a_collection_of_boys


	a_collection_of_boys
...	#1: definitely number one, fo' sho' skinny and non-good-looking, somewhat morbid and depressed good friend, in a pinch kinda random says stuff like "if you gave me that, it would be the worst gift ever" i am sometimes in love with him	050822
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...	#2 intellectually drop dead gorgeous (#1 is too, but he's an anti-intellectual intellectual) asshole ex-locker-partner the only person i dislike i really think i'm over him this time	050822
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...	#3 cute, somewhat depressed, sleep-deprived also highly intelligent, procrastinates more than anyone i know overworked someone who i am beginning to know better, but won't let myself fall for because two of my friends have random in a good way he drove me halfway home tonight	050822
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...	#4 also somewhat intelligent literature-type is not a geek, unlike #1, #2, #3 short, sarcastic, music lover funny guy is "normal" (spends inordinate amounts of time at bars and such) is cool. a minor part of the collection	050822
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...	#5 artist christian also depressed haven't seen him for two years i was obsessed, he found out, i left the church smart guy, though... one of the "cool" christians	050822
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...	#6 caleb good-looking, well-spoken, witty, in science, courteous, mildly flirtateous, christian met him tonight dislike him already	050822
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...	#7 older (21?) completely un-haveable way christian nice, mildly zealous concerned by my lack of faith charismatic	050822
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unhinged	sharon	050822
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...	#8 way cute. likes sailing and good chocolate has hair dyed orange is perfectly happy to wander around barefoot in a storm drain full of spiderwebs pleasantly idiosyncratic has awesome sandals "you're craaazy..."	050829
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...	#9 luke talked to him for all of three minutes on the bus has a nice smile probably thinks i'm a guy my friend's lab partner is either an anime fan, or gay, or both has the same job as I do, in a different place utterly diggable	050829
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...	#10 could easily be a cartoon character, has stylized facial expresions swings between extremes cynical and romantic at the same time pragmatic likes anime and robots a christian knight in love with a perfect girl now lives in another province	050829
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...	#2 i saw him today for the first time in three months i am completely not over him he's utterly gorgeous and apathetic and I became totally spastic and hyper for a good half hour after laying eyes on him he said about three and a half words to me, and then talked to her, that bloody friggin' pretty girl... gah... shit, shit, SHIT! i am so utterly not over him it's not even funny	050830
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unhinged	pretty boys are dangerous pretty apathetic boys are deadly	050830
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...	no bloody kidding they're deadly that kid could destroy me	050830
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falling_alone	it seems like i'm adding another boy to the ever-growing "he wants down my pants and i'm not having it" list	050830
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...	#11 sexy nice. brilliant likes math seems kind of lonely keeps to himself i have three classes with him, squeal has a girlfriend perfect	050901
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stork daddy	hey...say things went your way...what do you think his girlfriend's blather post would be like.	050901
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...	i've never even seen her so i really couldn't say wouldn't want to take him from her anyway	050902
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...	#12 worked on his farm all summer blue shirt, tall, slightly spiky dark hair, amusing smile french but bilingual friends with #2 hard-working, mildly serious, cute, easy to talk to half a friend, can joke with him about geekery smile-worthy	050902
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...	#13 ivan works for my mom saw him at a friend's party [small world] weird but interesting sings decently [giiirls just wanna have fun] sometimes exuberant and joyful sometimes quiet left without notice goes to a different school i think i'd like to know him better, but i was acting like an idiot	050903
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...	#14 sexy theatre dude curly hair dyed blonde, awesome smile somewhat nice too, amusing [heartbreaker]	050903
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...	#10 didn't actually live in another province then but will as of two days from now saw him for the last time tonight, slightly tipsy might never see him again	050903
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... :(	(i just realised i'm going to miss him)	050904
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...	#15 (tall and handsome type) brilliant nice excessively hard-working always courteous and such takes things too seriously not for me, though	050905
