what_i_want_to___do___but_can't Thyartshallshant Have sexual realations with people OTHER than my hand. 010120 ... Thyartshallshant And be able to spell "relations" correct. 010120 ... birdmad to forget what grieves me and move on, move forward but like the sinners in one of dante's circles, i am forever damned to an eternity spent with my head wrenched backwards in retrospect 010121 ... Megan I drove home from work today and I took this high speed turn that scared the shit outta my dad( fun!! ) and I was telling my mom about it later and my sister just decides to say,"You never slow down." I just get so pist whenever she says that cuz I don't even have my license yet. I've only had 1 driving hour! and the little bitch just HAS to make that comment whenever she possibly can. Of course, she's 14 or something.... so ya know.... I can understand it but she's still a huge bitch..... I broke a fixture on my chandelier because I was gonna smash her face in with a cooling rack.... and that was yesterday. My family is violent... possibly dangerous. I can never tell anymore. So what I want to do but can't is be able to kill my little sister without suffering the consequences. Either that or have a remote with a mute button for her. 010121 ... sabbie i want to be able to get up earlier in the mornings. i want to be able to say everything i mean, every time, and have it all come out right, not matter who i am talking to. i want to be well adjusted, all the time. i want to be able to save the earth. i want to be able to make oil paint dry heaps faster. i want to know what its like to be a mermaid. i want to be able to fly. 010122 ... raechel I want to be able to yell back at my parents and say all the fucked up shit right back at them. To be able get through one whole day without having to talk to anyone. People bring me down. To be able to get into a relationship and not care. Not have to get attatched, not have to be dependant, jealous, expectant. To just have a guy I can fuck and not have to talk about my feelings... 010211 ... florescent light I want my ankle to heal so I can get out of my house. I want my phone to ring more. I want to be stronger/more confident I want to be prettier. I want to wave my magic fairy wand and end all suffering. I want to cease to exist. I want to know everything there is and what is not I want miracles to exist. I want people to like me. I want to not care if people like me. I want to be a leader, instead of a follower. I want to live forever. I want to get into other people's heads. 010211 ... *Ziima* I want to be happy. 010220 ... evi realize there's nothing i CANT do 010224 ... unhinged want to hold him at night and kiss him like it was in that dream and talk to him all day long about the music we both share and teach him how to read music and find some one to play the emperor concerto and the prelude in c# for him want to stop wanting him because i'm not his material skinny and blonde the way he likes it but every corner of my heart is devoted to him making him happy we could be so happy... but there are no admissions i will take what i can get 010224 ... G_wiz13 sux huh? 010224 ... florescent light today - I want nothing. I desire nothing. I am perfectly content. 010224 ... unhinged it more than sucks it rips my heart apart but sometimes all you can do is wait and be content with what you have "you gave me more to live for. more than you'll ever know." jeff_buckley 010224 ... Rhinna I want to climb into the shower with Peyton! ::pouting:: 010224 ... fanta I want to: be free from obligation quit my job and travel never be scared or intimidated be able to sing never care what people think of me 010224 ... Firehunden one thing... that's all. If I could live in my mind. My uncorrupted mind. My nightmare free mind. My life free mind. 010225 ... johnny west I want to be able to grow facial hair. A beard, for Christ's sake! But all I get is this shitty fuzz that never turns into anything substantial. It seems to be spreading. Why doesn't it just grow? I want stubble! 010309 ... Aimee I want to make my parents realize that they aren't perfect and that they don't always know what's best for me anymore than I do. I want to be able to have a perfectly open and honest relationship without the fear that whom ever it is, is going to really hurt my someday. I want to be able to look in the mirror in the morning, afternoon, and night and like what I see, rather than just accepting the fact that I don't like what I see. I want to be able to accept full responsiblity, and stop being so damn agressive when I'm attacked. I want to be able to see myself the way everyone else does. I want to understand why they think I'm "beautiful" "vivacious" "intelligent" and "witty" I want all that, but I know it'll never happen 010310 ... nocturnal take it all back and start over. 010401 ... florescent light I want to be able to fall in love unconditionally. 010401 ... dB Who keeps throing these things at us? Oh well. What I want to do but can't? Tough one. I want to be able to write. I'm learning though. With the help of some really great people. 010401 ... birdmad crawl out of my own skin and become someone else 010402 ... lifeandlight Understand. 