nick Liz mystery... 020910 ... Liz near... but oh so far away... 020914 ... me himself... all human... 020916 ... Liz he lost his way... 020916 ... Liz I guess I'm kinda upset... upset about this whole situation... he is important to me... I guess that's the reason for my anger... 020919 ... Liz you're leaving... and I am falling... 020924 ... Liz ... why you...? 021003 ... Liz you don't know... 021005 ... Liz I miss you... 021027 ... sal i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you 021223 ... Liz aka unable_to_stay a photo, one shot, click and away one moment left stuck and time with decay scribbled on paper, so white and gray "the moment has gone, now time's with delay" shoot it, click it, then boost it out can't run from what you live without one second has gone and turned into day the thoughts you had... still there - can you say? millions of photos, you hate them, right? from colored to those just black and white curled up in a corner, you're tensed so tight waiting for darkness to cover your night want it, hate it, then just let it go when pain inside you cannot stop to grow one second, one minute, your life seems okay but that's not right now... is that right what I say? a photo, last shot, click and it's gone patiently you sit and wait for the dawn trembling you sit and scribble it down "no photo was made as I sat and frowned" 030118 ... Liz aka unable_to_stay I worry about you... so much.. and I know that when I tell you... you feel bad about it, and I make it harder for you... sorry, I don't want that... . but your life... it seems like the dream you once had... has turned into your worst nightmare... and I wish I could just wake you up... you're forever with me... no matter what happens... I've always been with you... even befor you knew... 030118 ... Liz I said I worry about you, didn't I? and now...? it's you who did that... you who has a problem I don't know of... with sth... you said was so important to you... and you won't talk to me... still... and you left me... without a goodbye... never again dare to say you'd need me... or I'd be important to you. cuz right now it feels like you didn't care at all... 030126 ... Liz are you with me...? 030201 ... Liz weird... that I'm always the one having to struggle that hard... let me be as I am... can you see me...? 030210 ... Liz gotta leave... before I hurt you more and more... and you me... with all you say... who started it...? sorry... I hate myself... not your fault... 030221 ... Liz can I... remain...? 030301 ... Liz don't get me wrong the way you always do... please... or maybe... you are just the same as me... 030304 ... Liz aka unable_to_stay I need you... but want to get out of all that... weird, isn't it...? 030416 ... Liz I worry about you... yoru words seemed like a goodbye.. one that could not be set right again... I'm here... don't leave like that... 030504 ... Liz need to protect you, but don't know how... need to save you, but don't know if you'd let me... wanna hold you, until you can fall sleep... tired from all the tears you shed... and the wrath buried deep inside of you... need to protect you... 030805 ... Lisa you left... there's nothing now, you know...? 030808 ... liz 2.0 you stupid little shit. Stay away from me until you grow up a bit. And don't have any little bastard children. 030808 ... me aka Liz I miss you... and you know that, don't you...? (weird... liz2.0... well, at least it's not me... not me... you know who I am... and then again you don't... that's sad I guess... because you should... you really should...) 030824 ... Lisa you have this incredible ability, you know? to make me smile in the weirdest situations, to make me let go off things I should better release... and I wish I could do the same for you... everytime I see you falling and crawling back into that shell of yours... I always wish I had that gift you have... to make you smile... and make the darkness disappear... it makes me cry... not being able to... but... and I wish I could... I'd give anything for you... so you can smile... 031019 ... nick wow there is so much in here... I hate to taint the strange purity in here, but I have a confession... I think I somehow stole this name, when I left my first blather "done" 031011 whoever you are ... if you want it back just let me know, but I'm gonna use it up if you're not fast :) thank you don't stop liz 031019 ... Lisa aka Liz if your name is Nick, then I cannot ask you to leave it. I'm talking about someone... whose real name is Nick... so... it's... well... it doesn't matter... *** some words for you today... if I stood way back, somewhere where you cannot see me, would you still be able to feel I'm there? sometimes it seems you don't, and it makes my head spin, all the time... and I wanna shout, I want to shake you until you open your eyes and realize me, realize that you're not alone... and maybe, maybe just then I'll be able to make you fly... I love to see you fly, you know...? I hope you do... 031213 ... unable_to_stay so often I tell you not to lose hope, but you always do... and I wish I could lift the shadows that set upon that riddle, making it more than just difficult for you to see the answer.. but I feat it too... so what can I do? I wish I could show you... that you're not alone, and that you don't need to fear losing... you never will.. 031214 ... unable_to_stay why are you shouting at me...? you know I care, and if you don't... then there's something wrong in here... and I wish I could help you... but... I'm not god, I cannot be at two places at the same time... and things don't work out... but don't blame me for not caring... it will break me... cuz I do, I do care, so much.. and I wish you knew... and would grant me a day... a day off of all this... a day to gather my strength again... I could break down now, crying... and you would never know... cuz I would not let you know... and I'll break... entirely... someday... 