i_used_to_soar
monee i was a one eyed
one horned
flying purple people eater
041220
...
whitechocolatewalrus i used to be a cloud
a bird
i used to soar
041220
...
minnesota_chris you're not monadh. She wrote like the wind sighs, her writing was like the first tender shoots of spring.

"all the saints have fled
and taken with them
their radiant orbs of incandescent light"

your writing is what cheerleaders write in each others' yearbooks.
041221
...
monee i don't understand you.
you don't seem to undestand me.


i don't know what you're talking about.


cheerleaders?
041221
...
monee "like the wind sighs"
and "the first tender shoots of spring"?

that was nice of you to say,...but then to point out my old words and say that i'm not monadh anymore, when i am still me? how can i not be me?
fuck. i think i've had enough feeling of notness for the time being, thanks.

you know i'm sorry if the blossoms on my tree have withered or weathered or whatever. if you prefer my earlier writing, fine, that's good. but it doesn't mean that all of the other stuff isn't me. maybe the season has changed, but the tree remains the same.

i am myself and that's the only me i am, ever was, and ever will be in this lifetime.
041221
...
monee you wanna hear something really strange? i just googled all the saints have fled line, and found it in somebody's blog! i can't even remember what blathe that was from, and someone has put it in their blog? as their own?
what's with that?
041221
...
monee someone in singapore is into using my writing in their blog? and they didn't even ask me?
i mean i really don't care, it's kinda cool,... but weird.
041221
...
monee oh, a_poet_lives_within_my_soulthat's the aforementioned blathe. 041221
...
monee a_poet_lives_within_my_soul 041221
...
monee i wonder how many other blathes of mine have been scooped up and made into other people's blogs as their own words? 041221
...
monee http://p-urple.diaryland.com/021107_55.html



oh well i like their background anyway.



some guy in school used to always ask me to write poems for him for his girlfriend, but i told him he'd be better off writing his own poems.
somehow i am suddenly reminded of that by the way that person claims to have written that blathe for their "silly boy"
041221
...
monee she changed the 'to a lass with no chance' line to 'to a girl waiting for her lover'


not that i really care all that much,
i didn't even like my line that much anyway.
041221
...
Death a Grumblin still a ripoff of you. the least they could have done was e-mail you and ask permission.

.
041221
...
monee November 01, 2002
"i wrote this for you, on this day, a year ago. it was 2:14 am on a thursday. we were so in love then. i am [still] loving you now.]"

oh how i do laugh.

i wrote that blathe on 010310
041221
...
monee heh, yeah

i don't know if i've ever gotten a letter from singapore before!
that woulda been kinda neat, to be asked.
but, i guess it doesn't really matter.
041221
...
monee i used to want to be a cheerleader, but they didn't have cheerleaders at my schools.

i still think it'd be fun to be a cheerleader.


give me a B, B!
give me an L, L!
give me an A, A!
......and a T, T,
......and an H, H,
......and an E, E
......and an R, R
041221
...
monee my early blathes are connected to my most recent blathes mc, if you were to read blue: u_o_w and red: m_o_n you might understand. 041221
...
monee well i started reading some of that girl's other blogbits, and thinking some of it was interesting sounding, but then i said to myself hmm i wonder how much of this did she actually write 041221
...
monee


i wonder what cheerleaders write in yearbooks
041226
...
monee


i wonder why someone would tell me i'm not myself
041226
...
monee


i wonder why i even wonder
041226
...
misstree but things got too heavy
so now i slink
041226
...
minnesota_chris read what you've written lately. Then read monadh. 041227
...
monee "I'll have to try them sometime
yummy cheerios"
- cinnamon_cheerios

"I loved it too!
my mom got me the Rainbow brite doll
and then somehow it got lost,
and I was really sad for
what seemed like forever"
- rainbow_brite

"just ate two of them
they are delicious"
- peanut_butter_and_honey_sandwiches
041227
...
monee what i've written lately, what have i written lately? 041227
...
monee maybe YOU should read what i've written lately, maybe you should read monadh.

or better yet, maybe you shouldn't.


