insert_your_favorite_monologue_here dB Ok, I tried this on Red with no success. I hope you guys participate. To all of us, there are special bits of writing, or dialogue from a film, or whatever. A bunch of words that makes something in your brain click. I'd like to hear what words you hold close to you. They mey be your own, or someone elses that you would have written yourself if they hadn't beaten you to it, or it may be a few lines from your favorite movie. Whatever they are, let's have 'em. Here's mine: Hold the calls. (long pause) I'm here, I'm here every night, I come up here every night. This is my job, this is what I do for a living. I come up here and I do the best I can. I give you the best I can. I can't do better than this. I can't. I'm only a human being up here. I'm not God... uh...alot of you out there are not...I may not be the most popular guy in the world. That's not the point. I really don't care what you think about me. I mean, who the hell are you anyway? You..."the audience"... you call me up and you try to tell me things about myself...you don't know me. You don't know anything about me. You've never seen me. You don't know what I look like. You don't know who I am, what I want, what I like, what I don't like in this world. I'm just a voice. A voice in the wilderness ...And you, like a pack of wolves descend on me, 'cause you can't stand facing what it is you are and what you've made...Yes, the world is a terrible place! Yes, cancer and garbage disposals will get you! Yes, a war is coming. Yes, the world is shot to hell and you're all goners. Everything's screwed up and you like it that way, don't you? You're fascinated by the gory details. You're mesmerized by your own fear! You revel in floods and car accidents and unstoppable diseases....You're happiest when others are in pain! And that's where I come in, isn't it? I'm here to lead you by the hand through the dark forest of your own hatred and anger and humiliation. I'm providing a public service. You're so scared! You're like the little child under the covers. You're afraid of the bogeyman, but you can't live without him. Your fear, your own lives have become entertainment! Tomorrow night, millions of people are going to be listening to this show, and you have nothing to talk about. Marvelous technology is at our disposal and instead of reaching up for new heights, we try to see how far down we can go...how deep into the muck we can immerse ourselves! What do you want to talk about? Baseball scores? Your pet? Orgasms? You're pathetic. I despise each and every one of you. You've got nothing, absolutely nothing. No brains, no power, no future. No hope. No God. The only thing you believe in is me. What are you if you don't have me? I'm not afraid, see? I come up here every night and I make my case, I make my point. I say what I believe in. I have to, I have no choice. You frighten me. I come up her every night and I tear into you, I abuse you, I insult you...and you just keep calling. Why do you keep coming back? What's wrong with you? I don't want to hear any more, I've had enough. Stop talking. Don't call anymore. Go away. Bunch of yellow-bellied, spineless, bigoted, quivering, drunken, insomniatic, paranoid, disgusting, perverted, voyeuristic little obscene phone callers. That's what you are. Well, to hell with ya. I don't need your fear or your stupidity. You don't get it. It's wasted on you. Pearls before swine. If one person out there had any idea what I was talking about...(starts taking callers again) Fred, you're on! Hope you like 'em, and add your own. *Much Peace* 010605 ... god can goats give you herpes? 010605 ... extra people als das kind kind war... 010605 ... sim "Japanese submarine slammed two topedoes into our side, Chief. Was coming back from the Island of Tinian Leyte. Just delievered the bomb, the Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in twelve minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. Thirteen footer. You know how you know that when your in the water Chief? You can tell by lookin' from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn't know, was that our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light Chief, sharks come cruisin' so we formed ourseleves into tight groups. Kinda' like old squares in a battle. Like you see on a calender like the Battle of Waterloo, and the idea was, shark comes to the nearst man that man, he starts poundin' and hollerin' and screamin'. Sometime' the shark go away... sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark, he looks right into ya... right into your eyes... and another thing about a shark. He's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he bites you. Then those black eyes roll over white. And then... well you hear that terrible high pitch screamin'. The ocean turns red, despite all the poundin and hollerin' ...they all come