mad madame mim
Hide the props (especially the important props).
Arrive to class/rehearsal late all the time.
Leave class/rehearsal early all the time.
When he/she tells you that your improv is over, keep going.
Deny the existence of Shakespeare.
Ask him/her to help you with your math homework when you are
supposed to be rehearsing.
Every day wear a cape from the costume department and run
around insisting that everyone calls you "master".
When your teacher tells you that your character is devastated
because of the loss of their sister, the first thing out of your
mouth on stage is "Ding Dong the witch is dead!"
Break the props.
Yell "line" even if you are not on stage.
Play with the stage lights.
While prompting, and a fellow classmate asks you for a line, ask
them what page they are on.
Rearrange all of the books in your teacher's office to fit your
Everyday whine about your parts.
Forget your script book.
Everyday ask: "Why didn't I get the lead in the school play?"
Take 20 minutes to set up a simple living room set.
Lock the keys to the prop box in the prop box.
Run around the drama room.
Hide in the sets when he/she is taking attendance.
Take the costumes, pretend that you are a helicopter and fling
them over your head (don’t forget to make the helicopter sound
Set all of his/her stop-watches/alarms so that every five minutes
a new one goes off.
Sing the song "this is the song that never ends" but change the
words to "this is the play that never ends......"
Spend the class in his/her office looking at all of his/her
When caught looking at those memos, defend yourself by telling
him/her that it isn't your fault that they leave all of their
important paper work out.
Play volleyball on stage when you are supposed to be rehearsing.
No ball? Pick a prop, any prop!
Pretend that you are a telephone and make yourself ring.
Remember, the louder the ring, the better.
Refuse to work with your partner because he/she drives you
insane. So what if you did pick that person to work with you.....
Act like you are a five year old trapped inside a teenager's body.
Enter the class with only five minutes to go. When your teacher
"reminds" you that you were supposed to perform today, tell
her/him that you have a very busy life and HAD to call you agent!
Sleep during class/rehearsal (hey, the couch is there for goodness
sake. You were just testing the props).
Throw the props.
Write a script using your own real names for the characters and
rehearse all week. Then decide that you want to change roles, but
not the names of the characters. Do this without telling your
teacher and perform your scene.
Perform a scene from Romeo and Juliet using a southern accent
and giggle all the way through it.
Forget your lines in the middle of a scene, stop, look up and ask if
you can start over.
Write a scene using the following dialogue:
A: Don't sit there.
B: Why not?
B: Because why?
A: Don't sit there.
A: Just don't sit there.
B: Just because?
A: Don't sit there.
And continue. Remember it has to be a five minute scene.
Write all of your monologues about Hanson (or insert your own
group) and talk about how much you "love" them.
Throw the costumes around the room.
When instructed to make the most elaborate set during a set
design assignment, hand in a blank sheet.
Hand in a set design with one tiny dot in the middle of your stage.
When asked what that dot is supposed to represent, tell your
teacher to hold the paper right up to their face, squint and shake.
Then inform your teacher that at this point they should be seeing
the symbol for a couch.
Eat the props (especially those good looking plastic grapes). -
On the day of your performance test, run into the room screaming:
"My eyes! My eyes! I hate chemistry class!"
Bring your own fan club and tell them to yell out "you're the best
actor in the world" after you perform.
Opening night, after the hair stylist does your hair, say you don't
think that it fits your character and take it out. Make her do it
again and tell the teacher you're just REALLY starting to get
your character. - from Cosette
Stay in character for at least a week after the show's
over(especially if it's a gay character.....) - from Cosette
Tell the teacher after you get the lead that you have major stage
fright and you do much better in character roles. - from Cosette
Miss rehearsal for a week. When asked why, say you were at home
developing your character.....especially if you're an extra. - from
Perform "Take Me or Leave Me" from RENT at the family talent
review. Graphically. - from Cosette
Even after you've graduated from the drama class, go back every
day. Go back often enough that when scene studies are assigned
you get one, then stop going to class. - from Pete
During an audition in which you have to improv, use the line: "Now
get this, woman!" Then grab your head and run into the curtains
screaming, "Oh no! Why did I say that again! Who in real life ever
says that!" - from Pete
On your last day of class tell your drama teacher that you left
your copy of the handed out scripts at home -- all of them...from
the entire year...actually from every year in the program...actually
six copies of each one. - from Pete
Give the stage crew an escape line to listen for -- such as "oops,"
or singing "Paradise City" -- as soon as they hear this line they
are to close the curtains and bring up the house lights. - from Pete
In scenes involving large crowds get the stage crew to dress up in
extra costumes and join in on the fun. - from Pete
Do anything with the rubber chicken from the props. - from
Michelle and Sara
Pound (not play - pound!) on the piano for a good five minutes or
so. - from Michelle and Sara
When your teacher tells up to stop pounding on the piano, act hurt
and start to cry. Run around saying "you think I'm the worst piano
player in the world!"
