nick
Liz mystery... 020910
...
Liz near... but oh so far away... 020914
...
me himself... all human... 020916
...
Liz he lost his way... 020916
...
Liz I guess I'm kinda upset... upset about this whole situation...
he is important to me... I guess that's the reason for my anger...
020919
...
Liz you're leaving... and I am falling... 020924
...
Liz ... why you...? 021003
...
Liz you don't know... 021005
...
Liz I miss you... 021027
...
sal i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you 021223
...
Liz aka unable_to_stay a photo, one shot, click and away
one moment left stuck and time with decay
scribbled on paper, so white and gray
"the moment has gone, now time's with delay"

shoot it, click it, then boost it out
can't run from what you live without
one second has gone and turned into day
the thoughts you had... still there - can you say?

millions of photos, you hate them, right?
from colored to those just black and white
curled up in a corner, you're tensed so tight
waiting for darkness to cover your night

want it, hate it, then just let it go
when pain inside you cannot stop to grow
one second, one minute, your life seems okay
but that's not right now... is that right what I say?

a photo, last shot, click and it's gone
patiently you sit and wait for the dawn
trembling you sit and scribble it down
"no photo was made as I sat and frowned"
030118
...
Liz aka unable_to_stay I worry about you... so much.. and I know that when I tell you... you feel bad about it, and I make it harder for you... sorry, I don't want that... .

but your life... it seems like the dream you once had... has turned into your worst nightmare... and I wish I could just wake you up...

you're forever with me... no matter what happens... I've always been with you... even befor you knew...
030118
...
Liz I said I worry about you, didn't I?
and now...? it's you who did that... you who has a problem I don't know of... with sth... you said was so important to you... and you won't talk to me... still... and you left me... without a goodbye...

never again dare to say you'd need me... or I'd be important to you. cuz right now it feels like you didn't care at all...
030126
...
Liz are you with me...? 030201
...
Liz weird... that I'm always the one having to struggle that hard... let me be as I am... can you see me...? 030210
...
Liz gotta leave... before I hurt you more and more... and you me... with all you say... who started it...?

sorry... I hate myself... not your fault...
030221
...
Liz can I... remain...? 030301
...
Liz don't get me wrong the way you always do... please... or maybe... you are just the same as me... 030304
...
Liz aka unable_to_stay I need you... but want to get out of all that... weird, isn't it...? 030416
...
Liz I worry about you... yoru words seemed like a goodbye.. one that could not be set right again... I'm here... don't leave like that... 030504
...
Liz need to protect you, but don't know how... need to save you, but don't know if you'd let me... wanna hold you, until you can fall sleep... tired from all the tears you shed... and the wrath buried deep inside of you...

need to protect you...
030805
...
Lisa you left... there's nothing now, you know...? 030808
...
liz 2.0 you stupid little shit. Stay away from me until you grow up a bit. And don't have any little bastard children. 030808
...
me aka Liz I miss you... and you know that, don't you...?

(weird... liz2.0... well, at least it's not me... not me... you know who I am... and then again you don't... that's sad I guess... because you should... you really should...)
030824
...
Lisa you have this incredible ability, you know? to make me smile in the weirdest situations, to make me let go off things I should better release... and I wish I could do the same for you... everytime I see you falling and crawling back into that shell of yours... I always wish I had that gift you have... to make you smile... and make the darkness disappear...

it makes me cry... not being able to... but... and I wish I could... I'd give anything for you... so you can smile...
031019
...
nick wow

there is so much in here...


I hate to taint the strange purity in here, but I have a confession...

I think I somehow stole this name, when I left my first blather "done" 031011

whoever you are ... if you want it back just let me know, but I'm gonna use it up if you're not fast :)

thank you

don't stop liz
031019
...
Lisa aka Liz if your name is Nick, then I cannot ask you to leave it. I'm talking about someone... whose real name is Nick... so... it's... well... it doesn't matter...

