i_used_to_soar monee i was a one eyed one horned flying purple people eater 041220 ... whitechocolatewalrus i used to be a cloud a bird i used to soar 041220 ... minnesota_chris you're not monadh. She wrote like the wind sighs, her writing was like the first tender shoots of spring. "all the saints have fled and taken with them their radiant orbs of incandescent light" your writing is what cheerleaders write in each others' yearbooks. 041221 ... monee i don't understand you. you don't seem to undestand me. i don't know what you're talking about. cheerleaders? 041221 ... monee "like the wind sighs" and "the first tender shoots of spring"? that was nice of you to say,...but then to point out my old words and say that i'm not monadh anymore, when i am still me? how can i not be me? fuck. i think i've had enough feeling of notness for the time being, thanks. you know i'm sorry if the blossoms on my tree have withered or weathered or whatever. if you prefer my earlier writing, fine, that's good. but it doesn't mean that all of the other stuff isn't me. maybe the season has changed, but the tree remains the same. i am myself and that's the only me i am, ever was, and ever will be in this lifetime. 041221 ... monee you wanna hear something really strange? i just googled all the saints have fled line, and found it in somebody's blog! i can't even remember what blathe that was from, and someone has put it in their blog? as their own? what's with that? 041221 ... monee someone in singapore is into using my writing in their blog? and they didn't even ask me? i mean i really don't care, it's kinda cool,... but weird. 041221 ... monee oh, a_poet_lives_within_my_soulthat's the aforementioned blathe. 041221 ... monee a_poet_lives_within_my_soul 041221 ... monee i wonder how many other blathes of mine have been scooped up and made into other people's blogs as their own words? 041221 ... monee http://p-urple.diaryland.com/021107_55.html oh well i like their background anyway. some guy in school used to always ask me to write poems for him for his girlfriend, but i told him he'd be better off writing his own poems. somehow i am suddenly reminded of that by the way that person claims to have written that blathe for their "silly boy" 041221 ... monee she changed the 'to a lass with no chance' line to 'to a girl waiting for her lover' not that i really care all that much, i didn't even like my line that much anyway. 041221 ... Death a Grumblin still a ripoff of you. the least they could have done was e-mail you and ask permission. . 041221 ... monee November 01, 2002 "i wrote this for you, on this day, a year ago. it was 2:14 am on a thursday. we were so in love then. i am [still] loving you now.]" oh how i do laugh. i wrote that blathe on 010310 041221 ... monee heh, yeah i don't know if i've ever gotten a letter from singapore before! that woulda been kinda neat, to be asked. but, i guess it doesn't really matter. 041221 ... monee i used to want to be a cheerleader, but they didn't have cheerleaders at my schools. i still think it'd be fun to be a cheerleader. give me a B, B! give me an L, L! give me an A, A! ......and a T, T, ......and an H, H, ......and an E, E ......and an R, R 041221 ... monee my early blathes are connected to my most recent blathes mc, if you were to read blue: u_o_w and red: m_o_n you might understand. 041221 ... monee well i started reading some of that girl's other blogbits, and thinking some of it was interesting sounding, but then i said to myself hmm i wonder how much of this did she actually write 041221 ... monee i wonder what cheerleaders write in yearbooks 041226 ... monee i wonder why someone would tell me i'm not myself 041226 ... monee i wonder why i even wonder 041226 ... misstree but things got too heavy so now i slink 041226 ... minnesota_chris read what you've written lately. Then read monadh. 041227 ... monee "I'll have to try them sometime yummy cheerios" - cinnamon_cheerios "I loved it too! my mom got me the Rainbow brite doll and then somehow it got lost, and I was really sad for what seemed like forever" - rainbow_brite "just ate two of them they are delicious" - peanut_butter_and_honey_sandwiches 041227 ... monee what i've written lately, what have i written lately? 