ferrets_goodwrite ferret i reserve the write to make this space my own! ferret find the hope in you let it out and see how much you can do without coming to me find a new strength let it out build up and sit and pout come away with me all i want to be (is you) come away with me all i want to see (is you) all i ever wanted bottled up inside all i ever needed only you could find if i ever stumble catch me before i fall and if i'm ever humbled season's change and now it's all that i can do to keep from saving you from me forever 030715 ... ferret grrr! it is NOT supposed to say ferret as the first word!!!!!!!!!!! 030715 ... ferret run away from all the pain nowhere to go nothing to gain by staying you only make it worse death comes and now i find myself riding in a hearse (sp?) tonight is the night while the sun sleeps run, don't ever fight your voice gives me the creeps hearing it on tape over and over again played back recording from a long lost friend you took yourself away to pain was just too great the tapestry will fray conquered by the world's hate because that's all it does now find a slit in the canvas tear it down why can't they understand this? i always have a frown you could have made it better you could have made it right knowing that you shouldn't you still stepped up to fight but the pain was too great and the burden too heavy this world so filled with hate and now i cry only every time i think of you and all that you gave you died on your own cross but still you made a wave and that wave will carry on on unto the shore make it's way into the dawn never speaking any more and now i find myself all alone standing silent white as bone everything taken away i only hoped to say one last thing before i went one last thing for today i love you 030715 ... ferret wow, i'm doing some of my best writing here, this is nice! 030715 ... ferret it's good to let it out don't keep it all inside sometimes you need to shout flee and again, hide run from this madness the world captivated my heart filled with gladness now so motivated to do what's right and fell the light falling on my face again only you can show to me the one and only true way to be falling forever until you caught me i rejoice with all you've taught me work for love and nothing more the times i've broken promise, four tempted by hate weakness stalemate paradox love and no instructions memory of an ominous junction between you and i still trying to fly don't know when i will die in the corner i will cry until that day i wait inside hurting forever, no self_worth bled away all of my pride endless_laughing without mirth that day will come and i will know my legs are numb but i will go into the water into the light into the fire into the night into you into me into us the show is free my life is over now i know my heart beats slower please don't go 030715 ... niska ferret... you are super. 030715 ... ferret 'twould appear that i have a blather_stalker! ooh! i feel special? 030716 ... karl the weed wow this is great 030716 ... megan hello ferrrrrret 030716 ... ferret hello meggggggggggggggggggggan! 030716 ... megan how arrrrrre youuuu? 030716 ... ferret i'mmmmmmmm gooooooooooooood uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu? and furthermore, what did you think about my goodwriting? 030716 ... ferret the economy (a hypothetical situation) i'm half asleep no sound for miles my mind drifting on little isles fingers numb and foes aplenty bear the sword against the many find the truth tear it down break a tooth break a town an eye for an eye a toe for a toe when will they learn that no means no a rapist, a necro, a serial killer when will they learn that it's not just filler flood the tv with reality shows then you'll see just how far one lie goes make up a story hide it from the wife it all seems so gory at the edge of a knife 'cause you can't see the hatred the discontent souls you just walk around with your government roles you can't see the pain, the lies and the hate you all sit around and say "hey mate" "this system works well, the people are happy, while we live in luxary my this view's crappy. get me my lugagge, my keys to my car, i'll move away and buy a house way afar. because i have the money and i don't like to share the economy's dead so i'll sit in my chair and sigh a great sigh of relief, no despair because i have monopoly not the game, the nightmare" an so they sit still while the wind blows away all the dirt of the earth all the bones filled with decay and they'll sit forever forever and ever for they're all dead now and no chance for life, never they killed our society they killed us dead because they used their wallets instead of their heads. thank you, thank you, i'll be here for years to come! no rush, no rush at all! everybody gets a seat! everybody! so waddaya think? does anybody think that i have half a chance as a poet? 030717 ... megan i am wonderful and your writing is good x a google 030717 ... ferret thank you :) i wish i could see why i need all this pain rip it from me watch the moon wax and wain remember my pain for the days still to come to keep me from doing what cannot be undone how should i live my life? run or face the day when i take all this strife throw it from me, away give my life to you only to continue living without shoes on a bed of hot coals these scars run deep the past still clear and still while i weep (over what i've done) i know the day is near when i will go back back into myself give in to the black the laughter from the high elf still ringing in my ears as he sits on his high throne i fall to my worst fears and lose all