him
Quintessensual With all the blathing of what he does and she does ans he does with or to her and she does with or to him, it was somewhat surprising to see this evening that neither her was blathed nor him. I've already done her. So here's a story to blathe him. It was just a whim for him to pick up a bunch of flowers while doing his daily shopping after work, but he did, even though he'd never done that before, he even didn't have a vase, he did need one for them, he thought, and then he saw out his rearview mirror a smiling face, he thought was pleasant, something he had not really felt before, and when they stopped for a stoplight he got out of his GMC truck, pulled open her door, to her shock, she said immediately she was not amused but stopped as he just thrust the flowers at her, as she thought "Oh, my gosh, I'm glad that was not him he did that with," and then he asked if she would like to have supper and watch world wrestling with him and she said "Oh, I am very tired, it was a long day but why not? Nobody, woman or man, has ever just given me flowers like you, sir. I usually need to grow them myself in my garden. Should we cook a dinner together before we watch wrestling?" and he said "Sure," and so she spent a nice time with him and even helped him pay the fine for blocking traffic at the green light then. 990927
...
Nate Higgins He is in pieces there
Over here
Everywhere
Nickels bouncing clinking chips of teacups
His footstep
Flickering on the edge of memory
Expected immediacy
A stroke of fear
Exquisite torture turns sour milk with a hint of bile
Attachment chains with forgotten smells
Transcendence boring forgotten
Nirvana can wait
After all nobody gets there too late
Without conditioning duality
Void
Why move your head
To see what you know
He is in your bed
Not in your bed
And has just fucked you in the head
991030
...
andrea there's something about his face that makes me want to know more. to delve into all that is HIM would prove to be a much greater triumph than the fall of a kingdom. i want to know the jokes to tell to make him laugh and crinkle up his nose-creating dimples that could kill. anxious to learn the secret spots in his mind he shows few and the tender places within his heart he lets a limited number venture into. i want to see him as the freckle-faced boy he must've been. and as the wrinkled, grey old man i know he will one day become. thinking of his future, i wonder who will be the silver, aged woman rocking on the front porch next to him.

copyright 1999
991229
...
Mika he walked into the world
with a world in his hands
never suspecting that
he held my world
and then he walked away
000306
...
the void tends
to
leave
a
***mark***
000422
...
daxle I expect him to be there when I wasn't going to be there for him until I was forced to be here, against my will. I think he just went for something to do and to be consentual. I know he will not have had a good time but perhaps will not tell me because I will tell him that I knew he wouldn't. I need someone to tell how I feel but he already knows and there's nothing he can do. 000908
...
butterfly without knowledge of me, my world, my dreams
he came, pure and singing
singing the sweetest music
he came and pulled me away from myself
001004
...
one again He is the heat inside me....He burns my heart.....there is no silence anymore ....I can hear the heat rushing around my soul....sounds of air movement as breath escapes me 001031
...
j_blue he is gone, and i have thrown him out. he hadnt made me happy in such a long time, but now, he makes me sad, by not being around. 001031
...
Meara Dang it. She got strep throat, so now I have to go with HIM. Just looking at his face makes me feel sick. Now I have to spend an hour in a car with him, seeing him, and hearing him clear his throat like he always does, and worst of all, smelling him. A combination of horrible shaving lotion and unbrushed teeth. I really hate him sometimes... 010206
...
Chrity go to:
i_have_words
010408
...
stargaze ...could care less

haha. he'll miss me.
010422
...
m_e i think he may be perfect. exactly everything, but. . . and that's just it. it isn't it if there's a but. 010506
...
burden If he was perfect, would there be any chance of a but? Would the but ever erupt in your mind? Doubtful. We're all transient, anyway. We peter out, take our 49 days, and then reassemble once more to seek whatever it is we are seeking. People come; people go. Some people use their tools. Some people consciously stimulate the pustule of pity deep inside, only to take that for which they came and leave your body huddled and matted in shouts and fear.

There is no him.

Forget him.
010510
...
m_e there is a him. i just don't know him yet. i want that which i have found to be right; somehow it's not. that sucks. i don't have any logical reasons for it either. all reason points to him, yet i know otherwise. i guess i'll just have to wait a little longer. 010513
...
m_e i've changed my mind. he may be him. i will check it out and see. 010514
...
yoink What the fuck?
fuckity fuck fuck fuckaroo
010514
...
burden No. There is no him. yoink has the right idea. Fucktastically fucky fuckness. 010514
...
m_e how about fuck both of YOU? 010515
...
m_e how about fuck both of YOU? 010515
...
yoink yoink! 010515
...
burden Apparently, someone has a stuttering problem. 010515
...
burden Oppirantly, semaune hes u stottarong prublam. 010515
...
burden .melborp gnirettuts a sah enoemos, yltnerappA 010515
...
burden Uhpairentlee, psummwun haz uh sstuddurring prawblem.

