veronica *********************************************************************
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** _ H E A T H E R S _ **
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Veronica Sawyer (VS) - Winona Ryder
Jason Dean (JD) - Christian Slater
Heather Duke (HD) - Shannon Doherty
Heather Chandler (HC) - Kim Walker
Heather McNamara (HM) - Lisanne Falk

Pauline Fleming (PF) - Penelope Milford
Father Ripper (FR) - Glenn Shadix
Kurt Kelly (KK) - Lance Fenton
Ram (RA) - Patrick Labyorteaux
Peter Dawson (PD) - Jeremy Applegate
Rodney (RO) - Jon Matthews

Martha Dunstock (MD) - Carrie Lynn
Dennis (DE) - Phil Lewis
Betty Finn (BF) - Renee Estevez
Country Club Keith (CK) - John Zarchen

Country Club Courtney (CC) - Sherrie Wilks
Geek (GE) - Curtiss Marlowe
Fat Cynic (FC) - Andy David
1st Heavy Metaller (M1) - Kevin Hardesty

2nd Heavy Metaller (M2) - Josh Richman
Female Stoner (FS) - Bess Meyer
Veronica's Mum (VM) - Jennifer Rhodes
Veronica's Dad (VD) - Bill Cort

David (DA) - Larry Cox
Brad (BR) - Kent Stoddard
Principal Gowan (PG) - John Ingle
Paul Hyde (PH) - Stuart Mabray

Teacher in Conference Room (TC) - Betty Ramey
Nerd in Pauline's Class (NE) - Aaron Mendelsohn
Big Bud Dean (BD) - Kirk Scott
Officer McCord (OM) - Mark Bringelson

Officer Milner (OF) - Chuck Lafont
Squealing Girl (SG) - Christie Mellor
Kurt's Dad (KD) - Mark Carlton
Hot Probs DJ (DJ) - James Trenton
Gruff Teacher (GT) - Adrian Drake

Not credited: Tracy in Pauline's Class (TR)


Screenplay - Daniel Waters
Casting - Sally Dennison and Julie Selzer
Director of Photography - Francis Kenny
Music - David Newman
Producer - Denise Di Novi
Director - Michael Lehmann

[Playing croquet at VS's house. HM misses shot]
HM Damn. It's your turn Heather.
HC No Heather, it's Heather's turn. Heather -
HD Sorry Heather.
[HD takes shot. HC kisses red ball, which hits VS, buried up to her neck,
on head]
VS Dear Diary.

[Outside Cafeteria]
Heather told me she teaches people life. She said, "Real life sucks
losers dry. If you want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn
to fly." I said, "So you teach people how to spread their wings and fly?"
She said, "Yes." I said, "You're beautiful!"
HM God, come on Veronica.
VS What is your damage, Heather?
HM Don't blame me, blame Heather. She told me to haul your ass into the caf,
pronto. Back me up, Heather.
HD Yeah, she really wants to talk to you.
VS Okay, I'm going. Jesus Christ.

[In Cafeteria]
Hello Heather.
HC Veronica, finally. I've got a note of Kurt Kelly's. I need you to forge
a hot and horny, yet realistically low-key note in Kurt's handwriting
and slip it onto Martha Dumptruck's lunch tray.
VS Shit Heather, I don't have anything against Martha Dunstock.
HC You don't have anything for her either. Come on, it'll be very. The
note'll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks.
VS I'll think about it.
HC Don't think.

[Glances at MD]
Veronica needs something to write on - Heather, bend over.
[Dictates:] Dear Martha, you're so sweet...

[Other side of caf]
KK I'm telling you man, it would be so righteous to be in a Veronica Sawyer/
Heather Chandler sandwich.
RA Oh, hell yes. I wanna get a Heather, and put her on my johnson, and just
start spinnin her around like a goddamn pinwheel... Punch it in!

[HM places forged note on MD's lunch tray]

[From a table in the caf]
PD Westerburg feeds the world. Come on people, let's give that left-over
lunch money to people who don't have lunches. Those tater-tots you throw

HM God, aren't they fed yet?

PD Come on, let's go.

HM Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?
VS Oh sure, pilgrims, Indians, tater-tots - it's a real party continent.

HC Sawyer, guess what today is.
VS Ouch. Lunchtime poll?
HM So what's the question?
HD Yeah, so what's the question?
HC Goddamn Heather. You were with me in study hall when I thought of it.
HD I forgot.
HC Such a pillowcase.
VS This wouldn't be that bizarro thing you were babbling about over the
phone last night, would it?
HC Of course it is. I told Dennis if he gives me another political topic,
I'd spew burrito chunks.

[VS, staring at JD, walks straight into BF]
BF Oh Veronica, I'm sorry.
VS Betty Finn, gosh. Hey, I'm really sorry I couldn't make it to your
birthday party last month.
BF It's okay. Your mom said you had a big date. Think I'd probably miss my
own birthday for a date.
VS Don't say that.
BF I was looking around the other day and I dug up.. these old
VS [Laughs] Ohh, they're great.
HC [Grabbing VS by the sleeve] Come on, Veronica.
VS I was talking to somebody.

[Another table in the caf]
CC Great, it's Heather.
CK Oh, shit.
HC Hi, Courtney. Love your cardigan.
CC Thanks. I just got it last night at Limited. Like totally blew my
HC Check this out. You win five million dollars from the Publisher's
Sweepstakes, and the same day that that big Ed guy gives you the cheque,
aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow up the world in
two days. What do you do?
CK That's easy. I'd just slide that wad over to my father, cos he is like
one of the top brokers in the State.
CC If I got that money, I'd give it all to the homeless. Every cent.
VS You're beautiful.

[Walking away]
HC If you're going to openly be a bitch -
VS It's just, Heather, why can't we talk to different kinds of people?
HC Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa? If I
did, I probably wouldn't mind talking to the geek squad.

[GE spits milk]
GE Did you see that? Heather #1 just looked right at me!

VS Does it not bother you that everybody in this school thinks that you're
a piranha?
HC Like I give a shit. They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm
worshiped at Westerburg, and I'm only a junior.
[MD looks at KK]
I can't believe this. We're going to a party at Remington University
tonight, and we're brushing up on our conversational skills with the
scum of the school.

[VS and HC approach table of geeks]
[Geeks in unison] Hi
HC So this is what's called a lunchtime poll.

[At the Feed the World table]
You win five million dollars in the Publisher's Sweepstakes..

[To KK and RA]
..and the same day that what's-his-face gives you the cheque..

[In parking lot]
..aliens land on earth, and..

[A table in the caf]
..say they're gonna blow up the world in two days.

[In corridor]
What are you gonna do with the money?

GE I'd go to Egypt. With a girl.
BF I'd use the money for an end-of-the-world get-together.
RA I'd pay Madonna a million bucks to sit on my face and have her ride like
the Kentucky derby..
M1 That's gotta be the most spooky-assed question I ever heard.
PD Alright, this is important. Tax is only the beginning..
RA ..she should pay me, though.
M2 You go to the zoo and get a lion, then you put a remote-control bomb up
its butt..
PD ..social security, legal fees..
M2 ..you push the button on the bomb, and you and the lion die like one.
FS Whaat?