that i've known i wish i could keep you in mind as i fall you know that i need you while i walk down the hall it's only a matter of time scrape off all the dirt and grime the same life/pattern/rhyme and i fall again to these sins of mine 030717 ... ferret yes, that sums up almost perfectly how i feel right now. 030717 ... ferret hehe, another poem i concocted! a name is a name every one sounds the same but who's to blame for this terrible game? the rock stars? the pop stars? the people? the fame? who know's what will happen when the world turns to aim it's gun at the moon a blackened typhoon of hate and destruction with no basic function except to destroy and sow seeds of despair like draco malfoy and slytherin's heir a name is a name they all sound the same but who is to blame for this terrible game? the rock stars? the pop stars? the people? the fame? i can tell you only what i claim is the truth and the way to live life every day and say "hey, have a nice day!" but a name's a name every one sounds the same but who's to blame for this terrible game? the rock stars? the pop stars? the people? the fame? perhaps just a ciggy with an infinite flame 030717 ... ferret lies and hate administrate you're on the list but you'll have to wait this community's gone just like the fawn the firstborn deer that we all fear with truth and love comes strength from above (and don't forget to brush your teeth!) and in a week we all shall seek that which can't be found the thruth, the love the inner dove just waiting to be freed don't lie don't cheat you know i'll beat you in the end but just as a friend and nothing more you're only 4 well, maybe 44 no more no more pain and no more hate and no more love to appreciate and no more me and no more you and no more us and no more brew i've drunk all to my hearts content the paperclip of my mind unbent and now i stop just to repent for all that i've done just give me a hint at what i'm supposed to be doing what is my purpose? why have i been placed on this earth? a blessing or curse? from death to birth as time rewinds i find all that i've missed in hindsight counting sheep the world's so cheap and now i'll reap the benefits! of having one_of_my_eyes_unglued so i'll be just as blind as you and i can waste all my money too on assets to sit my ass on and posessions to lose when i pass on but so long as i enjoy my stay here it's all ok right? there's no need to fight we can all just say goodnight and give up on ourselves for we all make our own hells a living nightmare living on this earth with all this temptation i've found it hard to keep my heart stationed in one ideal or another much less my head think of all those who are dead and what they pursued in life all that was caused by their strife all he wanted was a wife but that dream never came true as most do all in due time make the climb you'll never make it give up time become timeless become as a statue abandon your beliefs and come join me yes we can all live together in harmony maybe either that or i'm just a big_baby can you get me my bottle? ok, i have no idea what that was, what do you think though? 030717 ... ferret and the dragon flies and the mortal dies as the maggots turn to flys all in the blink of an eye an era will die and all will cry as they fry on the great frying pan of life let him play his fife (sp?) we'll all see the end when we break the trend or can we not escape it? the unavoidable demise as we rape it? common sense upon whence we came from the kingdom and started our own world and mutated our own bodies as the good man hurled saved souls? not these and the dragon flew and man knew that he was doomed 030717 ... ferret yo daf, i need a professional opinion, waddaya think? 030718 ... Dafremen Ok kiddo, but I don't give bullsh*t opinions unless I feel like it. Fair enough? 030718 ... Dafremen You and I have a couple of things in common: We like to rhyme, we like sappy themes and we both have some sort of fixation with trite metaphors. (By the way, I personally feel the word "trite" is trite by now.) You have a decent sense of flow and you need to embrace that part of the work. Stop wherever the flow gets funky and rewrite. If you can't make it roll off of their tongues then there are few redeeming qualities in our sort of catchy bubblegummy crap that will keep their attention. Clever wordplay is always helpful. Try to use a bit more of that. Some examples that I liked were: "season's change and now it's all that i can do to keep from saving you from me" I didn't even think the word Forever needed to be there. "find a slit in the canvas tear it down" I liked this line a lot. I wish your imagery would have worked harder with this. The tapestry was too (some word here that hasn't been invented yet) to work there. Get a rhyming dictionary. Use dictionary.com Your rhymes are still a bit forced. When you get to a point that doesn't flow, work harder at finding alternative lines. That's the critique, here's the compliment: You still have work to do,(we all do, always) but that's ok, you definitely have something to work with and I would say that you could write marketable work if you keep blathering and accepting constructive criticism for the tool that it is. I'm very proud of you ferret. You are a poet. Daf - 030718 ... Dafremen P.S. My favorite line of all was: "ferret find the hope in you" I hope you DO find it ferret. It's in there for sure. 030718 ... ferret ferret was NOT supposed to be there lol, and thanx 030718 ... ferret fun with names: R. D. roger_dafreman rob_dinky rinky_dinky rumble_dick :) rubles_dog ruptured_dyslexic 030718 ... ferret ~~someday~~ candle burns night candle burns night candle burns left candle burns right the game is played the candle burns and all who play just take their turns and make it through the game of life my pain is strewn all 'round the knife but not to cut no, not today to keep myself so far away from all that's normal and fucking horrible why lie? why die? why cry? why fly? why try? when i know that i will fall and fail and i know that it's not all there in one nice package in the mail so God help me i have to let this go i have to give it up and go against the flow of my own mind and i know that i'm blind but now i find that it's all been left behind and now i'm here and you are there but i wait for the day when i will see your hair coming from afar from behind the sunrise you've got me in a jar with the perfect surprise you've kept me here for far too long so stand strong here reject the bong don't get addicted you'll never be free i'll always remember the night you'll save me 030719 ... ferret look_for_it 030720 ... ferret hello_ferret 030721 ... ferret i step up to fight knowing i will fail still, i know what's right and that truth will prevail but just for now i can't resist i must give in to me it feels so good back away now and all the lies i'll see i know my hearts desire but it feels so far away from me and all the lies become the truth and now i can't be free free from me free from sin gone for good the life within run away but face the day again, again, again until i can resist for good confronted with a choice you know my heart, which path i'll take but now i've lost my voice so i scream my tears away today sometimes it seems so far away knowing that i'll be ok why do i still feel so afraid? why am i so hesitant to do what i know i must? why do i fall yet again? i attribute it to lust and now you're standing here with me the brightest light still seems so grey i can't do this, it's plain to see i pray to see the fateful day when i will be forgiven for the final time and all my shortcomings will crumble and rewind back to when i was perfect before i was born but to this day i still have in my side a giant thorn 030721 ... niska stalker? um, no. but, that is amusing... 030722 ... hehehe hehe 030724 ... ferret i wrote this as a song not as a poem so it's kinda hard to find the rhythm if you don't know the music but oh well No, i won't given to you to me i really need to see what this is going to do to me i really don't need this in my life i have no complaint against the restraining order that you failed to get i never want to see you again and i know what it's like to be alive without a friend to be there for you and i still feel the pain every day even though i keep my feelings at bay and i know that this is just my way of paying for all that i have taken from you there's nothing left to do except REMEMBER NOW all that happened somehow i felt it coming on but i couldn't stop it and now i keep it in my pocket to remind me af all that i STILL COULD BE but you take one more breath and run straight into death and i run away from you and me and today and i still know your face... but it's slipping away... and i'd like to say goodbye before you watch me die and before i disappear from you and from the world this is my way to say goodbye 030725 ... ferret take a walk in my dark forest bring your candle to light the way share with me your deepest secrets before you leave you'll have to pay pay the clown at the entrance the one who took your ticket take a quarter from your pocket you know where to stick it burn my trees and kill my creatures just to keep your facial features before i take them all away or else you just might have to stay if you can't get out then why come in? if you don't want to shout then why make me scream? as light reaches top my leaves turned upset and rot shown black beneath the sunset and wet with rain the winter dew i crush the brain beneath my shoe and bury me along with you 030802 ... ferret **~~*~*darkstar*~*~~** twinkle twinkle darkened star show me just how dark you are up above the world so high sad and crying in the sky twinkle twinkle darkened star show me just how dark you are 030802 ... ferret the one before darkstar is simply but lovingly called **~~*~*forest*~*~~** 030802 ... ferret smasht last was the spaz in the light the fight seemed to go on all night the bar filled with the smell of car slightly beneath par but then you opened an eye and let a tear cry down the cheek of a spy flying high in the sky with a grey blue jay when you die and the soda can crusht beneath the brain of the musht and silently slushed was the green hush and by the way i hate to say that i had to stay just one more day to pay the rent but i don't have a cent for jane but the glue is undone like a giant corkscrew spun and he fired the gun at the wall but just down the hall i took a fall and stalled and lemons rained all over the street as the wheat fields grew and someone threw a frisbee and a dog caught it and grew to his full height but with all his might he still couldn't knock down the wall 030804 ... ferret here's an old poem i wrote that i just found... i guess it's a poem.... maybe. no, we kissed because our lips were sharp with the same poison, the same metal fillings of hatred, the same symetrical the same even notoriety is evil it is blind do not become well known others will try to kill you the president can't trust the secret service, the service is no longer a secret blowjob blow job jog all the way home cover up the scar kill the money kill the governor kill everything reborn into oneself i'm lost to anger lost to