blown_cherry
silentbob You intrigue me. 020209
...
Casey ewe 020213
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distorted tendencies You can if you want to, Bobby. ;) 020213
...
blown cherry Why's that then?
I think you're way more interesting :)
020214
...
blown cherry My singular_personality_disorder is bothering me.
Somewhere they forgot to add the uninstall function.
And I haven't yet bought the add-on modules available for "studious-cheryl" and "get-a-grip-and-move-on-cheryl".

Maybe I'll check out that personality store down the road....
020408
...
blown cherry I wonder if they'll give me a refund on this one?
But i think I've lost the receipt, and I've definitely had it longer than the 1 year warranty period.
020408
...
Photophobe listens in lectures I didn't know GAP gave refunds. 020408
...
god she's got a lovely voice. 020409
...
blown cherry :)

I love you god
020409
...
god you got my, eternal appreciation for the sounds you sent, m'dear. 020409
...
blown cherry I'm all pleasantly floaty.
It's a most unusual sensation....

It's like I have too much air in my head :)
020429
...
nobodyspecial needing'wanting_hugs_day_______ 020525
...
blown cherry falling apart I had myself together for a bit.
Sure, there were remnants of who I was
floating about aimlessly.
But I had managed to reel them all in,
and give them a stern good talking to.
Now they sit quietly in the back where they belong.
Fast asleep never to re-awaken.

But now there is a new person here.
She's scarier even than pushpins.
I don't know her very well yet,
but she's fucking mad.

Maybe she was a once off,
maybe she was just passing through.

But maybe she seemed strong to me,
so maybe I'll ask her to stay.
020610
...
CrAzYpInKmOnKeY wow
cherry your
a
very interesting
person
from what
ive
heard from
you
your personality
needs
no fixing
at
all.
020610
...
blown cherry :) 020610
...
god when are you gonna finish yer song? 020616
...
blown cherry I haven't touched that one I sent you in ages, however my guitar skills have improved a little (just a tiny bit though).
I've got probably two or three others now as well that might be worth putting some effort into.

Only thing is, I know I'll never be able to get them right.
Never be able to get them just the way I want, the sounds will never match the visions in my head.
So I don't want to try.

I could never live up to my own expectations.
020616
...
blown cherry Thanks for asking about it though.
It's always nice to feel like one exists for a little while.
Maybe I'll send you the one I've done most of (also the one I like the best),
but only if you'd like.
I think I bother enough people now as it is.
020616
...
god no bother. send it out. i live to hear things. 020617
...
blown cherry allow_me_to_introduce 020619
...
blown cherry hey god, you still haven't told me what you thought of sun_in_my_eyes
thus far it's the closest I've come to finishing a song
020629
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phil I see "blown cherry" everywhere it's written. 020630
...
blown cherry I was going to leave blather.
Not because I was too addicted.
Hell, I have nothing better to do anyway.

But for two reasons.
1. I was going to give it back to the person I stole it from.
comments such as:
blather - people I know = fine
I can't really blame josie, but I only started blathering because she stopped.
I can blame you though *snarl*

were too much for me.
Didn't seem worth it.

I thought giving it back to you might make you a bit less mad at me at least.
I thought it was one of the few things I could give you that might have any worth.
But you told me "You don't have to do that"
You took me by the shoulders and said again "You don't have to do that".
In my fantasy world that means you don't want me to stop.
But in the real world I wait for you to throw it back in my face again.

2. faerie_kisses
I wish I hadn't brought it up tonight.
It makes me think of all the things which you're never going to feel for me.
But you felt, even if only fleetingly, for some other girl, who obviously didn't love you half as much as I do.
Watching you fall in love with someone else while I sit twisting and crumbling and wretching with agony does me no good.



But I'm back, after a total 8 days of absence.
But I can't say I'm happy.

I think I'll have to think it out again.
020710
...
blown cherry Last Wednesday night, 8 days ago actually,
I found myself in a pit of misery,
which quickly turned into a pit of self loathing.
Waking the next morning I looked back at myself, climbed determinedly out of the pit, and vowed never to let myself fall in again.
I can't live and be someone I hate.
It was so pathetic.