Your task: find the silent 'p'.
010515
...
m_e psummwun. and, i know, i accidentally hit enter and clicked blather. you know what else? it bothers me when i cant read what you write. what is up with that? 010516
...
ladybird I'd *like* to believe there's a him....but I'm not so sure. I think it's not that simple. There's lots of hims and none of them are exactly right but one of them nearly is. And in fact that's better than being exactly right cuz perfect would be boring after a while.

Well, that's what I think anyway. I'll have changed my mind by tomorrow no doubt. It happens a lot.
010517
...
m_e two and a half weeks. this sucks. 010522
...
m_e we're eloping tomorrow. 010522
...
m_e gosh, he's great. he kisses my hand. how romantic is that? he watches me. he listens to me. ah! you know, when he told me he spent the day with her i died. but i can only believe that if we're meant to be, then that means nothing. she is nothing. gosh i can't stand that girl. 010528
...
burden I can't stand her either, even though I don't know who she is. 010528
...
m_e UPDATE: things are a ebbin' and a flowin'. i almost just made this huge mistake, but, oh no, he stopped by and now things are perfect again. gosh, he's such a great guy! i love the way he looks at me. he killed a bug for me too. now that's a man! hehe! 010610
...
florescent light I don't know if I miss his face
or his touch
or if I just miss him
010616
...
m_e we just said goodbye. he's so sweet. what am i to do? everything's going to change now. the moment i said "bye" things changed for forever. this sucks. i like where things are. i love how we are. i can stop crying if i force myself to see that things happen for a reason, and it will all be just fine. if it's meant to be it will be. i think i've said that enough. i'm completely drained. i just need to sleep. goodnight. goodnight him. 010617
...
Girl He means everything to me but he doesn't seem to care. He used to but not anymore. He's going away so he pushes away and it really sucks a lot... especially since I still love him. 010621
...
absent but still present so you visited him the other day...hhhmmm. and why is it that you have to end almost every e-mail you send me with the fact that you like girls and not guys? ok, so you're a lesbian. i got it the first time you told me. this constant repetition of fact just makes me think that you are trying to convince yourself. and quite honestly, it's getting rather annoying. 010717
...
m_e two months later, it's no good. things fall apart so quickly. i don't know so many things of which i was once so sure. i know that my pride gets in the way of reality. and reality is, he doesn't want to think about me let alone speak to me. what am i to do with that? i guess i should just move on and try to forget. i'll always remember, though. always. i miss him. i miss him and me. i miss him wanting me. the thing is, i never felt that thing, you know, for him. well, i did, but not deep down. he is perfect for me, though, so that out-weighs it. i always told margie that if i had to chose between true love filled with pain and deep love-filled friendship with contentment, that i'd chose the friendship. that was him. at least i was prepared. well, about as prepared as one can be. 010817
...
sage girl he is who i love red 010926
...
distorted tendencies Makes me heart leap, my stomach flutter. 010926
...
wounded do i blame him?
wish I could...
save your face
...from tainting
would it matter
if he went

i think i could forget
...if you wanted me to
let me know?
i'll wait for you...
011003
...
Claire Him? A cheap cologne? I want him...irresistably sliding. I want her--different somehow. him is chest and father and eyes--all of a certain type of voice. him is warm. 011126
...
ClairE On blather they look like one person. 011218
...
Miffey I wished she still talked about me like that. 020102
...
little wonder starting to remind me of him
don't let me wait that long though
-no, not overly optimistic to the point it makes me sick
no, not giving shitty advice everytime i open my mouth, not like him-
but there is this lack of emotion
and this tickle of repetition
a ritual
a habit?
i have to do this so i will?
making me feel like i'm not a person anymore?
feeling like i'm not a person anymore...
just becoming a something in your mind
a something that can and will be there if you want
but doesn't have to if you don't want
becoming him
or am i just afraid it will be another him
i've known too many of them
i'm tired of knowing what it feels like
please don't be him
please don't let me be her
020310
...
Casey The only thing I have to say is ASSHOLE! 020310
...
blown cherry is what I used to have him listed under in my phone. Fit in right after Hadley.

He was a little perturbed(?) when he found it I think, if only because apparantly the bad guy in the powerpuff girls is called 'him'.

He had his name before, but then I couldn't bear it anymore.
Then I got to the point where I couldn't even bear 'him'.
So now he's not there at all.