010403 ... unhinged i did one of them the emperor concerto... i wonder if he will go with me probably not 010403 ... chanaka move to a different state (both geographically and mentally) 010403 ... keeper have him 010403 ... pleasedrivefaster erase. start over. 010403 ... carden i want to come out of my shell. i've tried rehearsing things in my head to become more outgoing, but it just doesn't work. i don't like being shy. 010425 ... carden oh, and i want to scream at the top of my lungs out of frustration 010425 ... Miner I want to be able to live my life. Constantly am i trapped within rules and regulations, my own frail mind, at times strong enough to transform my entire being completely, is so often left week and numb as other people force their expectations upon me. Friends are all too often troubled with my burden, as constantly my emotions, once so strictly controlled, now roam free, flailing about wildly as each new person or incident makes its mark upon my soul. I long to regain my control and composure, to be able to completely submerge myself within myself when needed, or show my emotions and feelings for all to see as I shine from the center of all I am. I want to feel like myself again, and not just an observer, watching a horror show, and being unable to even make myself heard. 010425 ... Alexander Beetle to think in a straight line just once so i know what it feels like 010502 ... enriquecito erase the tape that they've been recording in my brain since I was born. see the world again, a new place, and breathe the air as for the first time. 010502 ... Dafremen tell you what, tack on "knowing what I know now" to that last blather and you can count me in. 010502 ... Teenage Jesus ...walk into a pharmacy and happily greet the employees. "Howdy" I'd say. "What'll it be son" Mr. hmm, let's call him Mr. Grant, "What'll it be son" Mr. Grant would say. "Let me see here, I think I'll have some cocktails Mr. Grant. Let me have, oh, 5 Vs and 5 tenMG tabbys" "Alrighty!" "Can you charge it again?" "Of course! How about some iced tea?!?" That Mr. Grant is so nice. 010502 ... sim Be selfish. 010502 ... startfires holly_and_her_black_jacket 010502 ... anyone I'd agree with carden's blather. I want to get up on the roof and simply yell out all of my frustrations and release whatever tormented demons there are that keep me from being content and/or succesful. I want to make as much noise as I possibly can, and tell anyone who's ever been a burden on my life to go fuck themselves, and if I ever got as fucked up as them, I'd do the world a favor and commit suicide. Instead though, I'll just smile my stoic smile and let everyone smear their shit across my face. Its easier and safer to sit and tolerate it than to wash up and do some needed house-cleaning. Plus, I'm intelligent and a pussy enough to foresee the consequences and decide against it. 010503 ... Dafremen Trust me...if I could go f*ck myself I certainly wouldn't be sitting here typing on blather. I'd be f*cking myself regularly and WELL. When yer hung like a gerbil Auto-fellatio is OUT of the question. 010503 ... anyone I'm talking co-workers, supposed friends, and such. 010504 ... just me. hey daffy, you're married, right? you therefore shouldn't have to do the deed yourself. 010504 ... Dafremen Yea I'm married. You obviously aren't. There's a LOT more that goes along with being married than love and sex. To tell the truth, some days it would be EASIER if I could f*ck myself. Would sure save jumping through a lot of hoops and all of that incessant LISTENING and romanticizing that you have to do. Geezus! 010504 ... owko i want to let my brother know that i love him and that i'm sorry 010510 ... Allie be relaxed ALWAYs... permanetly hypnotised like the guy on Office Space would be ok with me 010510 ... Kontrol Impose some order on this madness. It will never work, you people seem hell bent on turning this place into some kind of madhouse. 010511 ... nocturnal I'm missing the problem. madhouse=bad? I just don't understand. that's crazy talk. 010511 ... Kontrol If madness is a minority of one then in this godforesaken place (sorry god but you know what I mean) I may be considered crazy. Just remember that in the kingdom of the deaf the one handed man is at a serious disadvantage no hang on that's not right. 010511 ... nocturnal that makes sense. sign language and all. 010511 ... Kontrol yes, thankyou Nocturnal. My mind does seem to wander somewhat when you are around. It must be the thought of you concentrating so hard on your calculus... 010512 ... i jump 010521 ... I_wear_longsleeves jump 010521 ... Aimee right now... I want to cut myself all over... I can't though... It would hurt him way too much. 010521 ... birdmad fly 010522 ... Dafremen Mmmmmm spaghetti-o's 010522 ... nemo believe in god 010605 ... User24 jeez, i wish there -were- some things that i couldnt do, but i believe you can do anything (besides the obviously impossible things like flying or using MS windows without it crashing) 010709 ... anyway make him happy make him care be his girlfriend. not hurt him. oh well. in a few years we wont mean anything to eachother anymore anyway. 