I've turned around,
even if no one else can tell.
I haven't wept in 8 days
and counting....
020710
...
Teenage Jesus GO Go GO!! Crying is truly overrated. Congratulations! : ) 020711
...
eddie monster your very complex 020808
...
blown cherry heh, that's not the half of it!
for more of my fucked up-edness,
please read
to_one_who_fears_the_light
messing_with_blown_cherry's_head
or anything by
gelfling or fucked once too often
(but ssshhhh, nobody's sposed to know they're me!)

there's only a few bits out here that I'm actually proud of
allow_me_to_introduce
the_earth_is_far_away_from_here
blue_heaven
and maybe one or two other scattered pieces

But anyway, I'll take that as a compliment Mr Monster,
can't say I recall anyone calling me 'complex' before, and I must say I do prefer it to being called sweet (see also: nice)
020808
...
eddie i will investigate 020808
...
eddie monster i am intrigued
nice work bc
if your'e interested in any of my short stories about love and punk rock and reckless abandon
let me know
maybe i could give you a taste
020811
...
eddie sorry,
it won't be free
read versechorusverse
and poetically explain
me to me
020811
...
blown cherry what's wrong with me?
For this I can truly find no believable rhyme or reason.
Perhaps I really think that this is a good way of doing it, or maybe I think that it's the only way?
It's funny to be so clueless as to my own thoughts.
I can't really understand why I am doing this at all. Not REALLY. I can come up with surface reasons, but I know that these mean nothing.

Am I attention seeking?
Seems a funny thing to do, if anything, you might say I'm getting too much attention, if such a thing were possible (luckily for me it's not :)

Maybe this is me trying vainly to be good enough. Though I know that's a dumb theory, as I'm sure many people would confirm.
But, do I know this without believing it?

Maybe I'm testing my discipline, or lack thereof. Trying to prove to myself that I can achieve some goal, however meaningless. Maybe then I'll something more to look back on than just a bunch of broken promises to myself.



All I know is that when I was walking towards the cafe this evening, arms happily linked with my friend, I suddenly had a moment of panic, and all I wanted to do was run, when I realised I would have to order something, even if it was only a drink.

And this I know is not right.
020822
...
blown cherry early warning signal (well, not too early): thin

How could I possibly have an eating disorder when I am so aware of it?
It's silly.
I'm sure I'll be over this by tomorrow night, or Saturday at least...
020822
...
blown cherry going way back to the blathe on stuff I've written that I actually liked, I should have put blue_flame on that list too.

there's probably more stuff on red, I tend to be a bit more picky about what I put on there. Gelfling is on there, but I can't remember if fucked once too often is.
020829
...
blown cherry *trying hard not to smile at the recent entertaining events occuring on blather* 020829
...
fucked once too often (but in a good mood) Ahem! *cough cough splutter*

Attn light bulb:
up there ^ 020808
fancy thinking I was josie!
now that's a bloody laugh :)
020903
...
light bulb not really
prove that you aren't
020903
...
blown cherry prove that I'm not josie?
erm, not really sure exactly how to do that on blather. She was certainly around long before I was, and I think our styles are vastly different, but that hardly goes to show anything.
If you could have come to watch PhotoP and Postcard from Nowhere playing in the band comp at UNSW a few weeks back you could have seen us both in the same room a few feet apart, but I guess that still wouldn't have proven anything to the fundamental solipsist.

So if you've got any ideas as to how I can prove my identity, I'd be happy to oblige :)
020903
...
read me chelsea 020903
...
eddie monster pretty quiet around here 021118
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blown cherry a little I guess.
Blather seems to draw me most when I am alone_in_the_night and left to my own miseries and my own brand of darkness,
and thankfully that is less often these days than it used to be.

I'm glad not to be forgotten though :)
021118
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eddie monster right on 021119
...
eddie monster what up babe. 021124
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cube Don't you ever get tired of playing the martyr?
030303
...
blown cherry not sure what you're getting at.
don't you get tired of thinking in a box?
030303
...
cube MARTYR:
Victim; especially a great or constant sufferer - a martyr to asthma all his life A. J. Cronin (Websters)
030303
...
little bug
does your name mean that you feel your virginity was wasted?
030305
...
blown cherry no, it's just my name misspelt
ie. an anagram

I suppose my virginity could have been better spent, but oh well, so could last weeks pay.
030306
...
blown cherry Oh, and cube, I use blather to release all my negative emotions and air out my fears. When I'm feeling happy and good I don't feel the need to stare at the dark computer screen to heal myself, so if from reading my blathes you get the impression that I indulge in perpetual suffering, then you're not getting a complete picture.

