nefarious tricky this is my corner 030121 ... tricky tuesday, 1-20-03 i think that maybe sometimes i don't know what i'm saying. haha like just now. oh well. today was the last day of all 4 classes, 1st term, 11th grade.it was really boring, all the teachers did was tell people about the exams that i'm exempted from. which is fine, because i would choose doing nothing over doing something i don't like doing. at some point during 1st block i was looking for money in my coat pockets and i found a lump of orange clay that i had been playing with over the weekend. i guess i brought it inside to justin's house, and rusty was playing with it, and when we left i just put it in my pocket. jeez, i was probably really stoned at the time. so i played with this lump of clay for the whole day, because i had absolutely nothing to do. i sat there and shaped it into a wheel, a snake, a carrot, a penis, a bong, whatever came to mind...etc. my friends even played with it, it was a lot better than just sitting there and watching the teacher blah blah blah...snow started falling on the way to school and it continued to fall heavily until after 3rd block. then it all melted. everyone thought we would get out of school. but i thought it was kind of pointless. so basically i am not doing anything right now because tyler and daniel are going to be smoking up tonight, "just the two of them" and it's fine with me, because i like to have time with my friends alone too. i just found out that april can't get the blotters for justin's party this weekend, but my brother thomas might be able to hook us up. damn i have so many mixed feelings about that party. i guess i have to go, unless my parents don't let me stay at tyler's house on saturday night. 030121 ... tricky wed, 1-21-03 Today started out really well. the it kind of went downhill. I woke up at 9:30 am to aurelia and stacey knocking on my bedroom door. they came in and watched as i tried to wake up somewhat, then i had to help my mom with the computer thing again. we played airhockey for a little while, then we had to go get aurelia's sister from fhs and drop her off at home. stacey called up scotty(some guy from her church) to get him to buy us some cigarettes, which he did, and we met him at giant to pick them up. so we get to the school and aurelia's sister shows up with two other people who also need rides, which leaves no room for one person. we were going to just cram in there but we realized that hey! we have to pass a cop to get out of school, so i just got aurelia to drive over to food lion and get me and stacey. then we took everyone home and left to go to justin's. tyler got kind of mad at me that i went to justin's without him. he thinks that justin is his friend and not mine, but over the past year i have also become friends with justin. and there's no way we could be attracted to eachother because he's gay. so you know, it doesn't really matter. tyler compared it to him hanging out with stacey with out me. and i was like, well you know that you don't like stacey and we never all hang out with her at the same time anyways. whatever, that makes me kind of frustrated. so we find out that justin has to go shopping at 230 and that gave us like and hour to stay at his house, and an hour for tyler to shcw up so i could go back with him. rusty came, so stacey couldn't come with me, and aurelia had to work at 3, so everyone went their separate ways. aurelia and stacey left before tyler got there. then we smoked a few bowls with daren, rusty, tyler, and justin. sarah showed up not too long after and justin had to leave, so we went back to tyler's. all this while tyler didn't say more than 10 words to me, and it really made me feel like crap. he's been doing that a lot lately, and it makes me feel like he doesn't notice me, or even care if i'm there. when it's just me and him, yeah, he pays attention to me. but whenever someone else is there, they always come first. so i get a call from my mom at tylers and she was really pissed that i didn't come home with stacey and aurelia. she wanted me to come home and finish the thingy she wanted me to do on the computer, because it had to be printed out by tonight. so i waited for tyler's dad to come home because daren and rusty didn't want to drive me home(which took about an hour) and the whole while tyler was just playing video games and i don't even think he said goodbye. doesn't this sound like a fucked up relationship? well i've been with him for a year and i've seen him just about every weekend. at least. i think he's seriously getting tired of me. so i think i'm going to stop seeing him as much, become unavailable. that will make him more happy to see me when he does. that's what aurelia did with her bf and it pretty much worked. well actually, that had some bad results, but for the most part it did. so i spent like 3 hours on the computer trying to figure out what my dad had told me to do, and the instructions he gave me didn't work. so i had to figure out the