schizo werewolf My father took a faery to bed Her world held it over the beauty he wed. So they took the child from my mother And replaced it with a swaddling other – A strange faery child With eyes at once too mild And eyes at once too wild. 080828 ... amy hmmm. yeah. the mildness due to the inability to pass judgment, and the wildness for the rebellious attitude. overall, thumbs up. but that the child would be not grown? probably not so -- a baby can show fear, but without the ability to (try to) discern a positive environment from a negative one (in an adult sense, not just warm-is-good), they won't be schizo yet. i sometimes had wide dilated eyes as a baby, but was never anywhere near schizzy until drugs seemed to knock it into place. by that time I was 21-22. the movie "What about Bob?" is funny, but I don't think it's about schizophrenia. it was about control freakery, which I think is something different. but i digress. my worst day was march 23, 1996, although i had a couple more later on that got pretty close. (those times, without hallucinogens) an overall average has it much more scary than thrilling. there are alot of thrilling aspects, though, if you're a "serious student of philosophy" or whatever. i might be more boring than my sometimes thought patterns, unfortunately. 080902 ... stork daddy do tell more 080903 ... amy objectivity is weak, because one has the experience of being overconditioned, then underconditioned. black and white and then white and black will wear a poor brain out pretty quickly if there is no objective reward at the end of the day. to compensate, subjectivity is strong and mighty which is the source of hallucinations. a sort of panic sets in with too much of these, then anger, then psychoticness due to all the piling up frustrations. that would be all the dopamine piling up, according to some theories. the poem holds, though, I just needed to clarify that it can't be a literal child. some of the poetry of the early 20th century (the Wasteland, anyone?) seems pretty schizo to me. on the other hand, I had a lot of Alice in Wonderland moments, but I only wish they were as coherent as the stories that Lewis Carroll wrote. it's interesting (though not in modern pedophilia way) that Carroll studied little girls and tried to key into how they thought. like, the 7 year old. all those neurons firing off anew and growing the new brain that she'll use her whole life.... 080904 ... unhinged sometimes that little voice is still there in a far dark corner of my mind whispering that old echoing_thought making my skin itch for steel or why do you even bother? why do you even try? it will end the same tired way they will surely hurt you don't get up today i have a dirty little cave all my own now 080904 ... () (see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bicameral_mind ) 080904 ... stork daddy yeah...it doesn't need to be a child...it can be replacing the memory of the child, or in a more fatalistic sense, it could be a child who had no propensity for the disorder who was then replaced by a child in whom there was such a propensity. 080904 ... unhinged you talk like a lawyer ;-) 080904 ... stork daddy they've finally broken me. 080905 ... unhinged and i've been known to turn my nose up, judgemental and disdainful at others music. argue about why the music i don't like shouldn't be liked by anyone. school and careers twist us all. twisted, but not completely broken maybe. 080905 ... fix shame when music is supposed to speak directly to you and not be some item of fashion. open minded are you? 080905 ... unhinged i've been listening to music with my whole soul for years. i too think that the whole hipster thing is bullshit. those kids didn't know rock when it hit them in the face at the_mars_volta show. and the fact that atlantic let one of the best rock bands of the 21st century slip through their hands just so that so no other label could have them still makes me want to pull my hair out. you are not a unique snowflake with your damn keytar or accordion or acoustic/electric mandolin. i am not open_minded when people try to pass off a stoned noisy idea poorly executed as music and have the nerve to charge $7-8 at the door for it when i used to get the most wonderful rock on a weekly basis for $5. fuck_your_noise and fuck_that_noise you call music. get some talent. i am a music snob because i have devoted 18 damn years of my life and 6 years of college to it. i am a beer snob cause i live in milwaukee. if only those two things went together around here. misplaced_rant *shrugs* ah well 080905 what's it to you? who go blather from