writing_randomly Norm here we go. I'm going to write random things just whatever comes out of my head. no corrections no nothing but exactly what I'm thinking right now right this very second. I think that there is a lot of hate in this room and I think everyone should just take a chill pill. I'm the only one in this room. who do I hate? I'm really curious about what I'm thinking right now, I dont know about you. I think I'll read this again later when I can think straight cause I'm not higher than a kite. a kite is a type of bird too. I think we should all just get along. take a shower more often than not. No wait that would be bad cause wed spend most of our time in the shower. did anyone say hawian hot box? I didn't but I might of. I'll drink to that. My football team makes me smile. would you be strongly opposed to, slightly opposed to, or not opposed at all to playing playstation 2 high in a 2 man tent in my bedroom? I would be the latter. Playstation 2 makes me smile. does it make you smile? run a lap boy and when you get back do 100 million push ups then when and if you wake up do another lap and by that time it should be my birthday again. smiley face. Random!! I can bearly fit in that tent by myself good thing mellisa is small or we wouldnt have been able to hotbox in it. Duct tape works good for closing all the big cracks in a tent. sometimes I wonder if my parents smell me smokeing up and just ignore it. they probably do. how couldnt they? I wonder if this is enough writing? I think it might be close to enough now. how much is really enough? whoa man!?!! thats deep and insightful stuff I've got going here. Worship me as your new lord and savior for i am all mighty and he whom shall challenge me shall perish before he realises the grave error he has made. Arr I want to be a pirate and sail the seven seas travel cross the world in search of mysterys to solve with my good friends shaggy scooby and the gang. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. Gran turismo 3 is neat. today I played silent hill um I'm not sure what number it was. I think it was 2. Oh where I come from its corn bread and chicken. god almighty protector of heaven and earth hallow art the. Um specific nosey chase you to the ends of the earth. their arent really any ends to the earth. this chase will be long. I think youll get tired first. blimps are illegal the category of blimps includes all vehicles known to man. including fish. so don't get smart with me mister. i know your mom. grrr!! 011016 ... The trick is to be.... Fuck me. A growth spurt? Yes. This football player is growing up before my eyes... 011017 ... translucent this is the sounds i listen to. the sounds are the soundtrack to my life. hard and scary, yet pleasant and relaxing. my mom needs to let me be on the computer more. she also needs to FUCKING LET GO OF ME. let me be. let me go. i want to leave. i just want friends, loud music, computer, and the person whom i adore far above all of the listed. you know who you are. I love you so very much, you dont even know. come with me into the world of dreams. it is better, more confusing here. ever been high? its better than that. slow motion, fast forward combined into the greates mind-cinematography ever. if only they created a device to somehow record dreams... that would be the greatest invention in the entire universe. my agnostic beliefs are leaning towards atheism. but if there is an afterlife, the theory of reincarnation makes most sense to me. ever thought about that? the sensation of /being/. of feeling, seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting, and above all, knowing. knowing of your existence, knowing of your consciousness. when you die, will you ever experience /being/ again? it is such a wonderful thing... so i think that you, me, all of us will somehow re-live life. that is, if there is an afterlife. it is sad to think that there is just nothingness... 011017 ... unhinged my head hurts. i really don't want to do my counterpoint. i really don't want to do anything but i don't want to sit here anymore. that surprise party was really cool even with the awkwardness of them just breaking up and all. i wonder why the frickin hell people come in this computer lab to talk and act like assholes. lab rule #3: be considerate of others working in the lab. this monster headache of mine isn't being simplified by your mindless flirting. SHUT UP. i really can't be with him. i was trying to convince myself that it would be cool, but i think i just wanted to date him to date someone not because he was him, but considering we aren't dating i guess that realization is a little trivial. can't go to the party with bobbi cause she's going home this weekend which is probably a good thing. but that means i probably can't go to the binghi to see ivet either. ugh. *sigh* so i'll sit around all weekend doing not a goddamn thing which i guess is pretty normal. these weird aches all over my body are starting to take their toll and i wish those three tylenol would just work already. mew...mmmeeww...mmmmmmeeeeewwww. counterpoint....ugh. midterm in counterpoint next week...double ugh. frank...ugh. chris...ugh. bobbi...ugh. wes...ugh. noah...aaaahhh. i wonder...she told me not to believe anything he said at face value, but he said he loved me and wanted to cuddle with me. just what i want...that would seriously be too good to be true. noah, noah, noah. my head still hurts. 