"i make myself sad, yes me, it's all my own fault
blather to me is not about spelling everything right, or making it appealing to others
big deal if i make a spelling mistake now and then,or i bore you all to bits if ya happen to click on something i blathed..
most times when i blather i am too exhausted to think, let alone think correctly
damn sometimes i just feel like all my blather really is a waste of space
go ahead and fill it with your own rantings why should i even participate if i just feel worthless
*cries and sits in the corner pouting
(yeah i know i'm a loser already okay
i think i am just having a bad blather
i really do love blather
i guess i'm just not cut out of the same metal as some
(what was that fit i just threw about anyway?)
sorry forget ya read dis"
- don't_bother_reading_me
041227
...
monee "waking up reading not eating till seven
days in a week waking up sleeping not
talking but typing out sounds of sands
and run run run in my brain wheel mice"
- house_fever
041227
...
monee "i'm trying to get beyond i'm trying to focus on making art so i can find a way out that lets me live and i don't want to feel selfish i just want to live a long and happy life and there is so much here to live for everytime i hear that someone died i feel like i'm taking the world for granted and i don't want to take anything for granted i just want to be happy and healthy i'm sorry if writing all this is selfish of me i think i'm done now"
- how_are_you_holding_up
041227
...
monee "tonight, everything i scrubbed peeled cooked ate i grew in my garden
except for the sea_salt, non_hydrogenated_margarine, soy_sauce, and lemon

and it_was so_tasty it_would_have_been nice if_i had_had more energy to eat
i_would_have taken seconds and had some sweet apple_crumble to finish up"
- living_in_the_country
041227
...
monee "46.) i think everyone is interesting
47.) i don't like leaving things unfinished
48.) i have a hard time completing anything i've left unfinshed
49.) i should be outside
50.) i'm a virgo with a pisces moon and aquarius rising

51.) i was born on a full moon
52.) i am still in my robe
53.) i_dream_of_kathmandu
54.) i'm eating
55.) i've seen fairies
56.) i want to question everything
57.) i don't want to waste
58.) i like chaucer and sewing
59.) i think it's unlucky to pick daffodils
60.) i don't eat peanuts but used to love peanut butter and jam sandwidgies

61.) i have a hive but no bees yet
62.) i need to change my guitar strings
63.) i've touched my tongue to batteries
64.) i like fresh blueberries"
- 100_facts_about_nomme
041227
...
monee "said I was sorry when I didn't mean it
or that I had forgiven when I hadn't

pretended to hate you
tried to love you
thought I could live without kindness
...gotten out of bed today"
- i_shouldn't_have
041227
...
monee "peace
love
and understanding

i never said they were easy to find
but you never asked me anyway"
- three_nice_things
041227
...
monee "i am running though the pages running past the point of sleep running through an open book i keep finding conclusions continuations sequels leftover whispers"
- blather_not_sleeping
041227
...
monee "I woke up crying
and pissed off at myself
...i woke up at the perfect time
this morning i woke up singing a song
i was singing to myself "
- this_morning

"I have nothing
to complain about really
my life
is just depressing
at times
and I can't help but be sad today
... forget I said anything
...because because because

I have no honest reason to be

so I figure
I will be happy from now on
...I felt horrible earlier
felt like jumping off a cliff
100 times over
...*waves hello to nocturnal*
hi ya hi ya hi ya!
*dancing around like a goof*
here..try one of these...they can help
though they don't always seem to fit
especially when you feel sad
*passes a smile on over*
...i like dancing around like a goof
i like dancing
why am i sad
i like dancing
i like streetlamps
...it's christmas and yestertoday
i was complaining in blather
grumbling about christmas
grumbling about family



it's not the boxes
or the wrapping paper i miss

i guess it's just a feeling
...i write too much"
- why_am_i_sad
041227
...
monee "Jazzberry Ram !!! Awesome!!! ... Woa ... talk about memories.... when I was younger these guys were like our neighbourhood heroes..to a bunch of punk kids who admired their ability to.. at the very least .. come up with a cool band name..Damn I wish I still had SuperFishyAllahTea!
I love you guys!
Wherever you are,
just want to say hi!!!!hi hi hi!!! to you (Drew especially cause he was always sooo nice)..How is Elle doing by the way? It has been years since I saw her last..or you for that matter...Saw you played a gig nearby ..read the reviews...thought about going ...but it was like the middle of winter and I was hibernating...
Though you may not remember me that well,
...You should come to town again soon...
I swear ..(*crossing fingers*)...I'll get on stage with you this time...who knows..maybe a little celtic fiddle to mess things up?...might make for a good jam..
*wanders off singing 'Little...piece of shrapnel...littttlle piiieeece of shhhraaappnneelll....*
I am a bumblebee a bumblbee bee I am ..a bumble bee I am....*
Thanks again for the pint ~ "
- jazzberry_ram
041227
...
monee (oh yeah, that last blathe was just so soarful) 041227
...
monee "can I be in on this one? *grin*
...cold and rainy in my corner of the globe
...I love the snow
in the winter I live for the snow
my world becomes an ice palace
but we didn't have nearly
enough of it this year
which is going to mean a lot
of forest fires in the summer