031217 ... Liz... Lisa... whoever... I'm alone... all alone... and I wish I knew what this is all about... and I wish you were here... so I can tell you it's alright... I need you... really... 031218 ... Lisa stay... stay with me... don't fall away... let's meet where the sky touches ground.. and things will be okay... 031221 ... insert name here Hey, I have a Nick obsession too. He, the one I'm talking about, 's so unknown, so salty, so fucked and sharp and brilliant. My desire and obsessiveness are what they are, and he is what he is. There it is. Absence, unfulfillment, loss are the mark of this fixation for me, but it also feels like recognition and love. ...How well do you actually know the person you address here? I only knew the Nick I’m talking about slightly, and it was terrible; my sense of need was so far out of control; lots of hostility on both sides, the opposite of what I wanted –- so now I just think about him, of the traces of mutual interest, understanding, and affection that passed between us, and about exactly how I would fuck him in a perfect world. It goes on and on. 031221 ... insert_name_here Hey, I have a Nick obsession too. He, the one I'm talking about, is so unknown, so salty, so fucked and sharp and brilliant. My desire and obsessiveness are what they are, and he is what he is. There it is. Absence, unfulfillment, loss are the mark of this fixation for me, but it also feels like recognition and love. ...How well do you actually know the person you address here? I only knew the Nick I’m talking about slightly, and it was terrible; my sense of need was so far out of control; lots of hostility on both sides, the opposite of what I wanted –- so now I just think about him, of the traces of mutual interest, understanding, and affection that passed between us, and about exactly how I would fuck him in a perfect world. It goes on and on. 031221 ... Lisa sometimes I know him better than I know myself... a nd sometimes I don't know him at all... but he's one of the most important people in my life... which is dangerous I guess... but I cannot change it... he's just who he is... and he's alright the way he is... even though he often doubts this... I wish he wouldn't... wish I could make him lose this doubt... 031221 ... Lisa merry christmas... we'll go chasing the lights tonight... 031224 ... Liz I got the feeling deep inside of me that he needs to be saved... saved from all that's surrounding him and makes his head reel.. I know he's so... vulnerable, and he takes it all out on himself, the blame, the hate... and all I want for him is some peace of mind, something to lessen the pain inside, something to help him see the light he's missing... if there is a God... make it be alright... or show me a way how I can make it be alright, how I can help him best... how... how all this will just find an end and set him free... I hate to see him that way... when he doesn't talk about it and starts playing a role... and at night he breaks down... I wanna see him happy... he so deserves to be... and he aches for peace inside... someone grant it for him... please.. 040103 ... Liz I just want to curl up beside you, asking you all those questions I never found an answer to... 040105 ... Liz who we are doesn't make us able to live... sometimes... you teach me on and on... you know you can make it stop... if one time you'd just allow... and I can see you breaking down, over and over again, and I wish to look into your eyes to tell you it's gonna be okay... shhh, it's going to be alright... and the dark will dissolve of it's own accord... who am I... right? no one.. 040107 ... Lisa I hate to see you break... 040111 ... Lisa sometimes I'm lurking behind a corner, waiting to find you, and maybe to jump in front of you, so you cannot run away when you see me coming from afar.. 040122 ... Lisa and be a simple kind of man, oh baby be someone you love and understand, oh baby be a simple kind of man, oh won't you do this for me son, if you can" it's weird, when I listen to all those songs, and I see you falshing before my eye, and sometimes you won't go away.. and then I just keep asking myself where we'll end up one day.. 040208 ... Lisa you talk to me, and then you're not, it's like you're talking to some epiphany that isn't really there.. and I just keep standing there, hoping to see your vision clear again... and to get through to you again.. I need to breathe flesh to your bones, you've seemed dead from the inside for far too long.. wake up.. 040210 ... jenny enny cant sleep j