010709 ... nocturnal just be fucking satisfied with all the good stuff and people I have. rather than finding everything wrong with them. rather than being certain my life is worthless without that one thing I'm always missing, whatever it may be at the time. 010709 ... Allie Take a shower, but the guy who was supposed to finsish the bathroom, decided he wouldn't show up yesterday. So I'm sittin here hoping he gets done before the day is over so I can leave the house...CLEAN 010720 ... squillo fuck_the_world 010720 ... elisabeth I want to hug you and never let go, i want to hug you and cry in your arms. i just want you to be there for me. and i want to feel safe and secure in your arms like i always do 010720 ... black-dyed gel product jump into an olympic size swimmming pool full of strawberry jell-o 010720 ... Kristina Leave far away and fall into a half reality with my heart still beating and my mind still thinking even in my parents hate me and dispize me and my Alex cant stand the sight of me. If I could leave this dim little room I call mine, on borrowed time of course, and I leave it all. Maybe I should just die. ::whimpers:: 010907 ... november rain i want to forget you 010908 ... Norm Make everyone love me. 010908 ... DannyH Take you all to the pub round the corner 010908 ... Becky Go back in time.. and stop things from happening. Whether or not people think so.. it was not inevitable. 010909 ... Inanna 1 stop needless human pain and suffering 2 put an end to human ignorance 010909 ... translucent See you, my lovely Tamara. 010909 ... translucent get you to believe that I really do care, very VERY much. 011009 ... Toxic_Kisses one word: Excape. 011009 ... the_engineer live 011010 ... daxle get him to sit down and talk to me 011011 ... evolutionending cry 020121 ... searching have one more day with him feel comfortable in my own skin learn to love me allow others to love me be happy...or maybe just content 020122 ... ilovepatsajak just let go 020122 ... psychotic swooping cannibalistic birdmad roast and devour the next person that fucks things up on my time "i'd eat people if it was legal" 020122 ... ClairE Send Annie this fucking song over MSN! 020122 ... oasisoncloud10 kill sex offenders 020123 ... little wonder There is a house down the road from me, sort of a halfway home. It has several ex sex offenders living there...on their way to a "better life". By law, they don't have to tell anyone in the neighborhood what they are. I want them to go away. 020201 ... The_Engineer To ammend my previous blather: Living is being done.... Loving has helped me feel alive i'd like to go back in time and change some of the things i did so i wouldn't have hurt the people i hurt 021220 ... zzzle sleep 021220 ... Rhin scream. 021220 ... Mahayana ::kiss you:: 021220 ... devalis be beautiful outside as well as in be nice to people I don't like have confidence that I'm better than I think I am admire your wrists look into your eyes nuzzle kiss hug touch love... from in front of you 021220 ... littleidiot stand up for myself. be free. make decisions. take school more seriously. believe in myself. move on. forget. actually WRITE well and have the hope that one day perhaps i will have a nice settling-down job that allows me to express that love for writing. expand. look outside the box. not be so greedy. contract. focus on specifics fuck. there are so many things... ughh 021220 ... unhinged leave it all start over 021220 ... vicious i want you to admit you like me too much. i want you to stop filtering everything through safety nets and just do something cuz you know you want to. i want you to stop pushing me away. i want to lay with you in this bed again and have the day go by without us. i want to spend as much time with you as possible before you are gone. i want you to talk to me, or at least have someone to talk to. i want you to miss me when you're gone. i want taiwan to be closer. 021220 ... blown cherry fall asleep wrapped up in your arms 030317 ... pipedream i want to eat a huge burrito with beans and guacamole oozing out of each end and salsa on top; with a giant glass of sprite. but i can't, because my tummy's in an upset. :( that, and there's no decent mexian place here and i DON'T feel like cooking right now 030317 ... this is me now i want to be able to sit in the back seat of your car, because I'm letting your friend take shottie and reach up and wrap my arms around you and the seat while u drive. i want to be able to say i love you 030317 ... S. I want to get out of this town full of nutcases. I want to go somewhere, anywhere but here. 030317 ... girl_jane touch see blather_confessional It's getting worse... 030318 ... DevilsLyric Relax, cry, get out more, do better in school, get a job, win something, make more friends, be more social, talk to a girl, talk more, sleep better, get off the pills, open my eyes, be less cynical, be happy lots a stuff I can't anyway. why not give up now. so much easier. suicide is something else i guess. 