011017 ... Toxic_Kisses These guys sound like my computer when they talk. My computer and me are insuperable. There are so many times in witch I could take my computer w/ me wear ever I go (I'm too poor to get a lop top) so that I could write down everything I'm thinking or feeling right @ that moment, most of it would be negative I'm sure, outwardly in RL you may think I see the glass az half full but that’s only bc I keep everything inside (or on my computer) but I'm always honest w/ you, never have I lied to you about anything, maybe that’s why I don’t talk too much, I'm afraid of saying something you'll regret I said and I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to hurt any one, I only treat you the way I want to be treated, be brutally honest w/ me, about everything, be nice/kind to me (unless honesty gets in the way, I’d rather you be honest and tell me the truth than be kind to me), respect me, be polite and give me hugs, I thrive on hugs, sometimes I think more so than I do on food. You tell me your secrets and problems, your inner thoughts that you've told no one else, that makes me feel wanted needed, but be patient w/ me if I don’t tell you anything about myself in the beginning, I need time. I don't know why but most of the ppl I've ever met always feel compelled to tell me their life story and problems and secrets, most times w/o me asking, it feels good to know your trusted like that doesn’t it? I wonder if any one ever regrets telling me so much, I do sometimes, I think I reveal too much some times and I wish I could take back what I said so I don't feel so exposed, but I suppose its only fair, I'll never understand (But always wonder) why you tell me so much, what makes you trust me so easily. I wonder what personal computers would say if they could think and talk, wouldn’t that be interesting. I like reading short romance stories bout things like that (yea, Call me sick if you want, I do) you know I always had the biggest crush on Data in Star Trek, he was never much to look @, but my gawd he was so intelligent yet had this naive, he knew everything, I always thought I would be a real triumph if somebody could get Data to fall in love w/ them. After dad left I rarely watched Star Trek, that was always the one thing we'd do together. The guy on TV iz pronouncing Abba all wrong, its really irking me, snicker @ me if you will but I love Abba, It just makes you feel so good when you listen to their stuff. Wow I think I'm going to get my Abba Gold CD and blast it az loud az I can and try and dance to it (I may have won a short dance contest (that My date forced me into) but I think that haz more to do w/ the mini skirt I waz wearing and not my dance moves, trust me I couldn’t keep a beat if my life depended on it) mmmm cats are snuggly, don’t you just love cats? 011017 ... ToxicK typo: their are so many time in witch I WisH I could.... 011017 ... yah dude this oh fu neve who thois i 011017 ... monadh on the walls of my soul with crayons 011018 ... lovers lament just got in from getting a little high in my garage. woo-hoo. sometimes early in the morning, like 4 or 5 am, i'll go out on my back porch and smoke a cigarette. sometimes it's so quiet in my neighborhood that if feels like i'm the only person in the world. i think i'm just lonely. i dunno. i miss having someone to fall asleep with, but i don't miss all the drama and bullshit that goes along with that. i don't see why i can't have one guy that doesn't want to sleep with my best friend. i love her, i really do, but sometimes i wish she were just a little less... beautiful. or maybe had smallers tits. i don't get it. i thought greg was going to be good for me. i've avoided being in a relationship for so long because i didn't want to have one just because i'm lonely. i wanted to be alone or with someone that i truly connected with. those were the options. i connected with him. i love just sitting at his house and watching him do beadwork for hours. i love watching him create. i love the fact that he listens to Ani and Cat Stevens, but he still turned out to be just your average asshole. i don't understand where i went wrong. sorry i'm not built like a Barbie doll. i'm not this cute little blonde with big tits and a nice little ass. i can't help that. i still think i'm somewhat attractive. what the hell? "Come on, suck my dick"? um, hello? am i in the room. do i even exist in your train of thought right now? i was supposed to be your girlfriend. i don't even know why it's bothering me so much. for months i haven't gotten attached to anyone because i knew better. maybe it was just easy to fall into caring about you. we always had fun, no matter what we were doing. i had a permanent smile when i was around you. maybe i just got attached to happiness. i really do hate being lonely, but i'm not just going to sit around while someone treats me like shit like she does. she doesn't realize that she doesn't have to wait around for him to stop