u_o_w . - this_nothing "this nothingness" 041123 ... . "nothing_left drought i am clinging letting_go thirsty" - empty_of_me .. "i see i am nothing yet something" - the_edge_of_me .. - the_future_arrives "before_us" .. - if_i_died_today "i didn't notice" 041123 ... . - i_remember_nothing "i only catch glimpses" .. - the_feeling_that "emptiness is longing" .. - it_helps "to sleep when you're dreaming" .. "the time between birth and death the edge of dream the borderland" - what_it_seams .. "searching for answers courage of station boldly believing" - endurable_aching .. - oh_so_quiet "when i'm nothing and you are nothing and we are nothing and there is nothing" .. - refuse "what we cannot infuse stumble we fail to grasp speak we are not listening" .. "why it is i write" - cloud_of_reason .. "i run through the day barefoot into the night the struggle of night northern sky horizon of smoke forest of me" - flee .. "tripping over others" - running_into_myself .. - remember_this_later "when i am gone and hardly a trace i_was_here" .. "all the things i might have been a force so powerful weighing burns clouding the heart leaving life frozen" - i_could_have .. "sleep me" - wake_me 041123 ... . - orange_sunlight "i am scared that maybe all those yesterdays have led up to this today" .. "even if you have to flee" - you_will_return_to_me .. - you_were_waiting "you were a star a beacon a thread that tied me back to where i was before i" .. - if_all_of_this "is what we are what isn't" .. "bEAUTY of light eNERGY of silence aLWAYS our seeing uNDERSTANDING tREMBLING iNVOLVED in vision fUTURE we unfold uNWINDING our history lAYERING the present" - image_unseen .. "i never existed as this me before never again i will this be i was the first of me i was the last i am me in the museum of me" - historic_me .. - one_flash_of_light "and i can't remember anything before then or after" .. to_me_it_is_not .. - she_dreamed_of_fingerpainting "drops of rain in the air" .. "these words will be nothing when you find them i will be gone by the time you forget you will not be looking for me to you i am not lost" - note_in_a_box .. "i become older i grow closer forgetting what comes next after who i was before in which direction does my dial spin how close am i to zero" - counting_down_the_hours .. "i'm a toy stuffed with new materials only" - filling_nothing 041123 ... . "i catch moments when we collide when the light is just right the shadow i am standing in my mirror image and the scene is hurried on and nothing is known but the faint scent of who i where i what why i when" - woman_passing_by .. - im_honestly_scared "of honesty" .. - delete_self "recover later" .. i_must_be "sleeping...gone" .. "this portrait i cannot see for all my looking" - form_content .. - i_fall_and "i keep falling" .. - i_forgot_i "remembered" .. - playing_along "lost in the song" .. - the_pain "of not feeling" .. - i_will_never "understand why you did what you did and why i had to be the one i will never let go until i am forced to wake up i will never wake up and you will never find me" .. "i want to run the heat it warms with a warning smoke tingling numbs relief leaving only nervous sleep perilous living " - imminent_delay .. - guilty "as charged" .. "i don't know if i'll ever succeed in what i think i can i don't know if i'll ever rise above if i'll ever get out alive i don't know if i can hold it together if i can recognize the pieces_of_me i_don't_know if i can grapple if i can venture i just don't know where i_am going i_feel i am losing" - when_i_am_gone 041123 ... . - i_couldn't "watch just couldn't stand to feel this feeling i had not seen i don't think i ever will i_will_never be the same i_shouldn't walk_away i_cannot_stay i'll fight with forgetting i'll lose by winning" .. - my_soul_of_glass "life of sand" .. "i keep trying to correct my wrongs know my rights reset to default" - clock_reads_time .. - underneath_the_willow_tree "gentle night so calm constrasting the daze of sorrowful heart storms" .. - running_on_empty "counting on nothing faint i've been feeling i'm almost not here yet" .. "keep your eyes silent" - never_watch_anything .. "everything is fine" - trust_me .. "i am present" - even_when_i_am_not_here .. "i am here check i was there check time check space check air check body check breath check emotion check observation check sensation check crayons check " - reality_check .. "i never surface" - aqualung .. - can_hardly_stand "i feel like i'm about to pass out... wake_me when it's over" .. - when_it_cuts "and you were least expecting it is shocking" 041123 ... . "i am in awe of everything i simply want to leave some indentation some scrap of semblance cotton pieces torn branch signals to help me find my way through this vast jungle" - pine_needle_ashes .. - i_am_driven "by what i know not" .. "i am carving my tongue in stone i want to remember this if i lose i want you to remember me when_i_am_gone" - i_want_to_remember .. - voice_in_the_wilderness "whisper_of_the_soul stirring the sands of life" .. - the_parting_glass "shall keep us" .. - fill_this_glass "pour_me_out fill the sea until there_is_nothing_left no void in me" .. "sometimes i feel so light i feel everything around me is passing right through me like mist and i am almost gone" - audience_blurs 041123 ... . - endless_hallway "clear calm road empty space my reflection burns the edge of everything i speak" .. "i can't comprehend my place caught_in_a_wheel strung_out_on_a_line" - obscure_becomes_obvious .. - nothing_there "i turn but there is nothing" .. - i_can't_define "what it is i've done i_can't_relate to who_i_was i'm in too deep there is no answer" .. "what connects the dots what fills the holes threads the needle what shapes us what defines" - spaces_between_us .. "this skin of me the thought you saw ... i can't find where i left myself most times going in circles i sometimes break from the loop and a new circle run till my tracks are an old road with deep ruts inhibition frustration exploration my mouth is tied to everything i speak everything i hush the words i cannot align ...no matter when or where i go the past is there the future following close behind me composing the present memory" - my_mouth_is_tied .. "i didn't know i died! i'm being haunted by my own ghost" - nomme 041123 ... . "maybe i was three or four it's difficult to remember i couldn't prevent it was my fault i saw it happen" - somebody_love_me .. "sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry" - sorry_sorry_sorry_sorry_sorry .. "ugly] dumb yucky [ugly ugly] waste" - descriptions .. "notpeople are notoriously strange and very unpeople-like, though they often try to conceal their notpeopleness by taking on the disguises of everyday ordinary people. - ask_nomme .. - festering "trying to source the problem" .. "there are times when it's just easier to laugh but the easiest path is often not easy at all" - to_laugh .. "i used to think the human heart was shaped like a valentine heart" - heart_shaped .. "i'm not sure why i just feel very terribly unimportant and alone right now what does it matter and why do i care i could've blown up yesterday" - suddenly_alone .. - everything_really_is_a_joke_to_me "i laugh when i should cry i cry when i should laugh" .. "yuck" - i_feel_sick .. - so_ugly "i'm_sorry" .. - grah "shut my heart off" .. - je_suis "je suis malade ...pull me out of the carpet ...throw me onto the street ...don't forget my hat and coat don't forget to throw me my shoes don't forget to forget me ...wake me up before you go do" .. "love_you_all" - until_further_notice .. - let_me "let me sleep...live" .. "if i have a soul, perhaps it might be seen in the brush strokes" - cheap art .. "it's a swim-fly feeling for me i have a memory of running really fast and jumping up and swim-flying up to the sea-sky and swim-flying around in the air" - i_could_fly .. - i_am_sky "i_am_water" .. "i guess my smile was slipping" - nom_nom_nom .. - build "myself here" .. "nothing really works anymore" - nothing_works_anymore .. - it_was_the_way "she would see" 041123 ... . "living past the future open with care" - present_precious .. - the_days_have_passed "i'm a whirl in the wind nothing can tie me down i'm a dead wait a high kite falling stone shaking branch of a shivering bird" .. "if you listen to a dying heart an old heart a sick heart it is likely to be with repetition filled with repetition filled with repetition with repetition filled" - beauty_in_repetition .. - returning_to_sender "it all gets caught in a whirl a daisy furl" .. "what is this face i think it sings there are treasures under bushes and coins lost under years of care" - know_bud_ease .. "i am a lunar trick a loon arctic with a capital question mark sum of one who will never know" - what_makes .. - novembre "i left you in search of december" .. "ever said never it is confusing fog hits the ground with a thud in darkness makes feelings like abandonment live off somewhere without strings to tether no lights until the words in murky silence birth water" - if_someone_responds .. - power_flickers "of_moths_and_flames i_dream i_am_sleeping power flickers makes me wonder about life_and_death and where do i stand in all of this i am swimming i see no shore ... and i_am almost_not even here" 041123 ... . "nothing_i_do" - nothing_i_say .. - a_bad_dream "returning i see a world gone hidden" .. - he_danced "dancing swirling the steps he did not know the song he had never heard before" .. "i can tell there is something buried deep within below here something from the future there is an inscription i can see in a dream something i have never seen or sensed before there is something buried here" - investigate .. edge_no_surface .. - will_they "will they dream what you dream in present dreams past and future you" .. "with life do you dream what_is_missing do you find what you are after have you seen i seem to have lost some pieces of my heart maybe i planted them with the roses in the garden growing perhaps a few sail the seas i sent with wild canvas chased winds" - have_you_seen .. - time_flies "inhale exhale don't let go time flies buzzes bumps into window panes above us sky so blue we swim with wings furious wings we dream our dance we dream the wheel pulling us under the tide going ashore we return knowing no_other_way to breathe" .. - no_other_way "been through a black_hole dream the impossible ...i remember once looking through sight i saw myself here looking back i do not know where i was or how i arrived where i am what_was_here" .. - words_tower "words bend bleed they flood into view fogging the glass warming the empty spaces" .. "last night this morning i dreamt of fire after rain i dreamed of fire in the cold this morning this morning i was dreaming i've been dreaming my dreams are filled with fire and wild animals bees of honey this forest i live in this world days bleeds into night my eyes taking in beauty feeding dreams of beauty dreams of fire and the sun is shining autumn is always the sun shining and leaves as many colours of sorrow and joy can be displayed to my eyes as i see i can only see what i see dream what i dream" - mae'n_hyfryd_heddiw .. "sometimes all i find is empty air a falling wind and branches on the ground 'midst fading leaves sometimes nothing at all" - the_asphalt_graveyard .. "there are no rising forms on the fading horizon i am motionless, save for this weeping this wind dance of mist this flight of seagulls ribbon i can't undo a lost key unlocked open - i_stand_like_a_tree .. - i_am_a_boat_at_sea "i am a wreck ...i am a forgotten non-location now" .. - bear_bark "restless me restless dying night" 041123 ... . "suspended dreams each bubble blending swirling" - smudges_blur_blue .. "i'm not me" - notme .. "under_all_this were you mistaking flesh and bone" - doesn't_she_look_vulnerable .. "i can remember as a child, trying to remember as much as I could about myself before I was born ...These are my first memories of me ...they are like dreams ...a lot of my memories as a child, ...have seemed to slip away into the recesses of my mind" - innerviews_monadh_earliest_memory .. - if_i_could_give_you_a_gift "from anything that wasn't i would need a new canvas and a fresh stack of brushes but where would i get them and how would i be and what would be the giving" .. - the_night_is_passing "i am caught in the wave a soldier of fortune" .. "the tide rushes in rolls out what is left behind we build castles with ...dreaming up tomorrow our pictures in the sky" - innerviews_monadh .. time_walking .. "things are not as they appear they are exactly as they seem" - random_observations .. - i_cannot_be "dreaming, can I?" .. "here i am running on the surface i'm in my sleep painted on a cloud" - perfect .. - nearly "there" .. - hello_is_anyone_there "i dunno" .. - writing_randomly "on the walls of my soul with crayons" .. - someone_else "i cannot be" .. - everything returns to itself having realized the dream and the sleeper dwells in the centre exists