nefarious tricky this is my corner 030121 ... tricky tuesday, 1-20-03 i think that maybe sometimes i don't know what i'm saying. haha like just now. oh well. today was the last day of all 4 classes, 1st term, 11th grade.it was really boring, all the teachers did was tell people about the exams that i'm exempted from. which is fine, because i would choose doing nothing over doing something i don't like doing. at some point during 1st block i was looking for money in my coat pockets and i found a lump of orange clay that i had been playing with over the weekend. i guess i brought it inside to justin's house, and rusty was playing with it, and when we left i just put it in my pocket. jeez, i was probably really stoned at the time. so i played with this lump of clay for the whole day, because i had absolutely nothing to do. i sat there and shaped it into a wheel, a snake, a carrot, a penis, a bong, whatever came to mind...etc. my friends even played with it, it was a lot better than just sitting there and watching the teacher blah blah blah...snow started falling on the way to school and it continued to fall heavily until after 3rd block. then it all melted. everyone thought we would get out of school. but i thought it was kind of pointless. so basically i am not doing anything right now because tyler and daniel are going to be smoking up tonight, "just the two of them" and it's fine with me, because i like to have time with my friends alone too. i just found out that april can't get the blotters for justin's party this weekend, but my brother thomas might be able to hook us up. damn i have so many mixed feelings about that party. i guess i have to go, unless my parents don't let me stay at tyler's house on saturday night. 030121 ... tricky wed, 1-21-03 Today started out really well. the it kind of went downhill. I woke up at 9:30 am to aurelia and stacey knocking on my bedroom door. they came in and watched as i tried to wake up somewhat, then i had to help my mom with the computer thing again. we played airhockey for a little while, then we had to go get aurelia's sister from fhs and drop her off at home. stacey called up scotty(some guy from her church) to get him to buy us some cigarettes, which he did, and we met him at giant to pick them up. so we get to the school and aurelia's sister shows up with two other people who also need rides, which leaves no room for one person. we were going to just cram in there but we realized that hey! we have to pass a cop to get out of school, so i just got aurelia to drive over to food lion and get me and stacey. then we took everyone home and left to go to justin's. tyler got kind of mad at me that i went to justin's without him. he thinks that justin is his friend and not mine, but over the past year i have also become friends with justin. and there's no way we could be attracted to eachother because he's gay. so you know, it doesn't really matter. tyler compared it to him hanging out with stacey with out me. and i was like, well you know that you don't like stacey and we never all hang out with her at the same time anyways. whatever, that makes me kind of frustrated. so we find out that justin has to go shopping at 230 and that gave us like and hour to stay at his house, and an hour for tyler to shcw up so i could go back with him. rusty came, so stacey couldn't come with me, and aurelia had to work at 3, so everyone went their separate ways. aurelia and stacey left before tyler got there. then we smoked a few bowls with daren, rusty, tyler, and justin. sarah showed up not too long after and justin had to leave, so we went back to tyler's. all this while tyler didn't say more than 10 words to me, and it really made me feel like crap. he's been doing that a lot lately, and it makes me feel like he doesn't notice me, or even care if i'm there. when it's just me and him, yeah, he pays attention to me. but whenever someone else is there, they always come first. so i get a call from my mom at tylers and she was really pissed that i didn't come home with stacey and aurelia. she wanted me to come home and finish the thingy she wanted me to do on the computer, because it had to be printed out by tonight. so i waited for tyler's dad to come home because daren and rusty didn't want to drive me home(which took about an hour) and the whole while tyler was just playing video games and i don't even think he said goodbye. doesn't this sound like a fucked up relationship? well i've been with him for a year and i've seen him just about every weekend. at least. i think he's seriously getting tired of me. so i think i'm going to stop seeing him as much, become unavailable. that will make him more happy to see me when he does. that's what aurelia did with her bf and it pretty much worked. well actually, that had some bad results, but for the most part it did. so i spent like 3 hours on the computer trying to figure out what my dad had told me to do, and the instructions he gave me didn't work. so i had to figure out the whole thing myself. in the end, i actually figured a way that was 10 times faster, but took up more memory. but it definitely saved a few hours. my mom was so happy when she came home from her rehearsal and everything was already all printed out and she was like, "I owe you one!" so i was thinking, and then i asked her if i could stay at tyler's house on saturday night and go to justin's early on sunday morning because it is his birthday(it was actually his bday today), and she said she would talk to dad about it. i think i'll remind her of her IOU on saturday again. then i called tyler, because he neglected to call me. he was playing his video game again. so i kinda sat there and tried to make conversation, but every time i said something he was so