i_feel_sick Syrope or i did, but i'm better now. by my own hand. strange how even when i'm not hungry i still eat when other people are eating. strange how the last thing i ate came up after a bunch of other stuff. strange how the tears you cry when you're gagging feel better than those you cry out of pure academic frustration. 030202 ... x at random hours i have trouble breathing have to focus barely in control reasonless my stomach starts to hurt my jaw starts to hurt i feel like i'm choking too much here_is_no_why 030426 ... girl_jane I feel vulnerable and weak and naked and very very very scared... I have no reasons, though... 030426 ... trixie i have been sick for a year a whole year i am sick of being sick every day i wake up and feel terrible i am nauseaus my leg shakes my head hurts my eyes hurt i can feel my blood painfully pumping, pummeling around in circles my mouth is dry my vision- blurred my spine is melting my energy is dropped I'm better off dead... But this is what every old farty Jewish princess kvetches about every day. Dreck! This is the mashuginah life I am living. Oy! 030430 ... x i don't know how to get away from how i feel i can't run i can't solve it as i drove away, tears streaming down my face, i screamed "I HATE MYSELF" and i realized that when i compulsively write things like "go away", i'm talking to myself how do i degenerate like this? i was okay at one point. and now i'm back here. i'd make a graph but i know that no one cares. i'm just another narcissist here. 030503 ... girl_jane So...I broke up with him...I feel like such a bitch... 030619 ... antisocialbehaviour well, i am sick. my throat hurts, and it feels like my tonsils are swollen or something. but its better now, in the morning it was much worse and i had an earache as well. 030620 ... digging at the x results in bodies how did i turn into something i Always hated, Never wanted to be? as i felt my hand sweep the lamp onto the floor i thought two things: 1)i imagined my dad in my place 2)it was too heavy to be plastic 030620 ... knot meat awww...i care as much as another person who you barely know can. i know that's not very much, but where did you learn to expect more? 030620 ... god it's all those pretzels from the mall 030620 ... x all i might have expected from you is that you wouldn't be an ass to me at this particular moment, but really i didn't even expect that. good work. 030620 ... celestias shadow was in boston downtown. hanging around newbury street watching all the crazy guys run down the street in speedos and santa hats (DON'T ask! It's something they do every year for charity). Was freezing, went into the bar where everyone was to warm up. Was the youngest person there by 6 years. Ok, I'm 15, I don't belong in fucking bars, but I was COLD! Had been talking to a guy outside, told him i was 15, went inside and talked to him some more. He bought me a drink and I suddenly realized it was DEFINITELY time to go. I was supposed to be buying christmas pressies for my friends and I hadn't gotten anything yet. Guy kept trying to hit on me. HE WAS AT LEAST 10 YEARS OLDER THAN ME, AND HE KNEW IT!!!! I started internally flipping out a little, so I decided to get the hell out of there. Ugh. It was fun until he started getting scary. Fucking guys. I feel weird. 031213 ... secret4185 I seem to be one of those people who catches everything but this is the first time I've actually been scared for myself. My body hates me, or hates having food in me, or viruses love me. I don't weigh enough, I'm having trouble keepong liquids down, what is wrong with me??? 031213 ... notme she wouldn't eat yesterday i kept asking her to 031214 ... whitechocolatewalrus i feel sick, yeah can't breathe can't smile i feel sick, yeah i am nothing no one i am me i feel sick, yeah 031214 ... unhinged why is it that anything beautiful i have to say only comes from pain? i know i've been saying it a lot lately but after talking to a mutual friend he's going to die they are going to break up the dream is finally over cause he'll kill himself and they are already breaking apart i wish i was there to hold it together i wish i was back there holding it together holding him in sickness i grow used to the idea of death he's slowly dying in my heart and i don't want to go to a cemetery to be with him fuck my stomach ties in knots thinking of this but there's nothing else any of us can do if he doesn't want the help he won't take it and soon i'm going to have to go to a cemetery to be with him i hope i catch him one last time before he finally terminally falls 031214 ... nomme yuck 040308 ... Norbs I never felt sick, It never looks like something I want to put my hand in, but once I chewed my sick before i spat it out. It was lumpy. I remember thinking; When I eat, I should chew my food better. 040308 ... nemo i didnt eat for three days, i barely slept, thoughts lingered in and out of my mind at all times, my dreams were haunted with your absence (and sometimes presence). i stood in your house, in your room, in your closet where you took your last breath. i laid in your bed, wrapping the sheets around me tightly as if they were your arms. i was still unable to cry. i remember four days before, a week ago, a month ago, sunday night. i would have never guessed that i would have to spend the rest of my life without you starting so suddenly. some one forgot to tell me that when you were laying so still in that box with all those pictures, cigarettes, letters, stuffed animals and coins that it would be the last time i would see you. somehow ive already forgotten your smile, i guess its not really yours anymore. oh.. i feel sick. 040308 ... nemo i didnt eat for three days, i barely slept, thoughts lingered in and out of my mind at all times, my dreams were haunted with your absence (and sometimes presence). i stood in your house, in your room, in your closet where you took your last breath. i laid in your bed, wrapping the sheets around me tightly as if they were your arms. i was still unable to cry. i remember four days before, a week ago, a month ago, sunday night. i would have never guessed that i would have to spend the rest of my life without you starting so suddenly. some one forgot to tell me that when you were laying so still in that box with all those pictures, cigarettes, letters, stuffed animals and coins that it would be the last time i would see you. somehow ive already forgotten your smile, i guess its not really yours anymore. oh.. i feel sick. 040308 ... nemo i didnt eat for three days, i barely slept, thoughts lingered in and out of my mind at all times, my dreams were haunted with your absence (and sometimes presence). i stood in your house, in your room, in your closet where you took your last breath. i laid in your bed, wrapping the sheets around me tightly as if they were your arms. i was still unable to cry. i remember four days before, a week ago, a month ago, sunday night. i would have never guessed that i would have to spend the rest of my life without you starting so suddenly. some one forgot to tell me that when you were laying so still in that box with all those pictures, cigarettes, letters, stuffed animals and coins that it would be the last time i would see you. somehow ive already forgotten your smile, i guess its not really yours anymore. oh.. i feel sick. 040308 ... nemo wow didnt mean to do that... blather was being weird, well maybe my computer.. maybe aol, something was off.. uhh sorry about that 040308 what's it to you? who go blather from