whole thing myself. in the end, i actually figured a way that was 10 times faster, but took up more memory. but it definitely saved a few hours. my mom was so happy when she came home from her rehearsal and everything was already all printed out and she was like, "I owe you one!" so i was thinking, and then i asked her if i could stay at tyler's house on saturday night and go to justin's early on sunday morning because it is his birthday(it was actually his bday today), and she said she would talk to dad about it. i think i'll remind her of her IOU on saturday again. then i called tyler, because he neglected to call me. he was playing his video game again. so i kinda sat there and tried to make conversation, but every time i said something he was so wrapped up in his game that he didn't notice. i got real pissed off and told him gently everything that i was worried about and the whole not paying any attention to me thing. he totally took it the wrong way, and he said, well i can't exactly lay around in bed with you and cuddle all day, because there are people around. and i was like, no, i wanted just a little special attention, that's all i ask for, not complete, not all day, just some. and i don't think he understands what i am saying. he said he was sorry, but since he doesn't understand, he can't really mean it. there really isn't much that i can do about this situation. it's not my fault, i know that, but it still makes me feel bad, i don't know what to think about it, if it means something i guess. so eventually i got tired of waiting for him to stop playing his video game and asked if i could call him back later, he didn't reply, i asked like 3 more times and he finally said , "FINE, goodbye!" and i was like bye... and hung up. what a fucking great relationship. this really sucks. i mean, i know i still like him, but it's hard to love someone when you don't feel loved in return. i have no plans for tomorrow. i hope they go well. "the best thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return" download "lover i don't have to love" by bright eyes 030122 ... silentbob corners that plug bright eyes are good corners indeed 030123 ... tricky tuesday, 1-28-03 some days i wish i just never woke up. well the past week has been really great. except today. on thursday i had nothing to do, i didn't really want to see stacey again since i hung out with her the day before. so i just went over to susie and lucy's house. they are waaay different from any of my other friends. they're out of college, not working, but they have absolutely no obligations to do anything. their parents buy them everything. i love their family, i think it may be that i have known them since i was born. anywho, when i got there we hung out around the house for a while and then we went to go see "my big fat greek wedding" in a $3 movie theater in fairfax. mrs. todd loves that movie, and i can see why she does. it wasn't all that interesting to me, it was actually kind of boring. not really movie material in my opinion. so we got done with the movie and on the way back through fairfax we passed logans and went there to eat. i had my first fillet minion. oh my goodness it was soo juicy and good! i was so full i couldn't even start on my mashed potatoes. so we came back to their house and we played king's quest 4 all the way through. that is a classic past time at the todds. we always used to play those games. it would have taken twice as much time if it weren't for my helpful hintbook: susie. she gave me clues when i was stumped. anywho. we got done with that at like 2 in the morning and then we just went to bed. i left at like 1 the next day because i was supposed to hang out with aurelia and stacey. so i got home and aurelia was at the hospital with her aunt, she didn't leave until much much later like 6, so i basically didn't do anything until aurelia and stacey got there. then we played some airhockey and went out "bowling". my parents let aurelia drive our van, and we went to marshall so we could meet aurelia's bf and pick up some smirnoff. we were going to celebrate because aurelia's bday was the next day. but the dumb fucker wasn't where he was gonna meet us. so we drove around town for like an hour, then we went to frost's diner because we can't smoke in my dad's van, and at some food. then we went back to aurelia's town and drove around for a while and rented some movies. armando never showed, the bastard. so we came back to my house empty handed and we watched fear and loathing. my brother had just scraped his resin from his bowl so we smoked some of that with him since none of our plans came through. then we watched some of office space and like halfway through we went to bed. i woke up and stacey was already gone coaching basketball or something, and aurelia had to leave. jose came to the door to pick up aurelia and i still had my glasses and pajamas on. he said i looked like avril lavigne. who knows. i hate looking like everyone. then tyler came and picked me