hitting her and being an asshole to her. i understand. i've gone from bad to better, so i know i have all the options in the world. so i had to say goodbye to him. what other choice did i have? keep my mouth shut while he hit on her right in front of me? no. make some huge drama out of it? no. sit around for years trying to change him, only to realize that he's going to be himself in the end? no. so i said goodbye, and for some damned reason, i actually regret it. what a moron i am. i wish YOU were still here ron...you'd never treat me that way. 011019 ... yummyC huh. its my birthday today.only one person has said happy birthday to me. aaron. i like his voice a lot. i just wish i had more. i wish i had less. i wish i knew less. i like socks. i like people noticing me. that punk guy, i wish i knew his name, notices me. he wants to meet me. likewise. i just need to get him alone. thats what he tried to do with me. Its so hard, someon always follows me. Tyson is so clingy, its silly. or anthony, or erica. or, ew, nikkole. well, ill get back to wallowing in my misery. happy_birthday_me 011019 ... lovers lament happy birthday yummyc. ;) 011019 ... Random Chick So I'm sitting in the library in my school waiting for my next class to start. It's 11:45am ..next class critical reading 12:30pm. Then I have to drive home, eat lunch and go to work untill 9. I am a telemarketer, so shoot me. I make $9 an hour to sit on my ass, get my homework done, hang out with cool ass people and talk on the phone. Anyway saw the movie Corky Ramano last night. It was dumb ass hell but I was high for the begining and the cocain part of the movie was funny as hell. After I came down a little the ending sucked. I've been smoking weed for the last 4 days streight. I dont care, I'm trying to quit smoking cigarettes. So, I can't totally detach myself. I only had 2 yesterday and 1 the day before. Marlboro Menthol Light. Yum, I could go for one. Everyone around me is quiting so if I dont do it now, I never will. This is titled writing_randomly, and that is what I'm doing, so if anyone takes thier time to discover my life, thats cool. It's weird how I came across this site and I could tell you anything, nothing and everything about myself, and still hide my identity. I could let you know I'm in Minnesota. It's okay here. Fucking cold right now, but the summer is nice. I'm a college freshman. Nothing too exciting there. I've written a few times in here, using different names. I like that. Conceling my identity and yet allowed to talk on and on about everything. Someone may reply and my not, but it doens't matter. When I first came across this site, I didn't understand what the hell was goin on. I wanted to find a place to write. Eventually I found it. I still am unsure if you can search words. That would be cool. So after writing randomly, I can't think of anything else to say, so Happy Halloween to everyone. 011030 ... malacka Writing randomly... of things left unsaid, of things one is unable to say. Writing is life ulived, unexpressed, dreamt about. And still I do it, to give birth to something, to tell others of the unsaid and unsayable. But more then that, it is how I can make others glean what it is like to be me, and in turn I can see a glimmer of their essence. That is the beauty for me. To see others as they want to be seen. 011229 ... ClairE If I let myself go I'd say things that probably shouldn't be seen. I want things to work out as best they can. I'm doing things against my nature. I want to be patient. So, no, I can't write things I really want to say. They'd hurt too much. 011229 ... kerry random things random things hmmmmm [scratches chin] well here go, i guess i'll give it a shot. eudora and the everlasting gaze and bandaids and bandaids... sigh, elijah wood, man wowzas i just want to cry and cry until i die and die and die there's a termite, and he's chokin' on the splinters... 011229 ... hey now! malaka.. is that hungarian? 011231 ... hey now! exucuse me. malacka* 011231 ... living dead girl writing randomly is fun I suppose... it's always nice to be able to do things without structure. Right now I need to smoke a cigarette even though I don't really need to because I will be ruining my lungs and stuff like that. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah... I love Acid Bath because Dax is the best and he's just simply terrific and wonderful and awesome and stuff like that... cuz ummm yeah 011231 ... Mahayana: Zakah: ... but it sure is still here starring me in the face like a palette full of peas, beans, or any other damn vegetable that you wouldn't wanna eat but you do just so you can leave the fucking table for once .. my vegetable was squash ... gag reflex to the Hilton ... and they don't even charge you for towels, stolen robes, or the damn bible ... 