wrapped up in his game that he didn't notice. i got real pissed off and told him gently everything that i was worried about and the whole not paying any attention to me thing. he totally took it the wrong way, and he said, well i can't exactly lay around in bed with you and cuddle all day, because there are people around. and i was like, no, i wanted just a little special attention, that's all i ask for, not complete, not all day, just some. and i don't think he understands what i am saying. he said he was sorry, but since he doesn't understand, he can't really mean it. there really isn't much that i can do about this situation. it's not my fault, i know that, but it still makes me feel bad, i don't know what to think about it, if it means something i guess. so eventually i got tired of waiting for him to stop playing his video game and asked if i could call him back later, he didn't reply, i asked like 3 more times and he finally said , "FINE, goodbye!" and i was like bye... and hung up. what a fucking great relationship. this really sucks. i mean, i know i still like him, but it's hard to love someone when you don't feel loved in return. i have no plans for tomorrow. i hope they go well. "the best thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return" download "lover i don't have to love" by bright eyes 030122 ... silentbob corners that plug bright eyes are good corners indeed 030123 ... tricky tuesday, 1-28-03 some days i wish i just never woke up. well the past week has been really great. except today. on thursday i had nothing to do, i didn't really want to see stacey again since i hung out with her the day before. so i just went over to susie and lucy's house. they are waaay different from any of my other friends. they're out of college, not working, but they have absolutely no obligations to do anything. their parents buy them everything. i love their family, i think it may be that i have known them since i was born. anywho, when i got there we hung out around the house for a while and then we went to go see "my big fat greek wedding" in a $3 movie theater in fairfax. mrs. todd loves that movie, and i can see why she does. it wasn't all that interesting to me, it was actually kind of boring. not really movie material in my opinion. so we got done with the movie and on the way back through fairfax we passed logans and went there to eat. i had my first fillet minion. oh my goodness it was soo juicy and good! i was so full i couldn't even start on my mashed potatoes. so we came back to their house and we played king's quest 4 all the way through. that is a classic past time at the todds. we always used to play those games. it would have taken twice as much time if it weren't for my helpful hintbook: susie. she gave me clues when i was stumped. anywho. we got done with that at like 2 in the morning and then we just went to bed. i left at like 1 the next day because i was supposed to hang out with aurelia and stacey. so i got home and aurelia was at the hospital with her aunt, she didn't leave until much much later like 6, so i basically didn't do anything until aurelia and stacey got there. then we played some airhockey and went out "bowling". my parents let aurelia drive our van, and we went to marshall so we could meet aurelia's bf and pick up some smirnoff. we were going to celebrate because aurelia's bday was the next day. but the dumb fucker wasn't where he was gonna meet us. so we drove around town for like an hour, then we went to frost's diner because we can't smoke in my dad's van, and at some food. then we went back to aurelia's town and drove around for a while and rented some movies. armando never showed, the bastard. so we came back to my house empty handed and we watched fear and loathing. my brother had just scraped his resin from his bowl so we smoked some of that with him since none of our plans came through. then we watched some of office space and like halfway through we went to bed. i woke up and stacey was already gone coaching basketball or something, and aurelia had to leave. jose came to the door to pick up aurelia and i still had my glasses and pajamas on. he said i looked like avril lavigne. who knows. i hate looking like everyone. then tyler came and picked me up after i got it straight with my dad that i was staying the night at tyler's. so i went with tyler and rusty and this girl shae was with us, but i didn't really like her very much. she was kind of strange. we went to kevins and hung out for a while. shae got mad because we all went upstairs to smoke jerry up but we forgot shae was downstairs in the kitchen. so we came back downstairs and layed around. then we left and went to justin's. we smoked at justin's, waited for more people to arrive, and just for the most part hung out. it was so cool, we were smoking at 4:20 exactly! so tyler and rusty were going to go back and get jerry and keving so they could find their way to justin's. they were going to take just christina with them since there might not be enough room for someone else. i was starting to get a little upset, because i didn't want to be there just with justin, i mean, he had other people he needed to talk to and i didn't really know most of the other people. plus the whole time i was thinking that alexis would get there any second and i didn't want to be left there at the party without tyler and have alexis be there. it was horrible. so alexis arrived and they finally decided that they had to wait for kim so that she could go get jt. and that gave us some extra room. i think they finally realized why i wanted to come with them so bad. so i rode with rusty and christina and we went to kevin's. we got there about 10 mins before tyler did, and then we left to go back. i was talking