it is stormy here now
we just had the first rumbles
of thunder for the year
it is in the distance
I should turn off my computer
...yes I probably do
have a silly surge bar thing
but if the power goes
I can't stop it
...yes and I live out
in the middle of nowhere
so a backup supply would be
a great thing
alas
my empty wallet
doesn't agree
...can I wear a funny hat?
...oh goody..then it will match
the clothes I will wear
they look just as funny
haha"
- blather_school_photo

(such soar)
041227
...
monee "my brothers play those games ('cept Quake)
they make levels for Unreal
I have only played a bit
... that was good reading
forgot to mention it Dafreman
...it rained
is still raining
we need a lot of rain
...blue hair is too wicked
wish I was born with it
and blue skin and lips too
that would be wonderful
...found a deeper understanding
for a song I am learning on my fiddle
solved a problem I was having
designing a site
had a wonderful supper
yummy home-made fries
and I didn't have to cook them
...I had such a wonderful day
felt like giving
the whole world
a great big hug"
- good_things_that_happenedto_me_today
(even more soar)
041227
...
monee "gaelic for welcome
prounced: falltchya
Ta failte romhat :
You are welcome

just a little tidbit
of nonsensical info
for thoses of us learning gaelic
or perhaps revisiting it
...well prounced could be a new word
but I meant pronounced"
- failte
041227
...
monee "my love you do me wrong
to cast me off so discourteously
when I have loved you so long
delighting in your company
(Greensleeves..I love that song)"
- alas
041227
...
monee "too many things
I have to lighten up
go with the flow
for my own sake
and others"
- regret
041227
...
monee "Who am I?
hmm .. hard to say ..
I am the one
I am the many
I am so many things
aside from that I am just a silly gal from Canada who's going to turn 21 this year..live out in the middle of nowhere on an old orchard in the mountains, and I love it.
A hermit in sanctuary.
Seeking for answers in riddles.
In awe of the universe...and all that we are.
I exist."
- who_are_you
041227
...
monee "it came creeping in surrounding us
the mountains are almost completely vanished now in the haze
the smoke lingers in everything
making lungs feel heavy
exhausted from it all
the ever-pervasive intensity of the heat
dry and lifeless
i try to sleep now with this constant thing
no rain
no rain in forever,
the smoke just nestles in the hills makes dark homes of our hearts
...i can't see myself
where i stand i am
thrown into the fire
burning the stalks
...why am i crying"
- tired_of_this
-
041227
...
monee "the time comes when icicles melting form
crashing from the eaves troughs and the
cold sensation all a flurry of snow and
wind blowing dark across the bright glow of night as we walk with our faces turned towards the earth
keeping us hidden in our warmth
a harbour from the loosening grips shaking manes and scratching claws
feeling Autumn closing in,
Winter thou dost surely follow
the wealth of sorrow"
- winter_soul_summer_sky
041227
...
monee "death lay
in arms calling out
i am
the flicker source of soul flew onwards
a butterfly in May
blue eyes fading into another dream


pain grows
shadowing the dawn
the crunching crushing twisting turning
i looked and he was gone

no more sweet siamese meows
so precious few"
- stomachache
041227
...
monee "on the walls of my soul


with crayons"
- writing_randomly
041227
...
monee "you could live without regret"
- what_if
041227
...
monee "my brunch today
two slices of toasted light rye bread with a little bit of margarine, mustard, a few pieces of soy-cheddar cheese, and two soy-turkey slices.
glass of apple juice."
- cheese_and_mustard_sandwiches
041227
...
monee "mine too!"
- my_cup_of_tea
041227
...
monee "to say goodbye"
- it's_way_too_late_as_always
041227
...
monee "i think i have seen this a million times.
i always loved it."
- gone_with_the_wind
041227
...
monee "I am not"
- three_words_with_effort
041227
...
monee "please do not do anything about it"
- have_you_seen_this_word
041227
...
monee "hello
i want to turn the soil of this old place and get deep down in the thick of it
plant grape vines and rose bushes and have bee hives
and cherry trees to gather shade by with Lord Byron or Yeats
and for the robins to perch on in the spring mornings
the old apple trees are gorgeous and actually gave me bags and bags full
but their limbs are getting tired and in some places
where the bears came along for a meal they are quite damaged

i wonder who planted them
settlers at the turn of the last century
seeking a better life in the hills
they came across oceans and time
to remind me of the value of a day's labour

