spontaneously
unhinged suddenly
urgent



i wasn't expecting this
or
wanting this right_now
the doubts are strong
when_i'm_alone

lately
my lips have been missing you
feeling you
showing you
(you make my heart so full
it overflows
i want to share) 		140223
...
unhinged you said
'i wanted to talk to you'
and i had a heart_pang of anxiety
that phrase has never worked out for me

but we mutually agreed that
we are great together


you want me
just me
only me
i had to coax it out of you
cause for once you weren't direct
'what i mean is we should be committed'

well damn

yes
yes yes 		140302
...
unhinged is it time to say i_love_you yet?


cause i do
it flows out of me
without even realizing



i was so fucking mad at you
i wanted to spit
i wanted to run

maybe it was all the shamatha
in the intervening years
but i sat through it
instead of getting with
the good old cut_and_run

but i was so fucking mad at you
i couldnt even look at you
(i made your friend sit in the front seat
on our way to dinner)

you wouldnt let me pull
my passive aggressive shit at dinner
and slowly
the flames went out
i heard a voice somewhere between
my head and my heart say
'tell him you're sorry'


'honey
i'm sorry'

he made some typical smartass comment about how i shouldve been
maybe we kissed

he grabbed my ass

back_to_normal 		140506
...
u24 :) 140507
...
unhinged we woke up one morning, both trying to bring ourselves to get up for the jobs we hate, and you asked me where i saw our relationship in five years. i was just trying to get through the way you had been acting while your mother was in town. i didnt have a satisfying answer.


'i think of you as a good friend'


i dont play that role anymore. my sudden refusal to play your game threw you off balance. then the real you came out, selfish claws and all.



but a quick photographic_memory
of the way you used to smile at me
still flashes by my eyes sometimes 		140721
...
unhinged you moved to beijing
you smoked

said it was a requisite of doing business in china


(we were comfortable in a way i haven't been comfortable since

fool me once
shame on me

maybe i am avoiding
the twice) 		200411
what's it to you?
who go 		blather
from