write_a_letter_to_yourself Dafremen I had my kids write letters to themselves. Sounded like a good idea. It was. Here's mine: Dear Roger, Howz it going old man? Not too bad here. Still fighting the good fight and trying to keep myself together. It's hard, you know, understanding so many things, but not being able to share them with anyone, either because noone wants to listen, or because noone that listens seems to understand or care. At least you understand, and I guess that's why I'm writing you this letter, to relieve the tedium and actually make meaningful contact with someone that understands. How do you do it man? How do you take the frustration of trying to get through to a society of people that don't want to see or think beyond their next want, beyond the next laugh? I'd really like to know, because I'm on the verge of pulling my hair out and leaving everything and everyone behind to head to India or something. Just kidding, but don't think that the thought hasn't crossed my mind once in awhile. The worst part is the whole, "Boy are you an arrogant sonuvabitch" thing. If you're not self-effacing enough or you're too self confident, in this society full of closet basket cases, you're arrogant. If you're too self-effacing, they think that it's an act intended to manipulate people, or cover up your arrogance, either that, or they buy it and try to walk all over you. (Sigh) I suppose I do think rather highly of you, but I'd like to think that it's because I know your heart, your history, and how far you've come to overcome your past. I know how much you really CARE about all of these people around you, despite the cruelty that you've experienced at the hands of the human race, I know how you would just love to reach out and give them all a big hug, and tell them that everything is gonna be alright. (Your letter to_the_human_race pretty much said it all. Did you think I wouldn't buy it? Did you think I would think it was just another of your exercises in creative writing? I know you, remember that.) I know how you would love to ease the suffering that many folks feel, by sharing the secrets that have enabled you to overcome, and protect yourself, from the senseless cruelty that human beings can inflict upon one another in this world. Frankly, you DESERVE for things to go as smoothly for you as they have been going lately, and I'm happy for you, really I am, you've been through too much in your childhood to have had the CONSEQUENCES of that twisted childhood destroy your chances for a lifetime of happiness. I'm so glad you made it out of that trap, do0d..great job. I'll tell you a secret, man. I used to HATE you when we were little. I mean I REALLY despised you and as you know, I don't hate easily..don't even dislike particularly easily. You were weak, unwanted, lonely, an outcast. You were a nerd, dork, geek, spazz to me. Loner boy, bookworm, troublemaker, pothead, loser, shithead is what you were to me and I HATED you for it. Why couldn't you be different? Why are you always screwing up? Why can't you get your shit together? These were the things that I used to think when I thought of you. Why don't you have any friends? Why can't you be like people want you to be? Those were the priorities that I set for you, and the answer to each and every one of those questions was an echo of the verbal and mental abuses that you had heard a thousand times before, from the lips of your "role models" and "caregivers"..your abusers, your torturers. The answer that always came to mind, was that you were a worthless loser who would never amount to anything. Unfortunately for both of us, it took years for you to figure out that the reason they didn't like you had less to do with YOU, than it did with THEM, and what THEY had been raised to think was important in the people around them. They looked down on you because they had been taught to bolster their own iffy self esteems with regular doses of persecuting people that they perceived to be weaker than them. An involuntary social reaction on their parts (in most cases.) Man, did I hate you! Remember the time I tried to kill you? Heheh, ok so 14 is a normal age to feel like offing yourself, but 150 aspirin? Heheh dumbass!! Remember? I laugh about it now, but I remember how sad you were back then, man. I half wish the you that you are now had been there for the you that you were then. To talk some sense into you before you chugged those aspirin and then puked all over the basement floor trying to get that old bottle of Pepto open with a pair of vise grips. (Who woulda thought dried Pepto could hold a screw top on THAT tight...huh?) We were both a couple of silly dipshits back then man. Thank gawd you finally realized that what was more important than what anyone else thought of you, was what you thought of yourself. I guess deep down, that probably appears arrogant to people who DON'T think much of themselves, or who would rather that you didn't think much of yourself. It must seem to them like you're building your own temple to YOU in your head. Tough shit is what I say to them. Would they rather that you built up your self esteem on their opinions? Ha! Of course they would..who wouldn't like to have that amount of control over another human being's self image? People with low self-esteems are easier to manipulate, and wouldn't they just love another easy pawn or another target for their derision...another perceived