in and rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hunded men. I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I don't know how many men, they averged six an hour. On Thursday morning Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robertson from Cleveland. Baseball player, boatswain's mate. I thought he was asleep. Reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up and down in the water like a kinda' top. Upended. Well he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon the fifth day, mister Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us, he swung in low and saw us. A young pilot, alot younger than Mr. Hooper... anyway he saw us and he come in low, and three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and starts to pick us up. You know, that was the time when I was most frightened, waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a life jacket again. So, eleven hundred men went into the water, three hundred sixteen men come out, the sharks took the rest, June 29, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb." 010606 ... god transit 1. I'm Stealing The Towels 200 Motels 200 Motels Han toon ran toon Ran-tant-ta-dan 200 Motels JEFF: I'm stealing the towels! 2. Dental Hygiene Dilemma BAD CONSCIENCE: Han min noon toon han toon han GOOD CONSCIENCE: No, Jeff! BAD CONSCIENCE: Han toon ran toon ran toon fran min han toon ran toon nan toon fram GOOD CONSCIENCE: No no no! JEFF: Man! This stuff is great! It's just as if Donovan himself had appeared on my very own TV with words of peace, love, and eternal cosmic wisdom . . . ! Leading me. Guiding me. On paths of everlasting pseudo-karmic negligence, in the very midst of my drug-induced nocturnal emission. GOOD CONSCIENCE: Oh, I am your good conscience, Jeff. I know all. I see all. I am a cosmic love pulse matrix, become a technicolor interpositive! JEFF: Okay . . . Where'd you buy that incense? It's hip. GOOD CONSCIENCE: It's the same and mysterious exotic oriental fragrance as what the Beatles get off on. JEFF: I thought I recognized it . . . Sniff, sniff . . . Mmm, what is that, MUSK? Sniff, sniff, sniff . . . mmmh! GOOD CONSCIENCE: Jeff, I know what's good for you. JEFF: Right. You're heavy. GOOD CONSCIENCE: Yes, Jeff, I am your guiding light. Listen to me. Don't rip off the towels, Jeff! BAD CONSCIENCE: Piss off, you little nitwit! JEFF: Hey man, what's the deal? GOOD CONSCIENCE: Don't listen to him, Jeff, he's no good. He'll make you do BAD THINGS! JEFF: You mean, he'll make me sin? GOOD CONSCIENCE: Yes, Jeff. SIN! JEFF: Wow! BAD CONSCIENCE: Jeff, I'd like to have a word with you . . . about your soul. GOOD CONSCIENCE: No, don't listen, Jeff. BAD CONSCIENCE: Why are you wasting your life, night after night playing this comedy music? JEFF: You're right, I'm too heavy to be in this group. GOOD CONSCIENCE: Comedy music . . . BAD CONSCIENCE: Jeff, YOUR SOUL! Oh . . . He's Too heavy to Be . . . JEFF: In this group, all I ever get to do is play Zappa's comedy music. HE EATS! GOOD CONSCIENCE: Jeff! JEFF: I get so tense! BAD CONSCIENCE: Of course you do, my boy. JEFF: The stuff he makes me do is always off the wall! BAD CONSCIENCE: That's why it would be best to leave his stern employ. JEFF: And quit the group! BAD CONSCIENCE: You'll make it big! JEFF: That's right. BAD CONSCIENCE: Of course! JEFF: And then I won't be SMALL! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ti-diddly-diddly-dee Ha, ha, ha . . . He-he-he-he-heh! JEFF: Cough, cough. Ahmet Ertegun used this towel as a bathmat six weeks ago at a rancid motel in Orlando, Florida, with the highest MILDEW rating of any commercial lodging facility within the territorial limits of the United States, naturally excluding tropical possessions . . . It's still damp. What an aroma! This is the best I ever got off! What can I say about this elixir? Try it on steaks! Cleans nylons! Small craft warnings! It's made for the home! The office! On fruits! BAD CONSCIENCE: This is the real you, Jeff. Rip off a few more ashtrays. Get rid of some of that inner tension. Quit the comedy group! Get your own group together. Heavy! Like GRAND FUNK! Or BLACK SABBATH . . . GOOD CONSCIENCE: No, Jeff . . . JEFF: Like COVEN! GOOD CONSCIENCE: Peace . . . Love . . . BAD CONSCIENCE: Bollocks! JEFF: What can I say about this elixir? MARK: Jeff has gone out there on that stuff! BAD CONSCIENCE: He should have never have used the elixir and only stuck to the incense. Oh, Atlantis . . . MARK: That was BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, dressed up like Donovan, fading out on the wall-mounted TV screen. Jeff IS flipping out. Road fatigue! We've got to get him back to normal before Zappa finds out, and steals it, and makes him do it in the movie! BAD CONSCIENCE: You have a brilliant career ahead of you, my boy, Just GET OUT OF THIS GROUP! MARK: Howard, that was Studebacher