***

some words for you today... if I stood way back, somewhere where you cannot see me, would you still be able to feel I'm there? sometimes it seems you don't, and it makes my head spin, all the time... and I wanna shout, I want to shake you until you open your eyes and realize me, realize that you're not alone... and maybe, maybe just then I'll be able to make you fly... I love to see you fly, you know...? I hope you do...
031213
...
unable_to_stay so often I tell you not to lose hope, but you always do... and I wish I could lift the shadows that set upon that riddle, making it more than just difficult for you to see the answer.. but I feat it too... so what can I do? I wish I could show you... that you're not alone, and that you don't need to fear losing... you never will.. 031214
...
unable_to_stay why are you shouting at me...? you know I care, and if you don't... then there's something wrong in here... and I wish I could help you... but... I'm not god, I cannot be at two places at the same time... and things don't work out... but don't blame me for not caring... it will break me... cuz I do, I do care, so much.. and I wish you knew... and would grant me a day... a day off of all this... a day to gather my strength again... I could break down now, crying... and you would never know... cuz I would not let you know... and I'll break... entirely... someday... 031217
...
Liz... Lisa... whoever... I'm alone... all alone... and I wish I knew what this is all about... and I wish you were here... so I can tell you it's alright... I need you... really... 031218
...
Lisa stay... stay with me... don't fall away... let's meet where the sky touches ground.. and things will be okay... 031221
...
insert name here Hey, I have a Nick obsession too. He, the one I'm talking about, 's so unknown, so salty, so fucked and sharp and brilliant. My desire and obsessiveness are what they are, and he is what he is. There it is. Absence, unfulfillment, loss are the mark of this fixation for me, but it also feels like recognition and love. ...How well do you actually know the person you address here? I only knew the Nick Iím talking about slightly, and it was terrible; my sense of need was so far out of control; lots of hostility on both sides, the opposite of what I wanted Ė- so now I just think about him, of the traces of mutual interest, understanding, and affection that passed between us, and about exactly how I would fuck him in a perfect world. It goes on and on. 031221
...
insert_name_here Hey, I have a Nick obsession too. He, the one I'm talking about, is so unknown, so salty, so fucked and sharp and brilliant. My desire and obsessiveness are what they are, and he is what he is. There it is. Absence, unfulfillment, loss are the mark of this fixation for me, but it also feels like recognition and love. ...How well do you actually know the person you address here? I only knew the Nick Iím talking about slightly, and it was terrible; my sense of need was so far out of control; lots of hostility on both sides, the opposite of what I wanted Ė- so now I just think about him, of the traces of mutual interest, understanding, and affection that passed between us, and about exactly how I would fuck him in a perfect world. It goes on and on. 031221
...
Lisa sometimes I know him better than I know myself... a nd sometimes I don't know him at all... but he's one of the most important people in my life... which is dangerous I guess... but I cannot change it... he's just who he is... and he's alright the way he is... even though he often doubts this... I wish he wouldn't... wish I could make him lose this doubt... 031221
...
Lisa merry christmas... we'll go chasing the lights tonight... 031224
...
Liz I got the feeling deep inside of me that he needs to be saved... saved from all that's surrounding him and makes his head reel.. I know he's so... vulnerable, and he takes it all out on himself, the blame, the hate... and all I want for him is some peace of mind, something to lessen the pain inside, something to help him see the light he's missing...

if there is a God... make it be alright... or show me a way how I can make it be alright, how I can help him best... how... how all this will just find an end and set him free... I hate to see him that way... when he doesn't talk about it and starts playing a role... and at night he breaks down... I wanna see him happy... he so deserves to be... and he aches for peace inside...

someone grant it for him... please..
040103
...
Liz I just want to curl up beside you, asking you all those questions I never found an answer to... 040105
...
Liz who we are doesn't make us able to live... sometimes... you teach me on and on... you know you can make it stop... if one time you'd just allow...

and I can see you breaking down, over and over again, and I wish to look into your eyes to tell you it's gonna be okay... shhh, it's going to be alright... and the dark will dissolve of it's own accord...

who am I... right? no one..
040107
...
Lisa I hate to see you break... 040111
...
Lisa sometimes I'm lurking behind a corner, waiting to find you, and maybe to jump in front of you, so you cannot run away when you see me coming from afar.. 040122
...
Lisa and be a simple kind of man, oh baby be someone you love and understand, oh baby be a simple kind of man, oh won't you do this for me son, if you can"


it's weird, when I listen to all those songs, and I see you falshing before my eye, and sometimes you won't go away.. and then I just keep asking myself where we'll end up one day..
040208
...
Lisa you talk to me, and then you're not, it's like you're talking to some epiphany that isn't really there.. and I just keep standing there, hoping to see your vision clear again... and to get through to you again.. I need to breathe flesh to your bones, you've seemed dead from the inside for far too long..

wake up..
040210
...
jenny enny cant sleep just in the nick of time. 040210
...
Lisa it's incredible.. your ability to break the chains of sadness in a second... just to tie yourself up again when the air to breathe gets thin again.. 040211
...
Lisa sometimes I fear you.. not the person you are, but what it all could become.. we're lost, are we? 040226
...
Lisa sometimes I wish it was easier... but then again it wouldn't be what it is today.. 040312
...
Lisa I fear the day I'll be cold as stone, cold because I'm broken, cold because I miss you... cold because I don't know where to go.. and it hurts, you know.. deep inside, and I can hardly breathe.. and all I ever wanted was for you to believe..

I guess I failed..
040324
...
Lisa sleep tight...


for the day might hold more light for you, and the warmth will fill your heart and chase the darkness away..

don't believe what he's saying... don't.. he's not right..
040331
...
Lisa can you save me...? 040510
...
Nick No. Go away. 040510
...
Lisa sorry for what I said today.. I never meant to scare you. it just woul dnot be fair.. because you don't deserve this.. and it makes me angry, and wanting to cry out loud, just so someone can finally tell me it's not true.

but I'll try.. try to stand strong for you.. all the time.. forever
040602
...
... have no fear, its gonna be alright 040603
...
Lisa do you believe? believe in the stars and the hope? do you believe we'll not gonna break?