020101 ... hey now! going to get drunk off of cooking wine. but first i shall dilute it with water. or maybe milk. but nothing else b/c thats all thats in the kitchen. his foot is as big as my shoe. my feet arent that big. you know what they say about men with small feet. they have small shoes.. and small dicks. i had 45 minutes of sleep. i am sleepily tickling the plastics. ill pass out after finishing off the cooking wine. 020101 ... princess ...before you could even get hired as a D.M.V. photographer you had to hold your own as a portrait photographer. So They were in breech of contract, there's no doubt about that. If they had just waited three months they would have fulfilled it. And you don't know my password, you made up my password. Any officer pulling stunts like these in my last precinct would have been shot down. I'm way out on an island and I've got my own problems. This is means of strategic deception. I'm allowed in but he is not. I've made it after all. He never wrote a book, he never held an office...but i would like to remind all of you stinking people that we are family and we love each other. 020606 ... terminal Cant top that! 020616 ... ~gez~ Did you never gave a damn in the first place maybe its time you had the tables turned because in the interest of all involved I got the problem solved and the verdict is guilty... man nearly killed me 020823 ... User24 well here I am, no corrections, like Norm, so the following is unedited thought, whcih is pretty cool, really, I wonder if Freud would like this page? I bet he would love it, finding imagery and random bits of thought sexually significant. He was weird, wasn't he? I mean, what was he actually trying to achieve? was he trying to Sorry about the stoppage, had to go and deal with a spider.. God I hate spiders... grrr.. it's ok, he's not dead, just trapped under a glass until Linds sorts him out (throws him into the hallway) later on... Despite being shit scared of wasps and spiders, I'm still sappy enough to not just kil the damn things - I see a spider, I'll jump up and yell "ahh a spider. Get rid of it. Don't kill it" insects deserve a life, too. So long it's not in my house. 030604 ... unhinged spiders meant something to him. when he lived in vegas, they had to watch for the big, life-threateningly poisonous ones. he said that if they were in your house it was an omen. the night that i got high in front of him at josh's apartment and i felt horrible about it, we went back to his house (technically his parents house) and he got up to go to the bathroom and i looked up and there was a spider hanging from it's random thread at about eyelevel in the corner. when he came back in the room, it slowly crawled back up it's thread to the ceiling. am i selfish because i am tired of dealing with his irrational sensitivity? it's getting sooner. i'm moving soon. i keep thinking about them all way too often. sometimes i see random pictures in my head when i am trying to fall asleep at night of 680 between boardman and youngstown. or market street between the space and the dorm. i don't drive but i know my way around. some people think that it's odd that i pay attention and now how to get places because i don't drive. shrooms...i've never done shrooms before. that would be a wonderful present. i think the way you judge good weed is by smoking just one hit of it. it's hard to do; but i got suprisingly high off one hit of my youngstown bud. and i sat in the living room and watched lacrosse on the cable access channel. medina scares me. moving so far away scares me. not talking to him anymore scares me. i am frightened. pretty damn frightened. 030604 ... no reason stream_of_consciousness 030604 ... Toxic_Kisses I've made the right choice, for the both of us, and as corny as it sounds I know it's better to make the right choice and live w/ the consequences no matter how scary they are. Even if things end up turbulent now - down the road everything will work out It all makes perfect logical sense, as long as you do the right thing everything will fall into place eventually and be ok, or heck probably even better then ok. I know this; I just wish my emotions did too 030915 ... metamantrg that makes total sence to me understanding and honesty are the most important parts of life emotions are scairy whats in your heart 030915 ... nomatter Was the Anna Nicole show recast with Jessica Simpson? I sit here listening to garbage. doing nothing. Living my fullfilled life. Putting gel in my hair just to look purty for the mirror. Thinking of him, but not doing a damned thing about it. Waiting, maybe hoping it will come easy. Laziness. I ate too much today and am definitely a pig. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. Where is it all really taking me? 030916 ... minnesota_chris We really need more random, self-absorbed writing on Blather, we were really running short. 030917 ... once again You don't say. Well in that case I have blue eyes and they are quite lovely. 030917 ... staying nameless Or even better,we need someone WHINING about the "random self absorbed writing" on blather 030917 ... minnesota_chris or whining about people whining about random blathers ;) 030917 ... staying nameless touche ;) 030917 ... User24 I could whine about how everyone is too busy whining, and not blathering, if that would help? 030917 ... minnesota_chris that user24, always complaining about us, and making weird colored pages... boo hoo hoo... 030917 ... nomatter that minnesota_chris always say far too creepy things and me always ... ah screw it 030920 what's it to you? who go blather from