that_creeping_ugly_feeling birdmad needs a cigarette and a drink Whatever nerve or cool i used to have, was probably the byproduct of whatever chemicals i was introducing into my blood back in those days, anyone who catches my interest anymore usually just slides on by without ever having to know, because i don't want to bother them with that sort of thing because anymore i hate my mirror and it hates me back as viciously as anything mouth like a trainwreck, a face best suited for radio. a ridiculous body. however, on the plus side (i suppose) i rarely ever smell bad for the wrong reasons but just once in a while, i wouldn't mind working up that particular stink i used to enjoy, the kind that one doesn't accomplish alone that any woman has even been kind enough to feign either attraction or affection, however briefly, remains a complete suprise to me 041012 ... grendel a surpise and amystery, "nice words" and purported eloquence be damned 041012 ... uow i sometimes fancy the idea of having my face removed 041013 ... Syrope i was just thinking, that if i could peel my skin off my face, it'd be a lot easier to get up in the mornings 041013 ... watermark i'm thankful for my skin. underneath is a bloody mess. 041014 ... emmi it crawls into my belly, eats up everything, leaving me starving 060123 ... unhinged ebb_and_flow i finished a book a skite mailed me for the holidays recently and in the last chapter the author identifies the real pain of depression as the feeling that it will never end. to see someone else say what i have felt in cycles for years caused a big heart_pang ouch it comes without warning, smacking you in the face and knocking you over and just as quickly recedes. ouch 140808 ... Risen The resentment, the anger, something bordering on hatred. The worst moments of my entire life are days away now. 9, in fact. She promised she would be there. I believed her. I allowed myself to hope. To have faith on that support, that strength. That she would support me as I had supported her. Then she took it all away. Gave me the choice between ransoming my emotionss, my self respect, my integrity, my self preservation.... all for that support. To keep her close. So I had to go. For myself. Because I deserve better than being treated that way. But I will still miss the support. I hate that I have lost it. Hate that she took it away. Hate that her selfishness will cause me so much emotional pain. Worsen my physical pain. They'll be breaking my bones, but I swear it won't hurt half as much as the way she broke my heart. 140812 ... unhinged (ive been feeling that way for awhile too. we were happy together and one morning we woke up and he took it all away. adjusting to my life without him has been painful, very painful. i shouldnt point the finger. i wasnt myself. i guess the reality was we werent compatible. but having no one to come home to, laugh with, sleep with really sucks. i have too many regrets over the end of that relationship. i just dont have time for someone that doesnt appreciate me for who i am) 140812 what's it to you? who go blather from