bulimia MollyCule defines me by the day think it's getting to be too much maybe i should stop the mirror says otherwise regardless, i'm trying 010113 ... yummychuckle I am so sick and this is so dumb and i hate myself and if I could just be normal maybe everything would be alright. so i throw up and feel like such a bad person for being so wrong and horrible that i get out my razor and cut myself as punishment. because i am a bad person... 010601 ... nocturnal much better than anorexia. sure, it's more disgusting and neither are really any good, but at least bulimics get to eat. 010602 ... Tinka do your self a favour, acept the fact that you need help. and do it for the people that love you, if you hate yourself that much. 010624 ... black-dyed gel product I have that except after I eat I don't throw up. Oh wait, I guess that means I don't have it. Oh well, I like pie. 010624 ... denzel Pie makes my ass spin round and round. Oh! The stories I could tell you about pie! My God! And the women! Hooooey! 010624 ... lali it all started because of this guy. i wanted to be perfect for him, and in order to that i had to be thin. so i started throwing up what i ate, cause i just couldn't help eating. of course, i never got the guy, but i got bulimia. lucky me. now, as much as i try i just can't stop. i think i'm gonna die, but there's nothing i can do. i'm lost, i know. i throw up blood every now and then. it's sick.i'm stupid.and i'm fat anyway, how stupid is that? 010704 ... me ew 010721 ... SwtKrnGrl00 Hmmm.... i always thought about this word... 020227 ... endless desire is something i hate is something that i sometimes cant help but have is something i no longer want to deal with is something that i shouldnt have to deal with is something i dont have to deal with at all. is not that bad at all when i have control and i dont hate myself but lifes sporadic and almost rather fickled 030516 ... endless desire i messed it up again. ill do better thank you for helping you know you do. im sorry for my craziness but im looking for reasons searching always leaves me scared and you know how i hate to be vulnerable. 030516 ... endless desire haha is something that will soon be in my past. 030526 ... girl_jane There was a rumor that I was. People are dumb. 030527 ... stork daddy occurs within a normal weight range. me i've got a bulimic brain...i binge on comic book movies and marijuana and video games...and i purge on shakespeare and yeats and shostakovich and muppets...yes muppets are high art in case you're keeping score at home. bulimia is anorexia's ugly cousin. that's double ugly in a family of uglies 030528 ... sixteen Its better when its a secret, and you hear people telling you how good you look because they don't know how ugly the process was. it feels like everything is disgusting until i stand up and brush my teeth, and then I feel empty and free and clean again. 030531 ... endless desire 10 days without. i guess i could say thats a good thing. i guess i could say im glad. but the thing is i just kind of miss it. badly. so quickly. and ill start another run to see how long i can go without it again but we all know it wont last long even if i kid myself. but denial goes a long way. (see: know) 030531 ... x bulemia? 030531 ... sixteen bulimia? 030601 ... minnesota_chris yummy is a good speller. Nobody fucks with the yummy, when it comes to spelling. 030602 ... endless desire yay for yummy. she deserves a prize for being able to spell bulimia. actually, its hard word to spell congrads 030602 ... sixteen congrats. hahahahahah. oh man I am an anal dork. But uh...only with spelling.... 030603 ... endless desire anal_dork 030603 ... endless desire is it congrats or congrads? or can it both. its always weird when it can be both like those british words. except. . . not. 030603 ... sixteen congratulations...(not congraDulations), so the shortened version would probably be congraTs...but its probly just up to interpretation. um. yes. 030604 ... eyedream I have never been afflicted with it. I see people who are and feel sadness. I see your beauty, why can't you? is frustrated 030604 ... endless desire bulimic_procedure beauty is a funny thing. i think its more in the eyes of the beholder. no one can decide who is beautiful. and i guess i say that everything is beautiful. but then i will admit that i am wrong. because i would never say that i am beautiful. i am a mess. fucking mess. and i am sorry. 030604 ... oh nora i told the rents 030611 ... endless desire you say you can see the beauty in everything and anything and there are moments when i see bulimia's beauty what sickens others, brings me pleasure the process. the actions. the flowing. oh and the clean. just so clean. i want to be clean. but i cannot tell you this. i cannot tell you of the beauty that i see. because it only brings you down and makes things harder between us so i continue, living life, ignoring the beauty for your sake. ignoring the eletric feeling the shake and the stur the eruption within myself that tingles my eyes brings waves of joy at times. not joy. joy is never fleeting these waves are fleeting. they pull back with the tide. and i turn to the mirror and the beauty is gone. i see my ugly face ugly self staring back longing for acceptance. longing for peace in something that kills. what am i searching for? myself. you. peace. love. answers. hah i know nothing. give_and_die i would die to give just once. 030611 ... eyedream I think