041227 ... monee maybe YOU should read what i've written lately, maybe you should read monadh. or better yet, maybe you shouldn't. "i make myself sad, yes me, it's all my own fault blather to me is not about spelling everything right, or making it appealing to others big deal if i make a spelling mistake now and then,or i bore you all to bits if ya happen to click on something i blathed.. most times when i blather i am too exhausted to think, let alone think correctly damn sometimes i just feel like all my blather really is a waste of space go ahead and fill it with your own rantings why should i even participate if i just feel worthless *cries and sits in the corner pouting (yeah i know i'm a loser already okay i think i am just having a bad blather i really do love blather i guess i'm just not cut out of the same metal as some (what was that fit i just threw about anyway?) sorry forget ya read dis" - don't_bother_reading_me 041227 ... monee "waking up reading not eating till seven days in a week waking up sleeping not talking but typing out sounds of sands and run run run in my brain wheel mice" - house_fever 041227 ... monee "i'm trying to get beyond i'm trying to focus on making art so i can find a way out that lets me live and i don't want to feel selfish i just want to live a long and happy life and there is so much here to live for everytime i hear that someone died i feel like i'm taking the world for granted and i don't want to take anything for granted i just want to be happy and healthy i'm sorry if writing all this is selfish of me i think i'm done now" - how_are_you_holding_up 041227 ... monee "tonight, everything i scrubbed peeled cooked ate i grew in my garden except for the sea_salt, non_hydrogenated_margarine, soy_sauce, and lemon and it_was so_tasty it_would_have_been nice if_i had_had more energy to eat i_would_have taken seconds and had some sweet apple_crumble to finish up" - living_in_the_country 041227 ... monee "46.) i think everyone is interesting 47.) i don't like leaving things unfinished 48.) i have a hard time completing anything i've left unfinshed 49.) i should be outside 50.) i'm a virgo with a pisces moon and aquarius rising 51.) i was born on a full moon 52.) i am still in my robe 53.) i_dream_of_kathmandu 54.) i'm eating 55.) i've seen fairies 56.) i want to question everything 57.) i don't want to waste 58.) i like chaucer and sewing 59.) i think it's unlucky to pick daffodils 60.) i don't eat peanuts but used to love peanut butter and jam sandwidgies 61.) i have a hive but no bees yet 62.) i need to change my guitar strings 63.) i've touched my tongue to batteries 64.) i like fresh blueberries" - 100_facts_about_nomme 041227 ... monee "said I was sorry when I didn't mean it or that I had forgiven when I hadn't pretended to hate you tried to love you thought I could live without kindness ...gotten out of bed today" - i_shouldn't_have 041227 ... monee "peace love and understanding i never said they were easy to find but you never asked me anyway" - three_nice_things 041227 ... monee "i am running though the pages running past the point of sleep running through an open book i keep finding conclusions continuations sequels leftover whispers" - blather_not_sleeping 041227 ... monee "I woke up crying and pissed off at myself ...i woke up at the perfect time this morning i woke up singing a song i was singing to myself " - this_morning "I have nothing to complain about really my life is just depressing at times and I can't help but be sad today ... forget I said anything ...because because because I have no honest reason to be so I figure I will be happy from now on ...I felt horrible earlier felt like jumping off a cliff 100 times over ...*waves hello to nocturnal* hi ya hi ya hi ya! *dancing around like a goof* here..try one of these...they can help though they don't always seem to fit especially when you feel sad *passes a smile on over* ...i like dancing around like a goof i like dancing why am i sad i like dancing i like streetlamps ...it's christmas and yestertoday i was complaining in blather grumbling about christmas grumbling about family it's not the boxes or the wrapping paper i miss i guess it's just a feeling ...i write too much" - why_am_i_sad 041227 ... monee "Jazzberry Ram !!! Awesome!!! ... Woa ... talk about memories.... when I was younger these guys were like our neighbourhood heroes..to a bunch of punk kids who admired their ability to.. at the very least .. come up with a cool band name..Damn I wish I still had SuperFishyAllahTea! I love you guys! Wherever you are, just want to say hi!!!!hi hi hi!!! to you (Drew especially cause he was always sooo nice)..How is Elle doing by the way? It has been years since I saw her last..or you for that matter...Saw you played a gig nearby ..read the reviews...thought about going ...but it was like the middle of winter and I was hibernating... Though you may not remember me that well, ...You should come to town again soon... I swear ..(*crossing fingers*)...I'll get on stage with you this time...who knows..maybe a little celtic fiddle to mess things up?...might make for a good jam.. *wanders off singing 'Little...piece of shrapnel...littttlle piiieeece of shhhraaappnneelll....* I am a bumblebee a bumblbee bee I am ..a bumble bee I am....