free_to_write mon i am free to write anything i choose yet somehow i manage to sit here mumbling numbly about my shoes and the sky and i wish i could say everything in one breath and be done with it no i don't i want to breathe every word not just rush through the grass like a bear 040104 ... mon i wonder about how i might affect others with my crazy moods yew know how it is when you pass someone smiling and you find yourself smiling back without thinking i wish i could gift smiles like spring mud 040104 ... try freewrite or free_write 040104 ... mon or free to write sometimes i am free to be light like tonight it is minus twenty five hours in the day hey forget the sight of nothing nevermind 040104 ... mon yellow sky with black mountains of ice purple clouds drifting into snow 040105 ... mon how much of my life will i forget how much of this stuff will be gone when somebody asked i won't know where i put my favourite song 040105 ... mon whatever i lose i give in trust for safe keeping 040105 ... mon i'll never be nothing but this i will always be the future 040105 ... mon i know how to repeat myself a thousand times without using a single word 040105 ... mon better is better the second time around it is always better it can't get any better than better 040105 ... mon how i write is irrelevant how i live is unimportant 040105 ... mon holy frig the sky someone call the doctor i need some straw its too damn cold out i'm glad it makes me happy save our forests snow and cold kill the drought 040105 ... mon i knew it felt cold in the kitchen why did it surprise me waking up the tap frozen mom said we should leave it running what does she know a lot apparently she remembers wooden sidewalks and the first fridge her parents got and she said we should leave the tap running but we didn't sorry mom remind me to listen more 040105 ... mon well i am thinking too much too much not enough i want 040111 ... mon time is getting freaky it keeps going faster and holy figs someone slow down the moon 040111 ... mon i don't know why the day scares me everytime i read the shadows of its wings 040111 ... notme blah blah blah i'm a weirdo and i need more sleep i talk too much and i don't say enough i don't want to think i don't want to think i don't know if i can continue to continue i can see why 040214 ... notme i_have_nothing_to_say i just feel crazy i am trying to round up enough energy to go cook some pasta but really i want to just crawl back into bed i was supposed to go somewhere today not anywhere special just the bank and post office yip dee doo da i need to get a certified cheque so i can order a few death certificates but maybe i'll go tomorrow i can't stand these pants but i'm glad they're orange and warm i just want to fall back into bed and sleep until they end war how pathetic of me i should get my dna tested 040224 ... nomme jump up down round time for some funk and more junk feelin spunky in my jammie jams wake_up in the morning walk and bath and wheel go play with the kids in town i can't wait for saturday 040319 ... doar , 040319 ... u24 yeah, see I was going to mark this blathe, but I didn't want to be counted among the people_who_infringe_upon_blatantly_personal_thread (s) 040319 ... marked erm... I mean . 040319 ... notme feel free to write or mark or spark a joint 040319 ... nomme those shiitake burgers i made are pretty wacky yum spicy but even better was the vanilla and chocolate coconut milk ice cream i improvised without a clue 040319 ... nomme gosh darn time to get dressed and attend to the time 040319 ... nomme was a good march and rally the speakers were savvy i dressed in black vancouver had noam chomsky but my town had nomme dressed in black 040321 ... freedom burdens of school, to write, to be THAT person, never me. articulate, handsome, generous, humble, wise, interesting, intelligent........ 040321 ... notme tickets tickets tickets must get tickets need to sew some clothes finish the latest shawl paint the carnations dig the garden get_a_tent 040326 ... notme i wonder how she's doing i remember when we used to talk i miss 040326 ... notme i used to write i_used to paint i used to live in the city i'm glad i'm sad i'm everything i am 040326 ... almostgone digging deep I dug myself a hole where all the words go the leftover syl- labels, and toxic mental lubricants the stray synaptics must have produced these propped up prophylactics the charged crawling backs of cells with evolutionary electricity dendrites pulling themselves free reconnect there to make a new me 040326 ... notme and now i go to sleep tonight to bed i go now and i go i got tickets for the show tickets for the show to go i got 040327 ... notme a tent i got a tent i got a tent i got a 040327 ... notme go i gotta go somewhere i gotta be right here and here i will go somewhere 040327 ... notme it's begun i got this feelin in my toes and i can't find my feet for the light of me i don't know where i'm going but i'm looking both ways before i cross the road 040402 ... oE careful my dear...you're much too valuable 040402 ... notme middle of the afternoon it's the afternoon of today it's beautiful isn't it just look up to the sky tonight and think of 040406 ... notme i think if i can stop i'll be doing the world a flavour 040423 ... Death of a Rose I am giving myself over unto something I've never really believed in before. I mean I have to or there won't be a me (selfish as that may seam) anymore. I'll still have my identity but my old way of living is not conducive to being alive. Something better I hope is across that threshold, a better release on anguish and pain. A mental acceptance that whatever happens, well, happens and I'll be able to deal with it on a completely different level. Seems like I've searched for reinforcement in my prior beliefs and patterns, to make it acceptable to do these ruinuous things to others and mainly to myself. Fight all the prior thinking patterns, reevaluate where I am now, where I wish to be. Hmmm....quite the ramble. Take care oE, Nonme, Daxle, ED, Smallrus, My blather wife and many others. Enjoy your life, be thankful you weren't born to be sold into slavery like approximately 27 million others. Be thankful you are still able to breath, walk, see, hear, taste each day. From the depths of my depression I have to erase the chalkboard and start anew, if I should retain any sanity left to me. So again, take care. I will think of you often and the smiles you brought me. Thank you for the interaction. 