I'm trying.. and maybe I get closer to believing every day.. a little more with every day..
040613
...
... and i am telling u- its all going to be alright 040614
...
witchesrequiem To cute..to lost......
behind the pics, your overwhelmed and sad.....
040615
...
Lisa sometimes you look as if you had nowhere to go, and then, when you found something, your eyes start to sparkle.
and I wish I could make this last forever..

I believe in you...
040616
...
... good... 040617
...
Lisa "and we have this kinda game...
they look at me and say
"nick?"
and i say "I believe in it"
"good nick""


yeah, good..
040617
...
... sometimes things just have to be good, because one is...tired of telling that they are not. 040617
...
Lisa very true..

and maybe, just out of believing, it all will be good. and you never really knew, because you may never have tried long enough..
040618
...
... and trying isnt that hard after all. sometimes it is the only thing reminding u that u are alive.
trying yeah...
040618
...
Liz trying.. has become something so special.. because sometimes it's the only thing keeping me alive..

***

whenever you write a poem I'm always amazed by how you put the words in range. and even though they're rather simple, they just sound so different and maybe a little like magic.

and yes, you're right, sadness is a weird thing. and when I say you're not alone, will you believe me?
040618
...
Liz you say you're tired and lost.. and I guess today I wasn't of any help.. because I felt myself slipping away a little..

and I wonder.. where we'll be one day, and if you'll cry when you think of me.. or if you'll sit next to me at night and show me this one particular star which had always been so important to you..
040620
...
Lisa you say you can controle it, I tell you you can't, you ask me if I'm mad, yes I am.

I am because you know about my mother and the way I react to it, I am because you should know so much better, I am because you should remember how you felt back then, I am because of what you said about what your brother did, and now you're doing the same.
I am mad, disappointed, hurt, sad, and worried..

and when you say you have to, I have to shake my head - you don't have to drink, you don't have to..
040707
...
Lisa you say 'don't write'

and I'm not sure what to say.. maybe.. maybe I just don't know..

it's been a sad day.. and it started raining..
040707
...
... sometimes words never mean what they say...sometimes...i donno...words are... so fake 040707
...
Lisa fake, yeah.. but they hurt sometimes.. weird how we can be fooled this easily.. that fake words can touch you like they never should.. because they're fake.. right?

...
040707
...
Lisa it's like running, but no matter how many rounds, none of them seems to count..

I woke up tonight. more often than I would have liked to. but I guess that's how it is..
040708
...
Lisa [I cut it out to write it into my diary.. maybe that's too personal to be put here... and maybe I fear for you to read it.. someday in time. and maybe just then you'd understand all those things.. which seem to have no answer right now..]

but I thought of you today.. all the time.. and I've been wondering if one day..

yeah, if one day..

just wondering...
040708
...
Lisa it's leaving the window to your mail open to stare at it, when I know I start to miss you in a weird way.. because I fear you'll fall away, and I cannot even do anything about it.

helplessness seems to be a close friend of mine lately..

and I don't even have the words.. what kind of a friend am I..?

...
040709
...
Lisa I'll make a list tonight, of all those things I would want to ask you, but never will.. 040717
...
pete he doesnt come around anymore... a good guy, just... he made everyone feel so akward and uncomfortable, but a good guy none the less 040718
...
... I dont come around so often anymore...right... right right right.. 040718
...
Lisa no, not right at all.. 040718
...
pete are you THE Nick? 040718
...
...# no ones nick 040718
...
Lisa it's a weird silence over here.. and everywhere.. 040718
...
pete everyone is someone's someone. You too Nick. 040718
...
Lisa yeah.. 040718
...
Lisa I don't want you to be scared.. and I would fight so you're not lost.. but that's just me.. 040718
...
... sitting in the rain. i dont wanna be scared no more. 040718
...
Lisa come back home.. 040718
...
Lisa do you know that when you.. concentrate all the life in you on just one person because you know this someone needs this life in that very moment?

that's how I feel right now.. and wherever you are.. I hope you can feel that.. with every fiber.. feel you're not alone..
040718
...
... home. 040718
...
Lisa thanks.. 040718
...
Lisa I'm glad the sun is shining today.. you maybe think it trivial, but I'm glad.. for whatever reasons.. 040718
...
Lisa a song crossed my way today, and it made me think of you..
and maybe you knew I thought of you.. I'll never know..
040719
...
Lisa I'm afraid to write.. afraid whatever I'll say will be nothing you wanna hear..
afraid because it might be useless and nonsense, afraid because I just don't know...