I need to get a tractor cause I am not that strong , even if I could pour all my efforts into it
a spade just won't touch the surface of this task it is too great, trust me
i have tried and you should have seen me weep
i know tractors aren't nice they just tear up the ground and don't give much thought to all the poor wee ones who make their homes in dens below the ground feeding on the soil
oh well we are all one anyway and I can't possibly stop to pick every single worm away from the blade

just look at how much i could do if only i had 80 extra toes and fingers
to cover these 30-some acres

maybe by the time I am 35 I will be able to play a tune half as decent as ashley
but right now i struggle
i am about 15 notes away from completely discovering tracks one two and three (well track one will take some more effort, the last two bits are kinda tricky and i haven't found them yet)
i am tired of playing squeakily
but i am getting a bit better i think
maybe this coming year will bring me some songs that will show me new horizons
my violin is never quite in tune and i am too scared to tune it
i always break the strings on this one


i have a pile of canvases on the top shelf
been meaning to paint them for some time now
something different this time
completely the same but changed in some manner
i keep looking at the ones i have hung on the wall
i think it is time for some new ones
they would make good gifts if they would dry in time
which they won't
so i will go shopping and find treasures who need a home


well i finally learned how to spin
that was something i had been wanting to do for a while
next i'll try my hand at weaving
and then i will have something decent to sell at the faires come spring and summer

but can you believe how long it can take to do somethings
pouring through records
he was from the south she was from the north they were irish
but who were they really
and that is just one side of a thousand coins that rush through my hands
scotland and england
wales
germany north by the sea

i always wanted to explore my roots

find out who i am in that sense
i see now i am all of them somehow
well i think i knew that to begin with
but i am still growing

i should change the page on my calendar
november is gone now
a lot of things are"
- innerviews_monadh


"the tide rushes in
rolls out
what is left behind
we build castles with
remembering the joys of yesterday dreaming up tomorrow
our pictures in the sky

sleeping in the infinite realm that dwells within the moment
drinking the wine of fate
i know that spread out upon vast wings of space there are the stars that mark our existence
shining bright forever in their glory,
within the minutes that shape our beating hearts,the tick and the tock of destiny, live our memories eternal
so hush now soul while the hour is young, let's have no talk of joy and sorrow
let me not speak of the sad changes that shift and shade
the wishes cast to a blind and bitter wind
or the battles met on the road to journey.
only the sweet birds that sing in the morning rain when everything else seems so lost."
- innerviews_monadh_what_is_gone
041227
...
monee "1.) i was forged in the fires of everything
2.) i am Brilliance but not that smart
3.) sometimes people tell me i am genius material...haha
4.) i think they might be wrong and there are some facts to prove this, but we will see
5.) i can be very organized at times but things seem a total mess right now
6.) i like systematic random sequences
7.) i am back. it's later now.
8.) i want to love and bring out the beauty in U_and_me
9.) i just answered the door and braided my hair
10.) i voted Green and yes to recall and no to the so-called community development

11.) i think we are the answer to the riddle and the mind of the question
12.) i believe in everything that is and is not
13.) i am a genealogist and when i was a kid i wanted to be a paleontologist , someday maybe i'll have some other ology to add in
14.) i_often_hesitate
15.) i think picasso is misunderstood by many
16.) i think all understanding is understood
17.) my telescope is broken but i look at the stars
18.) i make sourdough
19.) i've been told i resemble Mona Lisa and the Virgin Mary to which i sometimes agree or disagree depending , ....right now i might say "no but yes I agree, no?"
20.) i am always coming up with brilliant ideas which i regret not writing down later but then i am glad for that