[In the caf]
HM Oh my God. Here we go.
[MD takes note to KK, whose entire table bursts out laughing]

[VS goes to the Feed the World table]
PD Hi, Veronica. Five keeps the neighbourhood alive.
HC [Dragging VS away] You wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique
in school. If I wasn't already the head of it, I'd want the same thing.
Come on Veronica, you used to have a sense of humour.

[In the bathroom]
HD Veronica, can you come back here a minute?
VS [Flexing index finger] True friend's work is never done.
HC Gross. Grow up, Heather. Bulimia is so '87.
VS You know, maybe you should see a doctor.
HD Yeah, maybe.
HC Come on, Heather, let's take another look at today's lunch.

[Back in caf. VS stares at JD]
HM God, Veronica, drool much? His name's Jason Dean. He's in my American
VS [Approaches JD] Hello Jason Dean.
JD Greetings and salutations. Are you a Heather?
VS No, I'm a Veronica .. Sawyer. This may seem like a really stupid question.
JD There are no stupid questions.
VS You inherit five million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and
say they're gonna blow it up in two days. What do you do?
JD That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.

[At KK and RA's table]
RA Who does that guy in the coat think he is, anyways, Bo Diddley?
KK Veronica's into his act, no doubt.

[At JD's table]
JD Ahh, I don't know. Probably row out to the middle of a lake somewhere,
bring along a bottle of Tequila, my sax and.. some bac'.
VS How very.
HC Come on, Veronica.
VS [To JD] Later.
JD Definitely.

RA Let's kick his ass!
KK Shit Ram. We're seniors man. We're too old for that kinda crap. Let's
give him a good scare, though.

RA [Sticks hand in JD's meal] You gonna eat this?
KK What did your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving to
Sherwood, Ohio?
RA Answer him, dick.
KK Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a "no fags allowed" rule?
JD Well they.. seem to have an open-door policy for assholes, though,
don't they?
KK What'd you say, dickhead?
JD [Stands] Ahh.. I'll repeat myself. [Pulls out gun and shoots them both]

[Playing croquet]
HM They won't expel him. They'll just suspend him for a week or something.
HC He used a real gun. They should throw his ass in jail.
VS No way, he used blanks. All JD really did was ruin two pairs of pants.
Maybe not even that. Can you bleach out urine stains?
HC You seem pretty amused. I thought you had given up on high school guys.
VS Never say never.
HD So what're you going to do, Heather, take the two shots or send me out?
HC Did you have a brain tumour for breakfast? First you ask if you can
be red, knowing that I'm always red. [Knocks HD's ball out]
HD Oh, shit.
HC It's your turn Heather. [HD walks to ball] Easy shot Heather.
HM No way, no day.
VS Give it up, girl.
[HD bounces ball off statue and tree, through hoop]
VS Holy shit
HM God, that was incredible.
HD Wooh!
HM So, tonight's the night. Are you two excited?
HC I'm giving Veronica her shot, her first Remington party. You blow it
tonight girl, and it's "keggers with kids" all next year.
[HC attacks HD's ball again]
HD Why?
HC Why not?
[VM comes out with a tray of food]
VM Heather, your mother's here.
HM Come on, whoever wants a ride.
[Everyone in unison] Bye
VD Hey, take a break Veronica. Sit down. So, what was the first week of..
spring vacation withdrawal like?
VS I d'know. It was okay I guess.
VM Hey kid, isn't the prom coming up?
VS I guess.
VM Any contestants worth mentioning?
VS Maybe.. there's kind of a dark horse in the running.
VD Goddamn will somebody tell me why I read these spy novels?
VS Cos you're an idiot.
VD Oh yeah, that's it.
VM You two.
VS Great pate, but I gotta motor if I want to be ready for that party

[Outside the Snappy Snack Shack that night]
HC [Calling from the car parked in handicapped spot] Corn nuts!
VS BQ or plain?

[Inside Snappy Snack Shack. VS grabs packet of corn nuts]
JD Are you gonna pull a super-chug with that?
VS No, but if you're nice, I'll let you buy me a slushie. I see you know
your convenience-speak pretty well.
JD Yeah, well.. I've been moved around all my life. Dallas, Baton
Rouge, Vegas.. Sherwood, Ohio. There's always been a Snappy Snack Shack.
Any town, any time.. pop a ham-and-cheese in the microwave and feast on
a turbo dog. Keeps me sane.
VS Really? That thing you pulled in the caf today was pretty severe.
JD Yeah well, the extreme always seems to make an impression. Did you say
a cherry or coke slushie?
VS I didn't.. cherry.

VS Great bike.
JD Yeah, just a humble perk from my Dad's construction company. You've seen
the commercial, right? "Bringing every State to a higher state".
VS Wait a minute. Jason Dean. Your pop's Big Bud Dean Construction? Must be
rough moving place to place.
JD Well everybody's life has got static. Is your life perfect?
VS I'm on my way to a party at Remington University.
[HC beeps car horn impatiently]
No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends.
JD I.. I don't really like your friends either.
VS Well, it's just like they're people I work with, and our job is being
popular and shit.
JD Maybe it's time to take a vacation.

[At Remington University]
DA Ladies, throw your coats on the floor. Ah, Veronica, this is Brad.
BR Excellent!
DA Did you girls bring your partying slippers, huh?
HC Let's party.
DA [To BR] She loves to party.

[VS's bedroom]
VS Dear Diary. I want to kill, and you have to believe it's for more than
just selfish reasons, more than just a spoke in my menstrual cycle. You
have to believe me.

[Remington corridor]
BR Hey it's so great to be able to talk to a girl and not have to ask "What's
your major?". I hate that. So, when you go to college, what subjects do
you think you'll study?

[DA's room. DA and HC kissing]
HC Come on, David. Shouldn't we get back to the party?
DA We will. It's just you're so hot tonight. I can't control myself.
[HC goes down..]

[VS's bedroom]
VS Oh Christ, I can't explain it, but I'm allowed an understanding that my
parents and these Remington University assholes have chosen to ignore.
I understand that I must stop Heather.

[BR's room. VS is playing with a match. She drops it into a mug which catches
alight, and the mug into a rubbish bin, which also catches fire]

[Bathroom. HC washes her mouth and spits at the mirror]

[BR's room]
BR How's my little cheerleader, huh? Oh, I know everyone at your high school
isn't so uptight. Come on..
VS Come on, now look, I don't feel so good, okay?
BR Hey, *let's do on the coats'll* be excellent, huh?
VS [Stands] You know, I have a little prepared speech for my suitor when he
wants more than I'm prepared to give him. Gee, Blank, I had a really
nice -
BR Save the speeches for Malcolm X. I just wanna get laid!
VS You don't deserve my fucking speech.