* Thanks again for the pint ~ " - jazzberry_ram 041227 ... monee (oh yeah, that last blathe was just so soarful) 041227 ... monee "can I be in on this one? *grin* ...cold and rainy in my corner of the globe ...I love the snow in the winter I live for the snow my world becomes an ice palace but we didn't have nearly enough of it this year which is going to mean a lot of forest fires in the summer it is stormy here now we just had the first rumbles of thunder for the year it is in the distance I should turn off my computer ...yes I probably do have a silly surge bar thing but if the power goes I can't stop it ...yes and I live out in the middle of nowhere so a backup supply would be a great thing alas my empty wallet doesn't agree ...can I wear a funny hat? ...oh goody..then it will match the clothes I will wear they look just as funny haha" - blather_school_photo (such soar) 041227 ... monee "my brothers play those games ('cept Quake) they make levels for Unreal I have only played a bit ... that was good reading forgot to mention it Dafreman ...it rained is still raining we need a lot of rain ...blue hair is too wicked wish I was born with it and blue skin and lips too that would be wonderful ...found a deeper understanding for a song I am learning on my fiddle solved a problem I was having designing a site had a wonderful supper yummy home-made fries and I didn't have to cook them ...I had such a wonderful day felt like giving the whole world a great big hug" - good_things_that_happenedto_me_today (even more soar) 041227 ... monee "gaelic for welcome prounced: falltchya Ta failte romhat : You are welcome just a little tidbit of nonsensical info for thoses of us learning gaelic or perhaps revisiting it ...well prounced could be a new word but I meant pronounced" - failte 041227 ... monee "my love you do me wrong to cast me off so discourteously when I have loved you so long delighting in your company (Greensleeves..I love that song)" - alas 041227 ... monee "too many things I have to lighten up go with the flow for my own sake and others" - regret 041227 ... monee "Who am I? hmm .. hard to say .. I am the one I am the many I am so many things aside from that I am just a silly gal from Canada who's going to turn 21 this year..live out in the middle of nowhere on an old orchard in the mountains, and I love it. A hermit in sanctuary. Seeking for answers in riddles. In awe of the universe...and all that we are. I exist." - who_are_you 041227 ... monee "it came creeping in surrounding us the mountains are almost completely vanished now in the haze the smoke lingers in everything making lungs feel heavy exhausted from it all the ever-pervasive intensity of the heat dry and lifeless i try to sleep now with this constant thing no rain no rain in forever, the smoke just nestles in the hills makes dark homes of our hearts ...i can't see myself where i stand i am thrown into the fire burning the stalks ...why am i crying" - tired_of_this - 041227 ... monee "the time comes when icicles melting form crashing from the eaves troughs and the cold sensation all a flurry of snow and wind blowing dark across the bright glow of night as we walk with our faces turned towards the earth keeping us hidden in our warmth a harbour from the loosening grips shaking manes and scratching claws feeling Autumn closing in, Winter thou dost surely follow the wealth of sorrow" - winter_soul_summer_sky 041227 ... monee "death lay in arms calling out i am the flicker source of soul flew onwards a butterfly in May blue eyes fading into another dream pain grows shadowing the dawn the crunching crushing twisting turning i looked and he was gone no more sweet siamese meows so precious few" - stomachache 041227 ... monee "on the walls of my soul with crayons" - writing_randomly 041227 ... monee "you could live without regret" - what_if 041227 ... monee "my brunch today two slices of toasted light rye bread with a little bit of margarine, mustard, a few pieces of soy-cheddar cheese, and two soy-turkey slices. glass of apple juice." - cheese_and_mustard_sandwiches 041227 ... monee "mine too!" - my_cup_of_tea 041227 ... monee "to say goodbye" - it's_way_too_late_as_always 041227 ... monee "i think i have seen this a million times. i always loved it." - gone_with_the_wind 041227 ... monee "I am not" - three_words_with_effort 041227 ... monee "please do not do anything about it" - have_you_seen_this_word 041227 ... monee "hello i want to turn the soil of this old place and get deep down in the thick of it plant grape vines and rose bushes and have bee hives and cherry trees to gather shade by with Lord Byron or Yeats and for the robins to perch on in the spring mornings the old apple trees are gorgeous and actually gave me bags and bags full but their limbs are getting tired and in some places where the bears came along for a meal they are quite damaged i wonder who planted them settlers at the turn of the last century seeking a better life in the hills they came across oceans and time to remind me of the value of a day's labour I need to get a tractor cause I am not that strong , even if I could pour all my efforts into it a spade just won't touch the surface of this task it is too great, trust me i have tried and you should have seen me weep i know tractors aren't nice they just tear up the ground and don't give much thought to all the poor wee ones who make their homes in dens below the ground feeding on the soil