21.) i don't frequently compose words ahead of time in blather i just type review click, but today i'm writing in wordpad.
22.) i am still and passive
23.) i find it hard to fit myself into boxes like this
24.) i am ignorant and All-Wise
25.) i have been reading a lot of kx21and sol
26.) i am limitlessly flawed
27.) i want to live
28.) yes to the revolution!
29.) i think if i ever have children and they have children and they have children and they have children and everyones children have children with all the above mentioned children of all the children everywhere eventually the whole population will be descended from us children, eh children? that's my_plan_for_world_peace
30.) i am descended from kings queens coal miners and slaves

31.) i would like to make a difference
32.) i think nothing is impossibly possible
33.) i used to make cut-out dolls from pizza boxes when i was about 6 or 7
34.) i have two slightly buckteeth and a strawberry nevus on the bridge of my nose which i just had diagnosed fearing skin cancer
35.) i spent a lot of time in the sunshine when i was younger
36.) i love swimming for hours and hours especially underwater
37.) i_don't_doubt
38.) i try not to wear masks without knowing
39.) i think mtdna rocks
40.) i can make sounds like a raven a robin a cat a wolf a fiddle a girl and more

41.) i like to iron but i wear wrinkled things for the heck of it
42.) i just drank a glass of water but am hungry not eating want to put and end to starvation in this multiverse
43.) i_left_blather once
44.) i try not to kill anything, hence my being vegan and my gratitude for being born vegetarian. i rescue drowning flies and scurrying spiders when i can. i feel guilty at the slightest insult to plant or creature but know also that we all share each other's pain love and fear
and that it is possibly impossible for me not to protect or harm any thing or one. i must kill vegetables to sustain myself.
45.) i don't own anything i have a bunch of objects which have me"
- more from 100_facts_about_nomme
041227
...
monee "i can remember as a child, trying to remember as much as I could about myself before I was born. I remember soaring through the air looking down upon fields, forests, mountains, the world. There were some children playing upon the green grass with a kite . Perhaps I was the wind. Rushing over the earth like water.
I remember living on the top of a mountain. I was pushing big stones around. There were two or three other beings who were with me, doing the same. Not sure what I was then but I had a familiar form that seemed human though somehow not as ceramic in structure. These are my first memories of me that I can see clearly in my mind in colours and light, they are like dreams in their quality and tone, but have always struck me as exact memory of being.
Then,
life as me..,
and my first memories as a child
trying to remember my time before.
i seemed to feel that the further I got away from my moment of birth, the less and less I would remember. I wanted so much to try though, to hold onto something of before. I can't remember being born, and a lot of my memories as a child, even recent memories, have seemed to slip away into the recesses of my mind. But the time before is like a visible star in the midnight sky on a full moon night.
I realize now that all memory is universal and exists within the single seed of moment which is everything. Our experiences are one.
The other day, when I was shopping, and before that at a community gathering, everyone I met with my eyes, I recognized and knew, as though they were myself.
Like when a tree is swaying in the breeze and inside your heart you know how it feels to be moving like that..
every shiver of leaf every whistle of bark."
- innerviews_monadh_earliest_memory
041227
...
911 Whistleblower 041227
...
monee "yes ... I'm that hippy friend of your littlest sis ... who used to play all them Nirvana songs on my guitar...
damn I wish I had gotten up on stage and played that song now when I look back at it..
afterall I will never again be that kid sneaking in to hear you guys's 'gigs'
...
What can I say,?? ...
It was just before my 15th birthday ...
life in a new town was kinda gettin me down....and you guys were like ghosts from an old familiar room ...
but it sure was fun to shout at the top of my lungs 'Happy New Year' that august night.....just sorry I seemed so damn depressed ..and drunk out of my mind ....it really has been a while eh?"
- more from
the soarful jazzberry_ram blathe
041227
...
WOW!!! ... 041227
...
monee "impacted by the death of anyone famous?
i think we all affect
the unknown_affects
we feel the effects
of everything

i am sure i can think of a few names
new and ancient

when i first read the question one of the answers in my brain was kurt_cobain
but i wasn't going to say anything cause a lot of times i type only to delete
and then the mention of him
well at the time of his death i was in the process of learning his every song
stuff i never heard and i was mad and crazy for the way kurt wrote and the poetry of how it caught my attention
it was odd really when i first heard of nirvana i wasn't listening to most music so i would basically hear it at friend's places, and i liked it but was no big thing