Not that I expect anyone to notice, but I haven't been around here much lately anyway.
;)
030306
...
Toxic_Kisses I sent you a card, -don't- get the wrong idea about it though!

Although I hope it made you feel more like a sexy miniskirt and not a ol'comphy pair of jeans ^.^
030911
...
RoXXXie i like you. you're full of intrigue, in fact, you're the first person I've taken an interest in
on this site. It was the 100_facts_about_me that caught and held my attention.
i wonder about you now, i wonder what life is like for you. I wonder how old you are and what all you've been through. i havent really wondered about anyone else. dont stop with the interesting. it gives you an edge.
040107
...
blown cherry 100_facts_about_me #24

:)

If you're still wondering how old I am - 25 as of yesterday (though that might stil be today according to blather-dates)
040214
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Doar then hippy freakin belated b-day to you exploded berry 040214
...
blown cherry Ta muchly Doar :)

25, geez, can't hide under that guise of 'early-twenty-something-hood' that i could last year. Well and truly into the mid-twenties now, and ploughing my way towards 30 at a varying pace.
040308
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Death of a Rose Glad to see you've made it through to 25. May your meanderings and explorations prove to be of the interesting and smile filled variety.

Cheerio Cherry.
040308
...
Death of a Rose would it be unkind if I asked for a copy of your songs? 040309
...
blown cherry no, but it might be unkind of me to unleash any of them on you. I haven't really written anything since that period before. And pretty much anything that I created then I now feel is largely cringe-worthy, whether written (includes blather) or heard.

But if you'd still like to hear something let me know and I'll pass something along :)
040310
...
Death of a Rose I would still like to hear something. So let me know via e-mail.

Thanks.
040310
...
Death of a Rose could you ship me a cd or something?

since the whole e-mail thing went bad.

Just let me know and I'll ship you my address.
040325
...
partially integrated cyborg I find it objectionable that you won't play for me, when you'll play for people on the other side of the world that you've never met. 040331
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blown cherry Whilst their compliments are lightly heartening, and their negatives are minimal, and my open self easily closed to them should they arise,

a single breath from you penetrates, and is embedded, inescapable. A reaction, a lack of reaction, a comment or no, is taken deep within my soul whether I like it or not and pondered and fretted over and made the base of all future musings until I can find some strength to slowly chip away at it.

You know you don't give out compliments.

And my soul is too fragile to lay bare at the feet of one who would be so ungentle before it.
040506
...
ethereal If I were a cherry...would you blow me?

Take that back...won't you blow my cherry?
040506
...
blown cherry I don't know who I am anymore. AM i listening to this because I like it or because you like it? My head is going to explode again. Who am I outside of all this. I'm so tangled up in details, and there's no clarity until I step back, like one of those pictures of Yoda, but I'm tied down so tight, with knots of my own doing. The night is as cold and opressive as ever. If they keep clapping there'll be an encore, but they have to make them beg.

Maybe GAP won't give me a refund for this one, but MARCS is having a sale anyway.
040710
...
blown cherry I'm desperate to leave the house, but where am I going to go? It's just as cold and dark outside, but maybe outside the sky will keep me company with its tears. 040710
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shivers u facinate me 040711
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blown cherry I choose to take that as a compliment, so thankyou shivers.
The problem is however that I think I am altogether too fascinated and intrigued by my own life, which is no doubt the source of much of my misery.
(And yes, the ambiguity is intended).

Normally I'm the girl in the corner too, but sometimes I trap myself there with a giant mirrored wall.
040711
...
blown cherry This place makes me feel alive, and like I'm worth something. I hope blather never dies.
:)
040711
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the fire inside i just read all of your 100_facts_about_me and now i know why everyone is fascinated by you. waking_life is also my favourite movie ever. a close tie with he died with a felafel in his hand. douglas adams rules. i love the fact that everyone can be so open and free on blather. it's a shame society can't be the same. anonymity is release 041017
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blown cherry um, thanks tfi. I'm not sure if 'fascinated' is right, or what you mean by 'everyone', though I think I got the gist of 'is'.
I re-read my 100 facts and I'm not sure what was so interesting, but it's nice to think that someone actually found something interesting enough about me to make a comment. I must admit that the only bit I found interesting in retrospect was #10, and I have mixed feelings now about that particularly painful period of my life. I guess there was still some meaning in things in those days, if not direction. Now I feel like I have direction without meaning. I have a friend who thinks you have to make the meaning in your own life, but it's not just a straight forward thing. Right now I can't find anything that I can derive any passion for, and you can't just ascribe it willy nilly. And my current direction (in the short term at least) is not particularly conducive to exploring new potentialities (maybe I could find some meaning in making up new words like potentiality?). I had passion and meaning for a while but the firemen of life and cold hard reality came to put that one out.