weakling? Tell em to kiss your ass man! As long as you can live with your actions and intentions there is NO shame in thinking well of yourself. Glad that you finally saw through the charade and have gotten on to the show..good for you. Like I said, you've come a long way man, done a LOT with a life that for so many years, you were told was worthless, and I'm proud of you...seriously. Ok, enough of THAT sentimental crap! So I've been reading your stuff alot lately and I have to say that I really like MOST of it, but I think you're being a bit heavy-handed about the philosophy. Don't get me wrong, I think everything you're saying makes sense and I think we BOTH know that you mean well, but how will you ever get through if you keep writing about obscure, hard-to-get-your-head-around stuff? I know, you're going to tell me that you just write to write, but we both know that that isn't ALWAYS true. You DO like folks to enjoy your stuff, you DO like to make people think, or feel something. Admit it, you're an entertainer and a ham, and you'd love for one person to go "Wow! That's deep" or "Beautiful stuff, man. I really enjoyed that" and ESPECIALLY you'd like them to giggle a bit, there's no use denying it. So lighten up on the long-winded philosophy, you're boring them man. Eventually the few folks that do listen will stop listening, mainly because people have their own problems, and they like it light these days. Light or sympathetically negative..and your stuff is neither light nor is it negative. It's...well it's been kinda PREACHY man. Like you're up on a pulpit or something. Probably the closest you've come to getting it right is that Sitting_Tree_Smiles story and the Daffy letter that you wrote. The rest is reminiscent of a Billy Graham crusade without the Christianity. Like opening a textbook on Zen philosophy or getting a speech from your dad...Zzzzzzz. The poetry has been ok. Some of it has been absolutely great, but don't you think that it's about time you told more stories? Where is all of that insightful sarcasm do0d? The reactive, nonsensical plays on words? You used to be so full of it...ok so you still are, even more so, but YOU know what I mean. : ) If you took my advice, you'd stick to the insights that pissed so many people off, simply because sincere dislike is better than insincere flattery or sincere indifference any day. Either that or move on to stories. (Ok the grasshopper thing was a good start, but hell you came up with that idea 3 weeks ago, and it took you that long to type it out. Seems like that guy was absolutely correct when he said that writers don't like to write. They like to have written. Heheh clever bastage wasn't he? Fucker.) Try working on the stories. Keep the poetry going, but don't expect to entertain too many people with that shit, because most people just don't get it. I do, but most people DON'T. Enough of the advice (I know, I know...NOW who's being preachy? Screw you, you old windbag, you invented the genre! : ) I just wanted to see if I could help you (gawd we're so alike it's scary isn't it?) get back on track with your stuff. I've really enjoyed the reparte and would hate to think that the old Roger that used to write has gone the way of the dodo bird. (Listen to me, I say 'gone' there, as if you didn't start there. : ) Speaking of reparte, you're probably wondering why, with as much as I enjoy a good debate/discussion/argument, that I haven't engaged you in one yet. First off, it's been entirely too much fun watching you tear it up. I didn't want to deflate your confidence while you were on a roll. (Kidding, just kidding! Don't get yer dander up, do0d.) Seriously though, I get the funny feeling that if we ever got into it, we'd probably be so evenly matched that it would end up in a draw anyway. Know what I mean? Hey, I heard you're going to be getting internet access at your home again soon. Cool legumes, old bean! Lemme know when you get it so that I can come over and mo0ch some bandwidth off of ya. You know me, save a buck where I can, spend em where I can't! : ) Listen, it's been great yakkin at you man. Hope I didn't take up too much of your time. Thanks for getting this far in the letter anyhow. Take it light and let me know how things are going once in awhile. You don't write nearly often enough, you know. Yer bud for life, Daf P.S. Whadda ya wanna bet this letter comes back to haunt us? Fuck em, I was typing...just typing. Heheh. 021010 ... bethany love of my life, sorry to interrupt your fun but i know how much you like letters too. just wanted to tell you how wonderful you are. hope you can those pits outta your stomach, hopefully they'll dissapear in time. those bad blood secrets you cant tell no one. did i mention that you look better form your left side, its the one without the lazy eye. and yes you have beautiful voice, just shut it up. remember you always said you'll be fine holding a camera. kick youself when you say that bitch. dont let the crazy or the purv run out. not like they will, but keep it well oiled. not too well oiled. love your fuckers wander we belong to the night, we belong to each other, bethany annie beth purv shawna 021010 ... screwing for virginity i admire all of you, i would never have the nerv to post anything like that anywhere. 