at_first_she_didn't nom see herself running she knew what she was after she could see the pigeons in front of her the crumbs as they fell from high above falling into the dark gaps between the green leafy wisps of grass looking_down she saw her feet it was then she realized 030905 ... nobody special Think it would ever happen to her. Occasionally,she thought about it,but she tried to think positively. Honest and genuinely concerned about peoples troubles and feelings,she was there for her friends when they needed her. And yet she was often forgotten by them when her own problems came along. As the years passed,she thought about it more than ever,but still she put on a smiling face and pretended not to care,even when their comments of some were cruel and unecessary. Ironically,today she can only think about being alone for the rest of her life when she's by herself. Like the lover she never had,the thought whispers to her,caressing the inside of her mind. She succumbs to it,reliving all the times she entrusted her heart to someone only to have it broken time and time again,each time promising herself that this time would be the last. She's alone today...looking at the leaves on the trees that are beginning to change colour. Their final curtain call before they fall to the ground, dead and withered. Like her one day. And as she tries to stop the tears from flowing,she can't help but think that she'll be alone when that day comes. Did she ever think it would happen? Well,at first she didn't.... 030905 ... whoops... the above post was not made by the original "nobody special", but by me. I just discovered tonight that "nobody special" already existed,so I'm posting this to say, "me bad. so sorry for using your name" *crawls back into dark cave* 030914 ... endless desire at first she didn't see the lights of the car approaching. but soon they blinded her. in panic. . . you'd assume she would come to many conclusions. to run, i suppose. though, she would have little control over whether or not she came to these conclusions in enough time to dodge the blinding lights and save herself. but in this particular incident, she had a wonderful amount of time to make that fateful decision. to run or not to run, i suppose. yet in the blinding light she held her ground. at first, she never assumed she would die trying. she never assumed she would die at all, to be quite honest. but her mind turned in those split seconds crossing that highway that she's spoken of many times before. her mind turned and it told her that this wouldn't be such a sorry way to end it all. it was almost beautiful, from what she recalls. the lights and the screeching breaks the blaring horn and the fear that she smelled so sweetly. the impact. there is no way to describe. soaring. gliding. rocketing. that's it. in the air, but so completely calm. just waiting for the moment to come when she could say this was all over. and that this was the way she had gone. at first she didn't mean to kill herself. but no one looks back on it that way not at all. no one wants to think she would have ever killed herself. a bright girl. she'd call herself pretty on a good day. and she thought she was funny and she always had a smile-- that was part of the problem, i suppose. she plastered on that smile, but she figured everyone else did the same. and when she had that opportunity to end the hurting inside, she grabbed it and held on. stood in the lights, those blinding lights and she waved goodbye. 030914 ... imposter I am scared for you. I love you. Reach out and hold my hand and we can run away. Just reach out. It's ok to cry on my shoulder. I will hold you while you cry and nothing will happen. 030914 what's it to you? who go blather from