bright_eyes silentbob loves you The phone slips from a loose grip. Words were missed then some apology like I didn’t want to tell you this it’s just some guys she has been hanging out with oh I don’t know the past couple of weeks I guess. Thank you and hang up the phone. Let the funeral start. Hear the casket close. Let’s pin split-black ribbon onto your overcoat. Still laughter pours from under doors in this house. I don’t understand that sound no more. It seems artificial like a T.V. set. Haligh, Haligh, Haligh, Haligh this weight it must be satisfied. You offer only one reply. You know not what you do. But you tear and tear your hair from roots. From that same head you have twice removed a lock of hair you said would prove our love would never die. Well ha ha ha. But I remember everything the words we spoke on freezing South street. And all those morning watching you get ready for school. You combed your hair inside that mirror. The one you painted blue and glued with jewelry tears. Something about those bright colors always made you feel better. So now we speak with ruined tongues and the words we say aren’t’ meant for anyone. It’s just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance, but there was once you said you hated my suffering and you understood and you’d take care of me. You would always be there, well where are you now? Haligh, Haligh, Haligh, Haligh, the plans were never finalized but left to hang like yarn and twice dangling before my eyes. As you tear and tear your hair from roots, from that same head that you have twice removed a lock of hair you said would prove that our love would never die. As I sing and sing of awful things, the pleasure that my sadness brings as my fingers press onto the strings you get another clumsy chord. Haligh, Haligh, an awful lie. This weight will now be satisfied. I will give you only one reply, I know not who I am but I talk in the mirror to the stranger that appears. Our conversations are circles and always one sided, nothing is clear. Except we keep coming back to this meaning that I lack. He says the choices were given and now I must live them or just not live, but do you want that? 020414 ... ilovepatsajak mmm i love bright eyes he wrote these when he was 13 saturday as usual. virginia's almost sleeping the night is getting older there's static on the tv and she's lying on the sofa the cats crawl over her and jenny's in the garage she's got the car in neutral she rolls it out so quietly it's saturday as usual it always is and me i'm in my bedroom drawing in my notebook cuz my hand thinks i'm and artist but my heart knows i'm a poet it's just words they mean so little to me i can't seem to deal with total trust there is something very wrong with me daddy's in the backyard his hands are getting dirty and mom is in the kitchen and the cake says that i'm thirteen another year and brother went to college to become a doctor and if he studies hard enough he'll end up just like father who hates his life and me i'm in the bathroom crying out my eyelids cuz it's hard to "be a man" when you're scared just like a little kid the world has become a little too mean and i can't see the point of patient love when everyone just wants to get fucked. exaltation on a cool, kitchen floor. i wanted to come visit you waiting in the springtime when the leaves change the ground outside is waiting for that newness that surrounds us as we dance back through the screen door in the sunlight of mid-April but its glow won't stop the smiles that are spreading on our faces as we fall down on the kitchen floor and she is laughing about that she had heard earlier and i can't help noticing that she is sitting closer to me than she ever has before the awful sweetnesss of escaping sweat. we escape from the house as the day disappears from the sky into night we became what we wanted to be like a dream or a ghost i collapse out of turn near a house lying still in the grass and felt the heat from the ground rising up to contract and expand like a breathe we escape from that place soaked with sweat and the poison we drank fill the bathtub with ice and hope this fever will break like a heart easily but i do not recall all the words that were formed on those wire lips as they greeted me a promise was made without though as the temperature climbed and i started to sink like the moon tends to do if you stare at it too long then you blink and its gone and we crawl to our sleep with the dawn i awake in the light feeling hollow and selfishly warm close the blinds and retreat until what is burning is gone and it's light is away then we are back in the dark chasing nothing through backyards and trees you ripped your shirt on a fence but it didn't get me yeah it's fear it makes you so low and these creatures look crooked their shadows cut lines through my face and the concrete is fire where my bare feet are placed in a line next to yours and i guess i'm not sure if it was fear that was born as those awful eyes made their claim on us i put my hands on the fence said your name and i started to climb and it must have been sweat but i drank it like wine it was sweet and my mouth was dry i heard you scream but i made no reply i can still taste it now if i try a celebration upon completion. my grandfather's name was moon because his eyes were bright and round and no amount of time or liquor could dull them my grandmother's name was joy because it spilled out of her heart and bathed her precious children in its warmth and there was happiness in life beyond the sorrow and the pain