[VS's bedroom]
VS Betty Finn was a true friend, and I sold her out for a bunch of
Swatch-dogs and Diet Coke-heads. Killing Heather would be like offing
the Wicked Witch of the West.. wait.. East.. West.. God, I sound like a
fucking psycho!

[Remington corridor]
HC What's your damage? Brad says you're being a real *kuse*.
VS Heather, I feel really sick, like I'm gonna throw up, so can we please
jam now?
HC No! Hell No!
[VS throws up]

[VS's bedroom]
VS Tomorrow, I'll be kissing her aerobicised ass, but tonight, let me dream
of a world without Heather, a world where I am free.

[Outside Remington]
HC You stupid fuck!
VS You goddamn bitch!
HC You were nothing before you met me. You were playing Barbies with Betty
Finn. You were a bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl-Scout
cookie. I got you into a Remington party. What's my thanks? It's on the
hallway carpet. I got paid in puke.
VS Lick it up baby, Lick.. it.. up..!
HC Monday morning, you're history. I'll tell everyone about tonight. Transfer
to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No-one at Westerburg's gonna let you
play their reindeer games.

[VS's bedroom. VS throws diary across room, as JD climbs up to window,
startling her]
JD Dreadful etiquette, I apologise.
VS It's okay.
JD I saw the croquet setup in the back. You up for a match?

[VS's yard]
JD Mmm.. Thank you, that was my.. first game of strip croquet.
VS Well, you're welcome. It's a lot more interesting than just flinging off
your clothes and boning away on a neighbour's swing set.
JD Mmm.. there's a lot to be said for throwing off your - oww!
VS What a night.. What a life.. They wanted to move me into high school out
of the sixth grade because I was supposed to be this big genius..
JD Mmm..
VS ..then we decided to chuck the idea, because I'd have trouble making
friends, blah blah blah.. Now blah blah blah is all I do. I use my grand
IQ to decide what colour gloss to wear, and how to hit three keggers
before curfew.
JD Mmm.. Heather Chandler is one bitch that deserves to die.
VS Killing her won't solve anything. I say we just grow up, be adults and
die. But before that, I'd like to see Heather chandler puke her guts out.

[HC's kitchen]
VS Trust me, she skips the Saturday morning trip to Grandma's, even when
she's not hungover.
JD We'll just concoct ourselves a little hangover cure that'll induce her to
spew red, white and blue, then.
VS What about like milk and orange juice. What's the up-chuck factor on that?
JD [Finds bottle of Hull Clean] I'm a no-rust-build-up man, myself.
VS Don't be a dick. That stuff'll kill her.
JD 'eah...
VS I know, we can cook up some soup, and put it in a coke. It's.. it's pretty
sick, eh? Now should it be chicken noodle or bean with bacon?
JD Put a lid on that stuff. I say we go with big blue here.
VS What are you talking about? She would never drink anything that looked
like that, anyway.
JD So we'll.. put it in this. [Taking mug with lid] She won't be able
to see what she's drinking.
VS It's only in a cup, jerk. [Takes down another mug] Okay, milk and orange
juice. Mmm.. well maybe we could cough up a phlegm *globber or something*.
JD Mmm..
[They both start coughing and then in unison:] No?
VS Oh well, milk and orange juice will do it quite nicely.
JD Mmm.. you chicken?
VS You're not funny.
JD I'm sorry. [Kisses her, and she picks up mug full of Hull Clean] Ahh..
VS What?
JD Ahh.. never mind. I'll.. I'll carry the cup.

[HC's bedroom]
VS Morning Heather.
HC Veronica.. [And to JD] Jesse James. Quelle surprise. Hear about Veronica's
affection for regurgitation?
VS I think last night we both said a lot of stuff we didn't mean.
HC Did we? How the hell didcha get in here?
JD Umm.. Veronica knew you'd have a hangover, so I whipped this up
for you. It's a family recipe.
HC What did you do, put a phlegm globber in it or something? I'm not gonna
drink that piss.
JD I knew this stuff'd be too intense for her.
HC Intense. Grow up! You think I'll drink it just because you call me
chicken? [JD smiles wryly and nods] Just give me the cup, jerk. [HC
drinks the contents, chokes..] Corn nuts! [..and falls head first through
her glass table]
VS Oh my God. I can't believe it. I just killed my best friend.
JD And your worst enemy.
VS Same difference. Ohh..
JD What're we gonna tell the cops? Fuck it if she can't take a joke,
VS Oh the cops. I can't believe this is my life. Oh my God. I'm gonna have
to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford.
JD Ohh.. alright.. I'm just a little freaked, here. At least you got whatcha
wanted, y'know?
VS Got what I wanted? It is one thing to want somebody out of your life, it
is another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.
JD [Sees cover story on Info magazine about teenage suicide] Yeah... All
right... We did a murder and that's a crime, but this were like a suicide
thing, y'know?
VS Like a suicide thing?
JD Yeah. I mean, you can do Heather's handwriting as well as your own, right?
VS [Takes paper from drawer and starts composing aloud] You might think what
I've done is shocking -
JD Umm.. to me, though, suicide is the logical answer to the myriad of
problems life has given me.
VS That's good, but Heather would never use the word "myriad".
JD This is the last thing she'll ever write - she'll want to cash in on as
many fifty cent words as possible.
VS Yeah, but she missed "myriad" on the vocab test two weeks ago.
JD It proves my point more. The word is a badge for her failures at school.
VS Oh. Okay, you're probably right. Umm.. [composing] people think that just
because you're beautiful and popular, life is easy and fun. No-one
understood, I had feelings too.
JD I die knowing no-one knew the real me.
VS That's good. Have you done this before?

[Westerburg Conference room]
PG Any other principal'd take the same position. Keep things business as
PH Heather Chandler's not your every-day suicide. She was very popular.
PG Come on, Paul. If I let these kids out before lunch, the switchboard'd
light up like a Christmas tree.
TC I must say I was impressed to see that she made proper use of the word
"myriad" in her suicide note.
PF I find it profoundly disturbing that we're told of the tragic destruction
of youth, and all we can think to talk about is adequate mourning times
and misused vocabulary words.
PG Christ.
PF We must revel in this revealing moment. Look, I suggest that we get
everybody together, both students and teachers, in the cafeteria, and
just.. talk, and.. feel, together.
PG Thank you, Miss Fleming, you call me when the shuttle lands. Now, is this
Heather the cheerleader?
PH That would be Heather McNamara.
PG Damn. I'd be willing to go half a day for a cheerleader.

