frank_and_unhinged unhinged she opened her eyes. the sun came in the white room. her wrists were still tied to the hospital bed. they used to lock people up in these kinds of places she thought. a red bird landed on the winter dead tree outside. she wondered if they were going to take off her restraints today. sometimes they waited ten days instead of seven. the routine of it was suspect anymore. they would take them off and they would give her pills and she would take them like a good little girl and then they would send her home. she just wanted to get to the going home part. 020126 ... frAnk the red bird came every day. he sat on the branches of the crabapple tree and looked hard, past the dirty glass to where the good little girl lay. he came for her. he sang and his song was about going home. 020126 ... unhinged she stared hard at the little bird. he looked like the birds her cat used to stalk from indoors. pacing in the windowsills, jumping from ledge to ledge, tail slashing the empty air knowing there was no way out. she missed her cat in this place. she would come lay on couch with her; always knew the time she needed a cuddle. she was so wrapped up in the bird, she didn't hear the nurse come in until she had turned around to leave. the tray of pills was on the table across the room. maybe she was coming back with the keys. they never talked to her in places like this. they just stared; the scabs always faded into pink scars. the doctors knew she didn't have the fortitude to kill herself. she just liked to make herself bleed. but they never talked to her. they just looked at her in averted glances and handed her small plastic cups of pills. the nurse came back in silent, the keys jingling in her right hand. 020126 ... frAnk troubled by the presence of the nurse and the harsh flashes of light bouncing off her keys creating glare through the window, the redbird flew to the outside ledge. he cocked his feathered head to the left and to the right with anxious concern. still, he sang. and his song was about going home. he sang until his throat was raw. 020126 ... unhinged the nurse walked over to the bed and started to take off the restraints. the bird outside became even more excited. "isn't that a happy bird?" the nurse said in a strained happy tone. she just looked at the nurses hands taking off the chains. the bird wasn't happy; it was distressed. it's sharp call and twittering movements from branch to branch caught her eye and she looked back out the window. soon both her hands were free and she looked down at the dehyradted scabs and the marks of bondage. the nurse walked to the door and turned around. "i'm going to leave those pills on the table over there. please take all of them." she walked out the door. funny...they always watched her take her pills. she sat up in the bed and threw her legs over the edge of the bed. it had been a long time since her feet touched cold linoleum and her legs wouldn't support her. she stumbled over to the table and looked in the cup. there were two blue ones and a red one. not good. she looked at them for awhile listening to the bird warble it's distress. 020126 ... frAnk a gardener, who had been taking advantage of the unusually warm winter day heard the strange song of the redbird. he was naturally keen to birds for they were companions to his profession and he often worked under the accompaniment of their enchantment. yet, this bird, hopping anxiously at the ledge of the hospital window was obviously troubled by something. his song was muted and strained, as if he was a herald of sadness. the gardener set his rake against the wide trunk of the aged crabapple and slowly walked over to where the redbird was, careful not to startle him. 020127 ... unhinged he looked in the window that had captured the little bird's attention and could see a stumbling figure through the dirt caked on to the window. it looked like a late teenage girl. they were always late teenage girls here with daddys who had too much money; they always swallowed their pills faithfully and went running home to daddy. such was the plight of the rich and disinterested. the gardener shrugged. a sudden movement of opening the window caught the gardener by surprise. he saw the girl clearly now and something about her bleak defiance froze him. she threw three pills out into the yard outside her window and the bird flew away. she looked right at him. her voice was quite raspy with what could have been unuse. "mister could you please bury those pills. i just can't swallow them mister. could it be our secret?" he didn't know what to say. his wife told him he was unempathetic every day but there was something unmistakable in this girl's voice. maybe if he talked to an afghani woman they would carry the same tone. he just stood and stared at her. "mister