oh well we are all one anyway and I can't possibly stop to pick every single worm away from the blade just look at how much i could do if only i had 80 extra toes and fingers to cover these 30-some acres maybe by the time I am 35 I will be able to play a tune half as decent as ashley but right now i struggle i am about 15 notes away from completely discovering tracks one two and three (well track one will take some more effort, the last two bits are kinda tricky and i haven't found them yet) i am tired of playing squeakily but i am getting a bit better i think maybe this coming year will bring me some songs that will show me new horizons my violin is never quite in tune and i am too scared to tune it i always break the strings on this one i have a pile of canvases on the top shelf been meaning to paint them for some time now something different this time completely the same but changed in some manner i keep looking at the ones i have hung on the wall i think it is time for some new ones they would make good gifts if they would dry in time which they won't so i will go shopping and find treasures who need a home well i finally learned how to spin that was something i had been wanting to do for a while next i'll try my hand at weaving and then i will have something decent to sell at the faires come spring and summer but can you believe how long it can take to do somethings pouring through records he was from the south she was from the north they were irish but who were they really and that is just one side of a thousand coins that rush through my hands scotland and england wales germany north by the sea i always wanted to explore my roots find out who i am in that sense i see now i am all of them somehow well i think i knew that to begin with but i am still growing i should change the page on my calendar november is gone now a lot of things are" - innerviews_monadh "the tide rushes in rolls out what is left behind we build castles with remembering the joys of yesterday dreaming up tomorrow our pictures in the sky sleeping in the infinite realm that dwells within the moment drinking the wine of fate i know that spread out upon vast wings of space there are the stars that mark our existence shining bright forever in their glory, within the minutes that shape our beating hearts,the tick and the tock of destiny, live our memories eternal so hush now soul while the hour is young, let's have no talk of joy and sorrow let me not speak of the sad changes that shift and shade the wishes cast to a blind and bitter wind or the battles met on the road to journey. only the sweet birds that sing in the morning rain when everything else seems so lost." - innerviews_monadh_what_is_gone 041227 ... monee "1.) i was forged in the fires of everything 2.) i am Brilliance but not that smart 3.) sometimes people tell me i am genius material...haha 4.) i think they might be wrong and there are some facts to prove this, but we will see 5.) i can be very organized at times but things seem a total mess right now 6.) i like systematic random sequences 7.) i am back. it's later now. 8.) i want to love and bring out the beauty in U_and_me 9.) i just answered the door and braided my hair 10.) i voted Green and yes to recall and no to the so-called community development 11.) i think we are the answer to the riddle and the mind of the question 12.) i believe in everything that is and is not 13.) i am a genealogist and when i was a kid i wanted to be a paleontologist , someday maybe i'll have some other ology to add in 14.) i_often_hesitate 15.) i think picasso is misunderstood by many 16.) i think all understanding is understood 17.) my telescope is broken but i look at the stars 18.) i make sourdough 19.) i've been told i resemble Mona Lisa and the Virgin Mary to which i sometimes agree or disagree depending , ....right now i might say "no but yes I agree, no?" 20.) i am always coming up with brilliant ideas which i regret not writing down later but then i am glad for that 21.) i don't frequently compose words ahead of time in blather i just type review click, but today i'm writing in wordpad. 22.) i am still and passive 23.) i find it hard to fit myself into boxes like this 24.) i am ignorant and All-Wise 25.) i have been reading a lot of kx21and sol 26.) i am limitlessly flawed 27.) i want to live 28.) yes to the revolution! 