When told to practice your part with your partner play cards.
When asked what you are doing, tell the teacher your character is
a compulsive gambler. - from Shelly
When you're asked to make a quick entrance onto the stage for
one line, make it the longest line ever and keep talking until class
is over. Then complain that you don't like you character and you
want one with fewer lines. - from Nichole
Call him or her by their first or middle name (whichever is most
embarrassing). - from Angel19425
Whenever your drama teacher asks if there are any important
questions, ask (really loud) if you could go to the bathroom. - from
Always use, " My goldfish ate my script." - from Angel19425
Arrive excessively late for class frequently. When asked why,
simply state, "To make a long story short, Tequila." - from Amber
Everytime she/he speaks and is explaining something, draw a
question mark on a piece of paper and hold it above your head.
Don't take it down when they explain it to you, just keep looking
confused until that little vain in their forehead begins to throb
and is on the verge of popping. - from Amber
Eat loudly and constantly the entire class food that is imaginary
and mimed. When asked what you have, say "mine, no, you can't
have any!" - from Amber
When he or she is writing on the board, make miscellaneous animal
noises with your class mates, When he/she turns around, stop
immediately, but as soon as he/she turns her back again, the fun
shall begin. - from Amber
When doing a improv skit, block other students. If they say- "you
hit my dog! You bastard!" You say " You don't have a dog." If they
say " What the hell is that thing hanging from the ceiling", you say
" What ceiling?" If they say.....well, you get the point. - from
Enter the class before the teacher and switch the chalk with fake
chalk made out of a small stick that is painted with white paint.
This clever trick works with any teacher, but it is so much more
fun with Drama teachers because they are so melodramatic. But
don't forget to hide all of the extra real chalk, or else your
obnoxious gag will not last nearly as long. - from Amber
When asked to start a drama warm up for the class, say " Okay,
now, image this. You are a dog. You are brown. You are on the
ground. You are sleeping." And continue to play this game for as
long as possible. It is a waste of time and quite refreshing. - from
Lick the board. - from Amber
Scream out of context in skits and in class in general. - from
In the middle of a performance, stop and be quiet for 20 seconds
and then start crying. - from CJ
Object whenever the teacher gives a statement. - from CJ
Hide as many scripts as you can find that people use before they
start memorising. - from CJ
Sit in the front whenever someone is performing in class and just
smile as much and as long as you can until the group cannot stand it
anymore. - from CJ
Learn another person's lines and have them learn yours, but don't
tell the director and then perform them like that on the opening
night. - from CJ
Cough whenever the teacher is about to give instructions about
something new. - from CJ
Leave all sorts of stuff (half-eaten candy bars, kleenex, paper,
etc.) in his or her coat pocket. Make sure you are around to see
their reaction when they find the 'treasures'. - from Melanne
Get really carried away when you're putting the glow tape on the
stage so that when the lights on-stage are down it's VERY
noticeable to the audience. - from Anna
If you're an extra and you get taken out of a scene for whatever
reason, on closing night you MUST walk on-stage and act like you
were supposed to do that. You friends will play along, the audience
won't even know! - from Anna
Make a mess of the costume closet (so it looks like the room threw
up). Inform your teacher that some hooligans messed it up and
clean it to get BROWNIE points! - from Sara
Drive the lead of the musical home with his understudy, call, and
say,"We are not coming back untill you have confirmed this
performance with our agent!" - from Sara
Walk into the theater room late, while there is a performance
going on, and say, "Oops......Is there a class going on?" - from Sara
When asked "What is your character thinking?" look at your
teacher with a look of confusion and say, "Character?" - from
When you only have a short line, stay in the seats to watch the
scene. When its you're cue, run up and jump onto the stage. - from
Switch characters without telling anyone. See how long it takes
them to notice. Then switch to another character. - from
When waiting in the wings, loudly mimic the people on stage. -
Run around the room and jump off chairs screaming "I CAN
FLLYYYYY!!!!" - from Hyperchild
Write a scene involving "The Bunny Bandit." Follow this with "The
Rabbit Robber." The latter should include an appearance by
