setting_me_free Sonya It took me over three monthes to realize what I should have realized all along. Here I was reflecting on why you hurt me the way you did some time ago. I couldn't understand how you so easily destroyed as you once put it, "our world" and shattered the dreams I had then. I see it now though. I see that through your lies and efforts to supposedly save me as much grief as possible you had good intentions. We were foolish to believe the stars were on our side. They seemed to make every possible conflict ten times harder. We both wanted to hold on to something deep down we knew couldn't hold a future for us. We always were the foolish idealists, right? Sadly those times I tried to convince you of the difficulties of our reality and our differences, you were always the one encouraging hope for a positive outcome. I did not have the will power to set you free at these times and you did not have the will power to see these things. So we continued onward knowing we were destroying each other's spirits gradually. Our love was responsible for happiness mixed with agony. I wonder now if our blindness was deliberate. We cared so much for the other. Deep down we knew we had hard choices ahead. It took large amounts of reading and seeing various character scenarios to see your intentions. I didn't want to believe you when you said you couldn't make me happy and how that bothered you to the core. I know that you wanted me to have a sense of normalcy you could not give me then and still cannot give me. Now I see that we were both being unfair to the other by holding on in such a fashion. I still hurt, and I know I've hurt you, but I also know that when we really care about someone we must show them the right path even if it means tearing them away from something they hold dear, including ourselves. With your words, and perhaps your false explanations, you were setting me free. My friends would call me insane for having this mentality right now, but I know somewhere in that strange heart of yours you wanted me to have all the things you wanted to give me but could not. And I too, want you to have everything I could not and still cannot give to you. This is the price we pay when we engage in something we know is forbidden and cannot fully grow. By hurting me and doing what you ultimately did not want to do, you were actually saving me. I couldn't understand then. This is what some would call real love. Perhaps you sacrificed a lot more than I did. I see now that you did not mean to hurt me, but you were only trying to set me free of you. And for that I am glad now because I see that you had more strength in being able to do that than I ever did or perhaps would have. You were setting me free to realize the dreams I may have overlooked because of knowing you, and loving you. There is much heartache on both of our parts, but our memories I shall never forget. And your ability to cut me loose has now allowed me to follow all of my dreams. I will never forget you or what we shared, but I finally realize that our pathes were meant to converge for only a short time. Though it pains me to say this, thank you for setting me free. 011123 ... Casey I need to leave this town in order to be free. I need to leave the mockery, the lies, the old people, the bastards, the assholes, the teachers, the schoolmates, the school, and everything else that drives me up the wall. Once I go coming back will be extremly rare. Screw them all, they wont care anyway. 011123 ... from now on warning_warning_warning there's a light that says go 041029 ... megan sonya your words remind me of all i wish i could say 041029 ... love & hate is easier said than done. 041030 ... god if you love 'em... set 'em free. 041030 ... three words hound setting_me_free lock_hole 101221 what's it to you? who go blather from