030318 ... o.O Every fucking time you don't know what to do write a poem. You'll have a body of work despite yourself. -Mike Golden (what i want to do, but can't is get my ass off the fucking computer and do something useful) 030831 ... Freak cry 030831 ... zuzuspetals do that but i cant i cant.. no way 030901 ... endless desire not feel wrong 030901 ... endless desire broken 030901 ... endless desire useless 030901 ... blah-ze find somewhere to take me for who i am go out on a roll of unreal and make sure everyone realises i am me 030901 ... realistic optimist overcome my self destructive tendancies 030901 ... imposter Die. I can't take it here anymore. I know where the gun is. It's illegal, bought from someone who stole it a long time ago. Unregistered 9 mm. Raptor bullets, something facy, illegal as well. Cop-killer bullets, they blow a huge hole. Suicide is not an option. It's too selfish. But if it weren't for her, maybe I would. No one else would miss me. God, I jsut want to fucking go to sleep and never wake up. 030903 ... imposter Die. I can't take it here anymore. I know where the gun is. It's illegal, bought from someone who stole it a long time ago. Unregistered 9 mm. Raptor bullets, something facy, illegal as well. Cop-killer bullets, they blow a huge hole. Suicide is not an option. It's too selfish. But if it weren't for her, maybe I would. No one else would miss me. God, I just want to fucking go to sleep and never wake up. 030903 ... TrueNihilism I want to complain right now. I want to let everything out. I want to be her one and only. I want to be unselfish. I dont want to be hippocritical. I dont want to be human. I dont want everything to work out the way I say I want it to. I do want everything to work out the way I say I want it to. I dont want her to leave. I dont want her to be in love with other guys. I dont want to make her jealous. I dont want to be jealous anymore. I want her to be happy. I want to tell myself I'm happy and believe it. I dont want to be like everyone else. I want to be ignorant basically. I want to marry her. I dont want her to get tired of me. I dont want to be sad. I dont want to get old. I dont want to move away from her. I dont want her to see me differently. I wish it was July 4th 2003 again. I wish I didnt become a complete dickhead-sad-depressed geek. I wish she I knew what she thought of me and everyone else. I wish I didnt make assumtions. I wish she trusts me. I wish she could see my brain. I wish we could combine into one. I wish time would stop for us. I wish so many people wouldnt splash me. I wish I was the only one for her. I wish I didnt feel guilty. I wish I didnt feel ashamed. I dont want to lose myself. I dont want to lose her. I want to be funny for her. I want to be attractive for her. I dont want to hurt her feelings. I dont want her to hurt mine. I want her to love me without pity. I just want her to love me and me alone. I wish things were better for her. I wish I wasnt burdened with guilt. I wish I could see her right now. I wish I could hug her. I wish I would stop telling her this. I wish she wasnt sick of me. I wish I could stop making mistakes. I wish she wasnt angry. I wish she would worry too so I could know I'm not all alone. I dont want her to worry because it will hurt her feelings. I Wish I knew her brain. I wish I didnt have a bad reputation. I wish I wasnt a pussy. APORIA. 030904 ... zuzuspetals take back what I said above.. i didn't mean it just that day and I was wrong.. i didn't mean it i wish i could take back saying it i never really wanted to do it.. im glad i could say this guess i could 030909 ... Nathan88 understand the people watching...i just dont get it 030910 ... lilac_air Take back whatever I did wrong and rewind get another chance. Be what U wanted and needed. But I can't DO that, and if I could I know it would be all wrong. 031009 ... Death of a Rose format my brain and body install new programs 031019 ... nocturnal apparently get into law school. stupid lsat. 031026 ... identificationless to remember how i stumbled upon this place FOUR HOURS AGO 031109 ... lenore be a good girlfriend. 031109 ... Zoe sleep in a double bed play with my animals see my friends go to the beach and walk around know bow to get to places watch tv when i want turn on the heat to full blast blast the music fix myself something to eat walk around naked go home not procrastinate do homework get ahead in my classes figure out what i want to major in work harder learn to love kiss someone because of it have sex when not drunk put someone else before me fall in love not lie to my mom respect my mom understand what she went through be a better daughter stand up for myself say what i believe not care what others think be and activist be outspoken stand up for what i beleive in 031110 ... jane make someone happy by just being there 031110 ... Jane Doe I WANT TO EGG HIS HOUSE or... give him my notebook and let him read the stuff that he has "inspired" me by. I want to "make love" and not just fuck. and I want somebody to love me as much as I love them. Why do I always write about love, or heartbreak? It pisses me off. Jesus. FUCK THAT I WANT TO BE PETER PAN ANd FLY! and... be a mermaid. I have always wanted to go back in time and live with the egyptians and whatt not. Too bad. 031228 ... unhinged find him and hold him the way that has been building up in me all these years. it has been a many faceted faced torture all these years. all of it is coming near the end for all of us. to just lay down so close next to him, his breath on my neck, to fall asleep. some small semblance of peace. to guard his dreams for a few hours and smooth his wrinkled brow. hold on tight only to someday let go. 031229 ... Jane Doe I egged his house last night... guess I could do what I wanted after all. 040102 ... who i am doesnt matter anymore visit germany. NOW. 060224 what's it to you? who go blather from