Anyway, this has turned into something of a blather instead of just a quick thanks. Victoria eh? Melbourne or regional? Feel free to email me too...
041018
...
the fire inside i'd email but for some reason i feel safer on blather.
strange comfort eh?
um, i live out near ballarat.
ok, maybe 'everyone' was an overexaggeration.
just what i read and observed, which as usual was not much.
anyway, do you live in melbourne or what?
i think it'd be cool to meet a fellow blatherskite, actually put a face to a name. i mean, i've taken advice from these people.
it's not like i'm a creep or anything. really, i'm not.
now i'm making it sound like i am.
anyway......feel free to email me too.
041018
...
blown cherry whilst I can see the cool aspect of meeting someone I think that would rob me of the sanctity of anonimity. I'm in Sydney anyway, but it's always nice to find a fellow Australian (pronounced 'strayan') on blather, and I'd never rule out an opporunity of face-name matching.

And you don't sound like a creep at all, and I'm not sure I've taken advice from blatherskites, but I've definitely taken comfort from them. It's amazing the difference they can make when darkness descends.
041018
...
Death of a Rose than now is the time to...

do you know.....

I started this thought with just words...

but I can only end them with this;

loneliness travels with you,
carry it and it will become a goliath.

talk with it,
humble each thought that brings you back,
feel with it so that it cannot overwhelm you.

know that strangers abide.
060705
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blown cherry is lost 090215
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blown cherry is full of doubt, malice and self-contempt. 090526
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blown cherry just to be clear, @blowncherry on twitter is not me: 'twould seem that another Cheryl Brown also thought it reasonably appropriate to use that anagram as a moniker. Who'd a thunk it hey? 100204
...
blown cherry heh, that spurious old desire for a "delete blathe" button wafts around this page like a horsefly around something too distasteful to even describe.



Today I reflect on the past 24 hours, the past 7 days, the past 18 months, and wonder if I have somehow become the girl that you don't want to introduce to your parents, the girl that's good for a good time not a long time, the girl that nobody would want to marry.

Haunting thoughts, but what more can I do but plough on ahead and see what lies hidden in the fields until an answer goes 'chink!' and gets caught in my blades.
101008
...
Doar sounds like, and forgive me for assuming, that you have made a decision for yourself, that gives your mind a future.

and has it made it a future, in your mind?

just a question from someone who cares about you.

.
101008
...
blown cherry I think it's not so much that I made any particular decision to be here, but rather the chain of small decisions led me into this sunny meadow where shadows and trip hazards are obscured by the frivolity of it all.

I today realised that I've become something of a commitmentphobe - says she of the massively-long-term relationships. I'm sure this is why I instinctively flee and run for the hills any time someone who is actaully age-appropriate for me looks twice in my direction. Although having a partner does not really factor well into my plans for myself in the next year, occasionally this whole being-strong-and-single thing gets a bit lonely and I slip up with the whole abstinence & self-respect thing.

I've been around here a lot lately, but have been a little selective in who I let speak (need to add a few names to my singular_personality_disorder list). I guess I feel I'm coming apart again at the seams.

But enough of me, how are you my dearest Death of a Rose? I plan to come to America next year, perhaps we can sit down and have a coffee, as I so wish I could do with you this evening?

Thanks for caring :)
101010
...
blown cherry I need to halt this bizzare addiction to flirting with danger, not to mention humiliation, not to mention being fired. It seems though that I am only able to replace one addiction with another; I halted spending money on useless crap and started spending money on too much food. Tried giving up the man-love for a while and look where that ended (nowhere of consequence).

Yeah, after 31 years I'm still a moron.
101121
...
Doar My dear,

What can I say, except to tell you that if you should visit, I would treat you as a long lost soul.

I would welcome you with my arms wide and my eyes open.

BC you have a home here, as such as I can make it.

Be welcome.
101217
...
Doar And by the way, you are not a moron.

I still have that title and I'm not giving it up.

.
101217
...
blown cherry My melancholia is supressing any urge to write further, but for the moment, your words are brining forth this one tid bit to the surface:

:)

Thanks Doar, I will hopefully see you next year.



is wrapped in warm blue words.
101221
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from