Hoch, dressed up like Jim Pons, giving career guidance to the bass player of a rock-oriented comedy group. Jeff's imagination has gone beyond the fringe of audience comprehension. HOWARD: Jeff, Jeff, it's me, the Phlorescent Leech! MARK: Jeff, Jeff, it's me, Eddie! WOWWWW! WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THIS ELIXIR! MARK (right channel): Put it on your steaks, uh, send it overseas, [...] ground, and put it on you surfboard so you won't slip off. Try it on your [Jim Bean Boy], and on the, the red balloons, you can blow up all balloons with it. Put it on your . . . heh . . . on . . . on your pizza. Put it on your shoes, tie your mic with it, and fill up your tires with it. HOWARD (center): Use it to clean your swimming pool, sell it to your mother and tell her it's a Rit tie-dye kit, you won't even believe what'll happen when you starch your shirt with it, ironing goes easier and your car windows never looked better in your whole life. Ladies and gentlemen, you can inhale it, and it makes your voice three keys higher, and you can't even stand what happens when you put it on your hair, as hair tonic. Heh, heh. And if you ever tried it as a . . . JIM PONS (left channel): Soak your shirts in it, soak your teeth in it. Let it play the piano. Follow it around the block. Wear it instead of jeans. Bathe your puppies with it. Feed it to your ducks. Use it instead of chlorine in your swimming pool. Breathe it. Love it. What? WOWWWWWW! What can I? WOWWWWWW! What? What can I say about this? WOWWWWWW! 3. Does This Kind Of Life Look Interesting To You? Dee-goo-pee-oo-poo Ta-dan! BAD CONSCIENCE: Does this kind of life look interesting to you? Night after night, dinners with Herb Cohen. Thrill-packed, fun-filled evenings on the French Riviera at the MIDEM convention. A big tie, the whole bit. Watch Mutt eat, and Leon feed the geese. One thousand green business cards, with your name and the wrong address. Plus six royalty statements, inspected and customized by ran toon tan han toon frammet and dee. Followed by twelve potential suicides as the members of your group, past and present, find out they can't collect unemployment. A dog, a car, an epidemic of body lice with your own record company, your name on the door, electric buzzer to the inner office, Ona's tits, and a three month supply of German bookings with tickets on Air Rangoon. Does this kind of life look interesting to you? As a big rock and roll guitar player in a comedy group? Hunna hunna hunna 200 Motels 200 Motels Ran toon han toon Han-toon-hannnnnn! 200 Motels JEFF: I'm stealing the room! I'm stealing the room! I'm stealing the room! Stealing the room Stealing the Stealing the room (Stealing the room) I'm I'm (Stealing) Stealing Stealing I'm I'm Stealing 4. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car? Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car? She's such a dignified lady She's so pretty and soft You can't call her a groupie It just pisses her off (Yeah) She got diamonds and jewelry She got lotsa new clothes She ain't hurtin' nobody So that everyone knows That she knows what she wants Knows what she likes Daddy, daddy, daddy . . . oooh! Daddy, daddy, daddy . . . oooh! Daddy, daddy, daddy Look out . . . she's got her eyes on you She left her place after midnight (La la la la la) She drove to the club (La la la la-ee-ah!) You know that her and her partner (La la la la la) Came here lookin' for love (La la la la-ee-ah!) They want a guy from a group (La la la la la) Who's got a thing in a charts (La la la la-ee-ah!) IF HIS DICK IS A MONSTER IF HIS DICK IS A MONSTER IF HIS DICK IS A MONSTER They will give him their hearts 'Cause they know what they want ([...] they know about it) And they know what they like Daddy, daddy, daddy . . . oooh! Daddy, daddy, daddy . . . oooh! Daddy, daddy, daddy Look out . . . they got their eyes on you FAM-BAM-YAK-A-TA-TAHHH! They know what they want They know what they like Daddy, daddy, daddy . . . oooh! Daddy, daddy, daddy . . . oooh! Daddy, daddy, daddy Awright, you got 'em screamin' all night (La la la la la) Screamin' all night Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car? (Do it, do it, d'ya wanna-wanna do it, do it?) It's a hip thing! (Ooh!) Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car? (Do it, do it, d'ya wanna-wanna do it, do it?) [...] (Ooh!) Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car? (Do it, do it, d'ya wanna-wanna do it, do it?) It's a Chevy! (Ooh!) Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car? (Do it, do it, d'ya wanna-wanna do it, do it?) You're a big gun! (Ooh!) Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car? (Do it, do it, d'ya wanna-wanna do it, do it?) ['Cause they're dancin'!] (Ooh!) Ooo-ooo . . . 