if_i_died_today squint we almost crashed. almost doesn't matter though. but anyway almost made me think about if I died today. i wouldnt have been too pissed off. I was in a nice neutral mood, and I'm pretty sure of where I stand on the things that matter to me. but if i die tomorrow...oh boy...there will be anger... 020628 ... phil sometimes I can say to the world, alright, let's go, right now, let me have it you son of a bitch. But then, boom, nothing happens. Last night I was laying on the side of the road, and I thought for that one time, NO! not this time, not right now please it just feels wrong this time. 020629 ... little fury bug ...there would have been so many things i'd have regretted. things i did, things i never did. things i said, things i never said....never telling him that i always loved him, secretly. and people won't remember me for anything good because i never went anywhere, never did anything special. and all my material possessions and my sentimental treasures...where will they go? oh god, and my notebooks and journals and diaries...all my private thoughts...people looking through them, all my secrets revealed. will people cry...oh god, what if they laugh. they'll have my wake tomorrow. and people will be shuffling through their closets for something black to wear...do they really care though? and my magazine subscriptions will keep coming in the mail...i'd like to be cremated, by the way. i don't really care what they do with my ashes..i just don't want to go through the whole casket and burial thing. besides it'll cost less. i should tell my parents that...so they'd know what to do with me just in case i do die today. 020629 ... Sailor Jupiter ...I'd be the Happy Phantom. and I'll go chasing the nuns out in the yard. And I'll run naked through the street w/out my mask on. And I will never need unbrellas in the rain. And the atrocities of school I can forgive. The Happy Phantom has no right to bitch. -- Tori Amos 020629 ... freakizh if i died today it wouldn't be good. today is my bday and i wish people to remember this day (when i die) as another 24 hour period to think about me and cry. if i died today, this would be the day to remember that i die, and few would remember or be nostalgic about my b-day. so, i rather preffer to have a b-day and a dying day (a d-day) to be celebrated twice and distributed evenly through the year. i do believe in perfect circles (even maynard's) but hell, mine might be better in another life. 020630 ... freakizh try dday instead of d-day for blathing. 020630 ... cheer-up-emo-kid I dont think I would have had a satisfying life. I still need to finish things. I need to meet people and go places. I need more love and happiness and excitement. Thats how I know that I was such a moron when I used to try to commit suicide. I like life. 020630 ... kerry i wouldn't know. but there are so many things i have left to do. there is something wrong with all of us. people always say they don't deserve to die. i wonder if there is anybody that truly doesn't deserve to die. 020709 ... daxle I think it's off to think of it as a matter of deserving. As living organisms, we're all going to die eventually. ("on a long enough time line the survival rate for everyone drops to zero") I guess the question is, should we be able to will other people to die. And that I don't know. We're certainly able to, for better or worse. 020709 ... daxle on a side note, when people ask me that classic question "if you could kill someone without anyone else ever finding out would you do it?" I laugh. I fucking laugh. You can't answer a hypothetical question. If you had done it, you would know. Otherwise, you never know what you're capable of. 020709 ... Syrope ...if i died today, it would be ok" i told her...she was still shaken up. didnt want to kill me, she kept saying. i would never get in a car if i were afraid to die 020709 ... drstrangelove i would be able to use my spaceship. finally. well i dont know if has any gas at this point. ... my sister would be real sad i think but just for awhile. she really accepts me as i am. i really like that altho she is just my sister. 020710 ... sweetheart of the song tra bong I think about this all the time. Everyone going through the stuff in my room, reading my books, my class notes, looking through my CDs. Trying to figure out which song was playing when it happened. (I always see myself dying when music's playing.) And if the school would have a service for me, which pictures they'd use, what everyone would say. I'm slightly terrified of people reading all my shitty first drafts (and second drafts, and final drafts) of all my stories and realizing how much I can really suck sometimes. This next breath could be my last. This next breath could be my last. This next breath could be my last. And it never is. I can't really imagine stopping something I've been doing for so long. 020711 ... logan if I died today, the only thing I would want is for people to remember that I was different. 020711 ... god i wouldn't care cuz i'd be dead! 020713 ... jessicafletcher i would want everyone to know that i love them. even the horrible people that never deserved to know me, i could love.life wouldn't be the same without them. i would want my mom to be taken care of and independently wealthy.ryan, too. i would want all my stuff gone through and kept by those whom it meant most to(mom jeremy and ryan get first dibs). i would want all my still useful organs (except my twat) given to those who need them. i want the last thing i see to be beautiful, and i want the last thing i hear to be the sounds of everyone i ever loved being happy. 020713 ... disappearer it would pretty much be par for the course, and as such, no great surprise the wrong dose from the wrong bottle of my various meds and i might sleep longer and better (the_big_sleep) than i ever have and that can't be all bad now, can it? perchance_to_dream 020713 ... Laura I won't let myself die today. If G-d, the grim reaper, if some heavenly evil angel of death came to me today, I would be strong and turn it away. I would say, "No, today is not my day to be taken. I have not finished what I have begun. I've not built myself a house of memories for the future members of my family to carry with them in garbage bags or cardboard boxes. I have not had seed take root in my womb and experience the joy of a life being nurtured at my bosom. I have not told my husband I love him a million times or let him know he is the reason I am not ready to go. My love is an unfinished business you cannot take away from me. So leave here now, and take me another day far from this one, a day that I am ready to cast aside my bulky wrinkled skin for something easier to maneuver. Come that day, and I will follow." And the Angel would tell me it is sorry, sorry for trying to rush what as obviously a long standing affair. The angel would beg my forgiveness and make a hasty retreat. And I would take to heart the fact that I had cheated death. And because of that my life would be so much sweeter. And maybe that's all the Angel wanted in the first place. 020714 ... hating the waiting Would anyone miss me? 020714 ... anesthetized I'd miss you but would I be anyone you would want to miss you anyhow? 020714 ... jessicafletcher very nice,laura. you think well. 020714 ... hating the waiting Why does it matter? 020714 ... anesthetized Because who we are determines everything else. 020714 ... hating the waiting Whatever. I'm already dead anyway. I'm just waiting for my body to follow me. 020714 ... anesthetized If you are still wondering if anyone would miss you, surely you are not as dead as you think. But like you said Whatever. 020714 ... fall of a sparrow all this shit would just go on anyway... 030731 ... nomme i didn't notice 030731 ... jane hmm...i suppose i've done enough in my life to be happy...i'm more or less in love with who i am in love with...i've felt passion, hate, grief...i've travelled...but i'm not ready. there's still so much i want to do 030801 ... . i'd be sure to take you with me 030801 ... ferret but wait.... there are still so many people who haven't heard my message... 030802 ... Aimee I'd be the happy phantom, and I'd go chasing the nuns out in the yard. and I'll run naked through the streets without my mask on.and i will never need umbrellas in the rain i'll wake up in strawberry fields every day and the atrocities of school i can forgive the HAPPY phantom has no right to bitch 030803 ... karl the weed that would suck because im going to hawaii tommorrow 030803 ... Fire&Roses Sometimes I wonder, mostly when I'm driving... what would happen if I wasn't here. Life goes on, I know, but would people wish they had treated me different. I know it's pointless and egotistical, because what's done is done. I'm human though and while I know I would be missed by my lovely Ladie at the very least... I still wonder 030803 ... jane sometimes i think i've already died 030804 ... i was idealistic once For a while people who never bothered to get know me might try to make ammends and offer useless prayers, and others who never liked me would act nice but still talk shit. But in the end life would go on and any memory of me would simply turn to ash and dust. 040204 ... Ouroboros remember me with love 070906 what's it to you? who go blather from