fear
Quintessensual fear

we see the bright sun rising
but feel the black night falling
and find no match for candling
but hear the babies crying
and the gray big wolves howling
but discern no green morning
and touch only know nothing

Copr. 1999
991018
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mareberry i once held you so close, our dreams came together as one. but then i saw where we were headed, i knew it wasn't right.
i'm sorry i lied.
i'm sorry you cried.
but the fear overcame me and shattered my being into thousands of pieces left at your feet. and now there is nothing anymore, nothing i can do to change things. nothing i can do to erase the fear that tore our hearts apart.
991113
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andrea no matter which road you take
i will stand at your side
don't be afraid

copyright 2000
000101
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hahaha Fear is the mind killer 000106
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Drew Run, running from my home.
He's hurt me long enough. I won't
be his toy anymore.
I've escaped, but yet, I look back...

"please don't do it no let me go"

i collapse in my forest, totally alone. no longer will i live in his confusion, but where else can i go?
000112
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bane while playing the animal game, you must always ask whether or not a rational person would fear this animal. if so you have narrowed the choices down to a hippo, ferret, or camel. 000124
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bane if you looked up the word "sexoriffic" in the dictionary, you would surely find a picture of Bea Arthur. and if you looked up the word "deviant", you would most definitely find a picture of me. 000124
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girl another word for love 000326
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noone i don't have anything to say or anything to write.
my mind has left me in a hole, with no water and no food.
i am condemed.
i am possesed.
i have been kicked out of the garden of edan and you want to follow me.
why?
don't you see my demons.
can't you hear the screams.
i will keep pushing, until one day you leave.
000327
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fucked i am afraid of my future because when i look at myself and my lifestyle i realize that i have no future. no matter what i do, my future will turn out to be a nightmare. I'm damned if i do and damned if i don't. It fucking sucks. 000418
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Free Love knows no fear. 000418
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Katie Rose I'm afraid. I'm afraid of being alone. I've been hurt too many times to trust our future one hundred percent. I want to. I try. I believe in you, and I believe in us, but I'm so afraid. 000614
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Tank "the devil is karmic", she said to me. oh how those words ring around my head now. it always manages to resurrect itself and i am left floating on a sea of goodbyes... 000723
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dont touch me the more cynical i become
the less afraid i am

i secrete it in layers like chitinous armour, segmented, articulated

startle me and i will roll into a ball and just not let you in

i was an angel
i was a raven

now i'm an insect
a devil
maybe just a roach
skittering away from the sudden turning on of the light, hoping that you will not see me if i do not move
000723
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stephen nothing. 001029
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paragraph Sometimes, I wish the overwhelming weight of my own insecurity could be lifted, if just for a short while, and other times that I am content to wallow in my own self pity. either way, my insecurities still permeate, and I am still too weak to lift them from my weary shoulders. 001117
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Wayne There is nothing to fear but beer itself. 001118
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deb feeds upon itself,
until it becomes
a starving withered bird,
nothing left to consume
but its own sickened heart
001123
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lovers lament i will fall from this high
maybe to drown in the waters below
maybe to survive; die slow
with this starving entity inside of me
crashing around through the halls of my mind
quickening my pulse, freezing
my blood
must be one of those kind
those adrenaline steamrolling rushes
pounding down everything
just daring yourself to do it

jump.
001123
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deb plant those feet
in the freezing soil
beneath you,
and when the spring thaw sets you free
you shall see
what you would have missed
had you put yourself
in flight

dance with the snowflakes until then,
dear one,
and smile,
for that which you posess
far exceeds the price you wish to pay

you cannot buy happiness
with death
001123
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unhinged driving in the car with kt at high speeds in bad weather

i'm scared of a lot of things...i live with fear every day. but it's not of dying. sometimes i wish that i was dead. the biggest fear i have is being a disappointment to my father. i think the only reason i'm staying in college right now is my father would be disappointed if i wasn't. ggggaaaahhhh
001208
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john from michigan but lost in L.A. afraid once again, what a fimiliar place. All the people the same, they remember my name and my usual drink. They remember the bucket behind the bar is mine it's mine and only mine. It's my bucket of tears from fear of falling for the person as before. Not falling again but not ever getting there agian. It's not like letting go of a balloon on a clear sunnyday. It has emotions and is weighed down by confusion. I just wish my love would face who they are and that they are not exactly as they portray and that they are only hurting innocent people and themselves along the way. 001228
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peyton Christ why can't I meet people like the people who write on this site in real life??? I'm so fucking tired of living in this fishbowl.. tapping on the glass trying to be free..

I am tired of being caged by idiots

I feel such an inexplicable connection to these people who hurt.. I hurt with them.