up after i got it straight with my dad that i was staying the night at tyler's. so i went with tyler and rusty and this girl shae was with us, but i didn't really like her very much. she was kind of strange. we went to kevins and hung out for a while. shae got mad because we all went upstairs to smoke jerry up but we forgot shae was downstairs in the kitchen. so we came back downstairs and layed around. then we left and went to justin's. we smoked at justin's, waited for more people to arrive, and just for the most part hung out. it was so cool, we were smoking at 4:20 exactly! so tyler and rusty were going to go back and get jerry and keving so they could find their way to justin's. they were going to take just christina with them since there might not be enough room for someone else. i was starting to get a little upset, because i didn't want to be there just with justin, i mean, he had other people he needed to talk to and i didn't really know most of the other people. plus the whole time i was thinking that alexis would get there any second and i didn't want to be left there at the party without tyler and have alexis be there. it was horrible. so alexis arrived and they finally decided that they had to wait for kim so that she could go get jt. and that gave us some extra room. i think they finally realized why i wanted to come with them so bad. so i rode with rusty and christina and we went to kevin's. we got there about 10 mins before tyler did, and then we left to go back. i was talking to everyone at the party, and at some point daniel broke out some coke. at first i was kind of hesitant, but i ended up taking like 2 lines. and i loved it. i dont' know why i liked it so much, but it's not something that i need to do all the time, i promised myself that i would only do it at justin's bday parties. if i even go. rusty was so coked out he was goofy as shit. tyler was really hyper too. i was talking to everyone i ran into. i talked to tyler's ex gf rachel tayler and i really like her. she's an awesome person. and then i met her older sister when she came to pick her up, and she's really cool too. so this whole time alexis is just in the back of my mind and i can't stop thinking about the whole incident. everytime tyler disappeared i had to go find him. i knew i was being too suspicious. but i really can't help being jealous. i know tyler doesn't dislike her as much as i do. he even thinks i should try to be friends with her but that isn't going to happen. i can't do it, it is not within my power to forgive her at this point in my life. i kept running up and down the stairs, from dal's room to the living room, to justin's room, and there were so many people to see i was just so happy! tyler wasn't ignoring me like he was doing for a while. i think he finally understood what i meant. at some point some guy named doug threw up all over himself. at that point i didn't go into dal's room anymore. dal is so much fun, but i didn't get to hang out with him much. i kept looking for things to do to be hospitable at justin's. i felt like i had responsibility over most people because i go there more often than they do. i was bumming cigarettes off of everyone like a fiend. then the coke wore off and i started to get tired. we were in justin's room for one last bowl at like 4 and somehow i ended up beside alexis, it made me really uncomfortable. i had to pass it to her, and it really sucked. i felt like i should have excluded her but it wasn't my party and i didn't want to cause trouble. then we went downstairs and i waited while tyler was getting more pizza. then we went to bed. in the morning we woke up and cleaned up a little around the house.. then we left. me and tyler just layed around most of the day and cuddled. i really liked it, and he said he had missed days like that. so i asked my parents if i could stay the night again, and they were hesitant, but they let me. at some point tyler told me that alexis kept showing him her tongue ring and asking him if he liked it, and he said it made him real uncomfortable and he tried to avoid her. that really made me upset. i started crying because i was so drained emotionally and had so much stress that i just started crying and tyler started crying and i talked to him for a long time about how i felt like i didn't make him happy anymore, and howi hate it when he ignores me. so he said he realized he was fucking up and he was gonna stop doing that. then things got better. i felt like i was closer to tyler than i had ever been. i woke up on monday to daren walking in the house. we went to manassas and got some cigarettes and hung out and justins again for a little while. then i just went home. i was kind of glad to be home. i got some food to eat and took a nap. ok this is getting too long, im ight lose it so this submission will be in parts ***** 030128 ... tricky so today i woke up and i had slept in too late, so i didn't really have time to pick out my outfit. i got to school and it started out really