Tracey Dick, Girl Detective. - from Hyperchild
Act like you are high. Repeat "Look at the pretty colours!" over
and over again. Loudly. - from Hyperchild
One week before the finale performance climaxing the whole year,
suggest that you and another main character switch parts. - from
Bring your script from the last show instead of the current one. -
Speak all your lines to the back of the stage. When told to turn
around, reply "But this side of the stage is so neglected!" - from
During dress rehearsal, wear your costume backwards. - from
Spontaneously chant "Uta Hagen! Uta Hagen!" - from Hyperchild
Everytime she/he says something, raise your hand and go "oo oo oo,
ah ah ah, me me me", and when she picks on you say "I forgot." -
No matter what the play, tell the instructor that it is "against my
religious beliefs." Refuse to elaborate. - from Hyperchild
When you are supposed to have all your lines memorized for the
new play/scene, come in and start saying lines from the previous
play. - from Jenn
Always, without fail, come late to every rehersal. When asked
why, tell your coach/teacher that there was too much traffic, even
if you live a 1 minute walk away from the school. - from Jenn
Go out with romantic opposite lead. Break-up with them (tell them
what you are doing, of course) and absolutely refuse to let other
person touch you, screaming "Bad touch!!" If they do. - from Jenn
Constantly, without fail, call the main person by a previous
charecter name, even in the middle of the play. Suppose you are
doing "Our Town" and instead of calling the guy George, you call
him Hamlet. Do this constantly. - from Jenn
Bring in tape/cd player and listen to music before class. When the
teacher comes in and tells you to turn it off, do so, but keep
singing the song that was playing as loudly as possible. - from Jenn
When teacher asks you to do an improv scene with him/her (and
this will happen, if you do all these things), start screaming bloody
murder about how unfair life is and how you can't work with
anyone but (enter person's name). When they finally relent, go
over to that person and repeat. - from Jenn
If a scene calls for music, go back and play the piano for them.
Doesn't matter if you can or can not play the piano, just play it. -
Bring in nephew/niece/younger sibling/dog/animal to class, saying
you had to babysit for the night. Let child/animal run lose around
auditorium while rehearsing and when the screaming/barking gets
to loud and teacher asks you to go get animal/child and quiet them
down, tell him/her that it is their responisbility, because you are
busy doing exactlky what she/he has told you to do. This is
especially fun if the child/animal is not potty trained. - from Jenn
When you get that nice, small, insignificant charecter that gets
the wierdest costumes, (like a red, red robe), go around singing
songs that remid you of your costume, such as (for something red
and ugly) "Red Hooded Sweatshirt" or "Red Red wine". - from
When leaving class/rehersal, make sure to turn off all the lights
before the teacher is quite out of the door and when they yell at
you, say "Oops, its too dark to see you to know where you were at
when I turned the lights off." - from Jenn
Take script and play soccer with it down the hallway. When
teacher asks what happened to your script (because it will be in a
million pieces) tell her/him that you don't know, you put it down
for a minute and then you came back and it was like this. - from
mad madame mim
Do improvs about inappropriate teacher-student relationships
until your teacher won't come within ten feet of any students! -
Punctuate everything in your scripts with an exclamation mark! -
Highlight your lines in everyone's script. - from Matt
When testing the red/white/blue strip lights, stand and start
singing patriotic songs until strips are turned off. - from
Take a prop and sing to it like it is a baby. - from CJ
Claim stage fright an hour before the curtain rises on opening
night (if you're a lead, even better). - from CJ
Talk to yourself at rehearsals - from CJ
Chew gum all of the time (yes, even on stage during rehearsal). -
Use words like "hard core" to describe lines or scenes. - from
Every time your teacher tells you to do an improv, and get in
groups, involve the whole class in a giant Jerry Springer clip. It
must include ALL of the best stuff from the show, includung
several fights! - from Glamor Kat
When you don't get the part you want in the school play, demand
to know an answer why. If the answer is not satisfactory, demand
a better answer. - from Glamor Kat
Memorize all of the lead character's lines and recite them at all
times, even if you're not the lead (especially if you're not the
lead!). - from Hilary
Stop in the middle of a scene and say, "I don't understand."