29.) i think if i ever have children and they have children and they have children and they have children and everyones children have children with all the above mentioned children of all the children everywhere eventually the whole population will be descended from us children, eh children? that's my_plan_for_world_peace 30.) i am descended from kings queens coal miners and slaves 31.) i would like to make a difference 32.) i think nothing is impossibly possible 33.) i used to make cut-out dolls from pizza boxes when i was about 6 or 7 34.) i have two slightly buckteeth and a strawberry nevus on the bridge of my nose which i just had diagnosed fearing skin cancer 35.) i spent a lot of time in the sunshine when i was younger 36.) i love swimming for hours and hours especially underwater 37.) i_don't_doubt 38.) i try not to wear masks without knowing 39.) i think mtdna rocks 40.) i can make sounds like a raven a robin a cat a wolf a fiddle a girl and more 41.) i like to iron but i wear wrinkled things for the heck of it 42.) i just drank a glass of water but am hungry not eating want to put and end to starvation in this multiverse 43.) i_left_blather once 44.) i try not to kill anything, hence my being vegan and my gratitude for being born vegetarian. i rescue drowning flies and scurrying spiders when i can. i feel guilty at the slightest insult to plant or creature but know also that we all share each other's pain love and fear and that it is possibly impossible for me not to protect or harm any thing or one. i must kill vegetables to sustain myself. 45.) i don't own anything i have a bunch of objects which have me" - more from 100_facts_about_nomme 041227 ... monee "i can remember as a child, trying to remember as much as I could about myself before I was born. I remember soaring through the air looking down upon fields, forests, mountains, the world. There were some children playing upon the green grass with a kite . Perhaps I was the wind. Rushing over the earth like water. I remember living on the top of a mountain. I was pushing big stones around. There were two or three other beings who were with me, doing the same. Not sure what I was then but I had a familiar form that seemed human though somehow not as ceramic in structure. These are my first memories of me that I can see clearly in my mind in colours and light, they are like dreams in their quality and tone, but have always struck me as exact memory of being. Then, life as me.., and my first memories as a child trying to remember my time before. i seemed to feel that the further I got away from my moment of birth, the less and less I would remember. I wanted so much to try though, to hold onto something of before. I can't remember being born, and a lot of my memories as a child, even recent memories, have seemed to slip away into the recesses of my mind. But the time before is like a visible star in the midnight sky on a full moon night. I realize now that all memory is universal and exists within the single seed of moment which is everything. Our experiences are one. The other day, when I was shopping, and before that at a community gathering, everyone I met with my eyes, I recognized and knew, as though they were myself. Like when a tree is swaying in the breeze and inside your heart you know how it feels to be moving like that.. every shiver of leaf every whistle of bark." - innerviews_monadh_earliest_memory 041227 ... 911 Whistleblower 041227 ... monee "yes ... I'm that hippy friend of your littlest sis ... who used to play all them Nirvana songs on my guitar... damn I wish I had gotten up on stage and played that song now when I look back at it.. afterall I will never again be that kid sneaking in to hear you guys's 'gigs' ... What can I say,?? ... It was just before my 15th birthday ... life in a new town was kinda gettin me down....and you guys were like ghosts from an old familiar room ... but it sure was fun to shout at the top of my lungs 'Happy New Year' that august night.....just sorry I seemed so damn depressed ..and drunk out of my mind ....it really has been a while eh?" - more from the soarful jazzberry_ram blathe 041227 ... WOW!!! ... 041227 ... monee "impacted by the death of anyone famous? i think we all affect the unknown_affects we feel the effects of everything i am sure i can think of a few names new and ancient when i first read the question one of the answers in my brain was kurt_cobain but i wasn't going to say anything cause a lot of times i type only to delete and then the mention of him well at the time of his death i was in the process of learning his every song stuff i never heard and i was mad and crazy for the way kurt wrote and the poetry of how it caught my attention it was odd really when i first heard of nirvana i wasn't listening to most music so i would basically hear it at friend's places, and i liked it but was no big thing then i really felt myself attracted to it at a time i was reaching for something and then he died and no more nirvana but everybody increasingly analyzing it all and i could see the music scene around me changing at the time i really felt it ... and on another note Diana Krall's mom was my school librarian in grade one and two she was really nice she told me what my name meant i remember the big atlas she showed me and she always let me take alice_in_wonderland out but she'd say don't you think anyone else will ever want to read that? but i couldn't leave it on the shelf for long and she seemed to understand. she was an awesome librarian. anyway there's more i could say but i should prolly shutup ... and in_case you're wondering why_i just