THE GHOST (roars) QUIET! VENKMAN, STANTZ AND SPENGLER They scream and fall backwards. EXT. LIBRARY -- MAIN ENTRANCE - DAY They burst through the doors and onto the broad steps, both terrified and exhilarated by their first real contact with the supernatural. The Head Librarian rushes out the door after them and chases them down the steps. HEAD LIBRARIAN (very agitated) Did you see it? What was it? VENKMAN We'll get back to you. 000509 ... blather EXT. COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY -- DAY. Venkman, Stantz and Spengler head for their lab in Weaver Hall. Spengler makes rapid calculations as Venkman and Stantz argue. VENKMAN (steamed) "Get her?" That was your whole plan? You call that science? STANTZ (exultant) I guess I got a little overexcited. Wasn't it incredible! I'm telling you, this is a first. You know what this could mean to the University? VENKMAN (sarcastic) Oh, yeah. This could be bigger than the microchip. They'll probably throw out the entire engineering department and turn their building over to us. We're probably the first serious scientists to ever molest a dead old lady. SPENGLER (consulting his mini-computer) I wouldn't say the experience was completely wasted. Based on these new readings, I think we have an excellent chance of actually catching a ghost and holding it indefinitely. Venkman stops dead in his tracks, stunned by the news. Stantz and Spengler continue walking. STANTZ (to Spengler; excited) Then we were right! This is great. And if the ionization rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities, I think we could really kick ass -- in the spiritual sense. Venkman catches up with them again. VENKMAN Spengler, are you serious about actually catching a ghost? SPENGLER I'm always serious. VENKMAN (his mind reeling at the possibilities) Wow! EXT. WEAVER HALL -- A LITTLE LATER They approach the entrance to the psychology department talking excitedly. Venkman stops at the door and turns to Spengler. VENKMAN Egon, I take back everything I ever said about you. Take this. (he hands him a candy bar) You earned it. They enter the building with Spengler greedily devouring the candy bar. INT. WEAVER HALL -- DAY They walk through the hall, then down the stairs to the basement. VENKMAN (his mind racing) If you guys are right, if we can actually trap a ghost and hold it somehow, I think I could win the Nobel Prize. STANTZ (protests) If anyone deserves it, it's Spengler and me. We're doing all the hard research and designing the equipment. VENKMAN Yeah, but I introduced you guys. You never would've met if not for me. That's got to be worth something. INT. THE BASEMENT -- DAY A Workman in painter pants is at the door as Venkman, Stantz and Spengler approach and enter the lab. As soon as the door closes behind them, the Workman starts scraping their names off the door with a razor blade. INT. THE LAB -- DAY As they enter, janitorial and maintenance personnel are busy dismantling their apparatus and equipment. DEAN YAEGER is supervising. Venkman confronts him. VENKMAN (shocked) I trust you're moving us to a better space somewhere on campus. DEAN YAEGER No, we're moving you OFF CAMPUS. The Board of Regents has decided to terminate your grant. You are to vacate these premises immediately. VENKMAN This is preposterous! I demand an explanation. DEAN YAEGER Fine. This University will no longer continue any funding of any kind for your group's activities. VENKMAN But why? The students love us! DEAN YAEGER Dr. Venkman, we believe that the purpose of science is to serve mankind. You, however, seem to regard science as some kind of "dodge" or "hustle." Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe, your methods are sloppy and your conclusions are highly questionable. You're a poor scientist, Dr. Venkman, and you have no place in this department or in this University. VENKMAN I see. STANTZ (to Venkman) You said you floored 'em at the Regents' meeting. VENKMAN (righteous) Ray, I apologize. (looking at Dean Yaeger) I guess my confidence in the Regents was misplaced. They did this to Galileo, too. DEAN YAEGER It could be worse, Dr. Venkman. They took the astronomer Phileas and staked his head to the town gate. EXT. COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY -- DAY -- A LITTLE LATER Stantz and Venkman are sitting on a bench both looking desolate. STANTZ (shaking his head) This is like a major disgrace. Forget M.I.T. or Stanford now ... they wouldn't touch us with a three-meter cattle prod. VENKMAN You're always so worried about your reputation. We don't need the University. Einstein did his best stuff while he was working as a patent clerk.'They can't stop progress. STANTZ (not cheered) Do you know what a patent clerk makes? I liked the University. They gave us money, they gave us the facilities and we didn't have to produce anything! I've worked in the private sector. They expect results. You've never been out of college. You don't know what it's like out there. VENKMAN (with visionary zeal) Let me tell you, Ray, everything in life happens for a reason. Call it fate, call it luck, Karma, whatever. I think we were destined to get kicked out of there. STANTZ For what purpose? VENKMAN (with real conviction) To go into business for ourselves. Stantz is immediately intrigued by the idea but voices his reservations. STANTZ I don't know. That costs money. And the ecto-containment system we have in mind will require a load of bread to capitalize. Where would we get the money? EXT. WIDE ANGLE VIEW OF MANHATTAN -- DAY EXT. AVENUE OF THE AMERICAS -- DAY Venkman, Stantz and Spengler emerge from the Irving Trust headquarters, all neatly dressed in suits. VENKMAN You'll never regret this, Ray. STANTZ (perturbed) My parents left me that house, I was born there. VENKMAN You're not going to lose the house. Everybody has three mortgages these days. STANTZ But at nineteen percent interest! You didn't even bargain with the guy. SPENGLER (calculating) Just for your information, Ray, the interest payments alone for the first five years come to over $75,000. VENKMAN Will you guys relax? We are on the threshold of establishing the indispensable defense science of the next decade - Professional Paranormal Investigations and Eliminations. The franchise rights alone will make us wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. STANTZ But most people are afraid to even report these things. VENKMAN Maybe. But no one ever advertised before. Stantz and Spengler exchange doubtful looks. EXT. FIREHALL -- DAY An abandoned brick, four-story fire station built by the city around the turn of the century. It bears a coat of faded red paint and legend above the garage door in chipped gilt letters: Engine Company #93. The garage doors open revealing Venkman standing in the white-tiled garage bay with a middle aged REAL ESTATE WOMAN wearing a blazer. INT. GARAGE BAY -- DAY Venkman is looking around. R/E WOMAN Besides this, you've got another substantial work area on the ground floor, office space, sleeping quarters and showers on the next floor, and you have your full kitchen on the top level. It's 10,000 square feet total. SPENGLER He comes out of the office area with a pocket calculator. SPENGLER It's 9,642.55 square feet. The Realtor frowns at Spengler. R/E WOMAN What is he -- your accountant? STANTZ He is looking at the shiny brass fire pole. STANTZ (shouts, loving it) Wow! Does this pole still work? VENKMAN (considering but not wanting to appear too eager) This might do ... I don't know ... it just seems kind of "pricey" for a fixer-upper, don't you think? We're trying to keep our costs down. You know how it is when you're starting a new company. R/E WOMAN Yes, I know. What are you calling your business? STANTZ Ghostbusters. R/E WOMAN Oh, well, this place is perfect for it. EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE -- DAY A high panoramic view of the city shows heavy traffic moving up and down Central Park West on a beautiful sunny day. EXT. 78th AND CENTRAL PARK WEST -- DAY An unusual pre-war Gothic high-rise towers over the neighborhood buildings. The top of the building includes an elaborate decorative temple, complete with altar, stairs and Babylonian columns. The late afternoon sun gives the structure an oddly menacing quality. The camera PANS slowly down to the street as DANA BARRETT, an attractive woman in her late twenties, comes walking up to the building carrying a cello case and a shopping bag full of groceries. Guys on the street check her out as she enters, but she coolly ignores them. INT. HIGH-RISE APARTMENT BUILDING -- LOBBY -- DAY Dana crosses the lobby and gets into the elevator. INT. THIRTY FIFTH FLOOR -- DAY Dana gets off the elevator and goes to the door of her apartment. As she unlocks it, the door to the next apartment opens and Dana's neighbor, LOUIS TULLY, peeks his head out the door. Louis is a shy nerd, hopelessly in love with Dana. LOUIS Oh, Dana, it's you ... DANA (she's seen this before) Hi, Louis. LOUIS ... I thought it was the drug store. DANA Are you sick, Louis? Louis has broken the ice. He confidently exits his apartment and approaches Dana. His door slams behind him as he leaves. LOUIS Oh, no, I feel great. I just ordered some more vitamins. I see you were exercising. So was I. I taped "20 Minute Workout" and played it back at high speed so it only took ten minutes and I got a really good workout. You wanna have a mineral water with me? DANA No thanks, Louis. I'm really tired. I've been rehearsing all morning. LOUIS Okay. I'll take a raincheck. I always have plenty of mineral water and other nutritious health foods, but you know that. Listen, that reminds me, I'm having a party for all my clients. It's gonna be my fourth anniversary as an accountant. I know you fill out your own tax return, but I'd like you to come being that you're my next door neighbor and all ... DANA Oh, that's nice, Louis. I'll stop by if I'm around. LOUIS You know you shouldn't leave your TV on so loud when you go out. That creep down the hall phoned the manager. DANA I thought I turned it off. (she listens and hears loud sound coming from inside) I guess I forgot. Dana begins unlocking her door. LOUIS I climbed on the window ledge to see if I could disconnect the cable but I couldn't reach so I turned up the sound on my TV real loud so they'd think there was something wrong with everybody's TV. You know, you and I should really have keys to each other's apartment ... Her door closes leaving Louis stranded. He walks back to his apartment muttering to himself. LOUIS (CONT'D) ... in case of emergencies ... (he discovers he has locked himself out of his apartment) ... like this one. DANA' S APARTMENT -- DAY A roomy, two-bedroom flat with a great view of the park. She leaves the cello in the entrance hall, grabs the bag of groceries and goes through the living room toward the kitchen. Remembering Louis, she stops at the TV set to turn it off, but a strange image on the screen catches her attention. TV SCREEN INT. CHILDREN'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT Two children, a BOY and a GIRL, are asleep in bed when suddenly they are awakened by supernatural moaning and groaning. THE CHILDREN They scream and jump out of bed. THE DOOR Their MOTHER and FATHER, rush in to find the children cowering against the wall. FATHER What is it? What's wrong? THE KIDS Look! They point at the closet. MOTHER (to Father) Oh, dear. It's that darn ghost again. Can't you do something about it. FATHER (helpless) I've tried everything, honey! I guess we'll just have to move. The mother and the kids look at him with disappointment. MOTHER Gee, there must be a better way. Stantz steps into the foreground. STANTZ Are you troubled by strange noises in the night? Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic? Have you or your family actually seen a spook, specter or ghost? If the answer is yes, then don't wait another minute. Just pick up the phone and call the professionals -- Ghostbusters. EXT. FIREHALL Venkman, Stantz and Spengler are standing in front of the Ghostbusters' sign. Spengler steps forward. SPENGLER (to camera) Our courteous and efficient staff is on call 24 hours a day to serve all your supernatural elimination needs. INT. RECEPTION AREA Janine is seen answering the telephone with a big fake smile on her face. JANINE (cheery) Ghostbusters. We'll be right there. INT. CHILDREN'S BEDROOM Spengler is taking PKE readings along the baseboards. Stantz pops up from under the bed. STANTZ (smiling proudly) Got him! I don't think you'll have any more trouble with that ghost. FATHER, MOTHER AND VENKMAN They all look as pleased as punch as Venkman hands the Father a bill. FATHER (looks at the total) And it's economical, too! MOTHER How can we ever thank you? VENKMAN (big, cheesy smile) All in a day's work, ma'am. After all ... (to camera) ... We're Ghostbusters. (he winks) EXT. FRONT DOOR Mother, Father and Kids wave goodbye to the Ghostbusters. THE FAMILY (sings) If you have a ghost, But you don't want to play host, You can't sleep at all, So who do you call ... Ghostbusters - Ghostbusters. VENKMAN, STANTZ AND SPENGLER They smile at the camera as a phone number is supered on the screen. GHOSTBUSTERS (in unison) We're ready to believe you. Dana turns off the TV set and goes into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN Dana switches on the radio and starts unpacking groceries. She sets a loaf of bread and a carton of eggs on the counter and begins putting other items away in the pantry. THE EGGS The top of the carton pops open. Then, one by one, the eggs erupt and spill over onto the counter. As the liquid contents hit the countertop they sizzle. The eggs begin to fry on the formica surface. DANA She hears the sizzle, turns and sees the eggs frying. She gasps, then recovers and inspects the mess. She touches the counter gingerly, but it's not at all hot. Deeply perplexed, she stands there trying to think of an explanation. Then a strange new sound attracts her attention and she turns around to see where it's coming from. Dana hears the sound of muffled chanting coming from the fridge. She pulls the door open and gets the shock of her life. The inside of the fridge has been transformed into the Gateway to another Realm -- a fiery path leading to a temple door. On each side of the door is a strange, snarling creature that could best be described as a TERROR DOG. Their front claws are raised toward each other in a symbolic pose. The incredible vision is accompanied by the unearthly chanting. DANA She stands there transfixed by horror, the flames reflecting in her eyes. THE FRIDGE The chanting gets more frenetic and ominous as the temple doors slowly begin to open. DANA She is paralyzed. THE TEMPLE DOORS They continue to open. We feel a terrible presence within. THE PRESENCE (whispers loudly and hoarsely) ZUUL!!! DANA She screams and slams the refrigerator door. Instantly, everything is normal again. She looks around the room. THE EGGS They are back in the carton, unbroken. DANA Fighting her fear, she turns back to the fridge and very slowly reaches for the handle. Then summoning all her courage, she yanks open the door. Ketchup, mustard, bottles of vitamins and other food items fall out of the rack on the inside of the refrigerator door. Dana sighs with relief as she sees nothing but the cool white porcelain interior of the fridge. She closes the door and stands there for a moment still shaken by the vision. Then she shakes her head and leaves the kitchen. 