please! the nurse is coming down the hall. i don't want to get locked up for this." her soft exclamation propelled him to the ground and she shut the window quickly. he picked up the three pills like fallen seeds and soon he could see another separate stern figure pacing in the girl's room. the girl focused her attention back in the room and looked too late at the full glass of water next to the empty pill cup. 020127 ... frAnk the gardener dug a small hole with his callousd hands and inconspicuously buried the three pills as requested. "could it be our secret?" he heard the girl's desperate plea in his mind again. he never gave much thought to the patients. actually, he was prohibited from speaking with them and could lose his job if he was caught disobeying the strict rules. but this voice. this girl. he knew her from somewhere. was it a dream? he closed his eyes for a moment. no, he had seen her before, but she was much younger, and it was another towne, almost another world. the gardener stood, took up his rake and pretended to work, furtively glancing into the girl's room. suddenly, he felt a swoop of air beside his ear and saw a blur of red flash past him. it was the bird. the bird who came for her and he flew with all his might into the window glass. 020127 ... unhinged the nurse came in and glanced at the tray. she knew she looked guilty staring at her feet, but it had been a long time since she would look someone in the face. she could feel the nurse staring at her, waiting for her to lift her head. she didn't like the tension the nurse's stare created and she started to jiggle her foot. all of a sudden there was a loud smacking sound against the window and she picked her head up. the flattened bird slid down the dirty window pain and she ran to the window. a few tears slid down her face. "maybe we should move you to an interior room where there are no windows." the nurse stormed out of the room. she couldn't talk her throat choked with tears. all she could think was 'please please please don't move me from the window...it's my only way out' 020127 ... frAnk the crunch of fragile feathers and bone against the hospital window made the gardener cringe with sorrow. he knew the redbird would not survive and when he found its crumpled body at the ground where it had fallen, he cradled it with respect and honour, tenderly wrapped it in a handkererchief and placed it in his coat pocket. he wondered about this sacraficial act, questioning his soul about the volitional aspect, as if the bird was an extension of his own will. it was at this time, that the window creaked open, sliding awkwardly, twisting sideways, but up the entire length. the gardener was not surprised to see the young girl, wide-eyed, and desperate, leaning out, searching for something. the bird? him? and so he approached closer. their eyes met. and the very fact that he moved towards her seemed to give her courage and confidence. with each step he made nearer, she lifted herself upon the window sill. first a knee, then a shin, then a bare foot. when the gardener was directly underneath her, she gasped slightly, an exhalation of forced temperance, the inaudible sound of a chain wrapped tightly around the spirit, snapping, breaking, becoming undone. and that was when she lost her balance and stumbled out, falling. yet, it was not an accident. she simply jumped, out of one life and into another world. the gardener was startled by this sudden impetus. still, his thoughts were held captive by the death of the redbird. it was as if the final breath that was given upon striking the glass had entered his lungs, his very being, and he now had but one purpose and it was to be here at this time, at this place, to catch the girl. 020128 ... unhinged they were going to move her. she knew that for certain. it was quite obvious to everyone that she had thrown her pills out the window. and the bird...the little red bird that sang her hope. more tears slid down her face and her trembling hands went to wipe them away. she saw the gardener outside picking up the little bird and she opened the window and hopped out. there really was no other choice. they would take her away from the window and she would die in that place. her bare toes squished into the dirt. she thought of the mud from her childhood. she looked up and the gardener was staring at her. he didn't say a word this time either, but she felt like they were supposed to talk. supposed to know each other. "did you ever see your own death catapult itself onto your bedroom window?" the gardener looked at her with a pained squinting. "I shouldn't be speaking to you you know. I should drag you back inside where you belong." "why do i belong there? why does anyone belong there in that place swallowing pills to make you forget? I WON'T EVER FORGET THIS." and