jane's_fabricated_escapades jane i'm going to tell it all. from the beginning. you don't have to believe me, but don't say i didn't warn you 030815 ... jane 041202 i lost my virginity last night. or, rather, this morning. but let me start at the beginning...i was about to go to sleep angry when there was this knock on my window. of course, it was him...he came in my window & at this point i figured i wasn't going to let anything happen. so we were just hanging out, kind of trying to go to sleep...we start kissing...he worked his way down..."god, you taste so good" and i wanted to know what "good" tasted like...he came back up & we were talking & he told me he was hot so he would take off his pants but he didn't want to seem perverted. i told him to go ahead & do it as long as he understood we weren't going to have sex. so he did & he was laying there...next thing i know i'm giving him a hand job & then seriously he gets behind me...i don't remember what i thought he was going to do...we fucked. i was worried ...sean, you need to make sure you pull out...he kept asking me if i was okay, and i said yeah i don't know no and by that time i was crying not because it hurt, but because i couldn't wait one day for you... ...i wanted him to leave but i didn't want to be alone & he wanted to talk about it... ...i got 1.5 hours of sleep. i had to go to school & learn about stuff that doesn't matter. i wanted to get on the p.a. system & announce to the whole school what had happened... 030815 ... oldephebe let the bloodletting begin tell us! tell us everything! i need a briskly blowing breeze in my staid little life. kick the ballistics (turns up drum machine) set it off!! set it off!! right. ye-ah uh huh right. er..harrumph! *clears throat* every now and then I feel the need to get in touch with my inner "homeboy" pour the flame into my rigid little ears tell us all about it jane ... later 030815 ... jane 071102 [on the 5th]...sater was having his fourth of july shindig & so i went to that and, long story short, i got a hold of some rum & i wasn't drunk because i knew what i was doing...i ended up flirting with this guy dave & i was half joking but i told him he should come hang out with me & i could drive him home. so he did and i told him to wait outside...i led dave in through the window. we were hanging out for awhile and then we started kissing & i stopped him & said, "what did you come here for?" and he said, "nothing really i'll do whatever you want to do." & i said "well i'm down for anything so what do you want to do?" & he said well in that case i want to fuck the shit out of you [always so eloquent, dave was] so we did. ...it was in some ways fantastic, really good, but on the other hand...it was just really weird having someone else's body shape in my arms...i don't know how to describe the feeling...it made me miss sean a lot. 030815 ... oldephebe wait I posted that before I read your second post that was some pretty serious s**t uh didn't mean to be flippant sorry I guess you pretty much did pour the flame down these uptight little ears be well jane that was ahpretty graphic and ah disconcertingly honest I gues old farts like me really have no clue what young people are going through these days I'm not old like wrinkled and gray, but old as in comparitively speaking but this is about you not me, so I'm going to sheath my tongue and shut it down for now 030815 ... jane 072702 [new york] ...i woke up at about 2 (because of sean's call i didn't get to bed until after 5) & i walked around the village & i was going into shops & in one of the shops the guy started talking to me...his name is blaise!...i gave him my number & we went our separate ways... 073002 i was going to go to this "dinner party" with sarah & so i decided to stop by [the store] on the way to the subway & say hi to blaise. i asked him what he was up to that night & he said that he was going to to go this open mic night & hang out with his friend from l.a. so he said wednesday sounded good & he would call me... [after the party] i dropped sarah off and took the cab home where blaise called me & said that he didn't expect me to be home but did i want to go to that open mic thing with him? i said sure... we got to the place & i guess the people weren't there so josh (l.a.) went to this other place & i told blaise he could go with them if he wanted & he looked at me & looked in their direction and he must have done this 85thousand times...he didn't want to feel like an asshole so he came with me. we stopped walking and i said "if you really want to go with them you can; i can catch a cab." he said, "they're probably in a cab of their own." so i said, "well, what do you want to do?" & he looks at me & grabs me & kisses me...the most passionate kiss i can remember...i asked him where he lived...harlem...do you want to take a cab? i'll pay. it was a $25 cab ride to harlem & we got upstairs...there was this red light & this instrumental beat going on the stereo & he would talk to the beat all poetic like...we ended up fucking & getting dressed again just in time for josh who came back at about 2 a.m. & blaise had to work so josh & i painted on each other & when blaise was done the three of us got in bed. we all tried to sleep...it was too hot...josh left in the morning & blaise & i had our morning_sex (ok it was about 3 in the afternoon) despite my protests of it being too light... i made him walk me back to my place & told him to come inside for five minutes & he did & i started kissing him on the bed & asked him if he could stay for maybe fifteen minutes, he said "what for?" i said "what do you think?" & he said "oh, we're going for the quickie, are we?" i said yeah, so we did...