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bad fairy	If you want #2 you can have him. You're just too scared to believe it and so is he. Trust me on this one. Find a non-threatening way to let him know you care. Something that doesn't put him under any pressure but is unambiguous. The old, "accidental" discovery of your true feelings trick is choice here, leaving a diary lying around, that sort of thing...	050906
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...	#2 standing around outside talking to some friends and every time i glance over him he's somewhat looking in my direction, but not really - it's just my imagination just standing around awkwardly (laughing, talking too loudly), being acutely aware of his presence five feet away [i nearly never see him, and when i do he doesn't even acknoledge me.. sigh] there's no fuckin' way i can have him, even if i wanted sighs	050906
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bad fairy	The bad fairy never lies.	050907
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...	grin i'm sure she can be wrong, though just occasionally?	050907
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...	#2 fuck fuck FUCK! i dislike him so much	050908
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...	#2 fuck fuck FUCK! i'm so not falling again someone took his seat, so he sat beside me talked to him for an hour and a half fuck i hate this i love how he's so nonchalant or whatever acts like he doesn't care about anything in the world	050913
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falling_alone	add one to the "declaration of love uncomfortably too soon" list	050913
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bad fairy	Okay, now I can't keep using my powers to make someone occupy his seat every day or I'll get in trouble with Auberon. You're going to have to work with me here...	050914
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...	grumble grumble mumble grumble coulda given me some kinda warning... sheesh... have you got assassins or something? a one-way ticket to somewhere really cool? that'd work...	050914
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...	hmm... oberon had a love potion too, didn't he? heh heh heh	050914
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bad fairy	Uh, yeah but...just be careful who you wake up next to if you're going to be messing with that stuff.	050915
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...	ah, shit i'd forgotten about that aspect arranging a way to wake up next to him might be a bit awkward i hate this logistical difficulties	050915
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...	ooh, i gots it so you get a big fuckin' hammer give him an eetle tap on the head do the flower thing lock him in a soundproof closet for a while and ta da!	050915
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...	#2 sigh still want can't have	050930
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a secret thats not so secret	it's funny. the less i like him, the more he talks to me, making me like him more.	051001
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__	even though i don't like him in_love_with_an_idea	051001
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the nights child	is that it? Has my collection come to an end? Just when I seemed on the brink of a wonderful new hunting expedition, it all ground to a halt and now there is a giant hand poised to put the lid on this jar of mine. Tyring hard not to feel it, but not sure that there isn't a few slithers of regret seeping into my mind.	051001
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...	#15 geeky outgoing-type guy pwned the orienteering meet likes nerdcore and really bad movies hmm...	051003
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...	#2 somebody kill him for me sheesh. bastard. this would be so much easier if i could convince myself i didn't care about him	051110
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...	#16 reminds me of ivan slow smiling type but no.	051110
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...	#2 i'm not getting over him please, soon i /like/ him it scares me	051121
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...	#2 i'm one eighth over him, and ecstatic i don't understand why he's so inconsistent, why he talks to me, why anything but yay!	051124
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...	#8, #15 have since acquired girlfriends not that it makes a difference or anything	060103
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...	#17 added to collection march-ish 2003 smart, nerd, cute-ish, 19-turning-20, friend-of-a-friend sarcastic, ish good with computers he's been wandering in and out of the collection for a few years now currently in, but never stays there for more than a few days my favorite crush ever, on some levels i casually stalked him for three months in grade 9 because i liked his science project	060103
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...	#18 very w00t - bouncy, happy, outgoing, friendly, insanely likeable as in literally bouncy, jumping up and down happily hangs out with the anime club crowd, wearing a suit "because that's what i put on this morning" definitely cool squared, but doesn't really matter have a class with him, w00t!	060116