pain lost to love lost....... awkward moment in between love and hate continue with you're lashing torture it will never end awkward moment 030806 ... Dafremen Ferret, Love you like a brother do0d, but you need a hobby. Might I suggest masturbation? (If you've already taken it up, might I suggest devoting a little more time to it?) 030806 ... ferret i never considered that as a hobby, is there money in that? 030808 ... ferret ***~~~*~*~let the water rise~*~*~~~*** What is my place in all this world of hate? How can you stand to see me every day? So empty and jaded, So castrated, You looked me in the eyes But I turned away! Why have you stood by me To this day? Why are you leaving now? It must be something I did somehow Why do I need all of this pain? Let the water rise Let the water rise so high Above your head And you’ll be flyin’ high Up above the world with all of them Look down upon the people of the earth Look how they laugh and smile with mirth They all have fun But one by one (they die) There must be something more than this! You looked me in the eyes But I turned away! Why have you stood by me To this day? Why are you leaving now? It must be something I did somehow Why do I need all of this pain? Let the water rise Let the water rise so high Above your head And you’ll be flyin’ high Up above the world with all of them Let the water rise Let the water rise Let the water rise Let the water RISE 030808 ... ferret 2.0 Let the water rise! Where do I stand in this hateful world?Our eyes meet and slap each other. In your eyes I was a naked three year old. Now I am abandoned, sitting on the curb with the recycling. Let the water rise People live happily until they perish. Their hearts give them life and joy before stopping forever. Has life nothing else? In your eyes I was a naked three year old. Now I am abandoned, sitting on the curb with the recycling. Let the water rise 030808 ... oldephebe I like that hook "Let the Water rise" have you thought about whittling this down and putting it to music - say like an agressive acoustic rythym guitar, acoustic base, (the big orchestral one) maybe an insouciant lead guitar puncuating each syllable of the hook and then meandering up and down the staff in little syncopated melodic asides - and then the drums - classic rock beat with just an edge of funk -and then intersperse at the drummers discretion quater note drm roles either buzz or two stroke - doesn't matter and he should throw in some intricate high-hat work as well - I have no idea where all that came from, feel free to flush briskly down the painted commode - Man! I'm all out of Halibat! ..but I've got some pinneapple left - Yay! I'm anticipating a real gastronomic backlash pretty soon so I'll just exit over here later 030808 ... ferret actually i'm going to and it's more of a hardcore/heavy metal song 030812 ... ferret ethereal 030812 ... karl the weed dude, we should talk (if we can manage it, thats going on the mixed tape instead of all the other stuff) thats REALLY good stuff. 030813 ... ferret why thank you sir thistle *takes a deep bow* 030819 ... ferret 2.0 what did you like the best? 030820 ... ferret who is you ferret 2.0, name modifier? 030820 ... ferret three words like three swords race through the air as i'm lying here in this pit of despair and as they fly they cut without a single care there's nowhere left to run 'cause i'm already there there's no reason to run there's no need to fight as you fly through the dark on this lonely night a shy eye turned aside and a paperclip bent and I would go back but my life’s already spent a dark misshapen head seen through the corner of the eye as I seek to tear them down but still in me they have a spy and I know that I can heal as I spread my wings to fly but if only you could have been there on the night that I died you left me here all alone so dark and cold in my own home if only you had stayed just one more day and now my debt is payed I’m leaving in may I’ll find you here Sitting in that chair The same one that I messed with your hair In I’ll miss you too You know it was great Even if it’s just for a while I’ll purge from my heart all hate for you of you I love You 030823 ... ferret *~*~**~~*razormouth*~~**~*~* was the name of that one... i think 030823 ... ferret i sit alone in the silent darkness of my own creation not a bone in my body harkens to my dark desire the sun beats down on my back as my wheels slip further from the track and i fall into despair and leave myself lying there and the sky falls down onto my head and the earth opens up to swallow the dead and i paint the line of my life red and remember everything you've said 'cause i can't go back now no i can't as restrained requests are snuffed like ants and the warriors all stand their stance and the reaper does of death his dance a mirror rises out of the sea the time is now so come with me and we'll see all there is to see we'll never again want or need 'cause i can't go back now no i can't as restrained requests are snuffed like ants and the warriors all stand their stance and the reaper does of death his dance staring over the edge of hate all of this world to recreate as only a handful sit and wait for the end to come and the new beginning there is no such thing as winning all the drones just keep on sinning but i'll be here 'till the last inning 'cause i can't go back now no i can't as restrained requests are snuffed like ants and the warriors all stand their stance and the reaper does of death his dance and the reaper does of death his dance (repeat until it fades out) 030830 what's it to you? who go blather from