sick_of_being_sick Ariadani Rarrr! I'm so sick of being sick! I've been ill for the past 5 weeks (5!!!) and it just never goes away. im sick of not being able to sleep because im coughing. im sick of my nose running, and having to blow it, and having my upper lip get sore because ive been blowing it so much im sick of getting random headaches, and various other aches for no reason other that im sick! im sick of being affected by it. and i just wish it would go away. im too busy to be sick. i have: math to catch up on, stuff to do for sci-fi, a prom dress to finish in less than a week and a half, choir to attend--to get ready for a workshop in a week or so, and a concert 2 days after that, a show to costume--20 different costumes! things to go to, people to see-- a boyfriend that i want to spend every passing moment with, neglected friends to spend time with, plant seeds that want me to plant them, a basement to clean, chores to do, a good car to find and buy, practice for the driver's lisence that i need in less than 2 months, not to mention the job that ive been meaning to get since january, and have failed to do YARRRRRRRRRR! I hate it! I want my life back the way it was a year ago, simple, where if a friend asked me if i wanted to do somthing, i could say sure! and go ahead and do whatever, now i have to carry around this stupid calendar and write down every fucking thing that has to get done, and i disappoint people because i cant do it all and im not more than one person, even though i wish i was. so much stress! i just dont knwo what im going to do, i dont want to disappoint people, i dont want to tell people that i dont have time for them, i want! more time. i wish i didnt have to sleep, or eat or do silly things like that, because id get more done, and i need to break my stupid addiction to the computer, because i end up sitting on it whenever im at home, rather than doing the other million things that have to get done. Im sick of it! I used to pride myself at being so laid-back, easygoing, i could do anything at a moments notice, and i liked it that way. stupid schedule, stupid having to be a mature adult to everyone all the time, stupid! And this stupid whatever-it-is-cough-cold-crap just takes up more time that i dont have. i have to be healthy to get everything done, and i cant get healthy if im stressed, so im stuck, arent i? damnit, why do i commit myself to so many things that i know i cant do, i enjoy doing things....but when will i realize that i cant do it all? i have so many failings, and i dont know what to do to change them. i pick at people--at their mistakes, and what they do, just pick-pick-pick. and noone likes that. im jelous of people's time, of the time that they get to do things, and in particular the time that isnt spent with me... i fear abandonment--if i dont have time for people, why should they have time for me? and i know that it hurts them when i cant do things, i dont know if they realize how much it hurts me. Ifeel like a big ball of anger and hurt and stress right now, and im so tired, just sick of it all. 020501 ... Ariadani *sigh* i just needed to get that out. 020501 ... silentbob i wonder when i'll be able to look back on it all and not feel that ache 020501 ... Ariadani i complain too much. 020501 ... Arwyn *hugs* I understand entirely... 020501 ... no reason bring on the drugs 040928 ... jane see also: nauseous 040928 ... no reason for my unbirthday this year i have received a cold. 050305 what's it to you? who go blather from