blaahhh. i went to advanced math and i sat by nash, he's a really funny guy. i hope that class gets better than it was today. but classes are classes, i guess i can tough it out. the day was so long since we didn't really do much, we just learned all the class rules and what we needed to buy and shit. so for chemistry we had to go over safety procedures(which make the class seem really deadly) and then we had to start a lab. for now my lab partner is tristyn. he's really hot, but i've heard he's an asshole. i've had a few classes with him before. some of the other people in my first two classes i hope i get to know better. third block was the worst. who is the one person i don't want to see everyday for an hour and a half? alexis. she's in my drama class. she had to be in the one class i was looking forward to. jesus, i hope something changes because i can't go through the class everyday with her. i hate her. i hate her. i hate her. i hate that fucking bitch. i never did anything to her. i was just kind of thrown into this situation where we can't be friends. i know she still likes tyler. it makes it worse that tyler just expects me to get over it even if it's been like 9 months since that happened. fuck that, i will do what ever makes me comfortable. other than the stupid bitch that class seems pretty fun. i have in mind to audition for the spring play "ragtime" . if not then i might join susie and lucy and audition for our community theatre's production of "my fair lady". stacey was supposed to be in my drama class today but she was getting her wisdom teeth taken out. brandon clarke is supposedly in my drama class but he wasn't there today either. he's a really fun guy. stacey wasn't there at lunch either, so i just walked around and tried to decide who i wanted to sit with for the rest of the term. i eventually found nick mastri, he was sitting at a table way over there, and then i got in line to get a cookie and i found jen! yaaay! the one good thing in my day that made me somewhat happy was that i had lunch with jen. then i talked to nick some too. and heather desalme sits with us, i don't really know her but she seems like a really sweet girl. i'm sure stacey will sit with us tomorrow. hopefully tomorrow will be better than today. i just don't have any control over my feelings right now, i have no idea what to do. i just want to kick and scream because i don't want one person to ruin my whole day. i guess it's out of my hands. i'll just try to ignore it. but i feel myself getting depressed. jesus i don't know what to do about this situation. i feel like i need to say something, but it's not my place to make things better, i didn't do anything. i have a right to be angry. i am rightfully holding a grudge. but whatever. my art class seems like it will be more individual, since i don't know any of the people in there. they are mostly freshman, since it's a level one class. i really like drawing, it gets my mind off of all the other shit that's going on. i think it will be more work than i anticipated, but hey what the hell, it's better than written work. download "soothe" by the smashing pumpkins 030128 ... tricky 1-30-03 ok so i finally did something to make the rest of my school year better, but it took a while before i reached that conclusion. i don't know if it was the best decision, but it's the one that makes me most comfortable. so after i got home from stacey's on tuesday i called tyler. i told him that alexis was in my drama class and he just yelled at me because he just expects me to get over it. i hung up on him. then i got online and he was online so i talked to him for a few minutes and we argued about it, and i told him that i was so depressed and i didn't know what to do, so i just started crying. then i asked him if i could call him back because i was bawling in the middle of my living room on the computer and it's not something that i want the rest of my family to see. so we talked for quite a while on the phone, and basically he just yelled because i said i was either going to go back to homeschool or switch the class. and he overreacted to my overreaction. so i just sat there and cried on the phone to him and he said how horrible he felt. i was so depressed because i was put into this situation that isn't even my fault, it was not something that i did, and it still makes me very uncomfortable. and there was nothing i could do about it. nobody could help me do whatever it was that i had to do. that was a very scary thought. i was on my own with this problem and i had to figure it all out myself since nobody had advice for me. i thought about it, and i didn't want to be this depressed for the rest of the school year, so i finally decided to switch the class. i calmed down after that. me and tyler kept talking on the phone, and i felt a lot more hopeful that my life wouldn't go to hell. so then the next day i went to guidance and filed a request for an appointment to change my schedule and all the way through 2nd block