then i really felt myself attracted to it at a time i was reaching for something
and then he died
and no more nirvana but everybody increasingly analyzing it all
and i could see the music scene around me changing
at the time i really felt it
... and on another note
Diana Krall's mom was my school librarian in grade one and two
she was really nice she told me what my name meant i remember the big atlas she showed me
and she always let me take alice_in_wonderland out but she'd say don't you think anyone else will ever want to read that? but i couldn't leave it on the shelf for long and she seemed to understand. she was an awesome librarian. anyway there's more i could say but i should prolly shutup
... and in_case you're wondering why_i just posted that last story...
i don't know if Mrs. Krall is still alive, she had/has cancer,...i hope she is still living??? when i heard she was so sick i remembered her and how kind she was to myself and my family,
...anyway it's her daughter is the famous one, but there is a story there too
blah blah blah
...i was just thinking , vaguely remembering a conversation with my sister from last year,...
so i checked google.
rest_in_peace mrs. krall
...Hollyburn in the autumn trees afire with red and golden falling leaves
we stayed in this big old log cabin i was surprised to see
everything i saw
what a relief from the city below
i remember sitting out under the stars there were blueberry bushes growing wild entangling my heart with their wildness
we ate pasta and garlic bread from Safeway, funnyily enough
i remember that was when i met him for real he was born in the year of the sheep
he a bit older became my brother's friend my friend's boyfriend after i moved away i learned he had died and oh that was tragic
i always wanted to know him more


i climed to the top shoes with no socks i had forgotten to brought i had to carry the big backpack with all the stuff and we climbed to the top all the way to the top and it was rocky up there i was amazed at the view we sat eating our lunches in the sunshine on the rock i put pieces of cookies, terribly really for me to feed them to the birds so many little birds i didn't know their names they landed on my arms eating as photos were taken later shown in a slideshow i never got to see
... okay i laughed reading back forget forgive my typos and this and that
...well pro you will be helping and that i am sure must do a world of good
con you will be losing something you might never find again
you might be walking down the street and not notice the man walking passed you as your own son he might become your boss at work or the guy you hit with your car
how many children might you father to never know to perhaps pass or meet or know but never know as your own kin
and how might they wonder at the man they never knew will they wonder if their father resembled the man on the street the employee at work the guy who caused the accident last friday
well you might get that same effect from going to a bar/whatever and bibbidy bobbidy boo but unless you are hyperactive in that department the sperm bank is going to hold the record for anonymous distribution of your genes
and all those people will be carrying around a part of you a genetic imprint every action you took every inaction and the lives of all your ancestors stretching back as far as ever goes
it is all there in some genetic cellular memory bank shaping new lives eventually nations
but then perhaps otherwise(situations differ) you might not ever father and so would it be good to let it waste?

i didn't hardly sleep much my thoughts are kinda muffled my brain scattered

waking up
... not to say it is wrong to be fatherless (as far as raising) or to be childless (as far as knowing)
but if that connection (generations bridges build) exists unbroken is it not a beautiful thing
... i never met him i
was two when he died
but i knew him, i know him, in a way that only i,...
because i feel this connection, this root that ties me to him, this presence with me now as i type it is like a part of him typing from within

my grandfather

stories of him are few
how he laid foundations
how you could see the lights across the town
how his mother died when he was born

i beg to know more

pictures photgraphs his face recently i looked upon
a new face new photographs i had never seen



they found him in the river
an old man
he had gone out in the middle of the night in his bed clothes

i can't believe it, i almost refuse to accept it,
he had been so ill from exposure
in his autobody shop, in the days before they wore masks around chemicals,
when my father would help him,
my father so like him in his own ways

he was an inventor
solar technology mid 1900's
second world war
he got a special medal from the King

he never knew me but maybe he did
maybe he was told of my birth, what did he think then? did he like my name? if he met me now would he see himself, would he see her, would he see myself in me?

i found an old obituary i had never read. he was interested in research like me! he was trying to track down his roots like me! i think he would be glad i was finding his surname in old records. did he dream of cornwall? did he dream like me?

they found him in the river the river my father left the river they crossed the ocean to get to
the river how deep how red
it does run through my blood.
...nomme What was the most touching thing you have read on blather? (i can't answer this, sorry...i tried and deleted, it was too difficult.