5. Penis Dimension Playground Psychotics Penis dimension Penis dimension Penis dimension is worrying me I can't hardly sleep at night 'Cause of penis dimension Do you worry? Do you worry a lot? No! Do you worry? Do you worry and moan . . . That the size of your cock is not monstruous enough? It's your penis dimension! Penis dimension! HOWARD: Wah ooo-wah ooo-wah ooo-wah Wah ooo-wah ooo-wah ooo-wah MARK: Hiya friends. Now just be honest about it. Did you ever consider the possiblity that your penis, and in the case of many dignified ladies, that the size of the titties themselves might provide elements of sub-conscious tension? Weird, twisted anxieties that could force a human being to have to become a politician! A policeman! A jesuit monk HOWARD?: [...] MARK: A rock and roll guitar player! A wino! You name it. Or in the case of the ladies, the ones that can't afford a silicone BEEF-UP, may become writers of hot books HOWARD: "Manuel, the gardener, placed his burning phallus in her quivering quim." MARK: Yes, or they become Carmelite nuns! HOWARD: "Gonzo, the lead guitar player, placed his mutated member in her slithering slit." Ha ha ha! MARK: Ooh, or racehorse jockeys. There is no reason why you, or your loved one should suffer. Things are bad enough, without the size of your organ adding even more misery to the TROUBLES OF THE WORLD! HOWARD: Right on, right on! MARK: Now, if your a lady and you've got munchkin tits, you can console yourself with this age-old line from primary school: MARK & HOWARD: ANYTHING OVER A MOUTHFUL IS WASTED! YES! MARK: And isn't it the truth? And if you're a guy, one night you're at a party and you're trying to be cool, I mean, you aren't even wearing any underwear, you're being so cool, and somebody hits on you one night, and looks you up and down and he says, uh . . . HOWARD: Eight inches or less? MARK: Well let me tell you, brothers, that's the time when you got to turn around and look that sonofabitch right between the eyes, and you got to tell him these words: 6. What Will This Evening Bring Me This Morning What will this evening Bring me this morning? What will this evening Bring me this morning? Dawn will arrive Without any warning What will I say The next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (If things go right!) What will I say The next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (Will she be outa-site?) What will this evening Bring me this morning? What will this evening Bring me this morning? A succulent fat one A mod little flat one Maybe a hot one (to give me the clap!) Maybe a freak who gets off with a strap What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) If things go right! (If things go right!) What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) Will she be outa-site? (Will she be outa-site?) What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) If things go right! (If things go right!) What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) Will she be outa-site? (Will she be outa-site?) What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) If things go right! (If things go right!) What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) Will she be outa-site? (Will she be outa-site?) What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) If things go right! (If things go right!) What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) Will she be outa-site? (Will she be outa-site?) What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight? (What will I say the next day to whatever I drag to my hotel tonight?) If things go right! (If things go right!) What will I say the next day . . . 7. A Nun Suit Painted On Some Old Boxes Why don't you strap on this here bunch Of cardboard boxes, daddy-o? Joy of my desiring You certainly look suave and get me hot Hot, hot, get me hot and Horny (Ow!) If there's one thing I really get off on (Yay!) It's a nun suit painted on some old boxes Some old melodies 4/4 An aura An areola Pink gums Stumpy gray teeth Dental floss Gets me hot Wanna watch a dental hygiene movie 8. Magic Fingers 200 Motels You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 Ooh, the way you love me, lady, I get so hard now I could die Ooh, the way you love me, sugar, I get so hard now I could die Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama And try me on for size Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama And try me on for size Ooh, the way you squeeze me, baby, Red balloons just pop behind my eyes Ooh, the way you squeeze me, girl, Red balloons just pop behind my eyes Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama And try me on for size Open up your pocketbook, Get another quarter out, Drop it in the meter, mama And try me on for size MARK: Oh, do you really wanna please me? HOWARD: You know I do, baby MARK: Well, tell me why you do it I really wanna know HOWARD: Oh, no, no, I wouldn't be right For me to tell you tonight MARK: You better tell me right away Or I pack up and go! HOWARD: Don't get mad