posted that last story... i don't know if Mrs. Krall is still alive, she had/has cancer,...i hope she is still living??? when i heard she was so sick i remembered her and how kind she was to myself and my family, ...anyway it's her daughter is the famous one, but there is a story there too blah blah blah ...i was just thinking , vaguely remembering a conversation with my sister from last year,... so i checked google. rest_in_peace mrs. krall ...Hollyburn in the autumn trees afire with red and golden falling leaves we stayed in this big old log cabin i was surprised to see everything i saw what a relief from the city below i remember sitting out under the stars there were blueberry bushes growing wild entangling my heart with their wildness we ate pasta and garlic bread from Safeway, funnyily enough i remember that was when i met him for real he was born in the year of the sheep he a bit older became my brother's friend my friend's boyfriend after i moved away i learned he had died and oh that was tragic i always wanted to know him more i climed to the top shoes with no socks i had forgotten to brought i had to carry the big backpack with all the stuff and we climbed to the top all the way to the top and it was rocky up there i was amazed at the view we sat eating our lunches in the sunshine on the rock i put pieces of cookies, terribly really for me to feed them to the birds so many little birds i didn't know their names they landed on my arms eating as photos were taken later shown in a slideshow i never got to see ... okay i laughed reading back forget forgive my typos and this and that ...well pro you will be helping and that i am sure must do a world of good con you will be losing something you might never find again you might be walking down the street and not notice the man walking passed you as your own son he might become your boss at work or the guy you hit with your car how many children might you father to never know to perhaps pass or meet or know but never know as your own kin and how might they wonder at the man they never knew will they wonder if their father resembled the man on the street the employee at work the guy who caused the accident last friday well you might get that same effect from going to a bar/whatever and bibbidy bobbidy boo but unless you are hyperactive in that department the sperm bank is going to hold the record for anonymous distribution of your genes and all those people will be carrying around a part of you a genetic imprint every action you took every inaction and the lives of all your ancestors stretching back as far as ever goes it is all there in some genetic cellular memory bank shaping new lives eventually nations but then perhaps otherwise(situations differ) you might not ever father and so would it be good to let it waste? i didn't hardly sleep much my thoughts are kinda muffled my brain scattered waking up ... not to say it is wrong to be fatherless (as far as raising) or to be childless (as far as knowing) but if that connection (generations bridges build) exists unbroken is it not a beautiful thing ... i never met him i was two when he died but i knew him, i know him, in a way that only i,... because i feel this connection, this root that ties me to him, this presence with me now as i type it is like a part of him typing from within my grandfather stories of him are few how he laid foundations how you could see the lights across the town how his mother died when he was born i beg to know more pictures photgraphs his face recently i looked upon a new face new photographs i had never seen they found him in the river an old man he had gone out in the middle of the night in his bed clothes i can't believe it, i almost refuse to accept it, he had been so ill from exposure in his autobody shop, in the days before they wore masks around chemicals, when my father would help him, my father so like him in his own ways he was an inventor solar technology mid 1900's second world war he got a special medal from the King he never knew me but maybe he did maybe he was told of my birth, what did he think then? did he like my name? if he met me now would he see himself, would he see her, would he see myself in me? i found an old obituary i had never read. he was interested in research like me! he was trying to track down his roots like me! i think he would be glad i was finding his surname in old records. did he dream of cornwall? did he dream like me? they found him in the river the river my father left the river they crossed the ocean to get to the river how deep how red it does run through my blood. ...nomme What was the most touching thing you have read on blather? (i can't answer this, sorry...i tried and deleted, it was too difficult. Do have have any living grandparents? my grandma ..