I hope you're okay.. I hope with everything I am..
040720
...
Lisa "I called you up all night til mornin'
left my house by noon today, and I saw you standing there
no one spoke, but we both listened
heard every word you didn't say


and the sun shines all around us
smells like summer's on the way, and I saw you standing there
tell the story of a lifetime
tomorrow brings a brand new day


don't worry 'bout today, and the words that you said
don't worry 'bout today, shake the world from your head
least for a while


you see, the day keeps getting longer
but my nights seem longer still, and my TV's off the air
watching repeats on my ceiling
another hour left to kill


don't worry 'bout today, and the words that you said
don't worry 'bout today, shake the world from your head
least for a while"


woke up with that song resounding, and your face in my mind..
040721
...
Lisa promise me to take care.. to take good care.. I need you to.. 040725
...
Lisa sometimes I wonder when the time was that I switched from "he" to "you" when I write about you here..

but this is you, all I'm writing.. always you, read it for- and backwards, always you.

and the reflection of those words might even reflect someone you know.. and who sometimes seems like a stranger..

always you.. always..
040727
...
silentbob Nick's your buddy! he's a guy you can trust!

the_sure_thing
040727
...
Lisa you're hard to figure out sometimes.. actually always.. but I'm trying.. trying to read your face.. 040730
...
Lisa it's hard to see you cry.. and I want a box for all those tears, so I can show it around one day, and say "look what you've done"

always judging so fastly, as if the morning had no face if they didn't say it out loud. and it's a destructive force, and they just don't know how to handle it.
like children playing witha gun they shoot, blindly aiming at whatever is moving, not caring who or what they hit..

and you are in tears.. which you never should be. I'd give my life if you'd never have a reason to cry again..
040802
...
Lisa where you are I don't know.. but I hope in a brighter place.. 040803
...
Lisa it's fascinating when your eyes are locked with the camera, but still I know you're looking right through.. fascinating one can capture such a moment.. and then again.. what is it that makes you get lost in your thoughts like this..?

I hope it won't weigh that much so it could break you someday..
040803
...
Lisa sleep well.. and let the fear vanish, I'll try to catch it and keep it from settling down on your mind again.. 040807
...
Lisa I'm worried as much as I can be.. 040816
...
z to steal. 040816
...
Lisa you didn't answer.. and I wonder where you are..

are you okay..? I won't say a word if you don't want me to.. but let me rest in the hope you're gonna be alright..
040816
...
Lisa though sometimes I may fear
I've lived in vain
I search for answers here
while I remain

and the truth lie sin the open skies..
040824
...
Lisa I have this song in my mind.. can you tell me why..? 040918
...
Lisa where are you..? 041004
...
Lisa be okay.. just.. be okay... I need you here.. 041009
...
jane isabel's boyfriend. that's what she thinks. every once in awhile she'll get the overwhelming sense that maybe, just maybe, he might perhaps be using her for sex. but then she has a talk with him & pushes him onto the right track. what she doesn't realize is that he is just fucking her, & judging by the way he looks at me, he would fuck me too. 041009
...
? unabletostay 041012
...
Lisa you'll always have a home inside my heart.. but maybe you know that already... 041016
...
fallingstar looks like lisa has a never-ending thing for a nick. as far as i go, i had a nick once, he was great, and then i moved away.... 041107
...
Lisa been praying the whole day.. and you know it's alright.. to smile.. 041113
...
Lisa sometimes it hits me this hard, that I start to shake all over, and tears well up in my eyes.. and this feeling of maybe one day being unable to.. read your name...

I don't even know if you're okay..
041128
...
gouge, cut, remove 041129
...
fix 041129
...
Lisa I guess you're not home.. you're nowhere.. and you're cutting yourself off.. like you're running away.. 041223
...
Lisa the clock stroke 12, and lights illuminated the darkest corners of the sky.. and I knew you were out there with me, somewhere, under the same sky, seeing the same as I did..

happy new year.. be it a good one. and if not always.. find me here..
041231
...
Lisa wordless we speak, and sometimes never say what we mean..

did you mean what you said..?
050124
...
Lisa I guess you fell apart a little, but try to tape yourself so the cracks won't show and run deeper, until you break completely..

and with a look on your face I'm trying to med.. but maybe I'm too far away.. and I'd wish you'd come home..
050223
...
Lisa *mend

I can't even type correct anymore..
050223
...
... if it happens and u do hear the news, i hope u believe the truth, and the truth is me, so i hope u believe.. that it was not much, that all the news are just because i am who i am..
if it happens.. believe ur heart
050307
...
Lisa you know I do.. I always did, and I guess I never could do different.. 050311
...
Lisa and they say you've sailed on thousand dreams, and I just hope you just didn't sail by.. but reached out, to all of them... 050315
...
*Amy* I miss you holding me and our chat, I wish someday everything would be that better again betwain us 050315
...
Lisa he tends to be quiet, when there's a storm raging inside his mind.
and I just wonder if he ever keeps still to notice how much time has passed already, but he rather feels as if time stands still.

he worries me like this..
050408
...
Lisa sorry for confusing you today.. I hope you don't take it amiss..
because.. well, yeah.. I donno, I'm making much ado about nothing, at least that's what she tells me.