To everyone here.. unhinged.. fucked.. don't touch me.. I feel you.. I understand.

I don't know you in the real meaning of the word, but I feel the same. I feel like collapsing.. sometimes I think it would be easier to let my skull cave in.

If we were our indignities.. if we were our obsessions..

You and I we're like four year olds.. we want to know why and how come about everything.. We want to reveal ourselves at will and speak our minds And never talk small, and be intuitive
and question mightly and find God..

My tortured beacons.. we need to find like minded companions..

- Alanis
010105
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forgotten like teetering on the brink of forever, looking into darkness.. i had to leave the cliff, i had to let go.. it was beginning to hurt me more than the unknown.
i keep hoping that i'll land on another ledge, i keep hoping that you'll catch me again..
but i know that you don't give a fuck anyway, that the ledge would just give out under me, crumble to dust..
i said goodbye to you today; i have failed you, and now i am tumbling through emptiness.
010117
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bluedaisy33 "what you fear is what you find" 010328
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Wayne Yah, terror is probably more the word. Got up a few times last night feeling like there would be an earthquake or that I would lose my mind in a nervous breakdown. (Never had one but I think I've been close.) I lost about three hours of sleep, being too afraid to go back to bed.

It's all the stress from work. There's too much to learn, too much pressure. Can't perform. It's hard to be expected to be God when I'm not.
010329
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kinkazoid you know the only thing you are suposed to fear is god, god is the only one that can actually harm you in anyway, its him that lets stuff happen if he didnt want it to happen it wouldn't, unless you make it happen. you have a choice to be hurt. 010508
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yummychuckle I enjoy fear. I mean the type of fear that gets your heart pumping--adrenaline.
I hate fearing emotions. but fearing pain is an ok feeling, as long as I'm ok in the end. I didn't say I enjoyed pain.
although if its self inflicted pain, i enjoy it.
010602
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kinkazoid for some reason im affraid of hippopotomuses i cant spell it but you know what i mean hippos and kangaroos they are mean looking i love elephants :) 010608
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Wayne i'm not afraid of my work anymore but i sure wish you hadn't mentioned hipapotamouses because they get really mad when you can't spell their name right and now i'm looking over my shoulder 010614
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me you dont know the feeling until it is in the pit of your stomach, just sitting there like you know something is going to happen and you have no idea what.....Something big. And it never goes away, maybe lets up once in a while but never goes away....Until it drives you insane because you can't figure out the cause of it...That's true fear....... 010614
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littlemissperfect seems to be the catchword for my life. that and tired. i'm tired of being tired, tired of being afraid. tired of having to be the person everyone needs or expects me to be. the thing is you can't be afraid and live, fear keeps you from letting go, from enjoying your life. i can't sleep-my worries and fears keep me awake; i can't love-i'm too afraid to be let down or hurt; i can't change-i'm afraid if i don't give everyone the me they expect they won't like me anymore. what scares me the most is i'm afraid that if i don't figure this all out, i'm going to look up and most of my life will be gone with me never having learned how to be. 010621
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GrayWolf BEER.....

whoops, wrong room.
terribly sorry.
010722
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forever I have a fear of changing. I always was the person everyone else wants me to be. I was always changed with ever friend i hanged out with. I was basically like them. but i don't like that anymore i don't like not having a "me" I don't like not knowing who i am but i am afraid to change. I am afraid that if i change no one will like me. no one will like the me i have always been. I am so afraid and it stops me from being myself 010722
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GrayWolf When you change...
change to match the outer you with the inner you.....

You will be happier with yourself
happier with the world
And you will find "real" friends


I know.
010722
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GrayWolf instinct....I'm just looking for the word 010723
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Ponderer CONFRONT YOUR FEARS!

Conquer them one @ a time.

Make a list of all your fears and start checking them off, as you conquer them.

Here's my list:
Health
Success
Consequences of my own actions
Pain
010811
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Norm fear is for the weak. 010829
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folk my friends know fear, like the day i tried to kill my self in front of them.... 011017
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mindfield What is there in this world to be afraid of? Anything which comes to mind in answer simply falls under the singular category of the inevitable, ergo, not worth losing valuble sleep over. Reserve fear, and the desire to conquer it, for the enemy which resides in yourself. Only the demon within ALL of us should be feared, all other pain is external and temporary. 011017
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Inanna there is a fear
you do not want
you cannot hear
you can only talk
and do not feel
remorse
011029
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Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge
the [root] cause of my cyclic [existence] is ignorance, [i do not understand] who i am, how [i exist] or how other phenomena exist. [unaware] of my ignorance i projected fantasized ways [of existing] onto myself and others... this [this] very action gives rise to attachment, an [attitude] that [exaggerates] the good qualities in people and things... [