[three times in 24 hours]... 030815 ... jane 073102 [still new york] i called him [blaise] & he said he was feeling all hollow & empty inside & felt like he needed to be alone. but he said he would stop by & give me the $ he owed me from the cab ride before...he called me outside my building & said "i'm outside, wanna go for a walk?" ... we walked around & he said he was kind of put off by my testing thing & that he had read some of my actions to say that i was going to be clingy...we went to this bar...we kept walking & we sat down...i was saying how i attract boys who don't know what they want & he said he was shocked with that being so right on... i came home the next day 030815 ... jane 090102 [los angeles] i smell like hookah. i just got back from going out with anthony. i can't even believe i was just there, out with him & his friends... i had to go early...we got to this area of town near where i needed to be dropped off & parked there & we argued for awhile & then we got hin the back seat & argued more & we ended up kissing and having what i call postcard sex... [i knew anthony for three, maybe four years before all of this had happened. funny, i've only talked to him a couple times since, & even that was a long long time ago...] 030815 ... jane 061203 full moon. i drove sater to see sarah at her friend's apartment. there i met eric, eddie, & jesse. they said they knew of another party so i drove eddie over there. sater & sarah left. the party died so we drove to south davis..the cops got there just as we were arriving so we left & went to sycamore & eric & i walked in the wrong house & then walked farther down to the right house, where shenanigans ensued. i danced with eric a little but i grabbed this girl's ass & danced with her... i went to jesse & said, "you don't like me, do you" he said it's not that you just have to understand my point of view. i said i did...he said he really wanted a smoke & i had one left so we went out in front to share it... we went back inside where i met a girl from austria & talked some german with her...there was a girl from spain coming out of the bathroom so i tried to speak spanish with her but it was pretty weak. he leaned in closer commenting on how short i was compared to him, & he leanse in more & tilted my chin up to kiss me. i say...so...what do you want to do? he says, i really want to have sex with you. i asked him where he wanted to go & then there was all this nonsense cause we couldn't go to my place...i'm standing on this step & he's standing lower & we're kissing again & he pushes my hand down & he moans a little. 'so, seriously, we have to go somewhere,' i said, 'let's check out here.' behind the first door was a couple probably fucking since they got there, behind the second door was a bathroom & this guy comes out with an accent & i say where are you from? and he says i'm from england but so throaty it was almost like ungland...or ngland. it was a pleasant non sequitor. jesse & i took over the bathroom & we're taking our clothes off & someone knocks on the door & i say "go away!" & jesse & i realize what a bad idea the bathroom is when there's another knock so i say let's just go to your place, i don't care about the mess--i was about to do it in a dirty ass bathroom. so we leave & i was probably still a little too drunk to drive..i apparently ran a red light. i gave him some time cause he wanted to clean his room a little & i go in all ready & he says what about foreplay? & i go..uh, ok.. finally.. mm he was vocal. that was hot. and he was huge. and that made me vocal, even though it sounded ridiculous as i listened to myself. all i could say was, oh my god. at 5:45 a.m. i told him to pretend it never happened & he said what a cool chick i was & i gave him a ride back to his truck & drove home... 030815 ... jane the next night [061303] crista & i went to the house party & i ran into dave. i told him he was an asshole. i ran into everyone i had met the night before & then some. i saw jesse. he was happy to see me. "i'm glad you showed up!" he gave me a hug, i told him i was heading out, that i liked his shoes... next night [061403] i went to sean's...it was different...i didn't even once feel like saying ! oh my god! ... 030815 ... jane quick rundown... 062803 friday go to t's house [protecting the name of the er innocent] smoke crystal_meth stay up all night talk to t for hours can't eat 062903 saturday feel like shit can't eat can't sleep - still buzzed dry eyes lips face hair that night sleep in t's room he takes the guest room 063103 monday went to t's after talking with sean ["i'm too tired to have this discussion"] i'm crying sater falls asleep on the couch t & i are talking "you're so beautiful i can't stop looking at you" kiss on the bed this one needs no details... 030815 ... jane 070503 i was hanging out with frat boy [doug] & this girl jasmine was all over me & we went into the bathroom where she more or less tore my clothes off & went down on me...we moved to the bedroom where we went down on eachother & she kept telling me how hot i was & how amazing my tits are...later i slept in doug's bed & he wanted to get on me & i kept saying how weird i thought it was & how weird i felt & he didn't listen & we ended up fucking even though i didnt really want to i didn't know how to say it 030815 ... jane 072503 working at a show at s.v.a. i see this bluecoat wearing tuxedo pants & we were cutely but awkwardly dialoguing & he said my hair looked delicious...& i went back to work & suddenly realized my god how magnetized to him i was... so when he came back i took a cigarette break [he joined me] & i said "look i've never done this & i can't believe that i'm