000509 ... blather EXT. FIREHALL -- DAY The garage bay door is open. Two painters on scaffolding are completing a paint job on the front of the structure in flat black paint. A carpenter finishes hanging a sign over the door. It reads: GHOSTBUSTERS. Then Stantz comes driving up in a very long, gold 1959 Cadillac ambulance and turns into the garage bay of the firehall. The car has a battered look to it and rumbles noisily due to a broken muffler. INT. GARAGE BAY -- DAY Stantz hits the siren and flashes the emergency lights as he drives in. Venkman crosses to the car as Stantz jumps out enthusiastically. STANTZ Everybody can relax. I found the car. How do you like it? VENKMAN (not terribly pleased) Do you think it's wide enough? How much? STANTZ Fourteen hundred. Venkman steps on the front bumper and rocks it. It wallows badly. STANTZ Just needs a little suspension work ... And a muffler ... And maybe brakes. RECEPTION AREA -- DAY A bored-looking red-headed young woman, JANINE MELNITZ, sits in a swivel chair behind the reception desk, putting another coat of red polish on her heavily lacquered nails. Spengler is on his hands and knees wiring up the telephone system. JANINE (with a definitive Queens accent) You're very handy, I can tell. I bet you like to read a lot, too. SPENGLER (looks up) Print is dead. JANINE That's very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I'm too intellectual. But I think reading is a fabulous way to spend your spare time. (he doesn't answer) I also play racketball. Do you ever play? SPENGLER Is that a game? JANINE It's a great game! You should play sometime. I bet you'd be good. You seem very athletic. Do you have any hobbies? SPENGLER I collect spores, molds and fungus. JANINE Oh, that's very - unusual. SPENGLER I think it's the food of the future. JANINE Remind me not to go to lunch with you. THE DOOR Dana Barrett enters ance looks around hesitantly, VENKMAN He springs into action. VENKMAN (all charm) Hello. I'm Peter Venkman. May I help you? DANA Yes ... well ... I'm not sure. What I have to say may sound a little ... unusual. VENKMAN We're all professionals here, Miss ... DANA Barrett. Dana Barrett. They walk toward the inner office. VENKMAN Why don't you step into the office and we'll talk about it. (to Janine) Hold all my calls, Janine. JANINE What calls? Venkman frowns and exits with Dana. INSERT -- TV MONITOR -- LATER Dana is seen in close-up on a TV screen as she finishes telling about her experience. DANA ... and then I opened the door again but it was gone. There was nothing there. VENKMAN (off-camera) So what do you think it was? INT. OFFICE -- SAME TIME Dana is hooked up to a lie detector. Spengler is monitoring the readout and videotaping the interview. Venkman and Stantz are listening intently, waiting for Dana's assessment of her experience. DANA (after a long pause) I think something in my refrigerator is trying to get me. Venkman stares at her, trying to make sense of her last statement. VENKMAN Generally, you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance. What do you think, Egon? SPENGLER (checking the polygraph) She's telling the truth -- or at least she thinks she is. DANA (defensive) Why would anyone make up a thing like that? VENKMAN Some people like the attention. Some people are just crazy. STANTZ (muses) You know, Peter, this could be a past life experience intruding on the present. SPENGLER Or even a race memory, stored in the collective unconscious. And I wouldn't rule out clairvoyance or telepathic contact either. Dana starts laughing. They all regard her curiously. DANA (trying to be serious) I'm sorry. It's just that I don't believe in any of these things. I don't even know my sign. SPENGLER (checks his notes) You're a Scorpio with your moon in Leo and Aquarius rising. DANA Is that good? VENKMAN It means you're bright, ambitious, outgoing and very, very sexy, Dana looks at Venkman, flattered by the remark but more than a little suspicious of his motives. DANA Is that your professional opinion? VENKMAN It's in the stars. STANTZ Why don't I check out the building? It may have a history of psychic turbulence. VENKMAN Good idea. (to Dana) Were any other words spoken that you remember? DANA No, just that one word -- Zuul -- but I have no idea what it means. VENKMAN Spengler, see if you can find the word "Zuul" in any of the literature. I'll take Miss Barrett home and check out her apartment. INT. DANA'S APARTMENT -- LATER THAT AFTERNOON The door opens and Dana enters the darkened flat with Venkman. She switches on the light and leads him to the living room. VENKMAN Have you ever thought of moving out -- at least until this disturbance blows over? DANA No. If I moved out now I'd be acknowledging that what happened was real. I'm not ready to do that. Venkman sees the cello leaning up against the wall. VENKMAN You play the cello! It's my favorite instrument. DANA Really? Do you have a favorite piece? VENKMAN (thinks) I'd have to say Prokofiev's third concerto. DANA That's a violin concerto. VENKMAN Yeah, but it's got a great cello break. He grabs the cello and starts playing it like a stand-up base. Dana takes the instrument out of his hands and gently puts it back in the case. DANA You really don't act like a scientist. VENKMAN No? What do I act like? DANA Like a used car salesman. VENKMAN Thanks. (he gets down to business and starts looking around the apartment) What's in there? He points to a door. DANA That's the bedroom, but nothing ever happened in there. She takes off her jacket. VENKMAN (noticing her body) That's too bad. DANA What? VENKMAN Nothing. Is that the kitchen? He points to another door. DANA (nods) Uh-huh. VENKMAN Well, let's check it out. DANA I'll wait here if you don't mind. He enters the kitchen. INT. THE KITCHEN -- DAY The room is a real mess. Utensils are lying all over the floor. The cabinets and walls are splattered with food. VENKMAN (calls out) You're quite a housekeeper. DANA (off-camera) I told you, I ... VENKMAN I know. It happened by itself. He scans the room with his monitoring device. VENKMAN (CONT'D) Nothing. He looks in a couple of cabinets, then confronts the refrigerator. With mild trepidation he grasps the door handle, then suddenly jerks it open. The handle comes off in his hand. VENKMAN (CONT'D) Damn! DANA (off-camera) Are you all right? VENKMAN Yeah, yeah. He grips the side of the fridge door and pulls it open. INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Dana stands there nervously watching the kitchen door. Finally, it opens and Venkman comes out munching an apple. VENKMAN There's nothing there now and I don't get any significant readings. DANA This is terrible. Either there's a monster in my kitchen or I'm completely crazy. VENKMAN If it's any comfort to you, I don't think you're crazy. DANA (laughs ironically) Thanks. Coming from you that really means a lot to me. VENKMAN I'm a qualified psychologist. I've got a degree and everything. I believe that something happened here and I want to do something about it. DANA All right. What do you want to do? VENKMAN I think I should spend the night