021203 ... just_inflate shay, did it hurt? 021204 ... minnesota_chris You're going nowhere. Get to work. 030415 ... x dear daxle, thank you for being concise, and attempting not to speak out your ass. with great exmaustion, daxle 030415 ... sabbie dear sab today, all the girls in here are all proud of you. today, they're all grinning like crazy and stifling little excited noises. today they're all on your side. clever sab... love us , today bursting with pride. 030415 ... splinken dear xxxxx, you're looking exceptionally foxy today. love, xxxxx 030415 ... someonefrom the past hey you. Yeah me. (to future self:) At some point in the past, you were nervously jumping around in your own skin, waiting for it to be one am so you can meet a "friend". This letter is to pass the time. Hopefully I won't explode with anticipation. so, are you still happy? Remember when the word "depressed" was much more accurate for that question? Life seems to have reached a nice smooth ascent, every day a bit better than the last. I'm writing to let you know...that I'm making the most of this, so don't regret anything from this time until however long it takes for me to change into someone notsohappy. I hope you stay well. 030416 ... ClairE Dear Claire, I haven't written to you in so long and I had the lovely idea today to get back in touch with you. I know that we talk every day but I figured it was time to bust out a letter again. You know. Right now I'm sitting here in my freezing room. The heat isn't turned on yet this year, as usual. This morning it turned on at about 9:30 and buzzed for twenty minutes and promptly shut off again. It's getting colder here too. It's rainy and dark and very much October. How are you doing? We haven't written real letters in quite a while. I hope everything is going well with you right now. I know getting used to being single can be shaky ground, but I also know that you are the kind of person who will take the opportunity provided in this change and do something with it. I really respect that about you, Claire. I admire a positive attitude and a gentle temper and it's something I struggle to keep. I'm doing pretty well, though. I'm also getting used to the single life. I just had a week off from school and I went travelling all over and saw old friends. It was nice to spend time with these people I have known from before college (one of them I have known since I was 2 1/2). They were all excellent hosts and the distraction of all the entertainment they provided was just what I needed. Now I'm back at school and it is gray and I have one midterm left. I actually got really lonely and down last night, but you know me, I'm always struggling valiantly up. It's something we have in common. And I have to admit that I am fabulously blessed now, honestly. I'm realizing what wonderful friends I have and I have the whole wide world opened up before me. And Mirah is playing Vassar ON MY BIRTHDAY! It is like an elaborate hoax, but oh-so-true. If you'd like to visit for it, feel free! You're always welcome to spend the night. Anyway, I should really get to this paper and let you finish reading this long letter. I love you and I hope to hear from you very soon. You are my best friend. Love, Claire 031027 ... pipedream still loves everyonewasjustmakingapoint dear pipey you are so full of yourself, wanting to talk about yourself for paragraphs and paragraphs that i thought i'd teach you a little lesson and tell you your hair looks terrible today. frizzy as a rat's ass.i know that's not entirely true, but just so you don't get all self-inflated. with a slap on the ass, pipedream (who's yo' momma?) 031028 ... Doar Dear Doar, I know that your here only to get some attention, so you shouldn't get hurt when some asshole decides they know you better than you do. But of course you do. I really despise you because of your weakness and self serving attitude. I also hate the fact that you can't seem to summon any self esteem when it comes to women, hell, even summon some "would you like to go out?" questions, instead of sitting on the sidelines waiting for the coach to put you into play. Fucking pathetic. I would like to help you out man, but you can't seem to break out of your loneliness for any amount of time. And the more you go on the less you feel it should continue. You're flushing yourself down the toilet and I'm getting tired of getting the plunger. What have you really done with your life? Huh....what? Nuffin.... but is that really true? How about making people smile and laugh. How about being a goofy, sarcastic flower giver. Jesus, is that all you can think of? Maybe you should find a religion that will gloss you over and leave you in a perpetual catatonic state of just being. I don't know.....if I had the answers I'd give them to you, throw you a rope, hell, a lifeboat, anything to keep you from this descent. I'd give you courage to ask, because don't 'they' say, you never know. But you have convinced yourself that you do know what the answer will be, haven't you? Yes, you think you know that it will be NO, fuck off loser. well, have we gotten anywhere with this whining shit. No... Fuck ya then. 031029 ... celestias shadow Dear Natalie, remember when you cared so much about fitting in that it was easy? remember how mindless it was to just fit it? why is it so much harder now? you'd think not caring would be easier, wouldn't it? Aren't you sick yet of being the mature one? I know I am. I like the advantages it gives me, and I like the feeling of safety and superiority it gives me, but