[Girl's locker room]
HM God, it's unfair. It's just so unfair. We should get off a whole week,
not just an hour.
HD Write the school board.
VS Watch it Heather, you might be digesting food there.
HM Yeah, where's your urge to purge?
HD Fuck it.
HM [Looking through HC's locker] Look.. Heather left behind one of her
Swatches. She'd want you to have it, Veronica. She always said you
couldn't accessorise for shit.
TR Sorry to hear about your friend. Thought she was your usual airhead bitch.
Guess I was wrong. We all were.
HM What a waste.
HD Oh, the humanity.
[VS gets under a shower, fully-clothed]
HM Veronica.. Veronica, what are you doing?
veronica [PF's class]
PF I'm just so.. thrilled.. to finally have an example of the profound
sensitivity of which a human animal is capable. That example is Heather
Chandler. I have her note.
[Murmurs from class]
Now, I'm going to pass this note around the class, so you can all feel
its pathetic beauty for yourself. And while we do this, I think its a
good opportunity to share the.. feelings that this suicide has spurred
in all of us. Now, who would like to begin?
TR I heard it was really gnarly. She sucked down a bowl of multi-purpose
deodorizing disinfectant, and then smash!
PF Uh, now, Tracey, let's not rehash the coroner's report. Let's talk
PE Um. Heather and I used to go out, and she said I was boring, but now I
realise I really wasn't boring, it's just that she was dissatisfied with
her life.
PF That's very good, Peter.
[VS bursts out laughing, then covers up by crying]
NE Are we going to be tested on this?

[JD's house]
HD [On TV] You know, we were the same size, so sometimes we could borrow
each other's clothes, and mix it up. It was fun.
PD [On TV] I remember I won her a rhino at the 4H Club, for -
VS Oh you're an asshole. Mute him.
HD [On TV] You know, we liked the same kind of clothes -
VS Heather, how many networks did you run to?
HD [On TV] - we liked a lot of the same things.
CC [On TV] It's not going to be the same here without her -
VS What're you talking about? You hated her, she hated you.
CC [On TV] - every English class, I looked forward to seeing her -
[JD switches off TV]
JD Heather Chandler's more popular than ever, now.
VS Scary stuff.
[BD enters]
JD Hey, son, I didn't hear you come in.
BD Hey, dad, how was work today? It was miserable. Some damn tribe of
withered old bitches doesn't want us to terminate that fleabag hotel.
Huh. All because Glenn Miller and his band once took a shit there. Just
like Kansas. Remember fucking Kansas?
JD Yeah, that was the one with the wheat, right?
BD 'eah.. "Save The Memorial Oak Tree" Society. Showed those fucks.
JD Thirty of those 4th of July fireworks attached to the trunk. Arraigned,
but acquitted.
BD Gosh, pop, I almost forgot to introduce my girlfriend.
JD Veronica, this is my Dad. Dad - Veronica. Son, why don't you ask your
little friend to stay for dinner?
VS I can't, my Mom's making my favourite meal tonight, Spaghetti.. lots
of oregano.
JD How nice. Last time I saw my Mom, she was waving from a library window
in Texas. Right Dad?
BD Right.. son.
VS Right.

[VS's house]
VD Hey, take a break Veronica. Sit down. So, what was the first day after
Heather's suicide like?
VS I d'know. It was okay, I guess.
VM Terrible thing. So.. we get to meet this dark horse prom contender?
VS Maybe.
VD Goddamn will somebody tell me why I smoke these damn things?
VS Cos you're an idiot.
VD Oh yeah, that's it.
VM You two.
VS Great pate, but I gotta motor if I want to be ready for that funeral.

FR I blame not Heather, but rather a society that tells its youth that the
answers can be found in the MTV video games. We must pray that the other
teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio know the name of that righteous dude who can
solve their problems. It's Jesus Christ, and he's in the book.
[All:] Amen.

[HC's friends pray silently beside her, one by one]
HM Oh God, this is a tragic thing, and sometimes I have a hard time dealing
with it and stuff. Please send Heather to Heaven and all that.
PE Dear God, please make sure this never happens to me, cos I don't think
I can handle suicide. Plus, early acceptance into an Ivy League school
and please let it be Harvard. Amen.
RA Jesus, God in Heaven, why didcha kill such hot snatch? Hey, it's a joke,
man. Jeez, people are so serious. Hail Mary who aren't in Heaven, bless
sinners - so we don't get caught. Another joke man.
HD I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times, and I felt bad
every time I did it, but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you
understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah.
VS Hi, I'm sorry. Technically I did not kill Heather Chandler, but hey.
who am I trying to kid, right? I just want my high school to be a nice
place. Amen. Did that sound bitchy?

HM Veronica, what're you doing tonight?
VS I don't know, mourning, maybe watch some TV. Why?
HM Well, Ram asked me out tonight, but he wants to double with Kurt, and
Kurt doesn't have a date.
VS Heather, I have something going with JD.
HM Veronica, put Billy the Kid on hold for tonight. I'm your best friend.

KK So, we on tonight, man, or what?
RA I don't know. Still got to talk to Heather, dude. Great funeral, huh?
[GE passes KK]
KK That pudwacker just stepped on my foot.
RA Let's kick his ass -
KK Cool off. We're seniors.
RA You goddamn geek.
GE Uh, well.. [Gives them the finger] Sit and spin.
KK Little prick.
[RA and KK chase and catch GE. RA pins him down]
You piece of shit bag, you like to suck big dicks?
GE Oww..
KK Say I like to suck big dicks.
GF Leave him a-lone, Ram.
GE Oww..
RA Say it.. Say it.
GE Okay, okay. You like to suck big dicks.
[RA flattens him]
Oh, oh, I like to suck big dicks. Mmmm.. Mmmmmm.. I can't get enough of
'em. Are you satisfied?

HM Don't worry, Ram's been so sweet lately, consoling me and stuff. It'll
be really very. Promise.
VS Okay, just as long as it's not one of those nights when they get shit-
faced and take us to a pasture to tip cows.

[In a pasture somewhere..]
KK Is he sleeping, dude?
RA I think so, man. Come here..
KK Shit..
RA Cow-tipping's the fuckin' greatest. Punch it in!
KK Owww.. okay on the count of three, guy.
[In unison] One, two, three.
[Cow lands in mud, covering VS and HM. KK and RA laugh hysterically. RA
jumps on HM]
KK [To VS] When I get that feeling, I need sexual healing.
VS Yeah, right, asshole.
[KK keels over]
JD [Coming down the hill] What is this shit?
VS Doing a favour for Heather. Double date. I tried to tell you at the
funeral, but you rode off.
JD Another fuckin' Heather. Sorry, I'm feeling a little superior tonight.
Seven schools in seven states, and the only thing different is my locker
combination. Our love is God. Let's go get a slushie.