But every time I see the numbers flash up on the screen they burn just as darkly into my skull as any random combination of letters would.
020310
...
jessicafletcher i met him when i was in the 8th grade, and i will never regret it. 020515
...
m_e UPDATE: almost one year later things are happy again. things are the way they should be. . . friends but not great. you know how it is; we have completely different lives now. my life is perfect right now. i don't want him to be in my life the way he used to. i do miss him though. i do wish he could be near me to share. but we will make it. i always knew we would make it. peanut butter and jelly, you know? we'll always go together. . . we just may not always BE together. 020613
...
letters to peter him and her....they're together right now. I can feel it. Meanwhile, my heart third-wheels its way in between just so I can hear his voice. 020616
...
starry eyes everyday i ache for him,
my best friend
there for me though i am a marked, forsaken creature
though i fall and though i fail
despite my imperfections and my lack of grace
he is there
to call me his "her"
and to hold my spirit
when it cries
and cannot go on
020929
...
shatazap i thought i was her 'him'

and now she doesnt wish to speak to me. fuck.
021013
...
p2 you meant me
but you said him
you didn't even realize
and i'll smile
through the pain
because i love you
021028
...
. . 021029
...
azure I can't understand him now. We used to be more than friend . but now he' so strange to me ? Sometimes i think that he's another people. I'm so sad 021202
...
just_inflate when i look at him
i realize why hes perfect
he doesnt create

he simply is
someone elses creation
do not touch the glass
021203
...
lie down he is a reflection of myself in a more angry and hyper state 030105
...
whitney It took so long to remember just what happened.
I was so young and vestal then,
you know it hurt me,
but I'm breathing so I guess I'm still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
I've got my hands bound,
my head down , my eyes closed,
and my throat wide open.

Do unto others what has been done to you
I'm treading water,
I need to sleep a while.
My lamb and martyre, you look so precious.
Won't you come a bit closer,
close enough so I can smell you.
I need you to feel this,
I can't stand to burn too long.
Released in this sodomy.
For one sweet moment I am whole.

Do unto you now what has been done to me.

You're breathing so I guess you're still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
Won't you come just a bit closer,
close enough so I can smell you.
I need you to feel this.
I need this to make me whole.
There's release in this sodomy.
For I am your witness that
blood and flesh can be trusted.
And only this one holy medium brings me piece of mind.

Got your hands bound, your head down,
your eyes closed.
You look so precious now.

I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this
shit blood and cum on my hands.

I've come round full circle.
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon.
You look so precious.
030216
...
painted marbles H*I*M

one_last_time

right_here_in_my_arms

join_me_in_death
030220
...
pm argh, why dont the links work? 030220
...
Destination? the day has gone, but there he lays, hands across my skin, in forbidden ways, he is sitting close, music plays, Morgan stole the inhibitions, of our ealier days. 030306
...
joda Captain Morgan?

That guy is alright...
030430
...
shivers And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest thing to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

for u
030529
...
Brittany tonight will be another one of those night were i go to sleep.....wishing i was with him.my bed is alone it calls out chris.i wish to wake up at his side and go to sleep underneath him.Why cant you hold me in your arms and never let go whispering how much you love me.we have had so many times were it seems that you love me and i can feel it coming from you.but why, why cant you tell me how you feel about me??if you love me let me know! i want to know how you feel.i love you so much.*tear* 030613
...
mystix awesome band... love the heartagram 040110
...
Fierce229 I wish I could forget him.
I wish I never met him.
I wish I didn't love him.
I wish I never fucked him.
I wish I never cared for him.
I wish he would disappear.
I mostly wish he gets what he gave.
To end every night with a scream.
Like me. Like I did.
He disgusts me.
I end every night drowning in my own serum.
I will never forget him.
I will try to lose him.
I will try.
But I am dead inside.
Because of
Him.
040203
...
peepers i know his name! i whisper it before i go to sleep at night 040307
...
smeefy He has beautiful brown eyes framed with a band of deep jade green. I love his warm breath, his big hands, soft lips. He is so firm, but smooth and tender. 040315
...
ahundredvisions he is forbidden. we are not allowed to touch, we are not permitted to love. despite this, we still push on in hopes that with time will come change. 040321
...
jezebell katie knows him better than i ever will... 040418
...
nemo kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle.. my lips form sober words that embody you... oh this_needs_to_be_said 040420
...
her royal highness the quirk less chance of running into him here and that's a good thing 040509
...
tr i wantto tell him that i love him and that i know, that it is not easy to love me, for i am not beautiful and i am not perfect.. i just want him to know that somewhere out there, there is someone loving him so much.. so damn much, in a very perfect in a very beautiful way... 040603
...
missblue now all i can do is sit and eat havarti cheese and think of him 040612
...
seeker he hurts me and he doesn't even care
i hate the way he makes me feel
i hate how he conquers my emotions
i hate how he is always on my mind
i hate how i suffer because of his lack of caring
041116
...
blown cherry it looks as though that Him of yesteryear may be returning...hehehe.
No, it will never be the same as that again.
Even if He returns, She is different these days.
050106
...
jman him is as him can go. the stoplights tells us which way to go. but him, he is the way to go. him is the eternity of the lights. the lovers of kiss and him is the scent of life. 050111
...
absoloot his oblivion is sharp like a double-edged knife
either side cuts me
he runs along his interest
and leaves me cold on this aluminum bench
i wait for him
and become oblivious for him
fate cuts me down
or i cut the golden string i thread
while he could never, ever feel the thread i hold so dearly to
050407
...
Adriane Yes, it's true I
delight in surprising
those apathetic eyes, he
edging one knee between both mine
sighs as his stomache grumbles
stretched sideways along mine
we line up, therein's the attraction