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...	#19 different-looking guy "i was like whoa" dark-haired, looks interesting but reserved he's probably not very fascinating, just a punk type or something but when he walked into physics lab i was like whoa	060116
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...	#2 i was depressed over him within 2 hours of walking into school, 1 hour of seeing him for the first time in a month, ish a new record. /me got pwned.	060116
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...	#18 my first impression of him was not entirely correct he's genuinely sweet, considerate, seems oddly innocent and unreal says "i look good, but i have no substance.. at least i hope i look good" he does but at the same time he does have substance... he's not alternately outgoing and serious, I don't think... he's just genuine i really really like him, just because he's so intensely likeable in a friendly-like way, i don't think he necessarily belongs on this list	060119
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...	#19 conclusion: good-looking, definitely very. that's it though	060119
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unhinged	that i have a set of completely platonic relationships with 2956 n cramer st. it's a weird but typical thing for me to have. i don't tend to have many friends that are girls.	060119
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...	#19 fucking hot. yeah.	060126
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syrope	#37 -looks absolutely adorable dressed up -can't stop talking to me, wants to tell me everything -works harder than i do -is just the right amount of athletic -has eyes like my dad's -will never happen	060127
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syrope	#26 -has hands i could lose myself in -doesn't want to talk about his past -doesn't get involved in things he can't handle -wants me to be more serious more often -is more of a man than a boy	060127
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...	#20 halo. smart, ish software-engineer-in-training-to-be my friend claims he's good-looking, but i'm not sure curly brown hair, constantly slightly unshaven, nice smile, ish overall, not a bad guy	060214
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...	#6 not good-looking not actually malicious, but I get very bad vibes from him feel stupid around him because he plays the stupid guy vs smart girl a lot. incompatible personality	060214
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...	#21 intellectually drop-dead gorgeous not like #2, #2 is a fucktard compared to this guy #2 is a fucktard, period, but I digress. i can't talk to him though, he sets up roadblocks outside of my circle, not enough intersection to start a conversation it's bloody depressing... i need really smart people to talk to, and nobody else qualifies damn lack of social skills [on both sides, really] :(	060214
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John Wayne Gacy	i kept mine in a crawlspace under my house	060215
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falling_alone	think harry potter bigger-boned	060215
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Syrope	so many of them but yet... i guess i'm getting old. used to i had to carefully schedule so only one (or two) would show up at a time. now i'm scrapin the bottom here... i need fresh meat	060216
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...	#18 seems to have dropped most of the classes i had with him, or just quit showing up a bit of an academic delinquent, though he's (seemingly) friends with everyone i never see him anymore too bad... he's cool. feels stupid now	060216
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...	#2 ::description attempt, mk II both hair and attitude slightly spiky chinese doesn't read [except manga] going into electrical engineering gadget geek thinks he's cool. prone to cursing profusely, though with limited scope [lol wtf?] not nice. very much concerned with pwnage laughs at things a lot [lol, wtf?] smart academic cred, so to speak normal's an insult to him being one of the top x% [10? 5?] is taken for granted hangs out with the testosterone crowd, the guys who have wrestling matches in the hallways he doesn't participate, just watches ans laughs [lol, wtf? pwned!] concerned with image. which is the best argument ever why he'd never like me. yeah. i ain't got image; image is shit. score 1 for the good side.	060217
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...	#9 the aforementioned luke. funny. cute. anime. clever. got my gender right 6 months later who the fuck am i kidding? all this analysis/meandering curiosity doesn't mean shit; i can't have anyone angst angst angst yup.	060217
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...	desperation_is_unattractive	060217
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Syrope	without a name with the lights off with lust for someone else i'd trade them all for one good man	060225
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unhinged	tim #1 chris #1 frank c marty eric pedro lee ryan tim #2 jesse chris #2 no love, absolutely none. well, maybe there was a little bit of friendly love with pedro and chris #2. maybe, if i'm in the mood for justifying/rationalizing.	060225
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...	#19 myfriend'solderbrotherwhoihaveacrushon agoodlookingcomputergeek actsinplaysoccasionally but, you know friendsolderbrother christianfriendsolderbrother ain't nothing there 'cept an amusing crush goodthingineverseehimanyway yeah.	060303