[School paper editing room]
DE I'm not belittling the foodless fund, Peter, it's just that we're
talking teenage suicide here. Ask Alison: The number one song on America
today is "Teenage suicide, don't do it" by Big Fun. Jesus man, Westerburg
finally got one of these things, and I'm not gonna blow it!
PD Great. So Heather gets the front page, and I get crammed in by the
Taco Bell coupons.
[Veronica walks in]
VS Hi guys. Came to check up on this weeks lunch time poll topic.
DE Don't worry about it Veronica. Sit down. The funeral yesterday must
really have been rough, eh?
VS Oh, yeah....
DE We were wondering if you had any poems.. artwork that Heather did that
we can put in the Heather Chandler Yearbook Spring.
VS The what?
DE Come here, take a look. A two page layout, with her suicude note right up
here in the corner. It's more tasteful than it sounds.
VS I don't know Dennis, this stuff leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
CC Like last night, Veronica?
[CC looks at a friend and giggles]
VS Excuse me? I don't get it.
CC What you did last night. Kurt told us of your little date.
VS Yeah, and? I left him drunk and flailing in cow shit.
CC Well, I don't know, he was really detailed...
PD Shut up, Courtney.
VS No, don't shut up, I'd like to know exactly what I did.
PD Come on, Veronica. I'll show you the lunch time poll topic.

[Outside the room]
VS What the fuck?
PD OK, I rarely listen to neanderthals like Kurt Kelly, but he said that
he and Ram had a nice little sword fight in your mouth last night.
You know what I mean?
VS No! That son-of-a-bitch!

[Veronica sitting in her bed, on the phone]
Hi Kurt. Hi, this is Veronica Sawyer. Yeah, I didn't expect to be calling
either, I just guess my emotions took over... I was wondering if you
wanted all those things you've been saying to really happen? It's always
been a fantasy of mine to have two guys at once. Sure, you can write to
Penthouse Forum.
[Throws a pillow at JD, who is sitting on her bed, laughing]
Yes, in the woods behind the school. At dawn. Don't forget Ram!
[Kurt hangs up the phone, looking confused]
I don't get the point of me writing a suicide note when we'll just going
to be shooting them with blanks.
JD We're not going to be using blanks, this time.
VS You can't be serious.
JD I am.
VS Listen, my Bonnie and Clyde days are over.
JD Wait a second, wait a second. Do you take german?
VS French.
JD Alright, these are Ich Luge bullets. My grandfather snared a shitload of
them back in WW II. They're like tranquillizers, only they break the
surface of the skin, enough to cause a little blood, but no real damage.
VS So it looks like the person has been shot and killed, and really they're
just laying there unconsious and bleeding? JD Right. We shoot Kurt and
Ram, make it look like they shot each other. By the time they regain
consiousness they will be the laughing stock of the whole school.
The note's the punchline, how did that turn out?
VS First tell me the similarity is not increadible.
JD Incredible similarity...
[Veronica grins]
[reading the note]
Ram and I died the day we realized we could never reveal our forbidden
love to an uncaring and ununderstanding world. The joy we shared in
each others arms was greater than any touch down, yet we were forced to
live the lives of sexist, beer guzzling jock assholes.
JD It's perfect. Let's take a look at some the homosexual artifacts I dug
up to plant at the scene. Alright. An issue of Stud Puppie.
VS Great.
JD Candy dish. Joan Crawford postcard. Let's see... Some mascara. Alright.
Here's the one perfecto thing I picked up. Mineral water.
VS Oh, come on, a lot of people drink mineral water. It's come a long way.
JD Yes, but this is Ohio. I mean, if you don't have a brewski in your hand
you might as well be wearing a dress.
VS Oh, you're so smart.
[Veronica rises from the bed, and they kiss]

[In the woods]
KK Hi Veronica!
VS Hi guys! I'm glad you could make it.
RA So, should I just whoop it out, or?
VS Well, I made a circle on each side of the clearing... Ram you come over
here. Kurt... When you get to the circle, strip!
RA What about you?
VS I was kind of hoping you could rip my clothes off me, sport?
RA Good idea.
[The guys strip]
VS OK, count of three guys? One... Two...
[JD jumps out from behind a tree, and takes out his gun]
JD Three!
[JD shoots Ram. Veronica shoots Kurt, but misses.]
KK Wow!
[Kurt runs away]
JD Did you miss him completely?
VS Yes, but don't worry. It was worth it, just to see the look on him!
JD Don't move, I'll get him back.
[JD runs after Kurt]

[Veronica realizes that Ram is dead. Kurt comes back to the clearing.]
[Veronica shoots Kurt.]

[In a police car nearby]
P1 Hey, I heard it that time!
P2 What?
P1 Another gun shot, from the woods.
P2 Shit! Let's roll!

VS Kurt doesn't look to good.
JD Just remember he's left handed.
[They here somthing, and run away]

P2 Mother of shit!
P1 Call in. Hey, I heard something out there, I'm checking it out.
[Speaking into the radio]
P2 Yeah, this is officer McCord. I've got two bodies in the woods behind
Westerburg High.

[JD and VS are being chased by the cop, and starts to make out in the car]
P2 Do you hear me? What's going down?
P1 Yeah, yeah. I think what I heard bak there was a bunny rabbit. All
I got here is two kids making out in a station wagon. Should I pry
them apart?
P2 No, no, no. Forget it, I've got all the answers here. Are they naked?

P1 So, what's the deal?
P2 Suicide. Double suicide. They shot each other.
P1 Hey, that's Kurt Kelly!
P2 And the line backer Ram Sweeney.
P1 My god, suicide. Why?
P2 Does this answer your question?
[Takes out the mineral water from a bag]
P1 Oh man, they were fags!
P2 Listen up. "We realized we could never reveal our forbidden love to
an uncaring and ununderstanding world."
P1 Jesus H Christ!
P2 The quarter back, buggering the line backer. What a waste!
P1 Oh, the humanity!

[On the parking lot, in the car. Veronica gets a cigarette from JD.]
VS We killed them, didn't we?
JD Of course!
[Veronica takes the lighter and pushes it into her hand. She screams.]
[JD takes it away, and lights his cigarette from her hand. She screams more.]
VS Ich Luge bullets! I'm such an idiot!
JD Look. You believed it, because you wanted to believe it.
Your true feelings were to gross and icky for you to face.
VS I did NOT want them dead!
JD You did too!
VS I did not!
JD Did too!
VS I did not!
[several times...]
Shut up! I did not want them to...
JD Come on! You did. You're just not...
[Veronica starts singing, holding her hands to her ears]
veronica [To HM:]
HD Young love...
U1 Did you hear? School's cancelled today, because Kurt and Ram killed
themselves in a repressed homosexual suicide pact.
HD No way!
[HM looks strangely at her]

VS God!
JD Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing to offer
this school but date rapes and AIDS jokes. VS Sure... Could we make
an ice run before the funeral?

[In church]
KD If there's any way you can hear me, Kurt buddy... I don't care that
you really were some pansy... You're my own flesh and blood, and you
made me proud. My son's a homosexual, and I love him! I love my dead
gay son!
JD How do you think he'd react to a son that had a limp wrist with a pulse?
[VS laughs, but stops when she sees Kurts (or Rams) sister crying]

[VS's bedroom]
VS Dear diary. My teen angst bullshit has a body count. The most
popular people in school are dead. Everybody is sad, but it's a wierd
kind of sad. Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a brain. I
don't know what it's getting me, but I've got no control over myself
when I'm with JD. Are we going to prom or to hell?