you're very beautiful. Just look at yourself. Why can't you see it? Who told you that you weren't? Why can't you see it? It's right there. You GLOW. is wild with emotion 030611 ... e.d. i really don't know what to say to that. for once i have no words. usually, i'd be angry. but now i just don't know what to say to that. 030611 ... endless desire i notice that when i typed in "e.d." it was sent to someone who was not me. so i apologize for the confusion though i doubt there was any. it seems that someone else has gone by that name also. 030611 ... endless desire hmm or not whatever 030611 ... endless desire my little sister threw up today my mom made me clean the bowl funny, i was so disgusted i almost gagged. and then i laughed a lot. i can't believe i was disgusted by vomit when i've lived it. 030620 ... endless desire **found this poem online at a poetry site called menstrualmonday. when bulimia hits PMS when bulimia hits she’s Cinderella the center of attention so gorgeously decked out in a fancy ball gown as she gorges herself on store-bought homestyle pumpkin pie and nondairy topping at the stroke of midnight finger down the throat she gets herself home on time illusion left behind except for the vomit sinking like a glass slipper in the toilet, and no prince charming is there to retrieve it when bulimia hits PMS she’s Princess Diana chased by the paparazzi of hormone imbalance nine crying jags on their motorcycles after her dark tunnel midnight mountain careening out of control she’s the prison guard throwing up donuts ‘cause she’s got to pass muster somehow ‘til there’s no difference between a corrections officer and a royal princess an exploding prison population and an adoring public fairy godmother save us save us from imprisonment she's the feminist alone at an all-you-can-eat buffet before the meeting 'til there's no difference between a political activist and a royal princess women and their kids at safe houses and an adoring public fairy godmother save us save us from brutality she's the sophomore dieting on ice cream sandwiches and one-cal soda 'til there's no difference between a college student and a royal princess a dormitory's drunken loneliness and an adoring public fairy godmother save us save us from isolation she's the ex-dropout bingeing on boxes of candy and blackberry brandy 'til there's no difference between my own mother and a royal princess five don't-believe-in-abortion children and an adoring public fairy godmother save us save us from our self-hatred 031212 ... lali ?? 040119 ... Obese I weigh 212lbs. I binge and purge once a day. Thank you for reaching me. I am not going to do it anymore. It is hard for me to hide it anyway. I guess I was just adding to the problem I already have.But sometimes I tell myself that I would rather die than 2 stay this way. I feel so alone. Please take care. 040222 ... is it french? i've been on steroids for 4 months and i am now 30 bls over weight. i wish i had the courage to starve or purge... sorry... i know thats not what you wanted to hear... 040222 ... canuk i think i might be bulimic, although i've only been since thanksgiving of last year. i don't take water-pills or laxatives (- sp?), but i puke when i get really full. honestly, it does make me feel better because i feel skinny and empty again. i know i should stop, and i'm working on it (kinda)though stopping would only make me anorexic. i'm not fat but i want to be a model, so i have to be skinnier. 040402 ... just another teen fuckup i think im getting it i cant eat anything now without wantint to throw up its sick (no pun intended) i used to not be able to stop eating now all i can do is feel sick whenever i'm made to eat something the idea of food revolts me i dont know why its started now ive tried so hard to lose weight and be thin now i cant eat i ate a bit of something about 15 mins ago, i dont know what it was i ate very little and i still feel fat and full i want to throw up right now it makes me feel really bad when i throw up, but i want to do it anyway i crave the riddance of food from my stomach what should i do? 040417 ... minnesota_chris step one, stop thinking about what everybody else thinks you should do. 040418 ... just another teen fuckup i was asking for advice man i dont want to go to people that i know who know shit i want to ask people that have been through it 040418 ... minnesota_chris I know, I know. I'm saying, be your own woman. You're letting yourself get walked on by people, caring what they think about your body. Never mind. The feminist inside me was just crying, that's all. It's not like we can just wave a magic wand and give ourselves great self esteems. Good luck! 040418 ... Sicko puke Good, then I can keep doing it, since I don't have to think about what other people say, after all it's other people telling me my behavior is "sick". Free at last, no matter what they say. 040418 ... nothing stops I was and still am bulimic. I tried to stop, but all that happend was that now i am anorexic. I looked up a million weight charts and i fit right in the range, so why do i feel so fat? I hate what i see in the mirror. 040418 ... hmpp si 040615 ... jolie laide I'm a teenage drama queen I'll throw up my guts for self esteem 040615 ... hsgatincamail exercise one way street find safety in my feat. 040701 ... torn empty pure, I stand above the din. my white gown is strewn with blood but inside i am clean. 041228 what's it to you? who go blather from