what_i'm_feeling_right_now peyton Guess I'm stuck in a dream Surrounded by coloured leaves on the ground As I stare at the trees I see one fall down on my hand As I start to explore I can't ignore a man He turns his head around His face was all worn by the sun I'm going out for a while So I can get high with my friends I will I'm going out for a while Don't wait up cos I won't be home Today Drifting down a road Losing myself in a dream Feel my hands getting cold Sat in a boat on a lake Climbing up trying my best As I sink Climbing up trying my best As I sink again Lying back on the floor Reaching up high into space See myself in a glass I'm counting the lines on my face Again Counting the lines on my face Again I'm going out for a while So I can get high with my friends I will I'm going out for a while Don't wait up cos I won't be home Today Today, today, today, today... - Feeder 010222 ... silentbob empty, anxious, hating my life wastin my life waitin for you sick, my belly itches, i can't sleep or eat or shit. weird stuff is coming out of the end of my penis. 010222 ... Dafremen an itch...somewhere between my right nut and my thigh. I'd scratch it, but at least the itching sensation is something to break the monotony of another dull day. 010222 ... chanaka the ache of a cramp running down my right thigh 010222 ... the lights florescent stress, impatiance, frustration, stress dread, wonderment, curiosity, exhaustion 010222 ... the lights florescent at peace with the world 010224 ... shiva lonely. bah. 010224 ... unhinged that i could be a huge slut tonight 010224 ... Rhinna Alive! Mmmmmmmmmm......thunderstorms! 010224 ... Aimee useless. sad. repressed. dejected. unneeded. weighted down. 010315 ... monadh anxious to see what the future brings 010316 ... lost like crying out,like dieng, like ripping out my intestines and slowly feeling myself slip into death. 010316 ... lost That songs badass peyton. 010316 ... babybat the harshness of my reality, and what i've chosen to hide from everyone. my eyes burning with tears and yet at the same time dryness. the way things used to be, slowly slipping away. the pain of making the decision to stay home on prom night. wanting to be anything else right now, even if my meager existence was that of a fly's. heavy eyelids and restless dreaming sleep calling to me... 010316 ... unhinged i never went to my high school prom dear. the only thing i miss is that i wish i could have got all dolled up in one of those beautiful dresses. sometimes my young-girl-princess impulse takes over. complacent 010316 ... mikey sick 010317 ... Tank really, really, really happy. really, really, really safe. really, really, really secure. really, really, really loved. really, really, really blessed. really, really, really calm. really, really, really alive. 010317 ... twiggie i found the perfect dress before i even went to highschool...it was pale green, one of those princess type dresses with the layers of pouffiness in the skirt. haven't been able to find one since...which is too bad. the only reason i want to go is that part of me that wants to get dressed up and go and get my makeup and hair done. maybe next year. 010317 ... psychobabe i feel a rock in my shoe....now i cant get my shoe back on :( 010428 ... redspark confused, concerned, questioning, hmmmmmmm, hhh*sigh* im not really sure what 010428 ... freakizh my back hurts. my eyes hurts. my wrists hurts. but i just want to keep blathering. 010716 ... nocturnal a bit nauseous. 010716 ... Aimee sleepy.... really really sleepy 010717 ... black-dyed gel product I'm feeling boxed in. I need a release. 010717 ... yummyC my eyes are sore but I'm not very sleepy. emotionally i feel... calm...content. 010717 ... Sheena goodness...ive got alot of things and feelings goin through me right now. im extremely sad right now cause my bf is moving in a couple of weeks. im tired cause its 1:24 in the mornin. im sick cause i got strep throat. im hot cause the air isnt on high. im confused on alot of gurl problems. im feeling a lil pain im toe cause i just stubbed it on the wall. and im feeling like no one is there. like im the only person on this earth right now who understands me and cares for me. i feel alone and empty. but then again..so many people have so much love for me they are smothering me with it and puttin too much effort in showing me. but who knows, all these feelings will be different tomorrow.. 010717 ... Aragorn son of Barrett (myself) 010717 ... abraham lincoln This undying desire to get my music out to the world.......somehow....... 010801 ... Dafremen Might I suggest hanging around a spirit channeler's office Abe? 010801 ... Rhinna anger. a headache, because a million unsavory thoughts are running amuck behind my throbbing eye sockets. the tell-tale bump on my forehead, with my index finger. damn that socket wrench anyway! alone. the soft fur of my cat, as i stroke her tail with my foot. forgotten. silly...for recording all of this on blather. like i'm on the verge of crying. i'm holding the tears back, and it's causing a stinging sensation in my eyes. tired of everything. like an orphan, because i just realized that my father hasn't returned my phone calls. it's been months... i feel like writing a string of curse words, but i don't like the doghouse...it's too cramped. however, i am beginning to get used to it, and so i am going to convince myself that it's cozy and quaint, to make myself feel better for writing the next phrase... **** it all! 