as one .. - what_if "you could live without regret" .. - hours "away" .. "don't let this moment cease" - fleeting_moment_of_peace .. "wakened from sleep" - out_of_place .. - from_myself i change to turn and look back seeing only my fading return .. - lift_me_up "blanket of dreams and a cloud full of wings" .. "ever wish you could take back the moment take back the time take it all back back to where it all began" - our_bleeding_hearts .. - thoughts_exposed "semi-waking from sleep realizing you are speaking outloud ...there are these worlds other places i see in the space a room that occupies me" .. - image "somehow mistaken" .. "i know one i know this all yet still i know no one no, nor nothing still" - inside_outside_looking_in .. "memories" - something_i_can_never_have .. "the smoke just nestles in the hills makes dark homes of our hearts" - tired_of_this 041123 ... . "our actions are the movement of the story unfolding ...we sleep our memory we dream our existence" - the_memory_of_the_universe .. "quiet hush ease your mind rest your thoughts forget awhile the wars of your heart the waking in your soul gently let it all fall free as autumn leaves" - the_calm .. "it is here within you within me wrapped up in our existance the song of our dreamings the wanderings of our infinite sea" - what_is_and_shall_forever_be .. "step#1 exist step#2 exist step#3 exist etc. (baby steps to life)" - experiencing_existance .. - small_world "waking in dream" .. "i go around the way with my mind in a land and time somehow distant somehow so far away closer than heaven slower than a day" - living_in_dreams .. - whisper_of_the_soul "awaken the universe within" .. falling_in_slow_motion .. "it is a lost cause i know but still...." - i_hope .. "rushing like a tide rolling in ...the future is full of expected surprises" - the_nearing_future .. walking_in_space .. "whirling motions in a painted sky" - moments .. - when_night_has_fled "I am left a sleepy dreamer ...now to dream now to dream of the moon and the oceans of the soul" .. "somethings never leave us" - etched_into_sand_carved_in_stone .. "I have nothing" - why_am_i_sad .. - this_morning "I woke up crying" .. -what_i_always_wanted_to_be_when_i_grew_up "loved" .. nothing_is_certain .. - methought "therefore I was" .. "I am constantly searching seeking wandering around this great big garden hoping to find my return" - roots .. - washed "away tossed aside" .. "I often wonder what I am and what is" - ontology .. - mirror "I wonder if other people see me the way I see myself" .. - missing_friend "aren't we all missing" .. - mists "enter into this small cabin in the mountains and fill the voids of space and time" .. - embraced "by the mists and the fogs the sunshine in a lost memory" .. - nothing "was and is but then again same with everything" .. "awake in the night I dream in the mist surrounded by the rain a part of one moments passing in time there is no waking hours only dreams" - dreams .. - rhyme_of_life "the rhythm of nothingness" .. "the past escapes into the present leaves us in the future wondering what was here" - what_was_here .. "live and dream" - whatever_happens 041123 ... . "how we live is our design a dreamy rain mapped out by the swirling foam of time" - conformity_and_antecedents .. the_master_of_nothing .. "when i am in the final scenery of this one-act play will the audience be my eyes? what will i say? and to whom?" - a_breath_away_from_dying .. - in_dreams "i search in the rubble i search i am searching lost i am and i can't find" .. - here_is_where_i_will_only_observe "theme_of_life" .. - sunday_afternoon "and i don't know where i went i'm unsure of who i am when i look for understanding" .. - this_is_so_permanent "this unbeatable fire this wandering" .. "i_am_the only one i've ever been" - the_only_one .. - i_am_alive "i am the_only_one alive" .. whatever_i_had .. - it_doesnt_feel_right_to_look_you_in_the_eye "and this is why i don't connect" .. "i think everything must be scripted i know i can play with the lines a little but i must stick to the rules keep with the scene i will not grow wings i can't end war there is no santa" - trusting .. "ninety percent of the time i am one_hundred_percent genuine ninety percent of the time i am somebody_else ninety percent of the time i_am_myself" - ninety_percent .. -is_nobody_on "when the power_flickers and my lights go out" 041123 ... . "and there is no end to my playing" - there_is_no_beginning .. "did you sleep when you were dreaming the scenes the scapes fog unfolding did you dream up all of this did you sleep when sleep was dreaming" - fountain_for_you .. "am i Alive can i Feel for a Time" - a_new_light .. -dream_but_a_door "night day an endless_hallway sleep escaping until i find the lock_and_key" .. - shadow_kisses "left behind scents flavours hazy mist i am on the_edge i_am so close i can barely recognize" .. "to feel alive i am rehearsing_for_extinction" - scars_that_make_up_me .. catch_me .. - busier_than_fingers "when i am playing i don't know which is faster i lose track of speed i am going so fast like falling_in_slow_motion just enough time to sit_back and watch it as it happens" .. "i'd like to live right_here_right_now to live right here i'd like to live" - where_i'd_like_to_live .. ship_in_the_sand .. "i am needed i need to stay calm in all this" - every_turn .. oh_my_gosh .. all_i_wanna_do_is_live .. seperate_from_myself .. nothing_is_uneasy .. how_odd .. - my_december "december a cloud of snow i dream of" .. like_myself .. "the continuance of skin how one thing leads to another everything suspended in motion broken mirrors" - an_interesting_pattern .. - can_you_draw "me a way out of this picture ...me a heart to crawl into" .. "moments like creatures in the dark sealed jar captured caught entranced ...unknown ...unexpected ...pressed between pages retired from circulation dried specimens - glass_skin_metal_wings_paper_clothes .. "i'm mostly much more myself the majority of my time but not completely" - mostly .. - two_nights_in_a_row "i've had nightmares about fire_on_the_mountain," .. pulling_apart .. someday_we .. "i was a couple months old, whooping cough which progressed to pneumonia, they missed the diagnosis at first... but then i turned blue in front of the doctors and nurses and they tried to use a tube suction thing to get me to breathe but it wouldn't work and they started to panic" - im_fasting_for_a_month_as_of_today .. everything_perfect .. nothing_can_go_wrong .. break_the_ice .. scarred_inside .. - in_the_middle "in between the minutes" .. "if i could travel far enough away starting from here and now going into the past into the future would i could i see myself would i know my name would i know" - connected_dots .. - have_you_ever_died "i've died in dreams some of my most vivid dreams" 041123 ... . i_would_scream .. filling_silence .. shades_of_grey .. sand_and_skin .. - thing_is i feel as though i have already typed this and it is like this with everything surprises are surprising but i keep waiting for the next move expecting worse and better hungry hungry i'm played i'm in a maze i'm looking for the food i've lost all ability to lose it is lost what spills i can't stop tasting nothing standing in a daze trance zombie nobody faces faces faces money magazines milk i'm a stranger everywhere i turn i think being is reason many reasons i don't know where i should be looking for the ground i can't find the sky visiting a play i'm supposed to listen to the director supposed to paint the background supposed to be the costumes glitter in every eye but i can't watch sigh contract i'm pollution flooding the earth i'm so sick more alive than i feel i love it all ] more than i know/ i. .. "thing_is i tried to recall what i forgot i find myself i remember finding the loss what i can't see i try but i can't make me go away a lingering i can't make go away stealing filled my life with less and then more more lessons on felling a tree" - spiralling_through_eternity .. wish_i_was_here .. disconnected .. - eye_contact "i don't look i don't see contact contact we have a signal here warning warming getting closer further far fly away" .. disconnect .. - thinking_i "could just go away ...hot air balloon painted in the night clouds" .. one_morning .. turning_twirling .. strange_light .. adventure_new .. going_to_sleep .. i_wish_i_could .. - january_nights "slipped into february fell into march" .. "i am tired as if i've been running i have been frightened" - as_if_i've_been .. what_a_dream .. - at_first_she_didn't "see herself running" .. "will i ever know i get things so wrong sometimes it's so hard to say for sure" - i_saw_you .. - days_and_nights_all_blur_together "i forget can't determine which is which waking from a long sleep you can't tell what time it is you don't know how long you've been or even when it was you fell and what has changed" .. blood_for_money .. - the_past_few_days "have been crazy and i don't know when it'll end when can i breathe?" .. "whAt passes waking dreams our breaking Waves" - riddle_we_speak .. i_am_not_a_poet .. - i_have_a_theory "nom is a blatherbot" .. "first of all nothing i could say would be good enough second of all i don't know how to talk" - two_things .. - if_i_should_die_before_i_wake "will i be able to keep my dreams" .. - between_pages "did you get my message ...i can't tell what i wrote" .. "'?' or 'yes' or O as in a circle" - what_would_your_epitaph_say .. "love is evol" - love_is .. i_wish_i .. one_little_bit_at_a_time .. - crazy_spinning_whorl "this crazy spinning world" .. "sorry" - if_i_seem_so .. - have_you_ever "been before" .. when_darkness_falls .. dis_cease .. - thorns "caught my hair braided my skin to the briar i pulled away like a spirit born from the body" 041123 ... . "courage" - our_cage .. "i'm afraid of winning maybe i don't have room for a big stuffed bunny" - bingo .. "i will be the lost pilot" - delete_me .. - i_wish_i_liked_myself "so i'd stop feeling this way" .. "they didn't bother to look for the body it is a cold place to live when the light is gone i understand the dream you swore it was your own life playing" - standing_things .. "i thought it was safe.?" - a_frayed_knot .. stop_to_think .. "my brain in a blender" - i_feel_dizzy .. - don't_understand "i don't understand have the stuff i halve i don't like half of the stuff i know" .. - looking_forward_to "finding out what will happen will it all go dark light?" .. "icicles" - around_my_heart .. - time_it_is "one hundred million words what time is it i've lost track where was i" .. - like_woah "shut me up already" .. "i need to get with the programme i'm not very with it need to be in it get with it out of it under it over it" - with_it .. i_am_sinking .. because_it's_so .. "surrounded by mistakes drowning in what could what would what should what wasn't what is" - became_a_monster .. - when_i "am standing in front of a mirror i see flashes of light the power_flickers i don't know which side is which i am standing where" .. "so unlike myself" - friend_for_you .. - little_do_i_know " of anatomy how the heart connects to the antiheart with invisible unknown threads of what_really_matters_most" .. "i said i felt like wandering off into there into the snow where i would never be found where no one could hear me i said let a bear eat me" - where_can_i_scream .. - what_is_worse "Worse is nOt neveR Seeimng evEr knowIng the abSence of questions to an endless answer game it is not reaching being stifled it is the cessation of everything i can see from here no_other_way it_is_not knowing what_is_next" .. "when I slAM the door when i shut it closed when the whole world is exploding and my sob is the wake of a vessel whose captain i know only from stories" - shut_the_door .. "i_am not_here" - not_there .. "i'm so frozen i can't move a bad taste sugar can't help" - i'm_terror_bowl .. "help" - i_can't_sleep .. "for twenty_years i have been dreaming a memory" - it_wasn't_a_dream .. - sounds_like "you're dreaming again" .. "i am empty i have nothing i can give" - why_do_i_want .. "this_is_only_a_test please turn off your television" - here_is_a_test 041123 ... . "i almost can't go on i haven't been sleeping eating my heart repeats my strings are cut i don't know what my next line is" - marry_a_net .. - i'm_not_here "you can delete_me now" .. - thankyou "i'm sorry i wasn't there" .. "hellllllooooooooo is emptybody in here?" - the_hollowness_inside .. - just_some_whispering "i want to feel ...it hurts so bad" .. "i'd rather not be i don't think i'll ever it's better this way ...it's a relief to not think about all the things that happen to people ...i don't want to get burnt" - candles .. "i don't like myself" - because_i'm_an_idiot .. - this_is_not_a_game "and i don't want to play" .. "my eye is in my mind" - where_is_my_mind .. - noise_is_night "so loud it shatters" .. - think_what "a problem i guess i am seeming do i see do i get anywhere do i begin ...i want so much to sing everything and everyone now