Refuse to continue until the plot, theme, and motives have been
thoroughly explained to you. - from Hilary
Spontaneously burst into the theme from the "Brady Bunch" (you
can also use the themes from "Shaft", "Gilligan's Island" or the
old favorite, the "song that doesn't end"). - from Hilary
Get the nurse to send you a note to take your medicine during the
class everyday. - from Charles
Constantly ask to use the phone. - from Charles
Pretend to have laryngitis everyday, no matter what. - from
Whenever asked about your motivation say, "I have to go to the
bathroom" (this works best if you say this in the crudest way
possible) or "I just wanted to go home sooner." - from Charles
Feign suprise at the request to perform in Drama class ("But, I
have stage fright!" will heighten the effect). - from Jennifer (who
is a Drama teacher friends.....)
After trying the above suggestion, request written work as a
substitute. Say,"But I don't like acting". When asked if you've
ever tried, say "no". - from Jennifer
After trying the above two suggestions, enroll in the teacher's
advanced section. Watch them weep. Ask why they're so sensitive.
- from Jennifer
Get a case of the hardcore giggles during crucial scenes. If the
director is not on the brink of tears, you have not gone far
enough. - from The Big MC (who is also a Drama teacher....)
Tell terribly insensitive jokes; especially if the teacher is a
tree-hugging hippie. - from The Big MC
Talk backstage as much as possible, but disguise your voice so
they do not know who to yell at. - from The Big MC
Break character frequently. - from The Big MC
Offer ridiculous advice to other actors during "notes". - from The
The only good dressing room is a dirty dressing room. - from The
When asked to do your own make-up, turn out looking like Marilyn
Manson! - from Laurie
Ask everyday if you have to go to rehearsal (this works even
better if you are only in the chorus). - from Jlynn
Sing: "Let's do the LINE warp again.....It's just a page to the
left....etc." (instead of "Let's do the time warp again..."from
Rocky Horror Picture Show) - from Suny
In the middle of drama class, if a younger child walks past the
door, fling yourself at the door screaming: "The little people,
they've come for me! They're from outer space. PLEASE, PLEASE
don't let them take me back there!" - from Kari
Speak in Shakespearean English (with an accent, of course) at all
times. Feel free to use actual lines from the Bard's plays. - from
Dance around in class. Any style works, but classical ballet and
tap are the most annoying in the classroom. - from Hilary
Climb up to the catwalks and drop things onto the stage. Start
with little things and then get bigger. - from Catalina
Say, "of course I'm building the set", while all you do all day is
manoeuvre around the same flat. Pretend to hammer a bit and pull
out a few nails, just for looks. - from Rebecca
Bring food and drink to class. When you are asked to perform,
bring them up with you. Whenever you hear your cue, be certain
to have a full mouth. - from Jonathan
Shout out "line" during actual performances, when it isn't even
your line. - from Jonathan
Mouth other people's lines, while onstage. - from Jonathan
When someone asks you about your character, tell them a long and
hopefully vulgar history of every day of your character's life.