I'm a worryhead, you know me..
050416
...
Lisa have you ever noticed, how sometimes I start to walk on soft and unsteady ground when I'm faced with you being in danger..?

have you ever known, how much I tense, when you feel this way?

have you ever seen the way I crumble to pieces, when you're walking away?

do you know I stand next to myself, hovering above me, telling myself I'm acting stupid?

do you know how much I would love to know how to scream at someone without fearing to lose?

and do you know I would never wanna hurt you..?

did you know I'm sorry...?





(for all I said that hurts you...)
050424
...
Lisa dancing far off.. 050502
...
Lisa you're more worth than they sometimes make you believe.. I just wish you would feel it from within yourself.

feel what you mean to me.. you're worth it all
050517
...
Lisa and with these tunes inside his head, it's easier to bear the oppressing silence spreading around him.

he's got to take good care of himself, for there's only one of him on earth..

(truly appreciated)
050522
...
Lisa it's wondering where your thoughts are, when you blankly stare out of the window, not reacting what's going on around you.. 050603
...
Lisa it's a phenomenon, how you can look into a camera, but look right through, and one can clearly see it.. and the slight smile on your face vanishes into nothing, because you're not present in that moment.. you're somewhere else, because that's the only place no one can follow you to.. 050604
...
Lisa there are weird sounds surrounding me, from the left some song that might be stuck in my head for a few days, even though I don't know it, and to my right someone capturing a video.. the sound of a knife hitting a wall..

and now all I hear are srings and a piano, and once again I realize that not one day I could live without music.. and you know that, and for some reason you understand.. the reason why you are who you are, and the reason why you are how you are.

I shoul dbe thankful..
050615
...
petals Nick
you winey bitch
You are so hot
but only with your clothes on

I wish I could see
why you start and than freeze
Wickdness you fill
when you treat me like shit
It makes me wanna kill
everything you preach
cuz its all bullshit

Yea...you stink
get rid of all that bullshit please


Dated 3 nicks...and nope...the 3rd one isnt a charmer...just a bit fatter
050618
...
petals Nick
you whiney bitch
You are so hot
but only with your clothes on

I wish I could see
why you start and than freeze
Wickdness you fill
when you treat me like shit
It makes me wanna kill
everything you preach
cuz its all bullshit

Yea...you stink
get rid of all that bullshit please


Dated 3 nicks...and nope...the 3rd one isnt a charmer...just a bit fatter
050618
...
-~- The Nick I know is a weird one,
on stage and when he is not on stage-
and he leads a secret life he sometimes tells me about.
The Nick I know has too less words for too much life.
050619
...
Lisa we fight through the ice sometimes, and I can't be held responsible for all this life inside of me.. a life you feed just by breathing out there.

it's good to know you're alive on this earth..
050626
...
Lisa I'm handing you a little piece of paper, where only I know what's written on. and I'll steal that into your pocket, quietly, just in case you won't reach out.. 050629
...
Lisa you promised to say a word.. again you don't..

you have many ways to worry me, yet I never intend to leave..

(never could)
050704
...
Lisa no real sleep.. weird.. 050707
...
... Im having trouble sleeping
im thinking of what u said
about the tears been shed
leave me

its u
now and always u
but never me
ive never dared to
let my feelings free
whys its always u
and never me?
ive never cared
too much about honesty...
050707
...
Lisa and I wish you would.. to start it.. whatever there is.. buried and broken, or maybe not at all.. I don't know. you might know.. but I'm not sure 050708
...
Lisa you should know I was there, almost seconds after you wrote.. and that I still am, but that you're gone now.. and that I am sorry, and that I wish that thing would have worked.. I was hoping.. but it didn't.. and I'm worry.. I didn't mean to leave you alone like this.. not when I was right beside you, and you just couldn't see me.. 050716
...
Lisa I'm leasing a few good thoughts, and a bit of a good feeling right here, kept inside a velvet bag, waiting for you to come by and pick it up.. in case you should need it... 050718
...
emanon We seem to be waiting for something to happen, just in the nick of time. 050719
...
Lisa I'm here.. I'm here, don't worry.. 050727
...
Lisa another time I wish I was there with you.. and not that far away, unable to change a thing..

wish I could make you feel safe..
050729
...
... im sorry...i am.. really..
and u know, u know..because..i know u know what it feels like to be sorry

and not move.
050731
...
Lisa I'll wait until you're able to.. but you know I'll wait..

after all.. you know..
050731
...
... and i dont wanna look into his fucking face after he was so ass drunk yesterday that he couldnt even tell which hotelroom was his one...
and the way his voice sounds
im not drunk.
sure thing buddy, ur ass drunk.

fuck u.
and dont play the game.
the i have a headachegame the next day with lots of coffee that is black as the deepest night.

fuck u.
who needs u anyways.

im just tired.
wanna go home soon.
for the mondaynight.
050731
...
Lisa you'll be home soon.. we're already working on the weather..

home..


and don't forget.. it's not on you to save him.. he doesn't want to, as it seems, and I don't want you to lose yourself over this.. this should not (never) be happening.. you deserve better than that.. always have..