here. DANA (she's had enough) That's it. Get out. VENKMAN On a purely scientific basis. DANA Out! VENKMAN I want to help you. DANA I'll scream. VENKMAN Don't scream. DANA (urging him to the door) Then leave. VENKMAN Okay, okay. But if anything else happens, you have to promise you'll call me. DANA (opening the door) All right. VENKMAN Okay. Then I'll go. DANA Goodbye. VENKMAN (in the hall) No kiss? She closes the door in his face and triple locks it. EXT. HALLWAY -- DAY Venkman stands there with his nose flattened against Dana's door. He starts to leave just as Louis Tully pokes his head out the door hoping to see Dana. He jealously eyes Venkman. Venkman ignores Louis and gets on the elevator. Louis spots his newspaper lying on the floor across the hall. Holding the door open with one foot, he reaches for the paper but can't quite stretch far enough. Trying another approach, he swings the door open, leaps for the paper and darts back to the door just as it slams shut in his face, locking him out again. INT. FIREHALL KITCHEN -- NIGHT Stantz and Spengler are eating Chinese food from several take-out containers. Venkman enters. STANTZ How was your date? VENKMAN It wasn't a date. It was an investigation. SPENGLER Did you see anything? VENKMAN Didn't see anything, Didn't get anything. Nice girl - no ghost. I'm starting to worry. You said your graph was pointing to something big. You told me things were going to start popping. STANTZ They will. VENKMAN Do you know when that might be? We're on the brink of a very serious cash-flow problem. He plucks a garlic shrimp from one of the Chinese food cartons and walks off disconsolately. EXT. HOTEL SEDGEWICK -- NIGHT Two uniformed DOORMEN help people in and out of taxis and limos under the hotel's elegant awning. INT. HOTEL -- NIGHT A "DO NOT DISTURB" sign hangs on the doorknob of Room 1210. Soft music is heard coming from the room. INT. ROOM 1210 -- NIGHT The room is dark but we can hear the sighs and heavy breathing of a man and woman making love on the bed. The camera PANS across the floor following a trail of dropped clothing -- a tuxedo jacket and cummerbund, white satin high heels, a lacy wedding gown, striped tuxedo trousers, satin ladies underpants, stockings and garters. BRIDE (V.O.) Aren't you glad we waited? GROOM (V.O.) I don't know. It probably would've been the same. BRIDE (V.O.) (indignant) Well, thanks a lot. THE BED The Groom turns his back to the Bride and pulls the sheet up to his neck. BRIDE What are you doing? Are you just going to roll over and go to sleep? (he doesn't respond) I don't believe this. She switches on the lamp on the nightstand and picks up a magazine. THE AIR VENT There is a throbbing shudder as if something powerful was rushing through the air duct. A hint of yellowy vapor wafts through the grating and into the room. THE NIGHTSTAND The travel clock reads 9:45 P.M. Suddenly there is an audible hiss, then the glass clockface cracks down the middle with a snap. THE BRIDE Startled, she looks at the clock and picks it up to examine it. BRIDE Roy? Your clock broke. GROOM Nice going, honey. It was brand new. BRIDE I didn't break your precious clock, Roy! He gets up and heads for the bathroom. BRIDE (CONT'D) Now where are you going? GROOM To the bathroom, where do you think? BRIDE (to herself) Have I done the right thing? The Groom enters the bathroom and closes the door behind him. The sound of water running in the sink is heard. Then the Bride hears a sound like the noise a cat makes when trying to dislodge a hairball from its throat. BRIDE (calls out) Roy? Are you all right? The noise increases to the level of ten cats with hairballs. BRIDE (disgusted) Hey, sweetheart, will you CUT THAT OUT!!! GROOM (O.S.) Uuuuuuugh!! BRIDE (getting quite nervous) What's the matter, dear? She gets out of bed just as he comes charging out, stuttering in stunned horror. She goes into the bathroom. BRIDE (V.O.) What did you do in here? It smells awful!! OH ... Oh, no ... Oh, my God. The Bride runs out of the bathroom into the arms of her husband who is on the telephone. GROOM ... right ... It's smelling up the whole suite ... I don't know ... It's just hanging off the ceiling ... I've never seen anything like this ... 1210 ... Quick ... INT. FIREHALL OFFICE -- NIGHT Janine turns off the light at her desk. She packs up her purse and puts on her coat. The phone rings. Janine answers it unenthusiastically. JANINE Ghostbusters ... Yes, it is ... Yes, of course they're serious. You do! You have! Yes, sir. Well, they're out on another case now, but if you'll give me the address ... Don't worry, they'll be totally discreet. She hits an alarm button and a loud bell starts ringing frantically. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT The alarm sounds and everyone jumps up, scattering takeout cartons. INT. DORM -- NIGHT The alarm continues. Everyone enters in haste and scrambles into jumpsuits. There is much hopping on one leg and bumping into one another. BRASS POLE Fully suited, Venkman jumps on and slides down followed quickly by Spengler. Then Stantz jumps at it but hits it at the wrong angle. He slowly slides down out of sight with a stunned look on his face. INT. GARAGE BAY -- EQUIPMENT RACKS -- NIGHT Everyone pulls throwers, traps, packs and harnesses off the wall. EXT. FIREHALL -- NIGHT The garage door slides up and in a blaze of light and screeching tires, the ambulance squeals out and makes a right turn. The vehicle has been painted flat black and has been fitted with communication wafers and antennae. All the original lights have been replaced with purple and white strobes and the siren has been altered to emit a low, unearthly moaning The purple and white strobe bars give the car a strange ultraviolet aura. It rounds the corner and heads up the West Side Highway. EXT. HOTEL -- FRONT DOOR -- NIGHT The black ambulance screeches up to the main entrance, siren blaring. Emblazoned on the door is the Ghostbusters' new logo. It's the international symbol of prohibition, a red circle with a diagonal red stroke across a ghost. The DOORMAN steps forward as Venkman, Stantz and Spengler leap out of the car. They open up the rear door and remove their equipment. People on the street stop and gawk. INT. HOTEL LOBBY -- NIGHT As the Ghostbusters enter, people turn and stare at their strange appearance. They all wear matching blue futuristic jumpsuits with proton packs strapped to their backs. They also wear brushed-metal, flip-down ecto-visors worn on the head like a welder's mask. Knee and elbow pads complete their strange outfits. VENKMAN He looks ill-at-ease and embarrassed by their outlandish getups as the HOTEL MANAGER descends on them accompanied by a Slavic MAINTENANCE MAN and a worried BELL CAPTAIN. MANAGER (agitated) Thank you for coming so quickly. The guests are starting to ask questions and I'm running out of excuses. STANTZ Has this ever happened before? MANAGER Well, most of the original staff knows about the twelfth floor ... The disturbances, I mean ... But it's been quiet for years ... Up until two weeks ago ... It was never ever this bad, though. STANTZ Did you ever report it to anyone? MANAGER Heavens, no! The owners don't like us to even talk about it. I hoped we could take care of this quietly tonight. STANTZ Yes, sir. Don't worry. We handle this kind of thing all the time. They cross the lobby to the elevators, attracting lots of curious interest from the hotel guests. VENKMAN A GUEST accosts him while they wait for an elevator. GUEST What are you supposed to be? VENKMAN Me? We're ... uh ... the exterminators. Somebody saw a cockroach on the twelfth floor. The Guest looks at Venkman, noting the heavy proton pack on his back, the odd-looking particle thrower and flipdown ecto-visor. GUEST That's gotta be some cockroach, VENKMAN Well, you can't be too careful with those babies. The elevator arrives and he gets on with the others. INT. THE ELEVATOR -- NIGHT The Ghostbusters look nervous as they ride up the elevator. STANTZ I just realized something. We've never had a completely successful test with any of the equipment. SPENGLER I blame myself. VENKMAN So do I. STANTZ No sense worrying about it now. VENKMAN (doubtful) Sure. Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on our back. No problem. The elevator stops at the Twelfth Floor. INT. TWELFTH FLOOR CORRIDOR -- NIGHT The elevator doors open and Venkman peeks out into the hall. He steps out cautiously, followed by the others. THE END OF THE HALL A BELLBOY comes around the corner behind them, pushing a room service cart loaded with dirty dishes. STANTZ He hears the rattle of the dishes behind him, whirls and fires a stream of protons from his wand. Spengler is so keyed up, he too spins and fires wildly. THE BELLBOY He ducks as the particle streams blow the dishes off the cart and scorch holes in the wall behind him. VENKMAN (shouts) Cease fire! The Bellboy peeks out from behind the cart. THE GHOSTBUSTERS They breathe a sigh of relief. STANTZ (to the Bellboy) Sorry, Buddy! SPENGLER We'd better adjust our streams. He leads them down the hall to Room 1210. INT. ROOM 1210 -- NIGHT The Ghostbusters enter trepidatiously and start taking readings. SPENGLER (looking at his meters) Something was definitely here. VENKMAN Yeah, I can smell it. STANTZ I'm getting high readings near the air vents. It must be using the duct system to get around. See, I told you we'd get something. VENKMAN So far all we got is a shit smell on the twelfth floor and we almost fried a Puerto Rican bellboy. STANTZ All right. Let's cool the negative vibes. These things can sense them. They exit the room. INT. A CORRIDOR -- NIGHT Spengler makes his way down the hall reading valences at the door to each room. He knocks on one of the doors, then passes his sensor over the top of the door and down the jambs. Then he gets on his knees to read the crack at the bottom of the door. Suddenly the door opens and he looks up to see a really stunning woman wrapped in a bath towel with another towel twisted turban-style around her wet hair. WOMAN (noting his unusual attire) Yes? SPENGLER (stands up) Were you recently in the bathroom? WOMAN (sarcastic) What on earth gave you that idea? SPENGLER (seriously) The wet towels, residual moisture on your lower limbs and hair, the redness in your cheeks indicating ... WOMAN (cutting him off) You're a regular Sherlock Holmes. Now what do you want? SPENGLER When you were in the bathroom, did you notice anything that was yellow and unusually smelly? She slams the door in his face. Spengler shrugs and moves on. INT. ANOTHER CORRIDOR -- SAME TIME Stantz moves down the hall checking PKE valences. HIS PKE METER The needle jumps into the red. STANTZ He alerts Spengler through the walkie-talkie headset he wears. STANTZ (hushed) Egon! I got something. I'm moving in. Slowly and cautiously, he turns the corner at the end of the hall. Suddenly, he sees the object of their search and freezes. STANTZ (frightened) Yaaaaaaaaah! STANTZ' POV The vapor is hunched over a room service cart loaded with dirty dishes. It hangs there, translucent, foul, yellow, feeding off table scraps and leftover beverages, knocking dishes off the cart and scattering refuse. It looks like a misshapen potato with a pushed-in face and spindly arms. SPENGLER (over the walkie-talkie) Ray! Where are you? Are you all right? STANTZ (amazed) God, it's ugly! THE VAPOR It raises a half-empty bottle of wine to its gaping maw and chugs down the liquid. The wine is visible as it pours down his gullet and passes through his system, finally spilling through his body onto the floor. STANTZ He edges closer. STANTZ (whispers into his head set) I'm moving in. I don't think it's seen me yet. THE VAPOR It crams some leftovers into its mouth and belches loudly. STANTZ He is growing increasingly more disgusted as the initial fear leaves him. STANTZ Ugh! What a slob! I'm going to take him. (shouts at the vapor) Freeze, Potato-Face! He fires his particle thrower at the vapor. THE VAPOR It dodges Stantz' first shot and the ion stream tears away fifty feet of wallpaper in a searing ricochet. Then the vapor flies off down the hall, pulling the room service cart along in its wake. STANTZ He chases it down the hall, shouting into his headset. STANTZ He's getting away! THE VAPOR It reaches the end of the corridor but instead of turning, it passes right through the solid wall. The room service cart crashes into the wall, smashing dishes and sending the debris flying. INT. A HOTEL ROOM -- NIGHT A MAN is just pulling the plastic bag off his recently dry-cleaned white dinner jacket when the noxious vapor comes shooting through the wall. It blows right over him with a great rush of stinking wind and exits through the air vent. THE MAN He looks at the air vent then back at his dinner jacket which has turned several shades of sickly yellow and brown. INT. A CORRIDOR -- NIGHT Venkman is alone in a long hallway. He leans against the wall, clearly not taking any of this seriously. He hauls on a cigarette and mutters to himself. VENKMAN This bites it. I actually work for a company called Ghostbusters. Suddenly from the end of the hallway comes the sound of rattling dishes and silverware, accompanied by footsteps. Venkman's PKE meter beeps and a red light winks on. VENKMAN (CONT'D) (into the walkie-talkie) Ray -- Something's here. STANTZ (O.S.) (crackling over the communicator) Where are you, Pete? VENKMAN (backing away) Third floor. Get down here, STANTZ Sit tight. I'm on my way. VENKMAN Well, hurry up. (checks his meter) The needle's going wild. VENKMAN'S POV A room service cart sails past along a perpendicular hallway and rolls out of sight. Then immediately behind it comes a reeking yellow haze. It is the vapor. It doesn't follow the cart but instead makes the turn at the end of the hall and hovers there, apparently looking at Venkman. VENKMAN He's scared now. VENKMAN (into his head set) It's here, Ray. It's looking at me. STANTZ (on the radio) Don't move. It won't hurt you. VENKMAN How do you know? STANTZ I don't know. I'm just guessing. Venkman sees the vapor start down the hall toward him. VENKMAN (panicking) Well, I think you guessed wrong. Here he comes! THE VAPOR It flies down the hall toward Venkman. INT. STAIRWELL -- SAME TIME Stantz runs downstairs taking them three at a time as Venkman is heard screaming over the radio. VENKMAN (screaming) Veeaaaaaahh! INT. THIRD FLOOR Stantz comes running around the corner and sees Venkman flat on his back, flailing his arms and legs frantically, Sickening, yellow-green ectofluid covers his head and chest. VENKMAN Aagghh -- aaaggghh -- uhh -- uhh -- It slimed me! It slimed me! Suddenly Spengler's voice crackles over the communicator. SPENGLER (V.O.) Ray! It's here! It just went into the Banquet Room on the third floor. Stantz helps Venkman to his feet and they rush off. INT. BANQUET ROOM -- NIGHT The Ghostbusters enter a large dark room with a high, ornately-corniced ceiling and a crystal chandelier hanging in the center. STANTZ Visors down. Full stream. They flip down their visors and scan the