This is best if it doesn't make sense for who your character
actually is(i.e. if you play Shakespearean nobility, "well, after my
mother died, I got sent to an orphanage. They abused me, so I
became a hooker on the streets of downtown Los Angeles." etc.) -
Hang onto the curtain. - from Jonathan
Steal other peoples lines when they don't make sense for your
character. - from Jonathan
Bring your pets to your teacher, claiming that they "demand a roll
in the production." - from Jonathan
Come to the performance(or better yet, just a rehearsal) claiming
that you have the beubonic plague, but you just "couldn't miss
this." If asked more about your illness, offer to show them your
soars. - from Jonathan
When doing a children's production, start singing practically any
song from Miss Saigon or Rent(for those of you who aren't
familiar with these very, shall we say, inappropriate shows). -
Get the person in charge of the fly system to hook you up with a
harness and fly you down in the middle of a scene. - from Jonathan
Get the person in charge of the sound system to start playing
disco music when you say, "Hit it, Charles!" - from Jonathan
In the middle of a performance, run onstage claiming that the lead
"stole your part." This is best if you are an extra, and the lead is
of the opposite sex. - from Jonathan
Scream all your lines. - from Jonathan
Do not E-NUN-CIATE. "Wul, ah jez thot it'd beh guud ta git ot
ah her, eh?" - from Jonathan
Tell the costumers that you can "provide your own costume." Do I
need to say more? - from Jonathan
When your teacher tells you to come up with a monologue, find a
scene for two people and do it with split personality syndrome.
This works best with a love scene. - from Jonathan
Break into a line dance. - from Jonathan
Bring a pooper scooper to class. Tell everyone you are "just being
careful." - from Jonathan
Yell out, "HAVOC", as loud as you can at random intervals. Make
sure that a large, jump off the floor comes at the same time.
When asked what plays you want to do for spring, say the same
play over and over again. - from Very Fine House (who is going to
be a drama teacher)
Repeatedly do the "Crazy, I was crazy once...." adding in people
and things from your drama class. - from Very Fine House (who is
going to be a drama teacher)
Instead of memorizing your lines, memorize Green Day lyrics. -
When talking to your teacher, refer to them as your Dark
Overlord. - from Boshart
Two words - Drag Queen. - from Boshart
Pick a fight with your teacher. Then, when he threatens you with
expulsion, detention or a pistol whipping, yell loudly, "Don't make
me take off my belt, boy!" - from Boshart
Transcript your favorite T.V. show. Change the names of the
characters and the title of the show slightly and poorly. (Example:
Barry Linefeld, Lave and Satt from BluesRadio) Hand it in as your
independant script. - from Boshart
When doing a performance, always forget the pants to your
costume. - from Boshart
During a performance test recite lines from every play you can
think of. - from Kevin
Memorize every line in the play except yours, then when you're
rehersing do your own little one-man show. - from Brian
Change your blocking every time you do a scene and insist it was
your teacher's idea. - from Anaugi2
Imply the crudest things you can think of with every line. - from
Never pay attention in class. When your teacher/director asks
you about it, burst into tears saying, "I don't understand why
you're so mean to me. I'm just trying to promote a positive
learning environment." - from Anaugi2
About ten minutes into class claim that you hear a noise (buzzing,
voices, anything). Continue to do this for five to eight minutes.