they didn't call me. so i got to third block and i had to be partners with alexis and it just really sucked, and then in 4th block they called me to guidance and told me that they called me during 2nd block but my stupid chemistry teacher forgot to give me the note! so i went to 3rd block when i didn't really even have to. what a horrible waste of time. so when i got home from school yesterday i got online and alexis randomly started talking to me about stuff and i told her that i was switching out of the class then we got into a big long discussion about the fact that i'm not going to forgive her. and then she tried to convince me that tyler treats me like shit and he doesn't deserve me and she doesn't understand why i don't leave him. she said a bunch of other crap too. then i told tyler everything that she said and he drew the conclusion that she was just trying to put more stress on our relationship so that she would break us up, and he got pissed and blocked her screen name. he also said that if she is anywhere that he goes, he will leave the place immediately. that made me happy, i didn't necessarily agree with him, but i didn't argue with him. he wouldn't have changed his mind if i did. this is the point where we just stop dealing with her, she is creating unnecessary interference with our relationship, and it is getting ridiculous. so i was gonna go to youth group last night but i just ended up sleeping from like 530 until 10 and i didn't really care. today was pretty uneventful. we made paper airplanes in chemistry. what fun. then my new class that i switched to is incredibly boring.. i don't mind though, it's kind of nice to have some class that you don't really have to think about. i already have some mad typing skills and this is just so simple, i go through the exercises like 10 times faster than the other people. and i started on the pastels in art today, it's turning out better than i thought. i'm making a beach scene for the background, and i'm not too sure how the waves in the water are going to turn out. i'm also not sure if i'm gonna put clouds in the sky yet. i made a palm tree that looks really good. i had to look at a picture though. oh well. i sit next to these two freshman kids who think they're so funny with their your mom jokes and i was just like, your jokes make no sense. and then for the rest of the block i just kept cracking mom jokes on them and then they thought that i was really mean, so i stopped. then they were talking about getting drunk, and i was like, yeah i remember those days. when i knew nothing. i told them not to get into drugs. how odd is that? that's like really weird. i made a decision though, i'm going to stop drugs and smoking. good decision huh?well i don't think i'm going to stop smoking pot completely, just cut waaaaay back. and i'm not going to smoke cigarettes. i'm not gonna do any other drugs. i'm done with them, for now. i don't think i'll be able to resist them in college. the freedom!! oh it will be wonderful. this weekend tyler is having a little birthday bash for christina, i'm not going to be able to stay the night on saturday though, so i will only stay until like 10 and leave. but on friday brandon is coming up to visit tyler, and i think christina might be staying the night too. if there is pot there i'm determined not to smoke. if there is beer i will drink though, i haven't gotten plain drunk in a while. tomorrow will probably be better than the rest of the week. hopefully. 030130 ... tricky thursday, 2-13-03 last weekend i went to pa for my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. the thursday before, i put tyler on a break because he was really pissing me off and there were too many issues to deal with at once. then we had a snow day on friday, and i didn't have to miss any school to go to pa so that was really lucky. i didn't have that horrible of a time up in pa, i got to drive halfway there and halfway back. i didn't get to see my mom much, thankfully, and my dad wasn't being as annoying as usual. on saturday night i went with my cousin emily to a punk/emo show at this place they call, "planet of the apes."it was really fun, i skanked with this kid emily knew, i think his name was chris, he asked me if i thought he was sexy and i was like, uhh do you really want me to answer that? he was like, i guess not. lol cus he was kinda chubby. then i went back to emily's and learned a song on the guitar from my cousin jonathan. i got home at like 10 pm on sunday. apparently tyler stressed out all weekend because he thought iw as going to break up with him, and i was still considering it, but when i got home we got back together then i went to his house on monday because we had another snow day. and i had a good time, better than usual, cus tyler really missed me. this week has been pretty uneventful. i went to a doctor's appointment on wednesday because i have been having excruciating cramps sometimes, and they gave me some medicine that should make them go away, but