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pSyche	boy number 1: tall, quiet likes books and soft music doesn't mind absurdity camera-shy a real sweetheart boy number 2: a brainiac an athlete a gentleman wants to be a doctor makes me feel like I'm lazy boy number 3: a computer geek bit of a perv actually talks to me wears glasses nice when not around his friends	060304
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...	#2 I figured out why he talks to me, why he'll randomly blather to me about stuffs, ask me questions finally. It was when we went into a discussion of the smart people in our year, and I asked him for his master list of really smart people that he knew "just you" fuck... that's it, then. that's all there is that's all I've got... and it's not worth shit damn.	060315
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...	(cont'd) he likes that i can occasionally come up with brilliant solutions to problems he's been trying to solve for hours and am a good reference	060315
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...	#18 he's disappeared completely seems to have acquired a girlfriend, lucky girl too bad...	060325
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...	#19 i still fucking hot but is also a bit of a fucktard, thinks he's much more intelligent than he really is he's like #2 but funnier, better-looking, same level of confidence but less basis for it not really that enigmatic, just tries to look it	060325
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loudinkpink	his name was avery banks cousins and he could usually be found somewhere around campus watching people and celebrating their differences. The two of you both came upon breakdancers one day on the pavement outside the library and watched for a while. he took pictures then the two of you joined in and the b-boys taught you things. you talked to them. you with your social anxiety talked and danced with them. there was something in his brown eyes that caught you. He would look intently. Sometimes he would just start talking like this. he was always coming up with 'what if's.' He got food that was still good out of dumpsters at the local supermarket--fruit, vegetables, salad, bread. He played guitar with the strings facing up and never any chords--just strumming rhythms with his whole hand. one time at allison's apartment with all the alternative people there, he did that and asked clay to drum on the edge of the guitar. clay backed away after a minute and avery said 'no that's great' so clay started again and that music--untraditional as it was--created the most incredible energy--like a tribe--and everyone ended up joining in in some way. when it was over, he just asked "did you feel that energy" and i have no doubt--everyone in that room felt it and we were drunk with it and something immortal had happened. he. got. it.	060514
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...	#22 referred to as #19 once, but isn't cutefriendsolderbrother I like him, whenever I see him he told me I rock, because I listen he's a million years older than me he has a girlfriend on another continent he's cute, intense, geeky looks at you in the eyes and has a nice smile but really he's not that great I guess actsinplaysoccasionally isgeeky :) for today	060728
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...	#23 the most fucking hot person I have ever met he does math he is fucking hot he is good at math he is hot has an amazing smile juggles he is really good at math he is three years older than me he is a camp person -- guys look up to him, girls adore him, everyone wants him on their team after two days of being around him, he began to grate on my nerves... he juggles too much (seven balls is impressive, but every set of 3 or more round things does not need to be juggled) he likes attention he's kind of arrogant i'll probably be seeing him around a bit next year... not sure if that's a good thing or not yet probably meaningless	060728
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...	#24 doesn't necessarily belong here.... but meh co-staff nice guy, outgoing talks a lot to my listen kind of... maudlin is the wrong word, but overly "sincere", begins to get repetitive after a while, grates a little i fear i'm going to be spending a lot of time helping him he's real, though, I think, and there's little enough of that around	060728
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.	and what does the hundreth boy get, as being part of your personal diatriabe?	060728
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...	heh. So I'm a dork... shoot me.	060906
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...	#23 absolutely destroyed me in 24 (nutcase) didn't remember my name, apologized he's hot... so is his girlfriend Whatever.	060906
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.	i just hope the cops never find my collection..........	060907
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...	#25, #26, #27, #28, #29, #30 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.	060912
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...	holy crap. i was gonna stop this, I swear. but... um... he's the perfectest guy ever. well, he's not. but he's the archetypical nice geek... brilliant, nice, and shit. I'm so dead.	060915