[conference room]
PF Now. It seems we were in a similar position on monday, when I
thoughtfully suggested we'd get everybody together for an unadultarated
emotional outpour. But no. You took this as an opportunity to play yet
another round of Lets Laugh At The Hippie.
PH Pauline, ...
PG Shut up, Paul! I've seen a lot of bullshit. Angel Dust, switchblades,
sexually perversed photography exhibits involving tennis rackets...
but this suicide thing... I guess that's more on Paulines wavelength.
We're just gonna write off today, and on friday Pauline can hold her
little "love-in", or whatever.

[in the caf]
PF [shouts] Attention!
[GE spits out his milk]
May I have your attention?
[VS walks in through the door, wearing black glasses]
This school has been torn apart by tragedies. I'm here to fuse it back
again, in togetherness. I want everybody to clap hands. [VS takes of her
glasses, and looks at PF as if she was insane]
We need to connect this cafeteria into one mighty circuit! Look! Here's
the TV crew! Clap your hands!
[PF start walking around in the caf, making everybody hold hands]
VS [to HD] Look's like Ms Phlegm's on another one of her crusades.
Usual success, of course.
TV Hi, what's your name?
HD [smiling] Hi, I'm Heather Duke.
[MD crawls down under the table]
[JD walks up to VS, and holds her from behind]
JD Is this as good for you as it is for me?
[JD takes a seat at MD's table, and MD returns to her chair]
Greetings and salutations!
PD [to PF] I need a copy of all this by monday for my Princeton
[VS leaves]

[at JD's house]
VS That thing this afternoon! I'm so angry! It was chaos, fucking chaos.
JD What are you talking about? I mean, today was great! Chaos is great!
Chaos is what killed the dinosaures, darling.
[VS sighs]
Face it, our way is the way. I mean, we scare people into not being
VS Our way is not `our' way!
JD Tell that to the judge, alright. Tell it to Kurt Kelly!
[JD pretends he's been shot]
`Oh, God, Veronica!'
[VS throws something at JD]
VS I'm telling it to you! God, you can be SO immature!
JD Oh, you kids are making too much damn noise!
[BD enters with a video tape in his hand, smiling]
BD We beat the bitches.
VS Beautiful. The Beaver is home.
BD The judge told them to slurp shit and die. [the TV showing a large house]
I put a norwegian in the boiler room. Masterful! [the house falls apart]
And then, when that blew... it set off a pack of thermals I stuck
[BD laughs]
Some days it's great to be alive.
[BD leaves]
VS Do you like your father?
JD I've never given the matter much thought. I liked my mother.
They said her death was an accident, but she knew what she was doing. She
walked into the building two minutes before my dad blew the place up. She
waved at me, and then... Boom.
U2 [on the radio:] If I'm getting one more request for that Big Fun
song, _I_ am gonna commit suicide!
JD Hey, they're playing our song!
U2 [radio] Here it is: Teenage Suicide, don't do it.
[song playing, then JD shoots the radio]
VS That's it! We're breaking up!
[VS tries to leave, but JD throws her back on the couch]
JD What? You you can't bring them back, you must know that.
VS I am not trying to bring anybody back, except maybe myself.
[JD kisses VS, but she jumps away]
And to think there was a time when I actually thought you were cool!
Man, if you can't deal with me now, then just stay home and shoot your
TV. Blow up a couple of toasters or something. Just don't come to
school, and don't mess with me!
[VS leaves]
JD You'll be back!

[In the chemistry lab. JD walkes in and gives HD a photo]
HD Me and Martha Dumptruck? Where did you get this?
JD Ah, I just had the nicest little chat with Ms Dumptruck. We got along
famously. Kind of scary though that everybody has got a little story to
tell. Do you wanna see the canoeing shots?
HD What is this? Blackmail? I'll give you a weeks lunch money.
JD I don't want your money. I want your strength. Westerburg doesn't need
mushy togetherness, it needs a strong leader. Heather Chandler was that
leader, but...
HD But she couldn't handle it.
JD I think you can. Moby Dick is dunked. The white whale drank some bad
plankton and splashed through a coffee table. Now it's your turn to
take the helm.
HD What about the photographs?
JD Don't worry. I'll ask you to do me a favour, it'll be one you'll enjoy.
And you'll get the negatives and everything back then. But in the mean
time... strength. Here's a little gift.
[JD hands over HC's scrunchee]
Have a good day, Heather.

[VS opens HC's locker, and sees the note ``I shop, therefore I am'']
[HD walks up and puts her hands on VS's eyes]
HD Guess who?
VS Heather?
[HD takes a few things from locker door.]

[VS's bed]
BF [on the phone] Hello?
VS Hello Betty? This is Veronica.

[outside VS's house, playing croquet]
BF I don't believe it, I'm winning!
VS Don't you start getting cocky on me now, girl.
BF I've really missed you. I know I'm not as exciting as your other friends.
VS That is bullshit. Shoot.
BF Do you know I'm still a virgin? Ok, I french kissed Al Springler once.
Total disaster!
VS Shoot the ball! You know Betty, your day dreams are much better than
my reality, believe me... But know, prepare to die.
BF Ronnie!
[VS shoots, hits BF's ball]
You're not gonna go for just those two shots? Go ahead, knock me out.
It's the only way to win.
VS It's not my style.
BF Nice guys finish last. I should know.
[VS knocks BF's ball out]
[HD and HM enters]
HD Bravo. Brav-o!
BF I gotta go home, OK?
BF Thanks.
VS Bye, Betty.
HD Betty, leaving so soon? I'm red.

[MD sits at the gym, and spills a coke all over her]

[on TV, at VS]
PF The Westerburg suicides were tough on all of us. But we shared the pain
of losing three very popular students. I came into the cafeteria and
asked them to hold hands, ...
VD Isn't that the flake we met at the Open House?
PF ... in a burst of cleansing syncronicity, TV cameras happened upon the
VS Cleansing syncronicity? Outpouring of emotions?
VD There's Heather!
VM And there's Heather! Where are you, Veronica?
PF Before a teenager decides to kill himself, there are a few things he
needs to know. After all, this is a decision that effects all of us. And
there's only one chance to get it right.
[MD walks into the traffic, with a note on her T-shirt]
[VS switches off the TV]
VM Turn that back on!
VS Can't you see these programs are eating suicide with a spoon? They make
it sound like it's a cool thing to do!
VM Are you telling me this is not a time for troubled youth?
Stand up straight.
VS All we want is to be treated like human beings. Not experimented on
like guinea pigs, or patronized like bunny rabbits.
VD I don't patronize bunny rabbits!
VM Treated like human beings? Is that what you said, little Ms. Voice-of-a-
Generation? How do you think adults act with other adults? Do you think
it's just like a game of doubles tennis? When teenagers complain that
they wants to be treated like human beings, it's usually because they
ARE treated like human beings.
VS I guess I picked the wrong time to be a human being.
VM You'll live.. Want some pate?
[HD enters]
HD Hello everybody, the door was open. Veronica, have you heard? We
were doing chinese at the food fair when it comes over the phone that
Martha Dumptruck tried to buy the farm. She belly flopped(?) in front
of a car, wearing a suicide note.
VS Is she dead?
HD No, that's the punchline. She's alive, and in stabile condition.
Just another example of a geek trying to imitate the popular people at
school, failing miserably. Is that pate?
[VS hits her on the face]