i'm going to say that they dont' work so they'll give me birth control pills.. yay! not that it really matters, it's just something that would be a lot more convenient. so on i got home from that and i called tyler, he didn't really talk to me for more than like 10 minutes and then he got off the phone with me. annie's parents picked me up for youth group, and she wasn't even going, so i was freaking out on the way there because i don't want to have to spend 4 hours with people i don't like and don't want to be around. so i got there and scott showed up, which is better than nothing. so i hung out with him the whole time. we laughed a lot, because we were making fun of all the small children. they're so annoying. and at one point robin told me that she wanted to be an "it". i was like, hey maybe one day you will be an it. she's so weird. she wasn't saying that to be funny, she was being serious. actually i don't know when she's being serious or funny because she always has this huge goofy smile on her face. i don't know whats wrong with her, i think she's mentally disabled. but she freaks the hell out of me.. i got home and called tyler and tried to talk to him but he ignored me the whole time. i asked him the same question like 5 times and he wouldn't answer me. i was like, "you're not even listening!" and he was like, "yes i am, you said...(blah blah blah)" and i got pissed because then i knew he wasn't responding purposely. so i tried to talk to him after that and he still wouldnt talk to me! so i just told him i'm going now, bye, and he didn't say anything back so i hung up.. fucking asshole!! ok well then i was too pissed off to do anything, so i went to bed early. then i had another nightmare about tyler. i've had 3 this week, two on tuesday and one last night. it really sucks, because i don't usually even have dreams, and now 3 nightmares within 2 days about tyler? it's gotta mean something, and i am kind of freaked out by it. tomorrow is valentine's day and i'm going over to tyler's(obviously) and it's just going to be us. i might be going to stacey's for saturday night because we never see eachother anymore. we need to catch up on things. and hopefully this weekend me and tyler are gonna go to the movies. i don't know how well that will go though, because EveRYTHIng stresses tyler out. dammit. 030213 ... tricky wednesday, feb. 19, 2003 over last weekend we got a lot of snow and i was stuck at tylers from friday until tuesday. i had a kind of fun time, but tyler ruined it all because he was an ass to me all weekend. we broke up on tuesday. yay! i'm free now. i am sooo much happier. today i went with stacey and aurelia to john west's house and i hung out there froml ike 2 until 5, i had a lot of fun. aurelia had to go to work and we went back to raffi's and went back to johns from there. then raffi and stacey went to meet brandon young after he got off work to get us some cigarettes. they came back with marlboro lights! ahhh yuck! oh well they were good anyways. the other two dudes that were there scraped out some bowls and got some resin and we smoked it. then they left and picked up more green stuff and came back, we smoked a little over half a gram, and hung out for a while, then we left at five and got mcdonalds. we went to raffi's and ate, then we made a gravity bong but it was really complicated. so i was looking around the room and i saw this african cup thingy with a spoon in it(we were in her garage) and i was looking at it because it looked useful. so i came to find out that the spoon had holes in it for some reason, and the tip of the handle had a hole in it. so i breathed through it and air came through. i was like...look guys! it's a bowl! and they were like WOWW this is soooo kewl. so we used my little invention and it smoked a lot better than the crappy gravity bong we made, and i was happy. we then left for youth group and it was kinda weird cus the guy was talking about all these abstract concepts like the distance from the sun using the edge of a piece of paper, and how many suns fit in the stars and how many stars fit in other stars. well whatever. i didn't understand most of it but i guess it was supposed to be an argument against evolution. some girl laughed her ass off at a comment i made, she was talking about ducking for cover or something and i was like, duck? where? and (like she's never heard that before) she laughed really loud and long and she was like, "that's hilarious" and me and stacey were laughing at her because she was so stupid. maybe that was just me. oh well. we came back to stacey's and now i'm on the computer at her house. and i am staying at her house for the night. crap, i have to call my mom. we're off the whole week for snow! yay! 030219 ... tricky 2-20-03 today i am really sick. my mom wouldn't let me go anywhere so i'm stuck here all day. we don't have school all week, so i have 3 more days off. not too bad when someone is sick. i probably would have missed school today anyways. last night