and.. we're having you here already, you know? always, and really close..
050731
...
... just doing my day...for another one to come..
and a bit crying
here and there
050731
...
Lisa don't cry.. it's gonna be alright.. I promise.. and I'm with you, all the time..

okay?
050731
...
... life is going tos tarrt aaround 9 today.. which is...good to know 050801
...
Lisa the sun is shining.. someone's waiting for you as it seems.. 050801
...
... we will wander off through the dead of night
cause wastelands of shattered souls
warm by the firelight
appear into the darkness alone
as the indian summer of my remembrance
settles on my bones
cracked and weary
i ask for direction home
home
let the words spill from my mouth
love
love is everything i want
i'm one of many more to come
love
love is everything i want
crossroads outside of town
the heartbroken faces charred
the city lights so far and dull
turning left and now it's time
with an urgen wind upon my rolling heels
to carry me along
my face so gashed i turn to ruins passed and home
home
050801
...
... we will wander off through the dead of night
cause wastelands of shattered souls
warm by the firelight
appear into the darkness alone
as the indian summer of my remembrance
settles on my bones
cracked and weary
i ask for direction home
home
let the words spill from my mouth
love
love is everything i want
i'm one of many more to come
love
love is everything i want
crossroads outside of town
the heartbroken faces charred
the city lights so far and dull
turning left and now it's time
with an urgen wind upon my rolling heels
to carry me along
my face so gashed i turn to ruins passed and home
home
050801
...
... we will wander off through the dead of night
cause wastelands of shattered souls
warm by the firelight
appear into the darkness alone
as the indian summer of my remembrance
settles on my bones
cracked and weary
i ask for direction home
home
let the words spill from my mouth
love
love is everything i want
i'm one of many more to come
love
love is everything i want
crossroads outside of town
the heartbroken faces charred
the city lights so far and dull
turning left and now it's time
with an urgen wind upon my rolling heels
to carry me along
my face so gashed i turn to ruins passed and home
home
050801
...
Lisa welcome home.. 050801
...
... so stop counting the hours
live out in the world
cause ive been chasing the answers
and they dont want to be found
050903
...
Lisa sometimes yes, sometimes no. and then they'll fall on you.. like they have always been there.. 050906
...
Lisa don't listen to that song.. not tonight.. (and maybe not for the next few weeks.. or even months..)


I want you to be happy, through and through. don't you know?
050907
...
... well how much does it cost
i will buy it
the time is all we have lost
i will try it
he cant even run his own life
i will damned if he will run mine...
sunshine
050909
...
... I say

"The rain is just the moon
She is sending soul in ur direction
I hope she softens u soon
with her subliminal affection"

u just say
"Thats not how I see it"

There is something missing when u look at me
if all u see is what ur eyes see
hold on I'm coming in..
050910
...
Lisa "the gaze doesn't dare
to loosen fixed things
doesn't dare to look up

the wish it would stop
no resistance
days to dream it didn't happen

totally dunked into darkness
and not a word, so it remains hidden away

one day, so much harder than you can bear
I just saw one of 1000
you didn't need to say a thing
because I can see
it happened to you on a 1000 days

1000 prayers die down in the sky
hope to ashes, covering the ground
you were so thirsty, the water so turbid
completely hidden in your world

walls of silence reach far up high
hide away those things and their way

one day, so much harder than you can bear
I just saw one of 1000
you didn't need to say a thing
because I can see
it happened to you on a 1000 days"


one of the few I see in so many songs.. hand me a bit of cotton wool, I need to web a net, soft, so the fall is not a fall to catch, but a way to fly and safely reach the ground..
and when the rain stops, I hear him breathing..
050912
...
... sitting on the cold dirt floor
i want to finish the counting of days on the walls
i build a ladder from broken wish bones
and square-shaped stones
that my friends threw down in the hole

sometimes we tip toe
sometimes we run
sometimes we wander while
looking at the sun
050912
...
Lisa not long.. not anymore.. soon.. very soon.

home is waiting for you..
050912
...
Lisa in my pocket
a piece of paper
I crumble it
(from side to side)
and in case I forget
I can look it up
(what I once wrote down)
050924
...
Lisa in my pocket
a piece of paper
I crumble it
(from side to side)
and in case I forget
I can look it up
(what I once wrote down)


randomness.. I said I'm not good at poetry lately...
050924
...
Lisa 'it's only tuesday'

as some would say.

I say it already is tuesday..