[VS's room]
VS I said I was sorry!
HD You were out of control! I mean, Heather and Kurt were a shock,
but Martha Dumptruck? Get crucial. She has dialed the suicide hotline
since she was in diapers.
VS You're not funny.
HD Look. Martha couldn't take the heat, so she got out of the kitchen.
Just think what a better place this world would be if every moron
followed her cue.
VS Shut up. Hot Probs is on.
HD Oh, shit, yeah.
U3 It's like Skip is Ok, but still, sometimes I feel like I'm on that
island... And Gilligan can just be so stupid sometimes.
DJ Well, dude, just remember: if it wasn't for the fearless crew, the
minnow would be lost, and you are too. Next!
HD That sounded like a big one.
U4 You've got the dog catcher!
HM [on the radio] My name is Heather. No, it's not Heather. No, it's
[VS and HD look at each other, shocked]
Jeez, no, not that.
DJ Hey babe, I need a name.
[HM looks at her bird]
HM My name is Tweety.
DJ Tweety? Oh, tweet!
HM God has cursed me, I think. The last guy I had sex with, killed
himself the next day. I'm failing math, my whole life is a mess. I was
supposed to be captain of the cheerleading team...
VS She knows we listen to this show...
HD [smiling] Holy shit! We'll crusify her!
HM My parents are divorced and stuff...

[School. ``Poor little Heather'' is written on the black board]
VS Heather told everyone about Heather. Yes, dear diary. I cut off Heather
Chandlers head, and Heather Dukes head has sprung right back in its
place, like some mythological thing my eigth grade boyfriend
would have known about. Heather's even doing the old note trick. I've
seen JD's way. I've seen Pauline Flemings way, and nothing has changed.
I guess that's Heathers way. And Jesus, what about JD? I can't get
him out of my head!
[HM leaves]
Wait. Where's Heather going?
GT Where's Heather going?
HD She's going to cry!
[whole class laughes]

[School bathroom]
HM Fucking child protected caps!

[VS leaves]
GT Where's she going?

VS Heather!
[VS throws HM to the wall]
HM What are you trying to do? Kill me?
VS What are you trying to do? Sleep?
HM Suicide is a private thing.
VS Heather, you're throwing your life away to become a statistics in the
US fucking A Today. That's about the least private thing I can think of.
HM What about Heather and Kurt and Ram?
VS If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?
HM Probably.
VS If you're happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human
being, you'd be a game show host.
HM What do you say we knock off early and buy some shoes or something
lame like that?

[Chemistry lab, HD is holding the photos which are burning.]
JD So it has come to this... Heather Chandler did polls, I want you
to do a petition. As a favour. As THE favour. You've heard of the
group Big Fun, right?
HD That's right. Teenage suicide, don't do it.
JD Right. Some teeny-bopper rag say they want to play a prom. Could be
Westerburg's if we get everybody's John Hancock.
HD I'll get right on, coach. A little gift for you, I won't be needing it.

[HD walks around school, and makes everybody sign the petition]

[HD sits in a window]
VS Heather?
HD Veronica. Color me stoked, girl. I've gotten everybody to sign this
petition. Even those who think Big Fun are tuneless Euro fags. People
love me! You know, you haven't signed yet.
VS People love you, but I know you. Jennifer Forbes said the petition she
signed was to put a hot tub in the cafeteria, and Doug Hilton said...
HD Some people need different kinds of convincing than others. Just
sign the petition, OK?
VS Don't talk to me like that, OK?
HD Look, it was JD's idea. He made out the signature sheets and everything,
so why don't you just sign it!
VS No.
HD Jealous much?
[VS tries to hit HD, but fails]
VS Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why are you such a mega bitch?
HD Because I can be. Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?
Do you think... I mean, do you really think if Betty Finns fairy
godmother made her cool, she'd still hang out with her dweebette friends?
No way, Veronica.
[HD leaves, and JD enters]
JD Want to go out tonight? Catch a movie, you know, some miniature golf?
VS I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Dukes wrists
open, making it look like a suicide.
JD Now you're talking! I could be up for that. I've already started
underlining meaningful passages in her copy of ``Moby Dick''. I knew
you'd be back... I knew it. I was positive, I was sure.
[VS hits JD]
VS It's over JD, over. Grow up!
JD I don't get it! You were wrong, and I was right! Strength, damn it!
[VS leaves]
Come on, come back!

[VS comes home, and sees her parents sitting in the sofa, waiting for her]
VS Yes?
VM Your friend Jason Dean stopped by, he seemed very concered about you.
He said you might try to kill yourself.
VD You've been depressed lately. Oh, he left this for you.
[VS opens the letter. It says ``recognize the handwriting?'']
VS Oh my God.
VM He said we should keep you away from sharp objects, closed garage
[VS leaves]
doors, chemicals, prescription drugs....

[A doll with a T-shirt with ``Big Fun'' is hanging from VS's ceiling.]
[VS lies down on her bed.]
[Suddenly JD sits by her bed]
JD "[???] ... and even for hate, thou cans't but kill, and all are
killed". I like it. It's got that "what a cruel world, so lets toss
ourselves in the abyss" type of ambience. Come on! It's Heathers copy
of Moby Dick. Why don't you give it a try. Underline something.
VS Get off of my bed, you fucking psycho! Do you think you're a rebel?
Do you actually think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're a
fucking psychotic!
JD You say tomato, I say tomato... Hold it! ``Eskimo''! It's one word...
I love it! I usually go for the whole sentence myself, but this is
perfecto! Eskimo, you know... It's so mysterious. Es-ki-mo.
[JD underlines the word]

[at HD]
JD Come on!
VS JD, you're not listening to me!
JD Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag!
VS The knife is filthy!
JD What do you think I'm gonna do with it? Take out her tonsils?
VS Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do.
If she was going to slip her wrists, the knife would be spotless.
JD Here! Now can you see your fucking reflection in the thing?
[VS sees her reflection in the knife, looking like HD]

VS Tomorrow someone else is just going to move into her place. That
person could be me.. Ha! There's only one of us who knows how to do
Heathers handwriting! And if you think I'm gonna write another suicide
note you're wrong!
JD You don't get it, do you? Society nodds its head on any horror the
american teenager can think of, to bring upon herself. Nobody's gonna
care about exact handwriting! Look!
[JD takes VS's hand, and writes ``LIFE SUCKS'' on a piece of paper.]
JD Life sucks! It's perfecto. I've got a meaningful marked-up
Moby Dick, what else does a suicide need? Now, if you'll excuse me..
[JD runs into HD's room, and closes the door.]
VS No! Open the door!