040424 ... smallrus i opened the door seeing the crack of light underneath underneath but it was just a reflection of me i was sucked in sucked underneath and i don't know where i am 040424 ... kookaburra oh yes writing is free for a very small fee the cost of paper and a pencil too. unless you are disposed to write in the sand, and watch your words slowly fade away 040424 ... thieums Free to write Free to say Free We don't know how lucky we are... 040424 ... Smurf Unfortunatly Freedom to write and say are far more common in the world than Freedom of thought. 040425 ... oldephebe doar - you're kidding right? You're not really leaving are you? Where ever you're journey takes you into the kingdom of light..I'm am sure we will encounter one another in some fashion..some ripple that you begin will find it's way to me..and i will know in the way of dreams..your distinctiveness has informed it... be well brah.. that mp3 is being worked on and WILL be sent.. i shall miss your glorious writing ... 040425 ... notme doar was absolutely right in what he said about loving life and being thankful i_know i_think it's the way to think i don't know why i come here to write and i end up sounding pathetically ungrateful for my life it is beautiful to live to be free from so much i love it all i truly do it's just difficult sometimes to see a world going crazy and not be crazy myself 040425 ... notme it's difficult to write nothing i just wrote was what i thought i could say 040425 ... notme sometimes i wonder maybe it's dangerous to love everything but everything is love 040425 ... whitechocolatewalrus he never said he was leaving, he just wished us well wished us well wished on a star a bright bright star well us wished us well 040425 ... oldephebe yeah notme i used to think the same way..sometimes still do..to love everything..seems like a part of you has to die in order for you to deal..'cause sometimes it's just too much..the love the sadness..the empathy..the beauty of it all..i mean you want to be this gentle..humble person..carrying the worlds ache within..trying to keep your baser instincts at bay and keep from being stomped down by the malice ridden and surface shimmering people..i get that..we NEED to keep telling ourselves to one another..projecting the substance of what we are upon the other's imagination..if they felt your heart it would overwhelm them..the Other..we will make one another whole..i mean as a species..i think doars' going to be OK..though..keep sharing and aching out of your open heart out loud..nomme, you have one of the more honest voices here..and i weep sometimes at it's fullness, it's honesty, it's sadness..your words make a mark in me.. ... 040426 ... oldephebe oh the cups of my eyes are full of the bounty of your words.. pulls me from my purgatorial pall.. and though i walk strong in the midst of the throng.. not letting the exhaustion of all my endings, bleed into my eyes.. and turn the torch fires down.. sometimes mon when i encounter your words it is like touching hands with any honor guard of glory.. similiar to the way pd's words affect me.. but different.. the pain of your words falling like firepetals upon the spittle.. choked flames suddenly flaring to life. thankyou.. i can still be touched by these things.. little things it seems... sometimes it's like hurtling through twilight into welcoming shards of impaling panes housing the dead body of my family i awake to that and then to encounter your honest, true words... dreampangs taking shape into this vine of stony thorns undulating in me all day.. Thank you again mon ... 040426 ... notme i'm going to have to reread oe's blathe and meditate upon it was very touching 040426 ... oldephebe *laying under the bo tree* it's the least i could say.. 040428 ... ethereal we're threatened now, no longer free to write. 040428 ... Borealis you wrote for yourself before continue to do so now if something as small as what faces you now can cause you to doubt your ability, and freedom to put to words that which you believe to be yourself, then how can you justify your right to that action in the first place. freedom is intrinsic and I see nothing more than a very critical onlooker you my dear, need change nothing 040428 ... Borealis you wrote for yourself before continue to do so now if something as small as what faces you now can cause you to doubt your ability, and freedom to put to words that which you believe to be yourself, then how can you justify your right to that action in the first place. 040428 ... Borealis sorry about the double *kicks computer* .. ..where did I put that 2 by 4.. 040428 ... oldephebe the freedom to write is not bequeathed by our system of governance...it is God's breath spreading within you..itis is the flight into the fabric of our freedom..we will pass the night on the brink of the black ocean and the dawn smiles first within us..within our words..will to power..Will to power.. ... 