she held out her arms for the gardener to see; the blackened scabs stark against the whites of her inner arm. her voice, her motions, her eyes; they all made the gardener shiver. he turned his back on her and threw his voice over his shoulder "hurry if you really want to get out of here" and he heard her footsteps behind him. 020128 ... frAnk the gardener's pick-up truck, laden with debris, branches, leaves, and tools, was parked along the tree-lined road close to the hospital. it was the safe place, the island of hope in a sea of danger. he held out his arm, without looking behind him and felt her fragile hand connect with his. it was cold and trembling. he picked up his pace, dragging her along, hearing the mud sucking at her steps as if even the earth itself was trying to stop her. blind to the potential harm that existed for both of them, he pulled her, obedient to one thing, and one thing only, the need for love. finally, they reached the truck. he let go of her hand, yanked the door open and hurridly cleared a space for her in the cab, throwing his satchel, lunchbox, and a bottle of tea into the bed, stuffing papers and journals under the seat. "get in," he urged. she obeyed. she smelled gasoline and a curious fragrance she couldn't define. something from a long time ago. something from a dream. comforting. desireable. he shut her door and skipped to the other side of the truck, throwing a quick glance to the hospital. no one seemed to notice she was gone. he sat down in a blur and fired up the engine before he even slammed his door closed. and then off he drove, a swoosh of leaves fluttering behind them in their wake. 020129 ... unhinged she sat in the truck as it sped down the road and her mind was empty except for one thought 'this is the beginning of the rest of my life' and she looked down at her muddy feet and the clumps of mud they left behind on the floor. all she could hear was the wind seeping in the seals of the windows as the gardener drove at a break neck speed down the road. "where are we going?" "to a safe place." 020129 ... frAnk and so they drove on, a silent language of understanding passing between them, like the billboards, overhead signs and cars carrying unknown people to important destinations. he put a cd in to comfort her lonliness. when she was tired, she laid her head back on the coat he was not wearing and fell asleep to the music of his voice singing with lyrics she never heard before. a strange lullabye. and she dreamed she was on the back of a large red bird, flying through a cloudless blue sky, straight towards the welcoming light of an inviting sun. 020130 ... unhinged when she woke up they weren't in the mountains anymore. she could smell salt in the air. it had been so long since she smelled salt in the air....the ocean. the ocean was five hours away from the hospital. it was the middle of the night. 'where are we?!' the gardener flinched at her surprise. 'i told you i was taking you to a safe place.' 'don't you have a family?' 'no.' she looked at him and a moment of fear flashed over her face. what had she done? this guy could be crazier than her. he could...but she looked at him again and he reminded her of what she always wanted her father to look like when she was scared. 'well where are we?' 'i know someone that can help you. and you seemed like you needed the ocean.' 020130 ... frAnk the gardener had parked his truck at the end of a long, winding drive littered with pinecones and beach pebbles. he rolled down his window to the black, night air and inhaled. the fragrance was intoxicating, memory called to him, images swirled. the rolling surf, rising as a shadow on the darkened sea then crashing to the unseen sand was his mother's voice assuring him. tall, pyramidal trees rose out of the darkness to his left. sentinels to this wavering, unsettling moment. he looked at the girl. he could see she was full of questions. her composure was comforting. "what is it?" he asked. "who is it that can help me?" the gardener looked at her for what seemed a very long time before he spoke again. his gaze was full of compassion and pathos, as if the person he was thinking of was a close friend, a best friend, one who had given him what she now needed. he smiled and looked out to the water. "mrs. nereid," the gardener said, and he turned back to the girl. he chuckled then to himself, running a hand across his face. "why are you laughing?" she asked, starting to smile herself. he extended his hand, as if he was meeting her for the first time, and he realized he was. "my name is frAnk," he said. 020131 ... unhinged she touched the palm of his hand with her fingertips. rested them there. she never liked giving her name. it helped her to know that no one knew who she was when it seemed like no one cared. but they were fugitives running together. she turned to the door looking for the handle. she needed to see the ocean. 