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pSyche	#4 He changed alot over the summer. Yearbook photographer. Funny, suave, cute, and friendly- out of my league. He's dating an older girl. Asks me for money to buy starbursts from the vending machine, and i wish he wouldn't because he makes me realize I'm lonely. Probably my biggest crush yet far.	060915
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...	okay... #25 or whatever.. mr. perfect who's really nice and smart and awesome and... um... stuff been obsessing over him for, er, 4 days now. I just realised he's gay Fuck, eh? At least that solves that problem ;)	060918
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...	that sounded bad. The guy rocks. Like woah. I should just shut the fuck up.	060918
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drreerasgs	"oh come on! ...I was only being facetious"	060918
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...	okay, he's actually gay like not maybe he's gay like he is so i should not be obsessed with him, eh? he rocks so much. but obviously i have no chance... i mean, even if he weren't i wouldn't.. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck this is so dumb	060927
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...	lately, me	061018
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falling_alone	i don't know how i feel yet. it's been 4 years since i saw him last make that one day. 4 hours since i talked with him another day till i see him again how long before i find out what he wants from me. perhaps i should stop questioning and enjoy this momentary happiness while it lasts.	061229
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falling_alone	aaaahhh!	070104
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.	i need a bigger cellar. just as well these boys of mine can't procreate	070105
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...	+5 more, or so I tire of enumerating them, they're all cute, half of them are queer, the best are geeks same old, same old	070211
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falling_alone	my collection will pause from here. hopefully for some time...	070211
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...	i guess it is ironic that after all this suddenly i have a girlfriend	071023
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unhinged	they want me in their band now they want me in their band now hehe	071024
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...	i am happier with her.	080318
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unhinged	has been nothing but disappointment around here are you gonna love me ever?	080318
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...	#26 (or whatever) i found a new one he is a geek and has a beard and is really good at c++ and really nice he is kind of strangely balding, but I don't mind too much he's not too old i might really like him i am dating someone oops	080920
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unhinged	dreams_connect_me_to_you both of you one on either side and i realized that i loved both of you for different reasons and if i could just mash you into one person that is the man i would marry	080921
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In_Bloom	It's what you accused me of keeping but you just didn't get they don't belong to me. They pass around or through me and I stir them throughout a collection of girls. None of for me but I am for all of them, a tiny spark of me.	080922
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pSyche	boy number 5: athletic bad taste in music super nice rich annoying a pansy hyper my first ex	081121
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...	#27 fuck so pretty so pretty so pretty so nice so smart. makes me feel crazy. I asked him out all awkward, he said yes, we made out on the couch boy #27 and the first one I asked out, kissed, fucked we stay in bed until 4pm he eventually figures out he only wants sex, it turns out I'm not supposed to be crazy about him. too late. still fucking him though. Almost certainly unwise. next!	091221
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...	#23 is really not that hot. I'm not sure why I thought that.	091221
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...	#27 is a waste of time. I guess I should have known that seven months ago, but there we go.	100630
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...	#28 A little (a lot?) emotionally distant. He keeps a lot of people at arm's length. I find it difficult. he's quiet. smart. funny. A little older. He treats his friends and family well, is trustworthy, and says exactly the right thing sometimes. Has a nice smile. what else could I want, right?	100630
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unhinged	this past year has been an odd collection indeed	100701
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...	#28 i did not think then that I would ever kiss him sometimes life is surprising.	100817
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falling_alone	Add the bore, the playwright, the stagehand, the creepy blast from the past, the emotionless actor...	110923
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...	all of this turned out okay, it turns out. It turned out the first one liked me the whole time, and I got to keep the last one, at least so far. Here's hoping.	120405

	what's it to you? who go	blather from