After many times stating this, say it once more, louder and more
demanding. When everyone looks confused, break out crying
telling your childhood story of never being believed by your
elders. - from EmpressCC
When speaking your lines make obvious, unnecessary hand
gestures. For example: whenever saying "I", point to the eye. -
If you are the costumer for the show, make sure that every day
you complain to your drama teacher about having to work in a
sweat shop. - from Princess
When being a techie, sing backstage (in a loud voice) along with
the actors. Remember, it's more fun if it isn't a musical. - from
Pronounce "drama" different than the normal way (pronounce it
DRAM-A, which sounds like ham-uh - except dram) It's really
catchy and you'll get people saying fast. - from Jeremy
When in class, do the following: keep your back turned to the
audience as much as possible, upstage yourself, break reality, look
pre-occupied, etc. - from CJ
"Dramatise" your teacher. - from CJ
Stutter with your lines. - from CJ
Walk on stage cross-eyed. - from CJ
When rehearsing a love scene, always remember to "come on" to
the wrong character. (This especially works if your character
makes a pass at a character of the same sex.) - from Wendy
Rewrite the script right before the curtain and demand the entire
cast memorize the new changes. - from Wendy
Secretly practice a different play outside of class and announce a
"surprise performance" on opening night. - from Wendy
Play hide and go seek. When your drama teacher leaves the room
to get something, wait a few seconds and then get the whole class
to walk out and find a place to "hide" until he or she finally finds
you. Try to make it a daily game of hide and seek. - from
Find a piece of scenery like a screw or bolt. Name this "Lucky
Screw" or whatever. Have the entire cast switch off holding
"Lucky Screw". Make the switches obvious to the audience. - from
After your drama teacher calls off rehearsal (or ends it early)
because he/she is so fed-up, tired, etc., raise your hand. Ask him
or her what the main character would do in the situation of a
cancelled practice. Also ask how the main character would act if
he discovered he/she was gay. Ask as many questions as possible. -
Bring your costume every day to rehearsal until your drama
teacher tells you repeatedly not to bring it. Then on the
performance day forget your costume and say, "You told me I
didn't need it." - from Tara
Leave your body mike on when you leave the stage (go into the
change room….restroom…..). - from Allison the Wonder Llama
When asked to do your favourite improv act like a piece of bacon
sizzling on frying pan. Better yet - be a sprinkler with "water"
and everything . - from Nellie
If you get the lead or any part in a Shakespearean play shower
once a week and don't wear deodorant. Because after all that's
what they did back then. One must get into character! - from
Demand that the production should be The Phantom of the Opera,
Les Miserables , Cats or anything else that's been running on
Broadway for over 10 years. - from Diva
Lie on your back in the middle of the stage two minutes before
curtains go up. When asked what you are doing, insist you're doing
your "breathing exercises" (recall Viki from Noises Off) - from
Use everything as a drum. Drum all the time - when teacher is
talking backstage, and when you're rehearsing on stage. You can
also pretend you can play the piano, act like Stevie Wonder. Or if
you're an extra, continually pretend to be playing the guitar in all
your scenes. - from EmpressCC
When improving, knock all the props off the stage being James
Bond. - new from Ophelia
Wear high heels or stilettos and constantly trip while wearing
them. When your teacher tells you to change shoes, whine that
they are the only ones that go with your outfit. - new from
Skip rehearsal every day to go to sports practice, come in five
minutes before rehearsal is over, and protest that you didn't know
rehearsal was that day. - new from Ophelia
Steal signs, chairs, etc. and bring them in for props. - new from
Seraphine (who is a drama teacher….)
Cut down a tree at another school and bring it in as a set piece. -
new from Seraphine (who is a drama teacher….)
In the middle of a well known play, start ad libbing and go to the
end of the scene. - new from Seraphine (who is a drama teacher….)
Fun with stage blood----enough said. - new from Seraphine (who is
a drama teacher….)
Have the stage crew join the crowd scenes. - new from Seraphine
(who is a drama teacher….)
If a prop falls off the stage, jump after it. - new from Seraphine
(who is a drama teacher….)
Dance backstage during a solo/ensemble singing or dance number.
- new from Jen
Eat onstage. - new from Jen
Insist that your performance of whatever play your in (most
effective if Shakespeare) should be performed with accents (best
if Latino or French). - new from Jen
Get your haircut or dye it during tech week. - new from Jen
Insist on a new costume during tech week. - new from Jen
Pretend to be drunk five minutes before the curtain on opening
night. - new from Jen
On the night of a performance pretend to be violently ill until
your entrance on stage. - new from Jessie
Walk onstage backwards for all of your entrances. - new from
If you're onstage and you get bored, start to hum your favourite
song, rock back and forth and nod your head to your tune. - new
Always turn your back to the audience. - new from Jessie
Pretend you can't remember the difference between upstage and
downstage, and make this mistake frequently. - new from Jessie
Talk very loudly backstage during performances. Some examples
of good lines are as follows:
" I can't find my costume!"
" I was framed!"
" This place is on fire!"
- new from Jessie
Stuff women's clothes with old rags (or use a mannequin) and put
it in the bathroom of the guy's dressing room. They walk in and
freak out- it NEVER fails!!! - new from Robin J.
Tell your teacher that you think you should add a more "Melrose" approach to
"The Diary of Anne Frank". - new from Robin J.
what's it to you?