questions amy when you come over me, i am no longer wondering or thinking or whatever it is i do normally, i feel quizzical. like you are a question mark into my head. the connection is not unique... i feel it with other people... but reflects a certain amount of concentration and attention. on my part and yours. 000325 ... retrograde rhetorical: I ask aloud, but do not expect an answer, simply to watch my own voice floating into the ethers. stupid: nonexistent. unspoken: fear and intimidation have shoved it deep down into the pit of my stomach. 000705 ... birdmad i have met people who have managed to prove that there is such a thing as a stupid question, but they are only ever asked by stupid people. for example: Don't ever ask me things like "Do you, like, ever, uhh...hear voices in your head?" because i will, without hesitation, answer "Yes, but i had to learn to ignore them because all they ever said was 'kill, kill, kill!" heheh 000705 ... Tank could we be silent? could we sit by the ocean and not drown her in a sea of irelevant chatter? could your hands be silent so we could let osmosis talk magic through our breath? could we be silent? 000912 ... blath Where am I? This blather place is so cool. 000912 ... startfires im looking at you and you have all these questions in your eyes, like, "what the fuck do you want from me?" i wish i could just tell you that i want to kiss your wrists and your palms and the tips of your fingers. but you wouldn't understand. 001003 ... Special K Questions: Many varied, embarrassing questions. Does he seek me out such that he will find this? Someone, tell me, am I the only one who feels this heady, sickening appetence? In the end it doesn't matter, really, because every moment with him is enough and never enough. The suspense is delicious and the abstention is heavenly, any more would be... too lucky? Is that what I mean to say? Not sure. Does he do this too often? Do I? 010417 ... enriquecito He would, and does, and will seek thee out anew. What, after all, is this virtual space next to the miles he would go to sleep beside you?There's something lovely and expansive about a feeling that breaks the soul into tiny, shimmering fragments, only to melt them together again in a silent way. Something less trivial and more frightening, perhaps, than that to which we are accustomed, thus we dance gingerly around it, not realizing that it feeds itself from our reluctance as well as our submission. The potential is acute to do that single thing of all that I dread the most - to hurt her. Can we arrange the divining-sticks upon the ground according to cosmic propriety, matching the angle of the sun to illuminate the strands of silk binding us? Or do we trip ourselves up with questions, regrets before the fact, and the feeling that the answers beneath these electronic questions must, in the end, be negative? There is something fascinating here, something living, on the flip-side of this pain and frustration, just as every gap in space and time has a whole that defines its absence. 010502 ... Dafremen That was beautiful do0d. Truly beautiful. It was also the most convincing load of HOOEY I've heard in a long time. THIS is the "love" to watch out for, the kind that rings little bells and sets off fireworks or does little dances around your f*cking hearts. Watch out for that sh*t. It's like a David Copperfield show, blows you away, amazes and excites you, then too soon, it's over because after all...it wasn't REALLY love, only a convincing illusion. : ) Daffy - - 010502 ... Casey There are no stupid questions, only stupid answers. -This is the only piece of advice my parents ever gave me. So it is very treasured 010502 ... enriquecito OUCH, man, I'll watch how I phrase it next time. Certainly, the feeling is real but the play is a bit more than I am used to. We shall see, d00d, indeed we shall see. Your input is granted a notch in the respect belt. 010502 ... Dafremen I wish you the best of luck in your pursuit fellow blatherer. If it's REAL real...then I guess only YOU will know that for sure. Like I said I thought the verse WAS absolutely GORGEOUS man...don't stop writing, EVER. 010502 ... Special K Oh Daffy, if you only knew. He's smooth like a silken net – tough not to get caught up in him. You're a wise man, though, and don't think I'm not being cautious. But every time I think it's better to err on the side of safety I think of Teddy Roosevelt, who said "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checked by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Love should not be gray twilight, man. It should be jubilation and it should be misery, or whence comes the art? 010502 ... Dafremen Well Ms. K, it seems to me that if you were to compare the number of "loves" that have failed and the number of starcrossed lovers who eventually fell OUT of "love" to the number of people who have GROWN INTO love and have managed to stick with the COMMITTMENT long after the initial passion is gone. Well I think you'd find that the TRUE gems, the TRUE art and science and MAJESTY of LOVE lies not in the passion and the chances taken, (hell ANY relationship is a chance) no the TRUE artist, the TRULY glorious warrior of love is he/she who goes on the quest with a clear idea of what they are looking for, who isn't fooled by false grails...gold plated and flashy, gem encrusted and gaudy, but rather seeks out their goal with a level head and a cautious heart. Anyone can jump into relationship after relationship until they either luck out and find love, or become so hard hearted and cynical that they no longer TRUST anyone enough to try anymore. If you TRULY want to find love and aren't content to spend your time OR your heart chasing after passion-filled promises of love, then you will find LOVE, it's out there, it's just not as shiny and flashy as passion and infatuation are. 010502 ... Special K True that, Daff. You'd think I'd know better in my old age, but damn if this feller don't seem worth it. I'll be sure to let you know how it all turns out. Could take a while, you know how these things are... 010502 ... Dafremen This guy looks like he's used to getting what he wants. (He's got a friggin Championship fishing tackle box full of smooth lines there!) Let's just hope he's not the kind of person that wants something until he gets it. That would suck. 010502 ... enriquecito she's got some smooth lines, too, d00d, it's not a one-sided game after all. she's rather a predator herself.... grrrr. 