'where is the ocean frAnk? i can smell it from here.' she opened the door and hopped out a little too hard onto the pebbles. she sucked in a breath of pain. 'ouch.' frAnk moved around the truck like a new father hearing his child cry for the first time. he felt a little estranged not knowing her name but he remembered; time had taught him well that pushing was never a good thing. he looked at the scabbed razor marks on her left arm and saw what time had taught him well. he pointed to an almost invisible path throught the trees. 'it's over there...just fallow that path.' she moved like a new-born deer towards the ocean her hospital gown flapping slightly open at her back, her bare feet gliding over the tops of the pebbles. fast, tumbling, unknown...she could hear it. if only she could see it, see the moon shining on the water in white shimmery blankets. she could hear it getting louder. she was almost there. frAnk stayed close behind her. suddenly she reached the end of the path and she was on the top of a cliff overhanging the ocean. she stumbled and fell to her knees her breath coming in short pants. she looked down at the water. she remembered the water. and suddenly frAnk had picked her up in his arms and she held on to him, feeling his hand at the small of her back. he could feel her silent tears soaking into his shirt. 020131 ... frAnk she cried and he held her until her tears were gone. and when she had finished, sleep came like a mother and she laid in the cradle that was his arms and slept to the song of the sea, nestled as a trusting baby under the white blankets of a full moon. he sat on the edge of the cliff and she was under the coat he was not wearing and there was no one else but the sun, its morning light only a sliver along the eastern horizon. many thoughts hovered about his anxious mind. he closed his eyes and felt the stinging their painful contemplation caused. demons accused him of kidnapping. what he had done was a criminal act in the eyes of the law. he would be arrested. they would take her back to the hospital. and then angels whispered he was like her saviour. his heart was torn, and his blood and her tears that soaked his shirt were one and the same thing. as the first ray of sunlight inched its way over the tops of the pines, he saw her face clearly for the first time. peaceful. beautiful. "she has this," he thought. "and nothing can take it away." and then he fell asleep. 020201 ... unhinged she woke up and could feel him breathing. in out. in out. she should run away from him forever before she ruined his life. he had given her so much already. things felt lopsided to her. he wanted to save her. she could tell. she wanted to be saved...maybe. but she wanted to run, down the cliff into the ocean and float away, food for the birds. 020204 ... frAnk for all the potential harm he had placed them in, she was amazed he was able to sleep. she felt like running and he was at complete rest. right out of a tom tykwer film, she could see herself sliding down the slippery side of the cliff, mud and soil giving way, her lithe body catching on a stand of chapparal and flipping her head over heels to her death on the sharp-edged rocks at the shoreline. as the tide rose, it would lift her as effortlessly as seaweed and float her out to the incoming swells where scavenger gulls would feed for days. she cringed and involuntarily flung her head hard against his chest. it woke him abruptly from a peaceful dream. he was on his farm. the winter winds were gusty and biting. he was on tiptoe at the window watching the swirling, violent snow cover the morning's footsteps to the horses. and he thought how the folly of our past mistakes could be hidden, made to be no longer visible underneath our efforts to be reborn. when the blizzard suddenly ceased, he was surprised to see the young girl emerging from a drift of snow, there was no use rushing to test her heart, he knew by her fervent arousal that it was beating strong to the rhythm of renewal, a permanent breath was melting the ice around her frozen spirit, revealing the brand new soul. that's when she woke him. his smile upon seeing her was so brilliant and so contagious that she could not help but mirror his happiness. 020204 ... unhinged she looked into his eyes and darted quickly away, the connection there a little too strong, and stared down at her mud clumped feet. 'my feet fell asleep.' frAnk looked down at her feet and rubbed the mud of with his hands then stood up with her in his arms and placed her on her feet. she walked back down the path. 'maybe we should leave here fast.' 020204 ... unhinged the_wind_exotic_and_familiar lantana_spilling_over_the_stone_wall 020212 what's it to you? who go blather from