(seems like my own little eternity)
050927
...
Lisa so you'll remain silent.. again 050927
...
... i wait,
but the day
remains quiet,
slips into night,
refuses to produce
your voice.

i contemplate stars,
and how it is
that you can stay
so far away,
silent,
for so long,

and in the hours
hanging violet
scarves of sky
between dusk
and dawn, i sometimes
allow myself to know...
050927
...
Lisa what it is to me..?













everything...
050929
...
Lisa I must have clenched my teeth so much last night, that they hurt like hell..
I wonder why..
050929
...
Lisa we're on a rhyme, we're on a bend
we slide, we fall, get up and stand
we catch, we lose, we need, we love
we fight, we pray to the heaven's above
we run, we freeze, we're dead, alive
we hope but fear we never arrive
we struggle, we scream, we're up there on stage
hitting out, you're singing, with poetic rage
051002
...
Lisa "can you say that, whatever might happen,
I'll stand by your side?
are you sure you can never get lost
in all these possibilities?
do you know this hour when the doubt comes to visit,
no matter how sure we were?
can you see the sky above the horizon?
we'll get to know all that...

because today we're like small heros
and open the doors to new worlds...

how much about us did you tell to the world,
how much did you conceal?
how many know what really afflicts you,
and how many fish in muddy waters?
don't you know the name of the sun?
then sleep tight and I will watch
over you and that moment,
I'll make it ours...

because today we're like small heros
and open doors to new worlds..."




I didn't write this.. though I wish I did, because then I'd know the strength would come from deep inside of me.. and so all I can do is try to take it in.. and hold it close..
it's one of those times I need it.. because I miss you.. already..
051003
...
Lisa I'm glad the sun is out today.. mostly the only good thing about this day so far.. 051017
...
Lisa distant.


it feels like you've locked yourself away.. and I've never been a thief, so I don't know how to break in.. but maybe I won't have to..

(so I hope)
051021
...
... sleepless nights and endless days
and all I do is promise to change my ways
Leave the lights on, u know ill pretend are on ur way
u used to say that there's a time we all deserve to lose our minds
so i lost my mind now im ready to find my way
051026
...
Lisa what is it..

but you want to remain silent.. right?

please tell me I'm wrong..
051027
...
... they call me free - but i call me a fool 051103
...
Lisa I might learn from it someday, to deal with it in a better way than I do now.
and I might be able to switch off my mind, when you withdraw..
051107
...
Lisa you would hate to see me still being awake..

and my cat's lying in my arms, listening to my weird whispering, which probably only he understands..
051109
...
Lisa I'm sending you sleep every night.. did you know? 051115
...
... but as u sleep, and no one is listening
i will lift u off ur feet, ill keep u from sinking
dont u wake up yet, cause soon ill be leaving u
soon ill be leaving u, but u wont be leaving me.
-
i send u sleep back, much of it and sometimes the sleep comes back and tells me u couldnt use it, but that doesnt make me stop sending u sleep
and dreams worth dreaming
051117
...
TROUBLESUM if anyone sees nick, regardless of his last name, shoot him on the spot. please contribute to lisa's GET A LIFE FOUNDATION


don't take it personal, i just want to help... and get a kick while i'm at it
051117
...
Lisa if I shouldn't take it personal, I would rather have you not mentioning my name or his.

otherwise, indeed, you are offending me. but then again you seem to need this. kind of a sad thing.

troublesome. stupidsome, how about that?
051117
...
stupidsome yes, it's very sad. i apologize. i didn't mean to make you cry over the internet.....

oh and by the way, the name's TROUBLESUM
051123
...
Lisa I tumble from stars and walk upon their dust down to earth, where, eventually, all loose ends get back together.. 051123
...
... fade into blue
every time i take myself
where can i take u?
where u wont be there?

out of my reach
the past hangs bright like
1800 watt lightbulb
illuminating my mind

i just dont know anymore
what u are thinking or when u are thinking about it
would you touch me or would you rather do without it?
051124
...
Lisa reaching out, all the time.. I'm waiting for you to stop shrinking back.. 051125
...
Lisa shootingstar


(I wish you one to wish upon.. to drop hope on you, pour it over your head, so you cannot escape it any longer.. but remember, it cannot drown you.. never..)
051129
...
Lisa he's got this love inside his heart, deeply rooted, and nothing is able to rip it out.

which is good for him, actually.
051221
...
... movielines in my head.
maybe im gonna go and watch a scary movie, like much more scary than my life.

about Little Red Riding Hood and how alone she was or about those writing what they wrote
051227
...
Lisa say something.. 051228
...
Lisa follow my trace, but hurry, before it vanishes.. 060106
...
Lisa when you come around
it sometimes ain't for long
and in between the good and bad
you leave me with a feeling
something might be wrong
060107
...
Lisa all of it reminds me of a toad the wet sprocket song... 060125
...
Lisa it's more than scary.. how quiet you sometimes can be.. 060129
...
... i lost my heart
under the bridge
to that little girl
so much to me
and now im old
and now i holler
she will never know
just what i found.
060203
...
Lisa he's got these huge emerald eyes
when he's looking at things
he needs
060309
...
Lisa "you wait, wanting this world
to let you in
and you stand there
a frozen light
in dark and empty streets
you smile hiding behind
a God-given face
but I know you're so much more
everything they ignore
is all that I need to believe"
060504
...
Lisa "sometimes when you're young, you have moments of such happiness, you think you're living in someplace magical, like Atlantis must have been? then we grow up and our hearts break into two"



and I never wanted to grow up..
060514
...
... There are moments that stop the heart, that catch the breath, that halt the beat of blood in your veins, and you are suspended in time, held between life and death, and you wait for something to bring you back again. 060616
...
Lisa how come you hide away out here, when you know you can always come talk to me?

