revolve sphinxradio i think you know the way i twist the truth around in my head to suit my fears. it's something of a comfort, actually. i'll turn my back to you and not know why, and you know how to spin me back around, to face the world again. don't let me cry for myself, ever. 020109 ... delial is everyone so self-involved that they think when other people are upset it's them who has cause to be upset instead? like, person A is upset and feels bad and needs to get away, and tells person B about it. person B acts like an ass. person A then says how they feel in more detail, and person B replies with how they(B) feel like they are worthless, wah wah, pity them, because of how A's feelings make them feel, and how they just feel so bad now because of it, thus ignoring the fact person A feels bad and putting all attention now on person B's feelings. Way to turn it around so it is all about you, person B! It's as if person A doesn't even exist, and only the problems of people B matter. I'm sorry dearest Bs of the world, but life is not just for B people. It doesn't revolve around you. You are not the sun. Sorry! Sometimes, on occasion, people besides yourself have feelings. These feelings do not always involve you, are not always caused BY you, and do not always RELATE TO YOU IN ANY WAY, and thus YOU SHOULDN'T GUILT TRIP THE PERSON FEELING BAD. You should listen patiently, as person A has done numerous times (about 3403043 times too many), offer kind suggestions and support, and be a caring friend. Selfishness is not being friendly. Sorry. 040417 ... iNsEcUrE_GoTh_GiRl ummmm maybe i should point out that its not always like that sometimes person A is just self-centred and is wallowing in self pity, thus making person B (who may actually be suffering anyway) share how they feel as well. everything can be selfish, it just depends on your viewpoint. 040417 ... delial What about when person A happens to be the kind of person their other friends choose to tell all their problems to, and therefor person A chooses never to talk of his/her own problems so as to avoid weighing down their(person A's) friends with baggage they don't need? And so then, on the rare occasion they do actually share their(person A's) OWN problems with B, C, D, etc, they get the response I posted about up there? The "how selfish are you, you only care about yourself" type replies? When obviously, circumstances are quite the opposite. What do you call that? Because sparing others' feelings, in my eyes, is not selfish. It's selfless. If not self-depricating as well. I would think after hearing peoples' problems for so many years, and trying to be the kind of friend people can share anything with to the point that people think of person A as a confidant, or what-have-you, that when person A actually feels burdened enough by his/her own problems that they, themselves, need a person to share with, that they won't be turned away or pouted at, and should instead be treated with the same care by persons BCDEtc as person A almost always shows towards their friends. It seems entirely too many people hear someone say "I'm upset" and instantly feel wounded and assume it's their fault and have a pity party, instead of asking: "what's the matter?" "how can I help?" "do you need someone to talk to about this? I'm here to listen," It troubles me, anyway. It's as if some people are considered a confessional of sorts. Be it by choice, or otherwise. But when the confessional feels the need to confess, who do they go to? This isn't to say "person A" in this scenerio is perfect. Not by any means. But in friendship, it's a give-take type thing, you know? And when it seems friends only take from you, you start to wonder how much of a friend each of your friends really are to you after all. 040417 ... eskimos friend i very much agree with delial, but i just stopped being friends with the Bs (or accepted that we were never truly friends, and they were just using me). friendship most definitely should be balanced, should certainly not be about giving and giving. the way to do it, or one way to do it, is to befriend other As. they're mostly good people, and you can share problems with them in the way that friends should. often they'll feel just as frustrated as you do, delial. one friend of mine for the first time started confiding in people that she didn't feel ok, and many of them responded with fear and confusion, having always relied on her. that's not the way you should respond to someone looking for support. having said that, there are sometimes instances when person A just wants to forget his troubles, and if they really care about person B, then when person B starts going on about their problems, it takes A's mind off his own troubles, for a bit, makes him feel good to feel useful for his friends (his true friends, that is). nothing's simple. even the selfish are sometimes (inadvertently) selfless. 040417 what's it to you? who go blather from