the moment right here" .. "why can't you just be happy what's wrong with happy why can't you just be happy and be happy with that" - wrong_with_happy .. "i didn't even realize today is monday" - bad_monday .. - tailspin "i dream of parachutes" .. "i don't know what help is" - mayday .. "arms as hinges a refrigerator my heart left hip a bent tricycle wheel concrete in my eyes i have feathers for marrow" - wasteland_daze .. "i open my eyes it is the world again a few nights ago i fell down this tunnel in the sky and there were lights speeding me by as i waited and i asked can i dream now but there was no reply and i break into being splash crack the room spins fever around my bed and my body is the pinned tail of a donkey brought to you by a blindfolded kid stumbling dizzy twirled in a room full of empty voices" - so_tired_i_can't_sleep .. - i_just_made_that_up "the thing about me being alive" .. neverbeing .. - what_are_your_last_words "the_end. or ta_da!" .. "what was it like when you were living from the top of the ferris wheel so many people walking around the world holding me still" - ferris_wheel .. "why can't i write anything anything without losing what i was talking about my place in line why can't i relate to myself i'm just hovering here stranded in glass breaking remembering some other life some other life i can't relate i'm not a ragpicker i'm not a pony no home no gate no swirling skirt and strawberries on sunday i'm not the starting gun not a green field with sleeves so blue and bonnie i'm not a doctor in this face of armies i'm notme i don't know nobody" - why_not .. because_not .. - what_am_i_now "wishing i was alive" .. "i wonder what makes me so stupid?" - brainwave_generator .. - i'm_an_alien "an ailing nin" .. under_all_this .. "i wake up it is empty" - lifelessity 041123 ... . "i seem to be in self-construct destruct construct destruct construct mode i'm spinning violently close to the road ...nothing_i_say i want candy smiles every face smiling i want everyone to wake up catching the blurry body of the tooth fairy i used to wait for her money she never showed up i would like peace on earth for christmas ...i just woke up i'm always just waking up ...i will not miss the train today everyday is goodbye" - another_moment_of_blah .. whirlwind wind whirl wind ... warning_warning_warning - self_destruct .. "i watched my skin burst open and the blood stain the wood" - farmers_hands .. "i have run myself into the grain a feast of black knots and red slivers sky changing hours" - twisting .. - drain_the_blood "fill me with crushed roses" .. "i have mice in my wall they're always talking strange they eat anything and everything they make so much noise" - mice_people .. "but who cares about the paint let it crack and crackle cause the blue bird is singing and i have fine ribbons in my hair and the pie is almost cool enough to eat" - pridy .. "frig i need a new name and a new life" - miscellaneous_ramblings .. "eff it all" - efferything .. - brought_to_you_by "nothingness" .. - so_cool "oh it's all so clear calm down tailspin crash feather pillow burst insides outsides efferywhere" .. "i would be as one who nobody remembers by name i would be the anonymous words disappearing into ink a burning page wishing_fishes swim in me ...i would be not be forgotten there would be no memory to lose i would not be known as nothing there would be no void to fill i would be me" - a_new_name .. - nothing_me "i tell myself i will not i will not nothing no more me crash my curragh into an oak paint my journey on black silk kites hungry raven wings to fly away while i watch from a nest of twigs in my spire of green everything leaves no longer nothing me" .. - the_girl "i'm not the girl" .. "i thought... but... how can i... i don't understand" - i_dont_know_anymore .. "a mirror once i remember counting the pieces seven i've been watching the years scattering off finding the perfect hiding places" - scattering .. "i remember hiding it is a memory i can't find but i remember hiding" - out_of_the_lightning .. "yes i am so sorry" - five_words_that_describe_you .. "sometimes i hear my mother sing sometimes i feel like a motherless child" - saoirse .. "i lost it went away the first hit i remember" - trusted .. "i forget what the songs were i remember learning them there were songs we sang codes only we could break probably there are girls still singing them today" - elastics .. "as a child, when thoughts about my own funeral would go through my head, besides thinking about whether or not anyone would weepingly attend, i would ask myself "will it be affordable for my family? how much will they have to spend?" - afford .. - look_inside "you might scream at what you find a bowl of mixed up figments butterflies burning on black pins a mash, rehashed a lightning flash close the light off before the night gets in ...tonight i am feeling like i don't want anyone to know me anymore nothing new, just more pronounced (caving in)" .. "i'm a lousy person to be around i want to wear the words i'm not" - good_friend .. "i don't quite understand why i haven't been looking i think i need to see what this vine is bearing" - black_rot .. "start stop dance a one way road fumbly life jig shift slow down" - turnaround 041123 ... . "lately, more than lately i haven't been" - i_haven't_been .. "a dream it is a nightmare" - not_to_be .. - time_wheel "spInning, spinning headlAMps bruiSing, bITing, breaThING HEar, heRE buSyING, bussING and up And away Spinning AND running buzzing aWAy SPinning "SOng sad soNG" .. nothing_left .. reduced .. - i_wake_up "before i wake_up" .. - i_used_to_be "a person" .. "cas ..cad .....ing jumping es------ing ---cap ------over the edge ---- of the known world because sooner or later it'll all end when the flame goes out this ocean will freeze and so i flee and i fall) through the air landing i will become a painting" - honey_flame .. "wouldn't it be nice i've thought) to walk out into the water and just keep walking just keep walking " - wouldn't_it .. "nothing_is_sudden" - nothing_is .. " forget_me_not " - what_flower_would_you_be .. "i am my own imaginary friend" - imaginary_friend .. "know me like you know me" - love_me_like_you_love_me .. erase_my_face .. delete_my_voice .. - i_should_go_to_bed "but i'm afraid of my bed" .. "i'd kill myself, famously" - if_i_were_famous .. - should_probably "see a doctor ... but_i_don't_care" .. "inside is outside is inside" - galaxy .. - i_wait "for nothing forever" .. how_do_i_explain .. - the_way_we_why "when our mouths are shaped by O's of confusion" .. " today_i_am_wearing " - songs_of_robins .. maybe_hate .. - someone_forgotten "i will be someone, easily" 041123 ... . - wherever "ever is where" .. "the lines didn't seem to fit anything everywhere everything anywhere it all appeared equal collapsing boxed encircled escaping stillborn living breathless each vital sense an arrow pointing declaring existence such strange symptoms nightmarish windsongs visions ringing ears grinding teeth an incoherent mess a jumble of beauty yuckiness nothingness why couldn't it be why would it should everything is broken unbroken zodiacal anomalous ...i can't understand this - incongruousness .. "enter space shift delete" - nonsense_machine .. "i had a nightmare about killer robots recently i was on another planet" - sending .. - no_one "is there" .. "she looks like me but i don't know her she says things the kinda things i might say if i were me but i don't know her and she doesn't know me i don't why she's there just break my friggin mirror already ...or at least paint me a black veil ...turn off the dark turn it off cover the boards with windows ...light up the sky with wishes ...don't show her the key don't ask what for" - don't_know_her .. - ladders "there are no ladders no stars to win" .. - drink_me "break_me throw_me_in_a_fire " 041123 ... . emton .. - i_plan_on "living ...but i don't know what_happens_next ...i don't want to have" .. "i used to sing we used to dance time decays drips away so fast i used to run we used to race across the moon the rain it ran falling it fell up from the sky i used to stop to watch it pass i used to laugh remember someday" - used .. - it's_a "bottle of drink_me marked XXXPOISONXXX" .. - i_used "used to think but i know better now or at least i thought i do" .. "up in the sky i_am_sky i am light i am air i am breath i am wind i am up in the sky i am up in the sky" - in_the .. - it's_okay "i don't matter" .. - oh_i_know "nothing nevermind it's between moments rise and shine oh i know it's beautiful in the garden and it's beautiful in the supermarket and it's all so beautiful i just can't climb down from this high flying sky zipper what is it like on the inside of life i force myself to wake up the last dream this is i tell myself i'm not who i think i am" .. -to_worry "to worry i don't want to worry about life how everything lives i don't want to think about how everything dies i want to know how it goes i don't want to worry about this and that" .. - when_a_bird "dies when you're sleeping you wonder about dreams and how some things flutter and fade into wings" .. "when i was on the planet of killer robots i had short sharp hair oh what a dream" - i_cut_my_hair .. - how_awe_full "it sounds terrible when i play my mouth ...laugh_with_me" .. - it'd_be_better "i really think it would be better if you could delete_me now, thanks" .. "sometimes i wake up walking daylight" - what_life_is_like .. - i_don't_believe_in_hell "i don't believe in hello" .. - so_uncomfortable_so_numb "i just want to not" .. - everything_change "everything change is everything change going to stay myself and change everything the same change i will play faces a city fiery thorn wages i'll paint mountains with teeth strumming music i'll touch the raindrop strings watch the notes falling landing flying old skin to new runways cutting through the air like diamonds turning places writing recycled pages paperback airplanes i'm going to be a nonsense_machine " .. - think_i'll_runandhide "having one of those moments days lives" .. - if_anyone_cares "if anyone in the future ever asks me about my life before this year i will tell them i was born today i didn't exist before spring i have no past everything is dead i_am_gone i've been replaced and i hate the way this someone else smiles" .. - moving_mountains "running the earth standing still" .. - feature "presentation" .. - if_you_see_me "open your eyes and scream to the moon." .. - dead_or_dying "i feel more alive than ever but i know something's wrong" .. - i_was_running "trying to escape from the ghost man he'd taken me to a burned-out house deep in an unfamiliar forest there were too many roads i couldn't read the signs i watched a tree grow from seedling to giant" .. exit_stage_door .. - maybe_we_do_exist maybe_we_dont_exist .. - non_emptiness "nothing_fills_the_emptiness nothingness" .. "where am i ...what's the difference ... what's going on this is where" - reconnect .. backwords .. - i_didn't_think "maybe i did" .. -saving_daylight "dizzy dowsing for dollars what is the name of the number the one played alive on stage the knight shooting the hourglass" .. because_why why_because .. "i've been drinking a cup full of bees my ship went down in a field of raspberries ...no_more hiding in the rain ...flying off into the bright sky ...lightning wings" - swallow_the_storm .. "i picked the dead bird up and watched it fly away into the setting sky it was alive it was still living" - if_i_can't_reach_you .. - ask_myself "ask myself hello reply yes i'm here what do i want" .. " a_new_page is what i am a new leaf and all of that jive and jam factory of summer honey bees because i got to be happy" - swept_clean .. - answer_machine "hello hello hello pick up pick up pick up it's me me me me me me me pick up pick me pick me up hello this is the message are you listening ...please_leave_a_message please_leave_a_message please_leave_a_message after the beep ...i_wish_you_were_here wish_i_was_here wish i was wish you ...bang bang bang boom boom boom kapow die all tone" .. - seeing "seething" .. cloud_in_my_eye .. - feel_good "it's hard to live when you don't feel good it's hard to feel good when you don't live" .. - unspeak "unthink unbe ...it's unfun" .. "some of my roses died" - rose_garden .. - the_ghost "i am the ghosts haunting old houses i push myself out of tired bedrooms i can feel my hands pushing me away i throw myself down the cold stairs i am in the moist shadows lurking i am the ghosts i am the homes i am haunting yesterday i woke up sweating pressing my hands against my chest pushing myself away, breaking from my bed i hesitate to get out i am scared when i wake up too frightened to fall back asleep reaching for the door to open afraid it will close on me afraid to breathe afraid to be the ghost" 041123 ... . sailing_the_sea .. - wake_up_into_a_dream "happens to me fairly often ...what about when you talk about your dreams in your dreams? ...that was a silly