but, he's never seen the ocean
I thought I wanted to take him
but, I've made him cry enough
(I made him cry?)
see, I was just
snapping for a seven
050620
...
Anja the one who knows when I need an embrace 050803
...
flowerbed on a cloud =p that dude from the power puff girls ^^ 060219
...
my bad True - t'was rare.
But who has the right to fucking judge?
T'was, heh.
All Riddelin fiend and coke-nosed. He was such a drunk. But the way the cigarette was pressed between his lips made me want to kiss him. I knew that something deep hid beneath the person he had become to survive.I hated myself for wanting him. I still hate myself. I still love him.
I don't think I will ever stop.
Oh GOD it is so goddamn hard to forget him.
Forgetting shouldn't be forced.
Him.
I want him and to do lines with him and ruin my life with him.
But I'll pretend its not real.
Boy oh boy.
060516
...
z A SONGALONGADONGABONGA TO ALLABALLABALLABALL THOSEDFIBIGUYAKANANANANA GAAGGAGA IF YOU WANT PUUMISH U WANT U KOMOONINGIGI U ASSASSSUUUU JINGAHANGIDI AMANIMONOLOMITH HAMMAMADAMAKARAMITH TUYUMUDUMULUMUNUTH DIMINIMINIMITH! 070601
...
z i did not post any of the above blathes. 070604
...
pirate girl if someone wants to be you then change ya blooomin name ! don't give us more boring things to read ! 070604
...
pSyche I don't love him.
I know that.
But after knowing the warmth of sleeping next to someone, after knowing the feel of strong hands securely holding your own...
Could you go back to the coldness, the lone-ness, the sheer weight of holding your own burdens?
I love having a boy.
But he is not the boy I want.

No boy ever is.

I get too bored with a relationship once i'm in it
and i start doing what I do
hurting them
intentionally
seeing how they react
experimenting

I should be more considerate.
But there isn't exactly a considerate way to break someone's heart, is there?
071113
...
anythingbutcryptic in a hour i will see him. im so nervous. i cant eat anything. im worried he will think im ugly. i wish i knew what he was thinking. what he really looks like. i looked at myself in the mirror and i couldnt breathe properly.

in the car and in five minutes i will see him. my thigh is shaking uncontrollably. i dont feel like myself. mother told me to have fun. she thinks im meeting a friend. he is a friend. i just havent met him in real life before.

i shut the car door and said thanks for the ride mum.

i was walking to the station.

when i walk down the escalator i will see him. i want to run away.

when i walk ... walk.... across... from...

the... esssscccccccuuuuuuuu
laaaaattttttttooooooooor please time go slower
go slowerrrrrrrr

from the esculator
fucking hell
fuck, fuck , fuck
when i turn this courner

i mean corner

in a second i will see him

he was sitting down. i took a breath and i knew it was him. he looked better in the photos. he wasnt ugly. he was tall. i worried that he was ugly. but he wasnt. he looked up at me. i smiled. i didnt feel relief. we still had to hang out. i still had to hear his voice. we still had to fill in time, time, conversation. he smiled.
i said something.
we hugged awkwardly.
he said something.

we walked. it was ok. he was nice.

i never saw him again.

it was never the same again, not the emails, not the instant messaging conversations. we were tip toeing around each other like we had never known each other before that day. and then i stopped going on the internet. stopped going on msn. chat. et al.

he has a girlfriend now.

what a dickhead.

i feel repressed.
080126
...
flowerbed on a cloud I'm confused... 090207
...
*ikonaj* this is a new lie. 090505
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from