040429 ... oldephebe the freedom to write is not bequeathed by our system of governance... it is God's breath spreading within you.. it is the flight into the fabric of our freedom we will pass the night on the brink of the black ocean but the dawn smiles first within us within our words will to power Will to power ... 040429 ... . . 040501 ... pheather free to write without jealous looks. free to fullfill my neglected passions. 040501 ... CoNfUsEd_GoTh_GiRl i cannot write i cant seem to capture emotions, to be able to do anything ppl criticising my work really pisses me off, even if it's constructive, mostly because i'd like to think that it doesn't need it lol. i never said i wasnt egotistical! i wish that for once, someone would read what i write and like it, whether it be on blather or in real life. i dont expect it, but i feel sad when people dont *feel* what i write. maybe im being stupid, seeking attention. i dont want to be the annoying brat whom everybody hates. 040501 ... oldephebe InCaNdeScAnT_GoTh_GiRl - do you have a favorite writer? or a several favorite writers..maybe you could analyze what it is about their writing that touches you and then try and incorporate that into your prose...i think constructive criticism okay..but yeah i have to admit i am vry sensitive about people appraisels of my writing..it's normal..i've read some of your stuff..it's not bad..we're all getting better every day we write and expose ourselves to new ideas..and the beautiful words of master...image image image..conure the image in your mind..and try just looking at everything from a metaphorical standpoint for a while...i try and do that and it helps me be more visceral and less egg headed and well forget about egg headed..it helps me to be more coherent... no buddhist aphorisms from me on this one... ... 040501 ... oE "...we can't help but get better when we read the beautiful words of great poets and writers.." that's what i meant to say... 040501 ... notme i'm having a hard time figuring myself out i'm the girl who let the ant out it was running around on the plywood floor i set it out in the rain i wonder if it'll come back in there's always ants crawling on the floor i'm the aunt who the kids like to play with while their parents take a break i miss my niece already she is gone we blew bubbles almost every hour of the week she was here who can say no to a child screaming c'mon play i can't resist i love bubbles in the air it reminds me of sports day today it is raining and i haven't been outside i like bathing in the rain i don't know why i'm here i should fill the tub with rain i spent the day looking through ebay i've never done that before i don't know what i am or what any of this means i've got to 040525 ... notme every so often a little fly flies in front of the screen i hope the moths aren't in the wool i've got ten thousand books to read the other night i had a dream it was a dream again i dreamed some face from birth to death i watched it change and fade away 040525 ... monee free to read to write to breathe 041226 ... monee the movie is on above the one with tom cruise in japan i know i know the name what is it again the last warrior maybe that sounds right i think too much about death i once told someone i was not afraid of dying why did i say that i'm off to have a bath i think i'll go to town tomorrow my neighbour and i were talking about cameras i told him i'd be too afraid to go to maccu piccu cause of my phobia of steep hillsides and he laughed and said i need to spend some time on an andean bus and i told him i'd find him a good deal on a camera he doesn't know much about digital 041226 ... suicidalchinadoll the last samurai. beautiful and terrible; after watching that one, some scenes became my visualization of heaven. 041226 ... monee fuck yeah that's the name, thankyou :.) 041226 ... monee i haven't seen it yet) 041226 ... anomalous i want to climb in the trees the birds and blossoms and sunrise and sleep is far too 050513 ... anomalous heavy feelings of fear of flightlessness 050513 ... nom i miss my cats when i'm not here i miss my dogs the neighbours' golden dog was put to 'sleep' while i was gone last time i was here he was smiling in the backyard i said hello through the kitchen window i used to throw him food i'll miss him when there are fireworks he always got scared 051218 ... nom i want to make music 051218 ... nom the things in the wall make sounds muzzair! is baking sweet stuff i'm thinking of going to lie down i'm thinking of my black dog 060103 ... nom i feel like i'm in grade 2 again again 060104 ... nom why i'm so bored so bored and happy sad sad sad 060711 ... nom i'm tired 061023 ... tessa every pen is constrained. every word is pulled from a hundred different directions. there is a pice to pay for every utterance. one is never free to write 061023 ... tessa *price 061023 ... Chris aka i wish i felt free to be 061023 ... nom no_nevermind_i_have_nothing_to_say 061108 ... nom what do you do when you don't know what to do 061111 ... nom i feel like crying i feel cold 061111 ... pete we may be free to write but we are never completely free to write, clasped close by the author, the mind, and the past. our writing is not free, but we are free to write, our reading is not free, nor are our minds, but we, in our writing, are free to speak of the chains that hold us, if only we could read them without that story ever having to have been written. 061112 ... pete corrects himself erg... second "write" should be "read" 061112 ... Palindromist Free to write; write to free! 061112 ... nom blah 070101 what's it to you? who go blather from