question) .. - for_a_moment "i remembered" .. - i_got_to_meet "myself but i ran away before i even noticed" .. - woke_up_and "it was still dark i was alone woke up into a dream tried to turn the light on tried to turn my life on tried to turn" .. what_is_going_on_here .. "it feels like i've been searching for my virginity all my life i almost don't even care anymore some days i think i have forgiven" - sexual_innocence .. - what_is_this "it is nothing i is nothing i i nothing" .. "i'm not sad i'm not sad i'm not sad i'm not sad i'm not sad i'm not sad i'm not" - a_big_hole_in_your_head_pouring_out_idiocies .. - my_early_morning "i don't believe myself anymore ...what is morning it is day it is night only changes if you let it" .. - pardon_my "distress ...noise ...imposition ...outbursts" .. "i slammed my finger in the door ...or maybe i slammed the door on my finger" - in_tune_with_myself .. - what_really_matters_to_me "reality" .. - sometimes_there_are "noises and we think that they are ghosts well maybe they are us returning can we haunt ourselves" .. - the_end_now "goodnight" .. - how_do_you_wake_up "it is a mystery ...i don't. " .. - killing_beauty "everything is jumbled it repeats and repeats and repeats and i'm so sick of waking up feeling like every word from my mouth is a foot crushing something ...it doesn't matter i'm just going to listen to these birds sing it doesn't matter i don't care it doesn't matter it's nothing ...tweet tweet sssssooot sssoot ssoot sssoot sssoot stweet stweet dzu dzu dzu dzu dzu" .. - this_feeling "is nothing it'll go away i will ignore it ...itellmyselfitellmyselfitellyouall ....it's.nothing.i'm.just.being.stupid." .. - so_far "this year i've managed to do nothing" .. - nothing_nobody "nevermind" .. i_don't_want_to_die .. - who_knows_not_me "i certainly don't" .. - don't_know_what "i'm doing here sitting here typing here somebody say stop the car throw the switch ...don't know why the line is dead i can't reach daylight ...the sign said back there is everywhere" .. "the heart a radio" - silence_alarm 041123 ... . "don't fall from the tree" - swinging .. - oh_you_see "there's nothing here you can forget i mentioned it" .. - i'llwriteabooksomeday "on a shore where nobody walks" .. - i_am_so_tired "i wish i_was pretty i wish you could love_me i_wish i knew what my dream was the worst things i cannot share it is a bitter night waking up to silence" .. "i am caught between frames blinding light bursts see_through walls no exit sign stopped watch" - but_all_the_usual_things_leave_me_distant .. ".darE i reacH for far-off starS Swim the sIlent depths the Dark plAcid abysS" - all_ways_wanted .. " we_are not dead" - without_life .. - when_i_breathe "it hurts" .. "storm storm T H U N D E R thunder thunder storm thunder storm" - thunderstorm .. - life_is_overflowing " paradise_rains " .. what_is_missing .. "wordswords" - words_inside_words .. - ok_ok_alright_already "i'm ok it's ok i'm ok it's gonna be alright got a super duper plan live a long and happy life okay dokey righty then it's gonna be alright 'cause it's ok i'm ok" .. - see_the_sky "i see a crack_in_the_sky" .. - climbing_fall "falling climb" .. i_can't_breathe .. - winding_down "climbing down" .. - will_you_hear_me when i unspeak .. "yes. i will remember and i will forget but then i'll remember and i won't forget" - i_will_remember .. "madly madly spinning this outwards spinning" - spinning_madly_outwards .. - funny_how letters become words and words letters ...i have nothing to say ...i say too much .. - tired_tired_tired "sigh" .. "isn't it funny my doctor said such a funny thing ill never be normal" - semi_relapse .. - don't_try_it "don't try this at home kids" .. "spin thud spin" - random_description .. - i'll_be_silent "sometimes we don't hear because we're not listening but then if we do we think it is a noise a music born from silence like screams or whispers the sound was always there we just weren't listening" .. - a_laugh_a_day "keeps the doctor away" .. - what_you_hear "is what you see" .. "zero" - total_days_of_your_life 041123 ... . - one_day_i_am_gonna_grow_wings "on trees, like blossoms" .. - see_you_in "the funny pages" .. "if i could would i empty my heart" - empty_heart .. "there's too much noise in my dreams" - this_is_your_morning .. do_not_edit .. - you're_never_there "that's right. i'm not here. i never am." .. "don't jump don't fall ...don't run into a wall" - lessons_from_my_heartbeat .. "breathe" - i_must_keep_reminding_myself_of_this .. - new_skin "new scene" .. "freediver" - what_i_want_to_be_when_i_grow_up .. - what_superpower_would_you_want_and_why "to be able to unhurt people ...and why? because i said so. because there's too much hurtiness." .. - cold_world "lonely cold .. "i usually feel lonely when i'm awake, and sleeping doesn't help much. ...this must be what hell feels like" - anyone_awake_and_lonely_right_now .. "i think i have a leaky heart everywhere i go everything i touch is stained" - leaks .. "i looked back out the window and saw the policemen and realized it was good friday again and i was in the wrong house" - tuesday_friday .. emptifilled .. "people are either joking with you, or telling you a lie, or just being nice when they say they like you ...and maybe when you look around you can see beauty everywhere but in your self you just feel like you are contaminating the earth you wonder if the world really needs all your stupidness maybe everyone would be better off without your ugliness ...etc.)" - when_you_hate_yourself .. - nothing_lasts_forever "at least nothing does" .. - i'm_the_girl_who "is not" .. - and_i_have_found "and i have lost" .. - thought_for_the_day "birthdays shouldn't be depressing." .. "crying doesn't help ...thinking doesn't help ...being doesn't help - doesn't_help .. discarded .. - mistaken_identity "i thought i was" .. "you should know better by now" - dearheart .. - you_can_take_me_there "the edge where i fall" .. - what_did_you_learn_today "he died. i should've said hello." .. "over and over and over again" - lessons_not_learned .. i_was_dreaming 041123 ... . "in my dreams, orcas fjords and fishing boats" - whales .. - i'll_love_you_forever "little sparrow in the tree" .. "i don't know what i believe i don't know if i believe i don't know what belief is i don't know nothing everything is suspect" - do_you_believe_in_people .. "it's funny the way i think like i'm expecting something other than this when there is nothing" - expectant .. "for a moment i thought