(my mom's mom) i love her so much, and i miss her as we live a fair distance apart. i can't remember a time when i didn't know her. she taught me how to crochet. my grandpa (my mom's dad) he lives about an hour or so from me, and is 92 now, his silvery white hair was once red. i met him first at a restaurant in victoria when i was about six going on seven. he just built a haybarn and is taking algebra again, having just retaken canadian history. the question about fire scares me. sorry. i used to go through this scenario over and over in my mind (i had a whole exit route planned on paper for my stuffed toys when i was 8). i think at this point i don't really want to think about fire so i will stop typing about it blind or deaf? my grandpa has a really hard time hearing (don't tell him i said that) , it makes communication difficult but we do get to talk sometimes. i also know several people with serious sightloss. as far as siblings go, i'm the youngest one without curls in a bunch that's not quite brady. two sisters, three brothers. my oldest brother has a different biological father but my dad raised him as his own, other than that we're all from the same ma and pa. people used to call us the_brady_bunch, i used to watch show when i was a kid, and i'd imagine all our faces where the real actors heads go,..you know,.. in the boxes... when the show starts...oh nevermind hlah! i stopped doing that at some point. we're nothing like the brady bunch." - ztupider_questions 041227 ... monee "65.) i don't cut my hair 66.) they said i was gifted and more mature than my peer group 67.) i think vikings mayans and romans are cool 68.) i_am_trying to figure it all out 69.) i planted some watermelons this year 70.) this is about the only online list i have ever filled, with maybe one exception? 71.) i once vowed i would never use the internet 72.) i skipped grade 6 once! and part of another grade as well before i left. i really don't like their system of grading. 73.) i met and kinda like a guy named Dallas once but not the guy from blather, i've never met him 74.) they cancelled enrichment due to lack of school funding and at the time it saddened me, why? 75.) i ate chocolate yesterday and saw men cutting hay, i feel bad for the people in africa who might have suffered so that i might buy and eat candy and i am scared of diabetes. 76.) i take stones from the shore and bark from the forest 77.) i am going to keep a journal and not fail this time 78.) i'm_terribly_afraid of being on steep hills eversince i just about fell off a cliff skiiing , so i am thinking i gotto tackle this issue. 79.) i want to speak everythinguese with everyone everywhere all the time 80.) i wish i had a brain for numbers 81.) i think farmers markets are groovy 82.) i can be reserved like a planet in motion 83.) i am not in favour of the concept of money and a consumer based society and want to do away with governments. 84.) i like checking printing dates in old books and finding the names of previous readers 85.) i don't mind dust that much at all but i really must do more about it, makes me sneezy 86.) sometimes i feel like saying M Thanks to people 87.) i think life is discovery let's live it up and dance_dance_dance 88.) i haven't painted anything in a long time and i am putting it down to not having the physical space in time to conceive my perceptions. 89.) i think manzanillas are alright but i prefer regular 'olives noir', M thanks 90.) i need to wash laundry 91.) i've seen bears and dolphins in the wild 92.) some people know me but most people don't 93.) i think we all live as eachother that we share everything in common and that nothing is ever alone 94.) i'd like it if i were more 95.) today_i_will 96.) i like playing with words 97.) i can find sleep 98.) i wonder what_was_here 99.) i'm not going to forget you 100.) i sing in gaelic sometime you might hear me" - 100_facts_about_nomme 041227 ... monee (that was the last of my hundred facts) 041227 ... monee so yeah, while i am reading through my lines and quoting myself, trying to find my great inconsistency, maybe, minnesota_chris, you should read your own blathes? and think about how maybe, just maybe, you're not_minnesota_chris? 041227 ... monee or maybe you are you and i am me and we are we and that is that? 041227 ... monee maybe we all have a little notness inside our selves, maybe our selves are in our notselves 041227 ... monee maybe i'm tired and my brain is on backwords 041227 ... misanthropic me now I just prowl. 