It ain't no big thing MARK: You better tell me right away, Don't you treat me cold HOWARD: HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT! Well, there are a lot of reasons why I'd . . . I'd drag a girl such as yourself back to this . . . plastic hotel room and . . . rip you off for spare change to run a . . . to run a vibrating machine attached to this queen-size, bulk-purchase, kapok-infested, do-not-remove-tag-under-penalty-of-law type bed and . . . and make you take off all your little clothes . . . until you are nearly STARK RAVING NUDE! (Save for your chrome-with-heavy-duty-leather-thong Peace Medallion, heh . . . ) And make you assume a series of marginally erotic poses involving . . . a plastic chair and . . . an old guitar strap while I . . . did a wee-wee in your hair and . . . beat you with a pair of tennis shoes . . . I got from Jeff Beck 9. Motorhead's Midnight Ranch 10. Dew On The Newts We Got Dew On the newts we got Newt money dew It's a payment on the rental for the dewy little Newts we got We got 'em dewy Left 'em in the yard all night Hope they didn't get uptight The little vixens The saucy little vixens I hope they didn't get pissed off I hope That they did not Did not I hope That they did not Dash off Into the night 11. The Lad Searches The Night For His Newts The lad searches the night for his newts 12. The Girl Wants To Fix Him Some Broth MALE TENOR: The girl wants to fix him some broth. FEMALE SOPRANO: Tinselcock! CHORUS: Doo-wee-oo Tinselcock, my baby FEMALE SOPRANO: Would you like some broth? MALE TENOR: Some nice soup FEMALE SOPRANO: Some hot broth? MALE TENOR: Small dogs in it FEMALE SOPRANO: Yooooouuuu . . . Do you? MALE TENOR: You like broth? Dog broth? FEMALE SOPRANO: Hot broth? MALE TENOR: You like dog broth hot? FEMALE SOPRANO: Hot dogs debris MALE TENOR: How do you like it? Debris of the four styles of it? Debris broth breath And the ever popular hygienic European version Tinselcock! CHORUS: Tinselcock! MALE TENOR: Which do you choose? 13. The Girl's Dream The girl, in a statement to the press, explains . . . 14. Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courduroy Ponce Broth reminds me of nuns (Munch . . . kin) I see them smashing with rulers Disciplining munchkin cretins (Munchkin cretins) Tortured munchkins (Munchkin cretins) Tortured munchkins Irish Catholic victims Little green scratchy sweaters (Sweaters) Little green scratchy ones (Courduroy ponce) And courduroy ponce Courduroy ponce Aand green scratchy munchkin Irish Catholic victims (Munch-kins Munch-a-kins) Munchkins get me hot Munchkins get me, get me hot 011212 ... ClairE Fra Lippo Lippi is too long, so: A Toccata of Galuppi's 1 Oh Galuppi, Baldassare, this is very sad to find! I can hardly misconceive you; it would prove me deaf and blind; But although I take your meaning, 'tis with such a heavy mind! 2 Here you come with your old music, and here's all the good it brings. What, they lived once thus at Venice where the merchants were the kings, Where Saint Mark's is, where the Doges used to wed the sea with rings? 3 Ay, because the sea's the street there; and 'tis arched by...what you call ...Shylock's bridge with houses on it, where they kept the carnival: I was never out of England--it's as if I saw it all. 4 Did young people take their pleasure when the sea was warm in May? Balls and masks begun at midnight, burning ever to mid-day, When they made up fresh adventures for the morrow, do you say? 5 Was a lady such a lady, cheeks so round and lips so red-- On her neck the small face buoyant, like a bellflower on its bed, O'er the breast's superb abundance where a man might base his head? 6 Well, and it was graceful of them--they'd break talk off and afford --She, to bite her mask's black velvet--he, to finger on his sword, While you sat and played Toccatas, stately at the clavichord? 7 What? Those lesser thirds so plaintive, sixths diminished, sigh on sigh, Told them something? Those suspensions, those solutions--"Must we die?" Those commiserating sevenths--"Life might last! we can but try!" 8 "Were you happy?" "Yes." "And are you still as happy?" "Yes. And you?" "Then, more kisses!" "Did *I* stop them, when a million seemed so few?" Hark, the dominant's persistence till it must be answered to! 9 So, an octave struck the answer. Oh, they praised you, I dare say! "Brave Galuppi! that was music! good alike at grave and gay! "I can always leave off talking when I hear a master play!" 10 Then they left you for their pleasure: till in due time, one by one, Some with lives that came to nothing, some with deeds as well undone, Death stepped tacitly and took them where they never see the sun. 11 But when I sit down to reason, think to take my stand nor swerve, While I triumph o'er a secret wrung from nature's close reserve, In you come with your cold music till I creep through every nerve. 