010502 ... Special K Daff, you may just be right, but the situation's so impure it's hard for me to tell. He's not lacking in love stories, maybe he does get everything he wants. *sigh* It must be all the booze I drink, clouding my judgement. You know how the booze is, dude. (It seems unfair that your partying gets you 11 years of marriage and mine gets me a meager month of longing and roleplay...) Ok, so I go back to the way I was before? Before he distracted me and made me think that fate was afoot? I'm leaving town in 18 days, perhaps life will reset itself in my absence. Perhaps I will return and all will be as colorless as before, and I will sleep again. 010502 ... Dafremen Actually the WHOLE thing is between the two of you. One word of advice...NEVER make relationship decisions based on an impending separation. If things are still the same when you get back, pick up where you left off if you're so inclined. That's my .002 cents worth on the subject. 010503 ... Dena i don't understand why you don't see how lucky you are.... you have a roof over your head and cloths on your back your sooooo stupid........... open your eyes and look around and for just a second....... know how lucky you are... 011022 ... Dafremen Hear hear! 011023 ... yoink why do i get up earlier but leave later? why do i want to have money but can't seem to hold on to it very long? why do i laugh so hard when i make the guy behind me use his wipers because of my windshield washer fluid? when i sign my name, why is it different almost every time? why do i get dirty looks for holding the door? jeez... 020117 ... ClairE Another way of thinking aloud. 020118 ... kx21 A radiation of Soul... An entropy of Free_will... 020118 ... kx21 A spice of PCA(s)... 020118 ... kx21 The Memory / Ego of your Conciousness(es)... 020120 ... lotusmagic Born curious. And damn this curiosity. For as I grow older the curiosity does not disperse. It instead, metamorphoses into an overpowered compulsion to know. I can not function until I know the answers. It deadens me, drives me towards neurosis and neurotic behavior, I spiral downward ceaselessly, until the curiosity is ceased. It starts with the doubt and then I question, and when the answers do not approach, I want to know. No, I need to know. I persevere to inquire and discuss these forever topics, but each time I end up where I started. Nowhere and without a clue. To some of the questions a simple yes or no will suffice...but the others require introspection, a search internal for no-one else can give me the answers to the questions I seek. And so it begins, the quest for self and knowledge. The curiosity. The maddening search beyond the unknown. Spiralling downward.... Ceaslessly. 020331 ... blown cherry The questions that haunt me the most are most often the questions that I already know the answers to. 020730 ... split droner why can't i make sense of anything? is it age or circumstance? why can't i just move forward? am i changing? am i clinging on to a time when everything was a-ok and fun and revelational and i can't let go of it and i want to relive it? why is the past better than the present? did i always believe that? do i now? was there really a time when i thought everything was going at a tremendous rate and life was exciting and full of surprises and energy? did i exist then? what is there to look forward to? am i the only one who sees everything in fragments, one minute at a time, but i can only imagine, linear and complete, the things of the past? didn't this sort of thing happen last year? i got out of this mess before right? do i really appear to be in control? am i the only one who thinks i'm a pretentious snotface jerk who masks a whole lot of indecision and fear with false confidence? wasn't i happy before? where am i? does this happen to everyone? we all go through periods of relentless confusion and disjointed existence with no real prospects for piecing it all together or so it feels that way right? why do people say the mid-20's are a good time? what do we as a generation have in common? do you feel blasted by too much information and possibility and having so many options that you just get locked up with indecision and just sit and stare? is there anything to cling to? why can't she be here with me? what the fuck is my problem? are my senses dwindling? is my mind losing its capacity to react? who are you and why don't i know you? do i want to know you? do you want to know me? what is there to say anymore that hasn't already been said in one way or another? do we just live forever with the same ideas and actions, but a bit modified? is it the little discrepancies that make it important to go on living? am i just a complete fucking idiot to assume that i've gone through all there is to go through? yes, you are. 021001 ... Rhin What is your most bizarre sexual