room. STANTZ He peruses the room but sees nothing. He looks up and scans the ceiling. A form flits behind a carved beam. STANTZ There! On the ceiling! (the others look) Come on down here, you slug! Stantz drops to one knee and fires at the vapor. THE CEILING The vapor dodges as the beam blasts a sizable chunk of plaster out of the ceiling and destroys half the crystal chandelier. VENKMAN He fires at it, too, wasting the rest of the chandelier but the vapor dodges away. They are both ready to start blazing away again when Spengler stops them. SPENGLER (urgently) Wait! Wait! There's something I forgot to tell you. VENKMAN What? SPENGLER (emphatic) Don't cross the beams. VENKMAN Why not? SPENGLER Trust me. It will be bad. VENKMAN What do you mean "bad?" SPENGLER It's hard to explain, but try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and finding yourself confined forever in another dimension. Venkman considers his own safety and decides to take charge. VENKMAN (with military authority) That's it! I'm taking charge. You guys are dangerous. They yield command to him. VENKMAN (CONT'D) Now nobody does anything unless I order you to, okay? STANTZ AND SPENGLER They nod obediently and glance nervously at the vapor, still hovering near the ceiling. VENKMAN Let's do it. This thing's not going to hang around all day waiting for us. Ray, give me one stream wide right of it. I'll go wide left. Now! STANTZ AND VENKMAN They trigger their throwers and two streams are emitted, shooting off to either side of the entity. The entity swirls but stays between the beams. VENKMAN (talking them through it) Good ... Good ... Nice and wide ... Move with him ... Easy. Hold steady. THE VAPOR It bobs and weaves, trying to slip past the visible lines of light, but Venkman and Stantz manage to keep it boxed in. VENKMAN (speaking clearly) Now, very slowly, Ray, let's tighten it up. You hold steady. I'm coming down. They start closing the distance between their ion streams. SPENGLER (cautious) Don't cross them! Watch it! STANTZ The vapor is trying to get around his streams, causing him to waver as Venkman's stream gets closer and closer. VENKMAN Spengler! A little help! Cut him off. THE VAPOR It slips past Stantz and races for the air vent. SPENGLER He fires with such poor marksmanship that he comes only centimeters from crossing Venkman's stream. Venkman jerks away to avoid crossing Spengler's erratic bursts and maneuvers. Together they do extensive damage to the walls. INT. CORRIDOR -- SAME TIME The Hotel Manager and the Maintenance Man look nervously at each other as they hear the sound of heavy property damage coming from the banquet room. INT. BANQUET ROOM - NIGHT Stantz has the thing cornered to some extent. STANTZ (to Venkman) I'll nudge it out of the corner. You cut off the left side. Stantz moves closer to the wall and Venkman counters to trap the vapor again. VENKMAN (encouragingly) You got it! That's good. Easy now. They manage to guide the vapor out into the center of the room, all the time closing the figurative box around it. STANTZ It's working! SPENGLER Easy ... Easy ... I'm going to throw in my trap now. Spengler jerks his leg up, triggering a release on his equipment belt. A cord and foot pedal fall to the floor. At the end of the cord there is a long, flat black metal box two feet long, four inches wide and two high. He kicks the box under the apparition and toes the foot pedal into position. The apparition blasts them with a flatulent gust. They recoil but hold the configuration. STANTZ Easy ... Easy ... Open the trap now!! Spengler stomps on the foot pedal and with a loud electronic snap the long metal box on the floor sprays up a fixed multidimensional inverted pyramid of bright, beaded white light. Stantz and Venkman herd the vapor to the top of the trap. VENKMAN Watch it ... Watch it ... Now! Spengler stomps the foot pedal again. Suddenly there is a loud double electronic snap and a blinding flash of pink light. Wisps of brown smoke and carbonized particles rise to the ceiling in a large residual puff. The Ghostbusters stand there for a long moment not quite sure the battle is over. SPENGLER He cautiously approaches the trap end looks at the valence indicator on it. SPENGLER (confirms it) He's in here. STANTZ AND VENKMAN They whoop in triumph -- and considerable relief. STANTZ (pulling off his slimy visor) Well! That wasn't so bad, was it? Venkman looks askance at him. VENKMAN Are you kidding? That was like trying to push smoke into a bottle with a baseball bat. Now what do we do with it? He looks at Stantz. STANTZ He looks at Spengler. SPENGLER He shrugs. VENKMAN (CONT'D) (not pleased) We'll have to work on that. (to Stantz) Grab that, would you, Ray? They exit, leaving Stantz to deal with the trap. INT. LOBBY -- NIGHT The elevator opens and the Ghostbusters emerge. Stantz holds the trap by it's foot pedal. He dangles it away from his body as if it is something putrid. The Hotel Manager approaches them. HOTEL MANAGER What happened? Did you see it? What is it? Stantz removes his infra visor and wipes some slime off his face. He is beaming, STANTZ We got it! He holds up the trap. HOTEL MANAGER What was it? Will there be any more of them? STANTZ Sir, what you had there was what we refer to as a focused, non-terminal repeating phantasm or a Class Five Full Roaming Vapor ... A real nasty one, too. VENKMAN (starts writing a bill) That'll be $4,000 for the entrapment plus $1,000 for proton recharge and storage. HOTEL MANAGER (shocked) Five thousand dollars! I won't pay it. I had no idea it would be so much. VENKMAN Fine. We'll let it go again. (calls out) Ray! Bring it back. HOTEL MANAGER No! All right. Anything. 000509 ... blather INT. THIRTY-FIFTH FLOOR HALLWAY The stairwell door opens and the Ghostbusters stagger into the hallway, completely exhausted. VENKMAN (gasping and spitting) I'm glad we took the stairs. INT. DANA'S DOOR The Ghostbusters arrive. The door frame is charred and blackened by soot. Venkman rings the doorbell. DING-DONG. VENKMAN Dana? WINSTON Maybe we should go downstairs and call first? Venkman knocks on the door and the door simply falls off its hinges and crashes to the floor. The Ghostbusters gape at the damage to the apartment. INT. DANA'S APARTMENT The exterior building wall is completely gone providing an unobstructed view of the Hudson and New Jersey. All the furniture is overturned and the other walls are cracked. A powerful wind blows through the apartment fluttering the shredded curtains. WINSTON (ready to leave) Well, she's not here. Let's go. VENKMAN No! The kitchen! INT. THE KITCHEN The team enters and sees that the refrigerator has been blown away revealing a hole in the wall and the entrance to a stone staircase behind it. VENKMAN He looks at the forbidding portal and turns to Stantz. VENKMAN (slaps his shoulder) Go! Stantz realizes that Venkman expects him to go first. He leads the charge up the stairs. EXT. THE ROOF Dana and Louis stare at the Temple, then begin a miraculous and horrible transformation into the hideous forms of the Terror Dogs. THE TEMPLE The solid stone walls rumble ominously and start to separate. THE GHOSTBUSTERS They come running out onto the roof and gape at the scene. THE TEMPLE The walls open completely revealing the secret architecture of the Temple: A stone staircase leading to a set of monumental doors, and beyond them a massive pyramid that appears to be suspended in mid-air with no visible means of support. LOUIS AND DANA They complete their transformation into the Terror Dogs, which