chris nonameneeded i see you smile at me from across the room and i sense your perfection. just the way you carry on... fair skin, calloused fingers, nails that have been bitten down so severely that i didn't know they could be that short, hazel eyes that are to die for, soft hair and skin, very neat and clean, facial features that make me want to smile. thats you. wasting your day away playing your guitar and listening to your music, sometimes getting trashed with your friends, yet always taking the time out to talk to me for a little while, almost seeming as if i'm interrupting you. like you're stuck with me. but you have expressed many times that its not that way. you say you love me. thats what they all say.. but somehow i can feel that you mean it. i love you and i would die for you. it all seems as if its too perfect. eventually, everything that seems this way is snatched away from me. i don't want you to ever leave my side. i know this seems weird, but i really love you and i get a pain in my stomach whenever i think of it. i can't let you go and i don't know if thats a good thing. even if you hurt me, i couldn't let you go. even though sometimes i am scared of you, nothing changes. i just hurt, cry myself to sleep. but i feel that somehow we'll seperate, whether it be by means of another girl, abuse, alcohol, drugs, fame, long distances.. death. they took her away from me that way and they can't take you too. please stop your stupidity. its hurting you and killing me slowly but surely. i love you... 000826 ... splinken this month has been nothing but a parade of christophers. 000826 ... nonameneeded forget about me. forget my name. forget my face, forget my number, forget where i live, forget my touch, forget what color my hair and eyes were, forget my voice, forget my number. hell, forget everything about me please. what was wrong with me? what was i thinking? why do i love you? why the hell after all you've put me through.. why do i not want to love you anymore? why do you put me through this? why did i live for you? why am i thinking that i'm about to die for you? why did you wreck my freakin life?? do you even care? you wouldn't all you care about is yourself but i need you and i can't live without you so the only solution is for me not to live or not to live well if i do are you happy now? i hope you're happy... you wrecked your girlfriends life you may be happy but you don't realize that i never will be again and you don't give a fuck you wouldn't gee chris i love you so much.. remember me our names are scratched on that door and theres a few imprints on the inside of your shoe forget it all forget about me i don't care if you make it to my funeral you don't need to visit my grave don't cry, go on with your life its not like you would cry anyways you're too good for that forget about me maybe it would be easier for me to dump you but i can't i love you too much and i don't know why when you say you love me its bull crap i don't think anything can explain it this sucks just think about it you'll get it 000826 ... nonameneeded i told you i had nothing going for me 000826 ... i am dead sorry.. 000827 ... hoodrat just who am I. Somewhat bothered by the way things have changed. Life was so simple...I guess it still could be if changes were made. I can remember when life excited me. Now I just want to sleep...I'm even having problems with that now. 010119 ... Kris Um... Chris is... great. He's like this friend whom I would have never expected... He sort of wandered into my life and we somehow connected. Great friend. My feelings are personal... Why am I sharing them with strangers? 010411 ... DayDreamer Someone who infatuates me, though I cant react. Someone who makes me think of things that arent allowed. Someone who distracts my thoughts and redirects them to him. Someone who clouds my mind. 010914 ... unhinged did i ever tell you that the most beautiful musical event of my life made me think of nothing but you? i'm sorry if what you saw at your house last weekend hurt you. i could be overanalyzing the fact that we haven't talked to each other since the first day of class, but i swore i heard you say 'this is the happiest day of my life'. did i hear that? i get this little tiny hint from your smile that keeps throwing me off. a smile backed with steel; fortified against something, namely me. i know that you had a hard time hearing that i was bi; i know that seeing me kiss natalie on your front porch or at the very least hearing about it was probably not cool. but me and natalie are very good friends and that night we were very drunk very good friends. the only other girls in my life either have boyfriends or are looking for something else along better lines. i keep letting you slip away from me. i really wanted to spend the night with you again the other night and just fall asleep to you holding me. but we don't even truly smile at each other anymore. i'm not going to be stupid enough to let this go by without a word again. 