12 Yes, you, like a ghostly cricket, creaking where a house was burned: "Dust and ashes, dead and done with, Venice spent what Venice earned. "The soul, doubtless, is immortal--where a soul can be discerned. 13 "Yours for instance: you know physics, something of geology, "Mathematics are your pastime; souls shall rise in their degree; "Butterflies may dread extinction--you'll not die, it cannot be!" 14 "As for Venice and her people, merely born to bloom and drop, "Here on earth they bore their fruitage, mirth and folly were the crop: "What of soul was left, I wonder, when the kissing had to stop? 15 "Dust and ashes!" So you creak it, and I want the heart to scold. Dear dead women, with such hair, too--what's become of all the gold Used to hang and brush their bosoms? I feel chilly and grown old. -Robert Browning. Isn't the end creepy? 011212 ... User24 oh yeah.. I'm looking forward this.. from 'lucky', in 'waiting for godot' --------- Given the existence as uttered forth in the public works of Puncher and Wattmann of a personal God quaquaquaqua with white beard quaquaquaqua outside time without extension who from the heights of divine apathia divine athambia divine aphasia loves us dearly with some exceptions for reasons unknown but time will tell and suffers like the divine Miranda with those who for reasons unknown but time will tell are plunged in torment plunged in fire whose fire flames if that continues and who can doubt it will fire the firmament that is to say blast hell to heaven so blue still and calm so calm with a calm which even though intermittent is better than nothing but not so fast and considering what is more that as a result of the labours left unfinished crowned by the Acacacacademy of Anthropopopometry of Essy-in-Possy of Testew and Cunard it is established beyond all doubt all other doubt than that which clings to the labours of men that as a result of the labours unfinished of Testew and Cunnard it is established as hereinafter but not so fast for reasons unknown that as a result of the public works of Puncher and Wattmann it is established beyond all doubt that in view of the labours of Fartov and Belcher left unfinished for reasons unknown of Testew and Cunard left unfinished it is established what many deny that man in Possy of Testew and Cunard that man in Essy that man in short that man in brief in spite of the strides of alimentation and defecation wastes and pines wastes and pines and concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown in spite of the strides of physical culture the practice of sports such as tennis football running cycling swimming flying floating riding gliding conating camogie skating tennis of all kinds dying flying sports of all sorts autumn summer winter winter tennis of all kinds hockey of all sorts penicillin and succedanea in a word I resume flying gliding golf over nine and eighteen holes tennis of all sorts in a word for reasons unknown in Feckham Peckham Fulham Clapham namely concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown but time will tell fades away I resume Fulham Clapham in a word the dead loss per head since the death of Bishop Berkeley being to the tune of one inch four ounce per head approximately by and large more or less to the nearest decimal good measure round figures stark naked in the stockinged feet in Connemara in a word for reasons unknown no matter what matter the facts are there and considering what is more much more grave that in the light of the labours lost of Steinweg and Peterman it appears what is more much more grave that in the light the light the light of the labours lost of Steinweg and Peterman that in the plains in the mountains by the seas by the rivers running water running fire the air is the same and then the earth namely the air and then the earth in the great cold the great dark the air and the earth abode of stones in the great cold alas alas in the year of their Lord six hundred and something the air the earth the sea the earth abode of stones in the great deeps the great cold on sea on land and in the air I resume for reasons unknown in spite of the tennis the facts are there but time will tell I resume alas alas on on in short in fine on on abode of stones who can doubt it I resume but not so fast I resume the skull fading fading fading and concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown in spite of the tennis on on the beard the flames the tears the stones so blue so calm alas alas on on the skull the skull the skull the skull in Connemara in spite of the tennis the labours abandoned left unfinished graver still abode of stones in a word I resume alas alas abandoned unfinished the skull the skull in Connemara in spite of the tennis the skull alas the stones Cunard (mêlée, final vociferations) tennis . . . the stones . . . so calm . . . Cunard . . . unfinished . . . 030806 what's it to you? who go blather from