041227 ... minnesota_chris My blathes always remind me of me. I don't think I've changed, and I've never soared, not really. I just make observations. I wish I could read soaring blathes of mine from years ago, but mine don't soar, maybe waddle a bit. But we're not talking about me, are we? 041227 ... monne "Weeds pulled from the ground survive, rooted in nothing but air and mist." - minnesota_chris, from verdant i don't know exactly what you meant by 'soar', but i think that had soarfulness. i've pulled weeds and seen them survive like that. i enjoyed your writing of it. it transported me back to moments when i'd witnessed such ness. and aren't we talking about your perception of me? and my perception of me? and my perception of your perception of me? we're talking about both our perceptions here, right? so we must be talking at least a bit about you, otherwise there would be no 'you' or 'your' in my sentences. if it was all just about my thoughts, well, i probably wouldn't be having this conversation, would i? as far as changing, i think people are constantly changing, as well as staying the same, seemingly some more, or less, than others. i don't think i've changed all that much since i began blathering, but i do think i have changed. i'm still me, but i think i have been growing. i have been experiencing. every day is a new day, and i learn new things. i don't see how anyone can not change at all. is your life completely static? can you honestly say you are exactly the same person as you were a year ago? or even yesterday? if you were to have a converstation with your yearagoself today, don't you think you might be a bit different from that person?...perhaps in some opinion you hold, or taste you like? would you not differ at all? surely you must've acquired some more experience since that yearagoself was. surely you are still the same person, even if you might know more now , or feel more, or feel less about something. myself, i have been through a fair bit since i discovered blather. i think my writing may have changed in ways, but the words are still basically the same. i'm in more pain than when i started blathering. i'm fighting/coping with a 'severe chronic illness', myalgic_encephalomyelitis ...and some days i find it quite difficult to deal with. i haven't even left my home in a month because i've been feeling too sick to go anywhere. i'm trying to remain cheerful, but i'm also depressed from, as my doctor wrote in a form last year, "my current and future quality of life", as well as my past, which i've been trying to face, with the help of writing. i do not have a whole lot of outlets to verbally express/vent my emotions, so i tend to come here to blow off steam, in the way of whatever happiness or sadness happens to spill into words. when i look through my writing, i see myself. i see how i have felt, and i feel what i've seen. i am still the same girl. i'm still using all the same basic themes. half of my words are in red, half of them are in blue. some are black, but some are yellow. they're mostly all the same mix of sad and silly. i am not always comfortable with what i've written. i feel repetitive in some ways, redundant. i feel stagnant. perhaps there have been times where i have felt more in tune with myself, but maybe i was only kidding myself? maybe i'm more in tune than ever, because at least now i think i am trying not to hide from my problems as much as i feel i was before. i don't know what else to say. i've never read an annual/a yearbook full of cheerleaders' writing, so i don't know what exactly you might mean by your cheerleader comment. i don't know what i'd be writing if i was a cheerleader. as i said, i'm not exactly a well person, and i'm a bit boxed in right now with my condition being what it is, so i do not have as much communication with other people as someone who is healthy might. i get on my own nerves a lot because of this. i am sorry if i have somehow annoyed you with my "writing lately". i don't want to annoy anyone. i'm just trying to be myself, whoever that person is, however i am seen. 041228 ... monee and i spelled my name wrong, oops. 041228 ... monee and i know you didn't say that i'm annoying you but i guess i am just feeling annoying, and confused 041228 ... monee i'm a yatterer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 041228 ... monee delete_me 041228 ... unhinged when i was young on thin-feathered wings of imagination far away from my then current state fantasizing daydreaming it was my favorite pasttime when i was young and then the gravity of adulthood snapped my wings i fell so hard but i had set myself up to fall flying so high with those thin constructs of mine that i convinced myself would someday be reality that if i imagined it it would be someday that if i found a new place a new way a new crowd it would chase it all away i used to soar in the bright blue springtime sky of someday and now i'm stuck in the blackened abyss of yeah right, no way my daydream wings snapped i have no way to combat gravity yes, i used to soar alone but happy when i believed in the winds of hope that kept me afloat 051005 ... andru235 everything regenerates, even soaringness. 051026 ... oh but bouncy castles are fun . whats up ... want to buy an Ego ? oh ! but thats like soul distroying. 070420 ... neesh in those days when i had wings and dreams. 070420 ... Eye Wool but look at the moon and the stars ! who said that weren't a dream come true ? i'll make new wings for you then. 070420 ... klairchen this spring is quite, arctic... 070421 ... misstree in last night's dream i had huge brightly colored wings but i still didn't fly 070421 what's it to you? who go blather from