'whipped'...for returning to the phrase above, and replacing the curse word with astericks. a deep longing for peyton...that i love him, and i miss him... heartache. 010801 ... Rhinna regret over some of my previous admissions on this thread, because what i'm really feeling is plain and simple insecurity. 010801 ... tourist Awww... Stiff upperlip now Lassie Things will be Fine You'll see 010801 ... peyton proud I thought of the idea for this thread, but not so proud that I think that no one else would have thought of it, or hadn't already I wish I could be there for Rhinna when I can't, I wish I could sever a part of me and leave with her so she would feel me there always I'm a little frustrated that the stuff with Aimee is started again, because she thinks I wrote the hate thread about her. I know that everyone she knows will think the same, and that makes me sad. I wish I'd have never written that blathe on slut, and would have never met Aimee Weber. ::shudders:: I'm pretty hungry too. I'd like some oatmeal, but I think I'm out of brown sugar and cinnamon. I wish Rhinna would answer my messages on MSN. MSN sucks where I am. I can never tell if my messages are getting through. I'm hurting because I want her with me. I feel sad that lots of people will never know what sort of love we have. They will never experience the kind of acceptance we've found with each other. They will write their blathes of lonliness, like I did, and strike out at those who don't like them, like I did, and cause strife because they know bad attention is better than no attention. I'm feeling that I will probably leave blather again soon. I feel bad that blather has turned from what it was, to what it is. The world didn't need another big blue message board. I feel bad that I blame (or judge, or whatever you want to call it) certain people here for what it has become. I still miss Rhinna, and I think I'm starting to worry. Blather used to bring out the best in me. Now it brings out the worst. I love you Rhinna. I'm feeling that right now, most certainly. I'd still like some oatmeal. 010801 ... lost loss, and a whole lotta anger cuz my mother is a nagging bitch. 010802 ... sim In order: Tired. Forlorn. Unproductive. Impatient. An overriding sense of loneliness and the desire to be desired without reservation or deceptive intent. I suppose this could more generally be defined as "longing," though I am thinking quite specifically right now. 010803 ... nocturnal at work like I could fall asleep right here, right now and not wake up till tomorrow. 010803 ... Teenage Jesus ready to end this week. Nothing has gone according to plan. I will go and cut my mother-in-law's yard. 010803 ... enriquecito as the coyote must have felt when he realized that the ground of the arizona cliffs had dropped out from under him without his knowledge. where's the acme "I want to take everything back" kit when you need it? 010803 ... tex avery i guess on the same shelf as the acme "don't look back" kit. 010804 ... unhinged disappointed i've been looking forward to tomorrow since the last time we saw each other. but you are right...i will be seeing more of you this week and i'm sure you would have asked me to go to cedar point but we already discussed how i don't like rollercoasters. it's just the huge pitter patter of falling in love with you kind of made me forget the reality of being human. so i have to wait two more days to see you again. ugh. 010804 ... florescent light trapped inside myself 010804 ... sim Oh God I'm sick. An allergic reaction has swollen shut my throat, the pain is like a dull and ceaseless scraping. I'm cranky, I'm hungry, I'm too weak to go out and get food. I hate this shit. It's so bad, an hour ago I finally broke in and started taking my backup meds that I've been saving for an emergency. It's times like this I hate to live alone. 010804 ... Tank i wish he wasn't so inconsiderate 010804 ... Aragorn Dread. Dread and impending loneliness. My itchy beard, for I can't afford a razor. A long neck bottle of beer, atleast I still have my prioreties. 010804 ... Aragorn spellcheck 010804 ... yummychuckle like stalking johnny west, that sexy sexy guy. 010826 ... sabbie bloody cold. i burnt my hand on a soldering iron about 1/2 hour ago and so im holding some ice thing i found in the freezer and im really cold anyway and i really must remember from now on to pick up soldering irons by the friendly plastic bit and not the hot metal pointy bit. 010827 ... nocturnal that I don't feel like bothering talking or writing to anyone that I can't see. I don't even want to talk to my friends from home. I just wanna chill with people here at school. this is weird, but I like it. hanging out with these people and not thinking about anyone else, I mean. 010828 ... johnny west I probably shouldn't sign on then... 010828 ... psychobabe Right now? *siiiiiiigh* i'm feeling.. happy...pissed...angry...sad..let down...dissapointed..left out...surrean ..bored...tired...hungry...thirsty.. i'm feeling alot right now, many mixed emotions. But what i do know is that i'm feeling for sure 010914 ... Aimee annoyed and tired.... I should like to think that sleeping in equals sleeping until 9:30-10am. But no. I can't sleep in here... why? no bloody clue but I was up at 8:30 (which technically is sleeping in considering I'm up at 7:30 every morning anyways). What's so wrong with this school that i can't sleep in anymore? 010915 ... distorted tendencies ethereal migraine of loathing