010915 ... zenfishsticks we bonded over stories of misfits and outcasts. i yelled when you cut your hair off. then you disappeared into that place where all the stoners go eventually. your smile always made me smile. i miss that. and you. 020109 ... unhinged ha so he's fucking some 'homely freshman girl' now. that's probably why he won't look me in the face anymore. i love it when they think they are getting away with something. (he didn't care about natalie and surely didn't care about me) 020129 ... Keemeers Chris was my prom date. Never had I been so humiliated by someone in my entire life. Think Carrie. Think... Sweet Valley High. The good thing was I went upstairs and played pool all night with my friends. We talked about old flames, old things, new sluts, and had a good time. Then afterwards we all got drunk. That was life in high school. And now he's talking to me again. Chris. Well, he sought me out by going to my webpage awhile ago. "Nice page." And I blinked at the email, wondering if I was hallucinating. I hadn't seen him in years. Now we're chatting. Constantly. He doesn't live here, nor do I think he will again. I forgot about how he treated me at the prom. And I forget about how things felt back then. I'm different, he's... the same...but closer to a degree. And things change. I don't think I'd ever date him. He's too perfect, too touchy, and too pure for me. I need someone who I can be myself and be sadistic with. Someone with flaws, that snores, that watches cartoons at 3am. Someone smart. Chris is smart. Very smart. He's just so bloody perfect. 020305 ... Clyde i'm sad. it's not right the lot in life he got. it isn't fair. i'm scared. 020327 ... Sailor Jupiter My 1st boyfriend's name was Chris. Freshman year of High School. He had major issues and would cut himself in front of me and get all crazy and drive me crazy...so we broke up and he got help and I slunk into a 2 year depression. Then he calls me up when I am 4 months into my next relationship wanting me back. I turned him down. A few months later he popped up at my house to say hi. Then this last November I get a call. He joined the Marines and was being sent to Afgahnistan. So I went to visit him the day before he left and he opened the door piss drunk. (I didn't blame him) We had a good 1 hour talk and then I got sick of his drunk friends who were running round and yeling. Before I left he kissed me twice. ours is an odd story. I have the feeling he's going to follow me around all my life. It's kinda flattering. 020328 ... minnesota_chris yes yes, I am all that, and a bag of chips. 020328 ... Ariadani a big bag or a little bag? *giggle* 020328 ... Maggie Mash Wait... Isn't that me in the mirror? 020410 ... eklektic dashboard confessional singer : the first part of friend of mines email address, which happens to allude to the dashboard confessional crooner : a friend at school with tons o' patches on his messenger bag and a personality i want to eat : a friend that i turned on to jimmy eat world and dashboard confessional and unwritten law and sits in front of me in english and geometry : a nickname for Jesus CHRISt. 020426 ... doral lights i remember chris. chris he was blank a void ubelivably full of absolute nothing. i refused to belive he was more that unlined bleach white paper and attempted to draw pretty things onto him. 020426 ... eklektic chris said that he and his homecoming date are going to go to homscoming dressed as meg and jack white. he's going to get the suit jack wore on the VMAs. and, lucky for them, his date has dark hair and looks a little like meg, or so he says. i cant wait for those pictures. 020911 ... *nat* my brother, the most annoying ass on the face of the earth, other than joe priestley. 020912 ... just_inflate im so sick of this i almost hate the awkward glances god bless the corners of my eyes your secret shrine where i worship to your breath. is it just me or do you feel the same? this is the longest stoplight ever. 021220 ... just_inflate you look at me harder now you talk to me more i cant help but wonder why for no on could possibly like me. 030125 ... -Succubus- Oh, now here's one I could go on forever about. Three days ago, my blathe would be completely different. It would have been on the other end of the totem pole so to speak. Oh, but you fucked me over. You fucked me over so badly. You played me like a deck of fucking cards. I guess I should have known better. You "fell in love" with me while you were still married, so, why did I think there would be anything serious between the two of us? Oh well, life really fucks us all over sometimes, I suppose. But really, now my question is, Are you really that stupid? or Are you really that big of an asshole? "Are you okay?" you say. Well, "Fuck you," I should have replied. But, I didn't. I merely gritted my teeth and smiled, lips drawn tightly together. "Fine," was the single word that squeaked out of my mouth, and then I asked you to leave me be. You looked genuinely hurt. I thought for maybe five minutes that I had lost my mind. Maybe, just maybe, I had imagined us having anything more than an acquaintence-ship-type thing. But, no, no, thats not it. Which brings me back to my original two quesions...stupid or asshole? Ahh, either way, you're not mine. I officially don't have to put up with your bullshit any longer. 031108 ... PrettyHate He is special. I can only not think about, I wouldn't want to say anything spastic, the girl that looks like meg will always love Chris, but she has an awkward characteristic that she feels might be unbeautiful and certainly she would not want to taint him in some minor way. She loves him more than herself so it is fine that he carry on with things his own way. 040131 ... witchesrequiem Chris's smell I can't remember, just the perfect childish grin he had when he laughed and curled his hands up to his mouth. Never too embarressed to ask a personal question. Only turning red when I made an awkward advance. Am I to sweet? To pretty? To much? Or do the boys blather giggles of jealosy? 040201 ... her royal highness the quirk i came to your door last night, armed