Do have have any living grandparents?
my grandma ..(my mom's mom) i love her so much, and i miss her as we live a fair distance apart. i can't remember a time when i didn't know her. she taught me how to crochet.
my grandpa (my mom's dad) he lives about an hour or so from me, and is 92 now, his silvery white hair was once red. i met him first at a restaurant in victoria when i was about six going on seven. he just built a haybarn and is taking algebra again, having just retaken canadian history.


the question about fire scares me. sorry.
i used to go through this scenario over and over in my mind (i had a whole exit route planned on paper for my stuffed toys when i was 8). i think at this point i don't really want to think about fire so i will stop typing about it


blind or deaf? my grandpa has a really hard time hearing (don't tell him i said that) , it makes communication difficult but we do get to talk sometimes. i also know several people with serious sightloss.

as far as siblings go,
i'm the youngest one without curls in a bunch that's not quite brady. two sisters, three brothers. my oldest brother has a different biological father but my dad raised him as his own, other than that we're all from the same ma and pa.
people used to call us the_brady_bunch,
i used to watch show when i was a kid, and i'd imagine all our faces where the real actors heads go,..you know,.. in the boxes... when the show starts...oh nevermind hlah! i stopped doing that at some point. we're nothing like the brady bunch."
- ztupider_questions
041227
...
monee "65.) i don't cut my hair
66.) they said i was gifted and more mature than my peer group
67.) i think vikings mayans and romans are cool
68.) i_am_trying to figure it all out
69.) i planted some watermelons this year
70.) this is about the only online list i have ever filled, with maybe one exception?

71.) i once vowed i would never use the internet
72.) i skipped grade 6 once! and part of another grade as well before i left. i really don't like their system of grading.
73.) i met and kinda like a guy named Dallas once but not the guy from blather, i've never met him
74.) they cancelled enrichment due to lack of school funding and at the time it saddened me, why?
75.) i ate chocolate yesterday and saw men cutting hay, i feel bad for the people in africa who might have suffered so that i might buy and eat candy and i am scared of diabetes.
76.) i take stones from the shore and bark from the forest
77.) i am going to keep a journal and not fail this time
78.) i'm_terribly_afraid of being on steep hills eversince i just about fell off a cliff skiiing , so i am thinking i gotto tackle this issue.
79.) i want to speak everythinguese with everyone everywhere all the time
80.) i wish i had a brain for numbers

81.) i think farmers markets are groovy
82.) i can be reserved like a planet in motion
83.) i am not in favour of the concept of money and a consumer based society and want to do away with governments.
84.) i like checking printing dates in old books and finding the names of previous readers
85.) i don't mind dust that much at all but i really must do more about it, makes me sneezy
86.) sometimes i feel like saying M Thanks to people
87.) i think life is discovery let's live it up and dance_dance_dance
88.) i haven't painted anything in a long time and i am putting it down to not having the physical space in time to conceive my perceptions.
89.) i think manzanillas are alright but i prefer regular 'olives noir', M thanks
90.) i need to wash laundry

91.) i've seen bears and dolphins in the wild
92.) some people know me but most people don't
93.) i think we all live as eachother that we share everything in common and that nothing is ever alone
94.) i'd like it if i were more
95.) today_i_will
96.) i like playing with words
97.) i can find sleep
98.) i wonder what_was_here
99.) i'm not going to forget you
100.) i sing in gaelic sometime you might hear me"
- 100_facts_about_nomme
041227
...
monee (that was the last of my hundred facts) 041227
...
monee so yeah, while i am reading through my lines and quoting myself, trying to find my great inconsistency, maybe, minnesota_chris, you should read your own blathes? and think about how maybe, just maybe, you're not_minnesota_chris? 041227
...
monee or maybe
you are you
and i am me
and we are we
and that is that?
041227
...
monee maybe we all have a little notness inside our selves,
maybe our selves are in our notselves
041227
...
monee maybe i'm tired
and my brain is on backwords
041227
...
misanthropic me now I just prowl. 041227
...
minnesota_chris My blathes always remind me of me. I don't think I've changed, and I've never soared, not really. I just make observations.