but how they ever found it i cannot explain i guess time has a way of making everything alright it's just there is not enough of it and so we drink and we sing and we celebrate this lie and hope that it will last morning is here night has passed my grandfather was a doctor he cured the sick with his kind hands and he taught me how to sail and how to feel this way my grandmother was all sweetness and when she spoke we all heard bells and they ran in such a way that we were comforted and they held on to each other with all the strength they had and they loved with devotion beyond what i understand but i guess fear has a way of making sleep unbearable and the days seem dark and long but we cry and we dance and we stumble into love with perfect, awkward grace the moon is gone and the sun has took its place lila. close your eyes the dark outside can't hurt you and i will never desert your bedside so close them tight the stars are so glad that they've found you and on the blankets that surround you they shine their light they shine their light rest your head and i will be watching from the doorway as you drift into a perfect, peaceful sleep and morning will come in all its simple glory and you will find the light and i will be there standing in your shadow knowing that you once were mine all mine my baby february fifteenth. all eyes on the calendar another year i claim of total indifference to here the days pile up with decisions to be made i'm sure all of them were wrong into this song, i send myself and with these drinks i plan to collapse and forget this wasted year these wasted years devoted friends, they disappear i'm sorry about the phone call and needing you some decisions you don't make i guess it's like breathing and not wanting to there are some things that you can't fake i guess that it is typical to cling to memories you'll never get back again and to sort through old photographs of a summer long ago or a friend that you used to know and there, below his frozen face you wrote the name and that ancient date and you can't believe he is really gone when all that's left is a fucking song i'm sorry about the phone call and waking you i know that its late but thank you for talking because i needed to some things just can't wait 020415 ... Sailor Jupiter My mother used to affectionately call me "bright eyes" and scratch the back of my head like a cat. She wanted a cat badly but my father is allergic, so I was the substitute. She wanted a cat and got a nimble green-eyed daughter instead. We had a stormy relationship in the beginning of my life but when I acted like a cat she'd smile at me and hold me. I learned to purr for her. People like the cat in me. I see how they look at me when I slink across the floor or a bed. My purring turns guys on and sometimes they get lost in my bright eyes. But being part animal isn't always a joy. It makes you sub-human and then people treat you that way. 020415 ... paste! conor's new band 'desaparecidos' came out here on my birthday 2/12--i saw them in tucson and then drove up to phoenix the next day for the encore. full on great time! prodigal! nuclear rocky road sounds! a lot louder and harder and cynical (can you believe it?) than his solo stuff. 020415 ... silentbob i didn't know he had a new band o! the things you can learn from blather billy corgan has a new band too 020416 ... Photophobe really, who? 020416 ... silentbob i think there name is like Zwan or something like that 020416 ... Photophobe heh. great name. hehe. I guess I'll have to check them out. 020416 ... silentbob Kathy With a K's Song Love is real it is not just in novels or the movies it is fact and it is standing here right in front of you so if you open your eyes what a sweet discovery there is hope, there is joy, and there is acceptance so now let all the light that collects on your plants keep you warm make you smile and I will be there with this pen in my hand to record all the while you'll be laughing so loud that the house would shake with sound and everything would be as new as the day it was found. Love is real it is not just in long distance commercials or something that you thought you felt back in high school so I will turn black and white become that horoscope you're reading it predicts something good is on it's way and then I'll send you the world green and blue in a box in the mail you can open it up hold it right in your hand and be glad taht it's there and be glad that you're there you can feel all the knots in your stomach start to untie and suddenly it's not so hard to say you're allright. Love is real it is not just in poetry and stories it is truth and it will follow you everywhere you go from now on so if you would just cast off your doubt then your lips would answer for you oh my darling, when you smile it is like a song and I can hear it now. 020416 ... silentbob i wont be around for the sentencin cuz i am leavin on the next airplane i know my actions are impossible to justify they seem adequate as i fill up my time but if i could talk to myself like i was someone else maybe i could take your advice and i wouldnt act like such an asshole all the time. 020416 ... Toxic_Kisses BritEyez - One of my various nick names while I was a chat junky 020426 ... silentbob i may have talked to you. i remember talking to someone by that name when i was younger 020426 ... Toxic_Kisses I read recently that out of the whole population on Earth only 8% have ever been on the internet, so SilentBob it is quite possible that we have previously met before ^.^ 020426 ... kill rhythm