now turn and snarl menacingly at the Ghostbusters. THE GHOSTBUSTERS They can't believe their eyes. VENKMAN (aghast) Shit! I've been out with some real dogs, but this is ridiculous! The heavy rumbling of moving stone draws their attention back to the temple. THE TEMPLE The Terror Dogs have now taken ritual positions on the staircase. The heavy stone gates begin to open and a bright white light starts to emerge. As the light descends the stairs a human form slowly materializes. THE FORM It is a thin, hollow-cheeked, distinguished looking man in his early sixties. His eyes are burning red pin-holes, He looks around at the spectacular rooftop view, then acknowledges the two Terror Dogs and starts stroking them like house pets. THE GHOSTBUSTERS They stare at the apparition, SPENGLER (recognizes him) It's Shandor - the architect! WINSTON I thought he died! VENKMAN It doesn't seem to have slowed him down any. STANTZ I don't think it's Shandor. He gets to his feet and speaks sharply to Gozer. STANTZ (CONT'D) Gozer the Gozerian? GOZER He looks up and seems to notice the Ghostbusters for the first time. STANTZ He 'busts' Gozer. STANTZ (forceful) As a duly-constituted representative of the City of New York, and on behalf of the County and State of New York, the United States of America, the Planet Earth and all its inhabitants, I hereby order you to cease and desist any and all supernatural activity and return at once to your place of origin or next parallel dimension. VENKMAN (to Stantz) Well, that ought to do it. GOZER He stands up to his full height and regards Stantz curiously. GOZER Are you a god? STANTZ (compulsively honest) No. GOZER Then die! He raises his arms and blows away the Ghostbusters with searing bolts of energy. THE GHOSTBUSTERS Momentarily stunned, they tumble all the way down the stairs and almost fall off the edge of the roof. WINSTON (to Stantz) You should've said "yes!" He might have been willing to negotiate. Venkman gets to his feet first, really mad now. VENKMAN (setting his wands) Okay. That's it! I'm gonna turn this guy into toast. The Ghostbusters leap into action. One by one they activate their Proton packs and take up positions for an entrapment. GOZER He braces for the onslaught. VENKMAN He shoots a particle stream at Gozer. GOZER He leaps out of the way with superhuman agility and executes a perfect double-flip with a half-twisting round-off at the end. VENKMAN He can't believe his eyes. VENKMAN Agile bastard, isn't he? STANTZ Forget the trapping! Just blast him! The others adjust their units and they all blaze away at Gozer. GOZER He stands there calmly and absorbs the force of the streams. There is a brilliant pink flash and Gozer disappears. THE GHOSTBUSTERS They stare for a long moment, finding it hard to believe that they won. Then Winston lets out a triumphant whoop. SPENGLER He scans the temple with his PKE meter, not at all convinced the danger has passed. STANTZ He bounds up the stairs. STANTZ (jubilant) We neutronized him! The guy's a molecular nonentity. VENKMAN AND SPENGLER He wants to believe it but sees the doubt on Spengler's face. SPENGLER (reading the meter) Not necessarily. There is a deep seismic rumble and the entire building begins to vibrate. The Ghostbusters look around nervously as the entire building starts to sway. EXT. THE EAVES Cement carvings and moldings around the edge of the roof crack and break off. EXT. THE STREET The crowd screams and runs as cement debris rains down the side of the building and crashes on the sidewalk. THE GHOSTBUSTERS They look up at the sky waiting for the big blow. An incredibly loud thunderclap rocks the rooftop. THE SKY A bolt of lightning crackles from the swirling dark cloud and strikes the rooftop. The Ghostbusters stand there facing their new God like Moses on Mount Sinai. And then Gozer speaks to them in a voice that can be heard throughout Metropolitan New York and parts of New Jersey. GOZER SUBCREATURES! GOZER THE GOZERIAN, GOZER THE DESTRUCTOR, VOLGUUS ZILDROHAR, THE TRAVELLER HAS COME. CHOOSE AND PERISH. VENKMAN (shouting to be heard) Is he talking to us? WINSTON What's he talking about? Choose what? STANTZ (to the heavens) What do you mean "choose?" We don't understand. GOZER CHOOSE!! SPENGLER I think he's saying that since we're about to be sacrificed anyway, we get to choose the form we want him to take. STANTZ You mean if I stand here and concentrate on the image of Roberto Clemente, Gozer will appear as Roberto Clemente and wipe us out? SPENGLER That appears to be the case. VENKMAN (quickly) Don't think of anything yet. Clear your minds. We only get one crack at this. GOZER The choice is made. The Traveller has come. VENKMAN (in a panic) We didn't choose anything! (to the others) I didn't think of an image, did you? SPENGLER No. They look at Winston. WINSTON My mind's a total void! They all look at Stantz. STANTZ (guilty) I couldn't help it! It just popped in there! VENKMAN (desperately) What? What popped in there? STANTZ (pointing) Look! They all turn and look to the south. GHOSTBUSTERS POV Looking south past Columbus Circle, they see part of something big and white moving between the buildings accompanied by thunderous footsteps of almost seismic proportions. VENKMAN He doesn't know what it is yet, but he knows it's coming. VENKMAN (desperately) What is it? Ray, what did you think of? BROADWAY AND 55TH The massive white shape passes behind some buildings, offering a glimpse of what appears to be a fat, white arm. STANTZ He's about to go into shock. STANTZ (babbling) It can't be! It can't be! COLUMBUS CIRCLE The thundering footsteps continue to plod as the thing starts to emerge from behind the buildings. Now we can see part of a blue garment covering its enormous chest. STANTZ He recognizes the monster. STANTZ It's ... It's ... It's the STAY-PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN. Winston, Venkman and Spengler gape. THEIR POV They look across the roof tops and see a large, square, white, bobbing, laughing head atop a massive body of similar puffed white squares. The being is dressed in a tiny sailor's hat, red bosun's whistle and lanyard and a little blue vest with a button undone in the middle revealing a little white belly. It is the cute, quintessential American brand symbol, looming as large as Godzilla. STANTZ (V.O.) (desperately apologizing) I tried to think of the most harmless thing ... something that could never destroy us ... something I loved from my childhood. THE GHOSTBUSTERS They watch the Marshmallow Man plodding toward them. VENKMAN AND YOU CAME UP WITH THAT? STANTZ The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man! He was on all the packages we used to buy when I was a kid. We used to roast Stay-Puft marshmallows at Camp Waconda! VENKMAN Great! The marshmallows are about to get their revenge. THE STAY-PUFT MAN He plods relentlessly uptown toward the Ghostbusters' rooftop vantage point. The ground rumbles as his big, soft feet come down on the pavement. THE STREET People are fleeing in panic as the marshmallow feet pad along kicking over lampposts and mail boxes. A CAR The driver jumps out just before an enormous white marshmallow foot comes down and flattens his automobile. THE GHOSTBUSTERS They stand there helplessly watching the laughing bobbing head of the Stay-Puft Man as he comes toward them. VENKMAN What now? SPENGLER (adjusting his thrower) Full-stream with strogon pulse. Venkman looks at Stantz. Stantz shrugs. VENKMAN (decides) I guess that's all we've got. They step to the edge of the