i didn't stay at stacey's because her parents were going to work in the morning. and she had to leave at like 830 anyways. so i just came home and got online for a while. then i took some nyquil and went to bed. i woke up at 1 today. wow i have accomplished absolutely nothing today. i havent even eaten anything yet. and it's 415. dammit i should go eat. 030220 ... tricky me and tyler are back together....yeah...i dunnno what happened, he started dating this chick jill after we broke up and he didn't really care about her he was just trying to refill that empty spot that i left i guess, and so he got some bacardi 151 and him, rusty, jill, and daren got really drunk(and this was like 2 weeks ago) and rusty ended up having sex with jill while tyler was asleep. they didn't tell tyler until last sunday and i talked to him for a while on the phone.he was sooo upset about it and he was crying on the phone, i felt so bad, but i felt really glad that i wasn't there for it. and it didn't have anything to do with me this time. then i went to his house on tuesday after they had broken up because he was so pissed of at himself and other people he had a breakdown and really needed somebody to go and see him. he was actually thinking of quitting school and i wasn't going to let him. and i guess i didn't realize how much i missed him until i saw him. i had to do some homework at his house and he just sat there and watched me while i drew my hand for art class in my sketchbook. then we layed down for a little while and we were gonna take a nap but it was weird because i knew he wanted to kiss me and i wouldn't let him because we weren't together. and i still wasn't planning on getting with him again, but while i was laying there i couldn't just not be with him. i felt so close to him and i just knew that i wanted to be with him more than friends again. and i dunno he said all these really sweet things to me and i couldn't stand it so i just got back together with him. i guess i really did miss him. plus i didn't really do much over the weekend. so on wednesday last week we had a lot of snow, and we had the rest of the week off for snow days. i was at tyler's from wednesday until today(sunday) and i just got back. we had a lot of fun this time. we started over with everything and it's so much better. i guess we needed to break up to realize a lot of things and fix them. i dunno if this will last a long time though...who knows. i was kinda liking being single but i missed all of the friends that came with being with tyler anyways, ya know? like i fit into the crowd he hangs out with, and they all missed me. and this weekend when i saw them all again, they were like yay! amy's back!!! that's so cool...so i am hoping that was for the best. anywho....that's how my past week has went--lots of smoking. also on friday i went down to brandon's apartment in richmond(brandon is tyler's older brother, i knew him before i knew tyler, and he's waayyy kewl) and there ended up being an impromptu party there that night, i took my first beer bong and i did it beautifully, i had 7 beers over all before the night ended i guess. that's not much for other people sometimes, but i always like to just stop when i'm feeling good and not risk throwing up. we had a noise complaint and the cops showed up briefly. that kind of scared me. i just pretended like i was sleeping in one of the bedrooms and hid from everyone for a while...then people started to leave after a while and we smoked a few bowls of this midgrade that they got...it was really cool. we played madlibs. i got sooo trashed by the end of the night. everybody who didn't know who i was just called me avril. that kind of bothered me. brandon had a bootleg copy of the two towers and we watched like the beginning of it. he had another copy that he gave to tyler and we brought it home and we were gonna watch it on saturday night, but it turns out he got scammed out of that one and it was the usual suspects instead. oh well, no big deal. brandon can just burn that dvd for us anyways. today we were at justins for like all day smoking and we made this amazing cake with cream cheese icing. it was allwarm and wonderful...then i had to go back to tyler's and leave in like half an hour. jeez what a weekend. next friday my parents are going out of town and i am supposed to be going with tyler among a bunch of other people back to richmond and we are going to try to find some trips before then...i am hoping not a lot of people come with us though because this is supposed to be the substitute for rusty's birthday party. and then i have to come home on saturday. i am not going to take a lot this time though, because i dont want it to last all day the next day. wow but tyler just told me online that it might be canceled again. i'm not sure. i guess i'll find out before then.... 030302 ... eXscape nefertiti (heh heh, I said tits) 040307 ... sahba you sure as hell need a lot of time to type so much 040426 what's it to you? who go blather from