FR Eskimo! Heather Duke underlined a lot of things in this copy of
Moby Dick, but I believe the word ``Eskimo'' underlined all by itself,
is the key to understanding Heathers pain. On the surface, Heather
Duke was the vivacious young lady we all knew her to be, but her soul
was in Antartica! Freezing with the knowledge of the way fellow
teenagers can be cruel, the way that parents can be unresponsive.
And as she writes so elequently in her suicide note, the way that
life can suck! We'll all miss Sherwoods little eskimo. Lets just hope
she's rubbing noses with Jesus!
HC Is this turning out weak, or what? It was at least 70 more people
at my funeral.
VS Heather?
HC God, Veronica. My afterlife is SO boring. If I have to sing
Kumbaya one more time...
VS What are you doing here?
HC I made your favorite. Spaghetti. Lots of oregano. Dinner!

[VS wakes up]
HM Veronica! Dinner!
VS Dear Diary, last entry. No one can stop JD. Not the FBI, the CIA,
or the PTA. He once told me the extreme always makes an impression.
Well, now it's my turn. Lets see how this son of a bitch reacts to
a suicide he didn't perform himself!

[JD climbes up to VS's window, and finds her hanging from the roof.]
JD Can't believe you did it! I was teasing. I loved you! Sure, I was
coming up here to kill you... First I was gonna try and get you back
with my amazing petition. It's a shame you can't see what our fellow
students really signed. Listen. ``We, students at Westerburg High, will
die. Today. Our burning bodies will be the ultimate protest to a society
that degrades us. Fuck you all!" It's not very subtle, but neither is
blowing up a whole school, now is it? Talk about your suicide pacts, eh?
When our school blows up tomorrow, it's gonna be the kind of thing to
affect a whole generation! It'll be the Woodstock of the eighties!
Damn it, Veronica! We could have toasted some marshmallows together!

[the dining room]
HM What does she want, a written invitation? Dinner!
JD Shit.
[JD leaves and HM enters, and sees VS]
HM Veronica! I... Oh... I should have let you take that job at the
mall. It was just that... I was afraid you coming home late at night,
and I...
[VS raises her head, and jumps down on the bed]
VS Hey mom! Why so tensed?

[JD's room]
BD Hey pap, I need some help with my homework! JD Not right now tiger, I'm
a little busy.

PF Veronica! JD told me you comitted suicide last night!
VS Where is he? Where is JD?
PF We have to talk. Whether to kill himself or not is the most important
desisions a teenager can make.
VS Get a job!
[VS sees JD, and hides]
[JD goes to the bathroom, and pulls out a bomb]
[VS walks through the corridors, looking for JD]
[JD puts a few bombs in the gym, and then goes down to the boiler room]

VS Rodney, where's everybody going?
RO It's friday.
VS Shit, another pep rally.
RO These things can get pretty artifical, but at least you get out
of class.
VS Rodney, what's underneath the gym?
RO The boiler room...

[The boiler room]
VS May I see your hall pass?
[VS has a gun in her hand]
JD I knew that loose was too noose. I mean, noose too loose. Damn you!
VS Like father, like son. A serious-as-fuck bomb in the boiler room
to set off a pack of thermals upstairs. OK. Lets start by putting the
bomb down on the ground.
[JD drops the bomb]
I knew that! I knew that... OK, put your hands on your head.
JD You didn't say ``Simon says''.
[JD hits VS unconscious, and takes the bomb and the gun and leaves]

[in the gym]
[All:] W-E-S!
[All:] T-E-R!
[All:] B-U-R!
[All:] G!
PG What does it spell?

[VS wakes up, takes a fire extinguisher, and hits JD.]
[Everybody in the gym is screaming, and clapping their hands.]
[VS and JD fight, then JD tries to kiss her.]
[JD runs away and VS slowly follows him, the gun in her hand.]
[VS finds him.]
JD Do you think that just because you started this thing you can end it?
VS I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you, I swear to God! How do I turn off
the goddamn bomb, asshole?
JD Fuck you!
[JD gives VS the finger, and she shoots it off]
VS It's all over JD, help me stop it!
JD You want a clean slate as much as I do. Alright, so maybe I am killing
everyone in the school, because nobody loves me! Lets face it, alright!
The only place where different social types genuinly can get along with
each other is in heaven.
VS Which button do I press to turn it off? JD Try the red one, alright?
Seriously, people are gonna look at the ashes of Westerburg, and say:
There is a school the self destructed not because society didn't care,
but because the school WAS society. Pretty deep, eh?
VS WHICH red button?
JD Press the one in the middle to turn it off... if that's what you really
VS Do you know what I'd want, babe?
JD What?
[VS shoots JD, and JD puts a knife in the bomb, which stops]
VS Cool guys like you out of my life.

[VS comes out of the boiler room seeing all the people in the gym, and smiles]
[VS then leaves the school, and JD comes out soon after.]
JD I'm impressed. You really fucked me up pretty bad, Veronica. You..
You've got power... Power I didn't think you had.
[JD shows a bomb on his stomach]
The slate is clean.
[JD starts the bomb, and walks away]
Pretend I did blow up the school. All the schools. Now that you're dead,
what are you gonna do with your life?
[VS takes out a cigarette.]
[The bomb stops counting, but JD makes it start again.]

[The people in the gym here the bomb, and runs out.]
HD Veronica? You look like hell!
VS Yeah? I just got back.
[VS takes HD's scrunchee]
HD Veronica, what are you doing?
VS Heather my love, there's a new sheriff in town.
[VS kisses HD on the cheek]
Hey, Martha! My date for the prom kind of flaked out on me... I was
wondering, if you aren't doing anything that night, maybe we could rent
some new releases? Pop some popcorn?
MD I'd like that.
VS Yeah, so would I.

========== THE END ==========
phil get bent 020318
methinx A fucking great movie, and I can't beleive someone blathered the entire script.

That says something about a movie.

This one blew me away...

Oh, and go bend something phil.
angie wow i dont think this blather should ever be forgotton 030221
painted marbles ok let me just tell you that i watched this movie at about 3 am with a few friends and the one friend said, hey its heathers, i started watching it, it was pretty good. so we watched it. she fell asleep. it was a big waste of my time. i hated it. the only thing that saved it was christian slater. 030222
little wonder i adore this movie.

i also adore christian slater. this movie is what started it all.
nomatter g r e a t m o v i e 031009
misstree has given up on the whole working thing in-fucking-deed. this movie makes me grin like an idiot and occasionally bounce around. beautifully shot, beautifully executed, lovelylovelylovely. i need to watch this again soon. 031010
really very 080711
unhinged i was in_love with christian slater when i was around 10 - 11. and winona ryder for that matter. 080711
what's it to you?
who go