exhale Tank finally... last night i accidentally tipped a bottle of water all over viola, (my laptop), and the screen subsequentally went blank... this afternoon, she works again... 010123 ... silentbob blather doesn't work in the other computer lab i enter this one she's there Oh man... 010123 ... silentbob the curve of your hips sloping down to your thighs leading between to where my attention lies and the soft buldge of your stomach i'd like to touch your head using your forearm as some kind of crutch a sly smile politely sharing joy this is how i know i'm the right boy my forehead fits between your shoulder and chin your pants curve open and my hand slides in i bite your bottom lip and move closer to your heart its going to get hard, but this is the fun part your skin smells like the lotion on your floor you're breathing heavily and wanting more this isn't because our friendship is dead This is because our knees are spread. He doesnt exist to me and never will i'm sure there's parts of you he'll never fill my finger dents the dimple on your cheek and i wonder if we'll be speaking in one week my head against your chest, my heart is goign fast and now it stops to rest,and now this breath is past we hold each other and exhale, this is what it is about and all the speaking that we did now we go without and when enough time passes, i get dressed and go once gain i went too fast, after i vowed to take it slow down the elevator shaft i shoot out the door and all of them laughed when i said we could be more 030210 ... sirflaccid WHEW! I feel better this time 030211 ... Syrope oh my god...this weekend has been so beautiful. there's not even any use in me trying to find words. i feel like i'm going to cry and laugh and burst all at the same time. the deathly sleepiness could have something to do with it, but i actually doubt it this time. thank you jeremy. so much. as soon as i saw you outside i knew that you were exactly how i remembered you, and there wasn't going to be any awkwardness. someone to reminisce with...i left the mix-cd we made in your car on purpose. yes i remember the blockbuster guy, and now we can add George & Taco. parent & pet stories with someone who feels the same way about theirs as i do are so rare these days. someone to take me out and pamper me...you know i love being silly in an expensive restaurant :) you let me try roe and sushi and we made fun of old ladies in hats (and the chef put a ton of extra mushrooms on my plate when he saw i was frantically gesturing for you to remove the last few yucky fungi things from my plate). you didn't get mad when i didn't know where the hell we were, but we worked it out. someone to be insecure with me...so that we could pick out outfits together and then spend all night dancing and touching and pretending to be confident & cocky, reassuring ourselves of how purely sexy we are. i remember why i wanted you so badly in high school - i'm glad i wore the open fishnets so i could feel your fingers against my skin. you held my hand to get us through the crowds - i don't think you know how much just that meant to me. someone to approve of me...you treated my friend as your own and didn't make excuses for people i don't like. you encouraged me and justified my reasoning about myself. you said you wanted to come back and visit me again. i thought i'd changed so much since high school, and i was afraid maybe you had too... but you always told me i deserved better then, and you still are the only person who can make me believe that maybe i do. i love you so much. i feel selfish for leaving you last night, but if i hadn't, i wouldn't have gotten to watch you sleeping when i got back, and i did have such a wonderful time. i'll tell you about it soon; i really miss having someone i can tell everything to. i wish i could have made you breakfast... knowing that you're asleep on my couch right now makes me feel warm. i wish you'd have taken my bed when i got up though - i want to take care of you :) i wish you'd have found someone last night...i want you to feel that comfortable with me, but on the other hand i do really respect what you have with your boyfriend. i wanted so badly for you to find someone, to be happy, and now you have :) i hope you are happy. you've made me happy. i've been tediously arranging the pieces of my heart... or at least what's left...and right now i feel like you've pushed them into where they belong and squeezed. don't let it be another 6 years before i see you again. you mean more to me than you'll ever know. I remember thinking, I'll go on forever only knowing I'll see you again. And I know the touch of you is hard to remember, but like that touch I've known no other. And for sure we have danced in the risk of each other. Would you like to dance around the world with me? ~dmb 040202 what's it to you? who go blather from