roof, moving like warriors now ready to face the consequences. EXT. THE STREET Peck comes running up to the front of the apartment building. People are fleeing the oncoming monster. Peck grabs a COP who is just about to flee himself. PECK (in a rage) Are the Ghostbusters up there? COP (desperate to get away) Yeah! PECK I want you to go up on the roof and arrest them. This time they've gone too far. The Cop looks at Peck like he's insane, then sees the Stay-Puft Man looming up at the end of the block. COP (knocking Peck's hands away) You arrest them, numb nuts! I'm getting out of here. He runs off. Peck turns to face the monster. THE STAY PUFT MAN The ground shakes with every step as he reaches the building. Then, using the church next door as a stepping stone, he begins climbing the wall. THE GHOSTBUSTERS They look over the edge of the roof as the Marshmallow Man climbs higher and higher. VENKMAN (shouts) Hit him! They each fire point blank at the Stay-Puft Man. THE STAY-PUFT MAN He bellows with pain and rage as the beams strike him right in the chest and set his skin on fire. He begins to burn with a blue flame that spreads quickly across his torso and down his arms. The Stay-Puft Man bellows even louder, flailing its huge arms in response to the searing flames that are starting to engulf him. THE GHOSTBUSTERS They stare at the horrible conflagration. WINSTON Good. Now we made him mad. THE STAY-PUFT MAN Carbonous, flaming hunks of melting marshmallow are flying from his arms as he waves them in wild rage. THE STREET Peck stands there paralyzed with fear. A mass of flaming marshmallow falls and flattens a news stand nearby. Then a huge glob of sticky toasted marshmallow comes zipping down from above and lands right on him, burying him up to his neck in melted sucrose. THE STAY-PUFT MAN The flaming monster keeps coming intent on their destruction. Most of his chest has melted away revealing horrid musculature and a skeletal rib cage. THE GHOSTBUSTERS They square off and face him for the last time, their weapons poised. VENKMAN (calmly) We're going to be killed by a hundred-foot marshmallow. THE STAY-PUFT MAN He is almost on them now, fully engulfed in flames, reaching for them, ready to swat them with his burning fist. VENKMAN (to the others) On the count of three! One ... Two ... SPENGLER (he has the best idea of his life) No! Them! Shoot them! (he points at the Terror Dogs) Cross the beams. THE TERROR DOGS They stand beside the portal literally petrified. VENKMAN He hesitates. VENKMAN (protesting) No! You said crossing the beams would be BAD. It'll kill her! And us! SPENGLER Life is just a state of mind. VENKMAN But it's my favorite state. STANTZ Either way we're history. THE STAY-PUFT MAN His burning fist is starting to descend on the Ghostbusters. VENKMAN He chooses the only way out. VENKMAN (shouts) Now!! THE GHOSTBUSTERS They turn and fire at the two petrified Terror Dogs and blow them to oblivion. The entire front of the temple is obliterated along with the door. THE STAY-PUFT MAN With the destruction of his earthly portal, the flaming monster is suddenly engulfed in a cyclonic wind that begins to swirl around him like a fire-storm. The flames are whipped higher and higher as the tornado begins to pick up rotational speed. Then the Marshmallow Man seems to explode from deep inside creating a flaming air burst high above the rooftops. THE ROOFTOP The Ghostbusters are blasted off their feet. THE SKY The fireball reaches its maximum explosive force, then a sudden jet of air pressure occurs like a titanic vacuum cleaner in the sky and sucks the flaming mass of gasses and ash up through our atmosphere and right out of our dimension. The dark clouds disappear with it, leaving a beautiful clear blue sky over the whole area. THE TEMPLE It now looks like an ancient ruin. THE GHOSTBUSTERS They are lying at the foot of the stairs. Everything is still. One by one they get slowly to their feet and look around to see that the crisis has passed. STANTZ Everybody okay? Venkman looks up at the portal. THE TERROR DOGS They are still on the pedestals but charred almost beyond recognition. Venkman mounts the stairs and gazes sadly at the remains. THE PEDESTAL Venkman stands there mourning, then a slight movement under the blackened skin of the Terror Dog catches his eye. The movement gets stronger, then suddenly a human hand pokes through the carbonous coating. VENKMAN Hope surges in him and he starts frantically tearing away the black coating, finally revealing Dana alive and well under the burnt skin of the Terror Dog. STANTZ AND SPENGLER They peel the charred coating off Louis and help him to his feet. LOUIS He looks around wondering how he ended up on the roof of a wrecked high-rise. He looks at his scorched and ripped suit crusted with the still-smoking gobs of melted marshmallow. LOUIS (amazed) Jeez! Somebody must have spiked the egg salad. VENKMAN He helps Dana to her feet. VENKMAN Are you all right? She looks around at the incredible scene. DANA (totally confused) Oh, sure. I'm getting used to this. LOUIS (seeing Dana for the first time) I'm innocent! Honest, Dana. I never touched you. Not that I remember anyway. DANA (getting annoyed) All right, what happened to me? VENKMAN Nothing! We just got rid of that thing in your kitchen. DANA Really! Is it gone? VENKMAN Yeah, along with most of your furniture and a lot of your personal possessions. This one took some work. DANA (noting the wrecked temple) Thank you. Next time I want to break a lease I'll know who to call. She hugs him. VENKMAN This is going to cost you, you know. Our fees are ridiculously high. DANA Talk to my accountant. (she indicates Louis) LOUIS Oh, great! I bet we could write off all the damage as an Act of God. THE GHOSTBUSTERS They look at each other and nod. STANTZ I'll go along with that. EXT. STREET - NEAR THE APARTMENT - NIGHT THE TWO BUMS They hear the cheering down the street as they cautiously inspect a massive mound of cooling sucrose. FIRST BUM Well, that definitely looks like marshmallow to me. SECOND BUM (sniffing it) Yeah, it's some kind of mallow-type substance - that's for sure. FIRST BUM You have to wonder why anybody would dump a marshmallow that size right in the middle of the street. SECOND BUM I wonder if there might not be a very large cup of hot chocolate somewhere in the area. FIRST BUM That would definitely explain it. EXT. THE STREET NIGHT A happy throng of jubilant citizens is gathered outside the lobby entrance to the apartment building. THE ENTRANCE The battered but victorious Ghostbusters emerge from the lobby. Venkman and Dana are holding hands. The crowd roars with unrestrained joy and gratitude, Janine runs over and hugs Spengler enthusiastically. The Ghostbusters wave and head for the Ectomobile parked at the curb. THE GHOSTBUSTERS They get into the Ectomobile and drive off with lights flashing and sirens screaming as the crowd cheers wildly. THE END 000509 ... the black bird of anomie blather= a flood of data that has effectively manage to close off the word "fuck" and probably "bible" as well. 000509 ... flo Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. more of this please, perhaps one of you could do "beast master", or even the breakfast club. That sound sarcastic but it isn't meant to be, seriously, more of this please. 011126 ... Tay Parker Ghostbuster is most definitely one of the greatest movies of all time. 030112 ... jane When there's something strange in the neighbourhood who you gonna call ?! 040619 what's it to you? who go blather from