the words fit but they were the wrong size" - suit .. "i'm not feeling very hot i'm thinking of going to bed i'm scared of sleeping and not waking up i haven't been feeling very hot i'm thinking of going back to bed sometimes when i wake up the world is dark and i'm not feeling very hot i'm thinking i should go to sleep september is colder than it's ever been" - selfishness .. "yesterday i thought heart was heat and lonliness lowliness" - spelled .. "everything yesterday was spelled wrong forget yesterday forget yesterday forget" - yesterdays 041123 ... . - what_would_you_say_if_your_soul_was_on_fire "i don't believe you" .. - remind_myself "the world does not revolve around me ...there is so much more going on than meets the eye" .. - nobody_likes_me " nobody_loves_me " .. - wrong_now "everytyhing riight noww iss wrrong everything i say is jumbled i'm so tired of myself" .. "i don't understand my life i don't get the past i can't breathe sometimes i get so wrapped up in myself people i love so people i hurt so people are better off to stay clear i can't breathe sometimes i don't understand myself i don't get it and i wonder how it makes you feel the world out there this world in here i get so wrapped up in myself i forget to forget myself" - how_does_it_make_you_feel .. "hey! that's me!" - emotional_rollercoaster .. "i like the me that i could be" - i_like_myself .. "heart bug" - squished .. "how everything in this life is worth living i want to give and take and never stop giving i want to live and die and never stop living" - something_worth .. "everything is lower slower i_feel_sick " - blurriness .. "they don't happen only pieces" - conversations .. - unhealthy_attachment "attachment, unhealthy" .. - interrogation "they asked if i had any friends i said not really and they asked why is that they asked if i had food in my cupboards they said we know things about you i told them they were wrong, mistaken" .. - super_self_promotion "i can't think of anything" .. "me, awake this aching and wonder" - this_is_normal .. - i_feel_like "a weirdo" .. - if_you_are "alive, can you show me life?" 041123 ... . - like_myself "i'm running to catch a falling ember in the dry grass likeness of myself trace of scratched out lines chiseled pictograph i can't see myself clearly it hides i can't see my self with foreign eyes i am caught in a noose slipknot i'm running to catch myself tugging loose the thread trying not to unravel what i wind trying not to jumble biting with teeth to grip to not let go ... i'm not at all like myself" .. "i feel like i'm in a spppeeeeding truck" - crashing .. "scratch out all the worst case scenarios" - scenarios .. - sick_of_being_tired " sick_of_being_sick " .. - no_surprise "waking up like this feeling like writing this there's no surprise days go by days nights drown out nobody nothing" .. "everything is breaking i can't put my words together "they flee from me" like false hours ... pick up the pieces pick them up pick up the fallen" - every_broken_thing .. - dark_last_night "in the dark last night i could've lived i could've died" .. - mothers_seem_invincible "then one night, they come home tired and they don't wake up ...and you go to sleep crying wake up mommy but they don't wake up and you stay sleeping in your bed when the ambulance is taking them away and you don't know what's happening ... when you hear their voice on the phone you ask them if they are okay now you ask what is it like and you wonder if it was all a dream it's all confusing as it'll ever be and you don't know what's happening" .. - i_can't_remember_the_future_today "i'm looking forward to the past" .. "she sent him words but they came back unopened" - sent .. - if_i_could_write_like_you "i wouldn't have to write like me" .. "i'm counting on change" - counting_change .. imokay_imokay_imokay .. - fill_up_my_heart "snow and sparrows" .. - nothing_is "ever" .. "it's so heavy you try to get out from being under the weather yeah it's so heavy it's so hard to move" - heaviness .. - at3iam "me and my emptiness alone in my lonliness" .. - any_moment_now "anything could happen" .. "all of this time i've had" - i_disappoint_me .. - another_wednesday_2004 "old memories capture me my thoughts are words looking for keys nobody speaks in this air nothing moves and nobody breathes it's the same night, ever it seems repeating ...nobody lives in this scene nobody listens and nothing happens it's the same day, ever it goes repeating afternoons early i stay in bed there are no hands to break my dreams" .. "i tried to laugh it off" - i_tried_to_kiss_it_away .. "who will buy my wounded sighs" - i_ask_you_now 041123 ... . "i sometimes fancy the idea of having my face removed" - that_creeping_ugly_feeling .. - i_want_to_write_everything_tonight "i want to write everything i want to know my words i want to be known by my words" .. " follow_me " - how_to_disappear_completely .. - what_i_really_need_right_now "the energy to put my shelves together or myself together for that matter" .. "at every turn" - i_have_been_reminded .. "i can deny this" - deny .. "i want to get over my fear and i want to be strong" - the_mountain_top .. "i don't know what happens when we live" - will_this_pain_ever_stop .. - have_you_seen_this_girl "have_you_seen her? she was last seen" .. "i think maybe i confuse me more than anyone" - some_people_just_confuse_me .. -tiny_fragments_of_her_history "hanging on the line to dry ...but it only ever rains) .. "i'm off and away up up up and away far far away" - you_know_where_to_find_me .. "there's a light that says go" - setting_me_free .. - you_can_read_whatever_you_like_into_this "you can see whatever you want to" .. - i_want_you "to open_me i want to open you" .. - oh_so_many "nights in a day and days in a night" .. - the_shadows_of_my_mind "there is a whole play going on" .. - you_know_it's_bad_when_ "you think starvation could help you think sleep a slow form of death you think your thoughts too loud you think you're thinking when you're not" .. - took a lot for me to write that i don't know why i did i think i'm losing it for good" .. "i can remember screaming at the mirror" - unbeautiful .. - depressed_all_day "all week, all month, all year, all life" .. "i just got out of bed i just want to go back to bed" - where_do_we_go_from_here 041123 ... . ...................................... 041123 ... . red: m_o_n 041125 ... oE How have you been mon? 041125 ... PolarizedMOONKat *tears 041125 what's it to you? who go blather from