nothing_i_say mon i say nothing 030826 ... monadh nothing_i_do 031020 ... notme glossalalia 031215 ... not so "Nothing," I say, and turn around. I wonder how many of you will conjure up a scenario where two people once in love have stopped talking, and how many will see flirtatious swimming in your mind's eye, and how many will envision their mother asking them what the Hell they'd been doing out so late. You dissapear upstairs, leaving the nothing to hang over her frustration. And yours. Beyond that. Nothing I say - or write, as it goes - comes out correctly. Not even the Nothing in quotation marks up there, or the little babble regarding what appears with those first six words. Scratch that. Comes out the way I mean it to* But I like surprises, so what the hey. 040221 ... Ouroboros Thinking about my relationship with my father, I have the belief that nothing I say will influence him. Pretty certain this is true, as experienced in my past 27 years of interacting. There's always the chance that if I approach in the right way, use I statements, etc that I could get to him, but I doubt it. This is the master of manipulation, the man who has made a profession of telling people what to do for 30 years. I have resigned myself to knowing that what I get from him and our relationship is limited, and to enjoy what I do get, as he's not going to be around for ever (especially with his eating habits!) Then I find all this mirrored in my relationship with my lover/fuck buddy. There's no respect there, he's narcissistic, my emotions aren't acknowledged, etc. Pretty (freakily) similar to my childhood. But I've reached a point where I need to either cut things off completely, or restructure our time together so I can continue our arrangement, of using each other for sex, without feeling much at all. Not sure it's possible- I've got a huge heart, I'm not sure he has one, and I don't know if anything I say will influence him, or if I even want to try. Sex_without_love is strange territory for me. 110214 ... Ouroboros I'm not sure if I'm even going to tell him what's going on for me, or just shift and let him figure it out. 110214 ... spoon I could make you pay and pay, but I could never make you stay. 110214 ... unhinged will change the way all of us feel 110214 ... Ouroboros he was open to the conversation and talked and listened and it felt real. no faking, all truth. what more can i ask for? 110214 what's it to you? who go blather from