I wish I could read soaring blathes of mine from years ago, but mine don't soar, maybe waddle a bit. But we're not talking about me, are we?
041227
...
monne "Weeds pulled from the ground survive, rooted in nothing but air and mist."
- minnesota_chris, from verdant


i don't know exactly what you meant by 'soar', but i think that had soarfulness. i've pulled weeds and seen them survive like that. i enjoyed your writing of it. it transported me back to moments when i'd witnessed such ness.




and aren't we talking about your perception of me? and my perception of me? and my perception of your perception of me?
we're talking about both our perceptions here, right? so we must be talking at least a bit about you, otherwise there would be no 'you' or 'your' in my sentences. if it was all just about my thoughts, well, i probably wouldn't be having this conversation, would i?




as far as changing, i think people are constantly changing, as well as staying the same, seemingly some more, or less, than others.

i don't think i've changed all that much since i began blathering, but i do think i have changed. i'm still me, but i think i have been growing. i have been experiencing. every day is a new day, and i learn new things.

i don't see how anyone can not change at all. is your life completely static? can you honestly say you are exactly the same person as you were a year ago? or even yesterday?

if you were to have a converstation with your yearagoself today, don't you think you might be a bit different from that person?...perhaps in some opinion you hold, or taste you like? would you not differ at all?

surely you must've acquired some more experience since that yearagoself was.

surely you are still the same person, even if you might know more now , or feel more, or feel less about something.


myself, i have been through a fair bit since i discovered blather. i think my writing may have changed in ways, but the words are still basically the same.

i'm in more pain than when i started blathering. i'm fighting/coping with a 'severe chronic illness', myalgic_encephalomyelitis
...and some days i find it quite difficult to deal with.

i haven't even left my home in a month because i've been feeling too sick to go anywhere.


i'm trying to remain cheerful, but i'm also depressed from, as my doctor wrote in a form last year, "my current and future quality of life", as well as my past, which i've been trying to face, with the help of writing.


i do not have a whole lot of outlets to verbally express/vent my emotions, so i tend to come here to blow off steam, in the way of whatever happiness or sadness happens to spill into words.

when i look through my writing, i see myself. i see how i have felt, and i feel what i've seen. i am still the same girl. i'm still using all the same basic themes.

half of my words are in red, half of them are in blue. some are black, but some are yellow. they're mostly all the same mix of sad and silly.



i am not always comfortable with what i've written. i feel repetitive in some ways, redundant. i feel stagnant.

perhaps there have been times where i have felt more in tune with myself, but maybe i was only kidding myself? maybe i'm more in tune than ever, because at least now i think i am trying not to hide from my problems as much as i feel i was before.


i don't know what else to say. i've never read an annual/a yearbook full of cheerleaders' writing, so i don't know what exactly you might mean by your cheerleader comment. i don't know what i'd be writing if i was a cheerleader.



as i said, i'm not exactly a well person, and i'm a bit boxed in right now with my condition being what it is, so i do not have as much communication with other people as someone who is healthy might. i get on my own nerves a lot because of this.

i am sorry if i have somehow annoyed you with my "writing lately". i don't want to annoy anyone. i'm just trying to be myself, whoever that person is, however i am seen.
041228
...
monee and i spelled my name wrong, oops. 041228
...
monee and i know you didn't say that i'm annoying you but i guess i am just feeling annoying, and confused 041228
...
monee



i'm a yatterer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
041228
...
monee delete_me 041228
...
unhinged when i was young
on thin-feathered wings of imagination
far away from my then current state
fantasizing
daydreaming
it was my favorite pasttime
when i was young
and then the gravity of adulthood
snapped my wings
i fell so hard
but i had set myself up to fall
flying so high with those thin constructs of mine
that i convinced myself
would someday be reality
that if i imagined it
it would be
someday
that if i found a new place
a new way
a new crowd
it would chase it all away
i used to soar
in the bright blue springtime sky of
someday
and now i'm stuck in the blackened abyss of
yeah right, no way
my daydream wings snapped
i have no way to combat gravity
yes, i used to soar
alone but happy
when i believed in the winds of hope that kept me afloat
051005
...
andru235 everything regenerates, even soaringness. 051026
...
oh but
bouncy castles are fun .

whats up ... want to buy an Ego ?

oh !

but thats like soul distroying.
070420
...
neesh in those days when i had wings and dreams. 070420
...
Eye Wool but look at the moon and the stars !
who said that weren't a dream come true ?
i'll make new wings for you then.
070420
...
klairchen this spring is quite,

arctic...
070421
...
misstree in last night's dream
i had huge brightly colored wings
but i still didn't fly
070421
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from