I hope the trust ain't gone..
060620
...
Lisa it even hurts me to read all that.. how must you feel..


(you're stronger than that)



(hold on to that)
060712
...
... i'm hopelessly hopeful you're just hopeless enough
but we never had it at all
060714
...
Lisa rip out and exclude
everything from darkness
run it blank (your mind)
until nothing more
than
weightelssness
allows you to fill in
the spaces (with love)
060715
...
... on the back of yours knees,
i would write you poems
if i knew that that would keep you busy.


my hands hurt from wringing them out
all over your world.

my tummy aches all the time.

(since day one,
you made me hurt.)



the answer is in a cereal box.
on a small piece of paper.
covered in plastic.

(dust it off on your shirt sleeve.)

or maybe
in a cigarette carton.



we are always searching for a lesser evil.



i shouldnt drink tequila.
so i eat chocolate.


i shouldnt love you.
so i adore you at every corner.


i wish i was wise enough
to offer sage advice
about more than organic food,
or the state of the nation.


but i
am struggling with you.

(you only feel alone.)




one day,
you will know
the spin you have
over me.


you.

life.

one day,
youll be certain
of it all.




:

until then,
we go on.
060806
...
Lisa for some weird reason I knew I would find you on here today.. hanging between the lines of your words.. been looking for your presence since friday.. 060806
...
Lisa " I havenít been myself of late
I havenít slept for several days but

Coming home I feel like I
Designed these buildings I walk by
You know you drive me up the wall
I need to see your face thatís all
You little sod I love your eyes
Be everything to me tonight

The streets are full of Goths and Greeks
I havenít seen my mum for weeks but
Coming home I feel like I
Designed these buildings I walk by
You know you drive me up the wall
I need to see your face thatís all
You little sod I love your eyes
Be everything to me tonight

I never know what I want but I know when
Iím low that I need to be in the town
Where they know what Iím like and donít mind"

I had to think of you when that song started playing today..
060807
...
... Im not saying there wasnt nothing wrong
I just didnt think youd ever get tired of me
Im now saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didnt wanna let it get away from me

But if thats how its gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
061203
...
the unsolicited amy by the looks of it,
despite that piece of goodness by your side,
pleasure has still broken you.
the grin given to you by name-virtue
taken away
what to me is illusion, to you is greater reality, with more reaches into the deep past.
what I am bereft of, you can count on-
but you don't look the better for it-
once, I was told that I needed to breathe a little better, to drink more water. I don't buy the second, but the first, yes, maybe, this is the case with you, too. at any rate, I hope you're feeling better, by now. there was a black and white ness that was the lesson with us, nothing racial, despite racial differences in the deep past, or so it seems to me.
it falls off, any rate.

it falls off. is it burnt? or set to decay in the treeline to rise up in the majesty of our hickory tree. i prefer the burnt option, for ease of mind and character, but foresee that it will be all hickory tree (it really is a great tree) while I twiddle my thumbs waiting for some kind of future.

ethically, it looks like I'll have to do without you, while I try to shunt all intentions into developing one of those clumsy friendships I'm so well known for -- if I see you next year, my guess is it will be accidental, that it will still seem either embryonic or rotten, neither secret nor famous, a general undoing. if it comes to that, i'll pretend not to care, regardless. it is, after all, a new twist on that old theme, "lost friendship".
081106
...
*penny said... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMS5563qG7g&safety_mode=true&persist_safety_mode=1 110825
...
*penny said... www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMS5563qG7g&safety_mode=true&persist_safety_mode=1 110825
...
*penny said...

It's a fear that keeps me wide awake
In the middle of the night
When the expectations are too great
And the bar gets raised too high
So I do the best with what I've got
And hope that no one knows
That I strain to see how high I can
Try to stand on these toes
Until I'm measured, but You know better

(Chorus)
So, thank-You, Jesus
Even when You see us just as we are
Fragile and frail and so far
From who we want to be
So, thank-You, Jesus
Even when the pieces are broken and small
Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind
Thank-You, even then

So I put aside the masquerade
And admit that I am not okay
Which may not be the thing to say
But I'm not ashamed to need You more each day

(Chorus)

We raise the standard and try to reach You
But we'll never make it, and we don't need to



So thank You

Just as we are


we are fragile and frail and so far from



Thank You Jesus


dreams

shattered and scattered




thank You

even then


Navigation: N \ Nichole Nordeman \ Even Then
110825
...
re_alisma nick: thanks a million. i'm still playing the lottery with the expressed purpose to be able to make it to New Orleans next year. because if i win the lottery i can DEFINITELY go. and if i don't it's just another might, might not scenarios. someday a piano will fall on my head to save me from them. 110825
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