at the same time, don't you think it sucks to never be on the same wavelength? Just a thought to take up your time. I know there's nothing you can do about it. You can't make yourself WANT to go out and get drunk and do stupid fucking high school things and die in a car crash like that kid last year. You know that's not your thing. Why do you keep writing? Ok, that's a stupid question. You know you can't help writing, it's your life. But why do you keep deluding yourself that you're good? Don't listen to your friends anymore, ok? That's where you're going wrong. They don't know shit about writing and you know that, but you let them tell you you're good, and you actually believe it, you stupid little girl. Get over yourself. And stop worrying about how you look. It bothers you too much. You aren't pretty and you never will be, and you need to accept that. Move on. With love, Natalie 031029 ... User24 I wish I'd done one of these years ago. still, plan for the future. Hello, H. you've officially been off lunch break for 2 minutes, but here you are on blather. If you read me in the future, know that you're getting weary, and waiting for October, whereupon, hopefully, everything_will_be_ok. You're wasting your time at the moment, lots of things you (c/sh)ould be doing, but aren't, two things you shouldn't be doing, but are. I hope I eventually decide to start doing what I want, and stop doing what I don't. Your new year's resolution last october was to do exactly that, but it's now March, and look where you aren't. Still, I'm playing the waiting game, moving out, and generally getting ready. It'll be fun (you hope) to start saving, instead of being in limbo as you have been for so very long (like, forever) You see uni as the first choice you've made - you never chose your town, your school/college (career, even) But you chose Lampeter, and the course, it'll be the first time that your environment is completely your doing. I happen to have been born here, and now I choose to leave. it's important, because so many people fall into their lives, without really putting any effort into thinking about what they could acheive, and what they want to achieve. (the two are very very different, you know that) and I'm scared of dying without having done what I want, or least without having tried, or had the chance. You've wasted so many chances already, don't screw this one up. October 4th, 2004 is your first birthday. new life. do it. . 040312 ... minnesota_chris FUCKING GET TO WORK 070918 ... minnesota_chris ah crap, I wrote that in 2003 as well. 070918 ... fuffle where the Fuck is the last jigsaw peace? 070918 ... fuffle its a piece of peace, like cake you see.... you'll find a bit of meaning in everything, if you look for it that is. 070918 ... jane someday, you'll find what you're looking for. or not. either way, you might as well make the best of it. 091117 ... hsg why_am_i_scared_to why_i_would_love_to 091118 ... hsg read down _am_i_scared_ _i_would_believe_in_myself_ _living_life_ ? is this _ my letter ? 091118 ... In_Bloom I also am scared to write the letter I want to believe in The Everything If only... The End 091118 ... unhinged blather 091118 ... epitome of incomprehensibility Dear e_o_i of 2014, I assume you're alive - after all, I wrote "K____ ____, 1988-2079" in one of my notebooks, and I expect you to live up to that. Planning ahead, yup. If you haven't ruined another friendship, someone or something else probably did. So if it's not your fault this time, don't feel so bad. Do you have a job? Get a job. Have you got something else published? ...No I don't mean a whole book, just a story, poem, or article. If you're still on this site, please write back. Unfortunately I won't be able to answer, because I'll be you. Do sentences like that still amuse you? Not sure if the better answer is yes or no. Let me know what you think. Semi-sincerely, . 121018 ... e_o_i Did not remember I'd done that. No, myself, my friends are still my friends, but the main ones are in different places right now. I've got part of a job. Does that satisfy you? I published a poem on hypothetical rabbits. All right? And no, I don't think that last bit was particularly clever. See you in two years. Do something interesting. I'll be waiting for you in 2016. Love, . 140115 ... nr (go canada) this reminds me of a being_erica episode. 140115 ... e_o_i I've seen the concept in various places (writing letters to future self)... or do you mean me in particular? Being_Erica sounds cute, though in my dreams where I've tried to change the past, things become a bit of a Kafkaesque_nightmare. One time I created alternate timelines, which didn't really fix anything. The other time, I screwed up other people's timelines, making my cousin who's younger than me die in World War Two. Not funny, unconscious mind, picking that one just because... ah, never mind. I went over that in anti_semitism. Next time I get a time machine I'm avoiding anything after 1930. I plan to have an angsty and delicious affair with Franz Kafka, man of my fondest nightmares. Failing that, I'll just write letters to my future self and, upon discovering them, be annoyed at how little my life changes. But it's all good. I'm trying to convince myself not to grumble about little things. ("Those damned quarks! Screw the whole lot of 'em! And don't get me started on neutrinos...") 140115 what's it to you? who go blather from