add_a_sentence celestias shadow you know those passaround stories they have you do in school sometimes? dammit, I'm gonna start one and you're going to help! It was a dark and stormy night.... 030830 ... angelita when suddenly, through the bleakness, a lgiht flickered... 030830 ... angelita *light, even. typos-a-gogo. sorry, do continue :-S 030830 ... hi it was the first one I had seen all night. unfortunatly, it was too far off in the distance do give me any clue as to what it might have been, and where it might have come from. my third hour wondering through the woods, and still not much of a clue as to how to get the hell out of here. stupid camping trip. stupid cell phone battery. 030830 ... hi *wandering. typos are like sneezes. deathly contagious. 030830 ... ferret damnit! if only i had brought an extra battery! dad said i should take the spare before i went off JUST IN CASE I GOT LOST. and here i freakin' am, lost in the middle of nowhere! argh, i'm getting tired 030830 ... celestias shadow i said a SENTENCE, fools! *smiles kindly* not that i mind you contributing. not at all. just lets not get any epics, k? -- warning to future posters 030831 ... pipedream but then all of a sudden a light flashed from the sky and a voice said 'why use a cell phone when you can use....' 030901 ... pobodys nerfect two cans with a long string in between them because it needs no batteries and you won't have any bills to pay,plus it can be recycled,and they're just plain fun to use goshdarnit!! :) 030901 ... realistic optimism upon further investigation, the aforementioned light wa merely my big brother perched in a tree with a megaphone and a flashlight. 030901 ... pipedream so i grabbed a big rock and tossed him out of the tree when a roc swooped out of the tree and decided to poop on my head 030901 ... karl the weed then i grabbed the roc, ripped out its wings, and stabbed my brother to death with them. 030901 ... pipedream the i surveyed the massive heap of gunk, guts and goo and thought, 'mom is gonna KILL me!'..so i grabbed a... 030902 ... pobodys nerfect large axe and began chopping up any large pieces,then throwing them in large freezer bags while taking the rest and making a stew[which just happens to be the short form of my now deceased brother Stewart!]for dinner that night. 030902 ... pobodys nerfect And when dinner was finally served and mom asked where he was after seeing the stew,I casually said,"I'm sure he's around". 030902 ... Strideo "I hope he's okay" mom said, "you never know when you might run across some psychopath in the woods like those horror movies." ... 030902 ... pipedream i nodded in agreement and proffered the stew pot- 'seconds, anyone?' to which my mom eagerly nodded and remarked, 'you know, this is probably the best dinner you've ever made; what did you do, use a secret ingredient?' she winked at me and i tried to look modest as i said 'yeah'- but that's when my dad put down his spoon and yelled... 030902 ... closet ballerina COCKROACH! 030902 ... delial to which I replied "I like to think of it more as "garnish"" 030902 ... pobodys nerfect Being a cockroach loving family,we all abandoned eating Stewart for a moment and dived for the oh-so-yummy cockroach that I desparately wanted(nothing calms my nerves like a nice crunchy cockroach)but alas,my dad(the lucky bastard)won it. 030902 ... Strideo That was when I knew, someday I would have to kill him too. ... 030902 ... pobodys nerfect Hiding my bitter disappointment,I excused myself from the table and went off to plan an entire months' worth of mystery meat meals;cursing Stews name under my breath the whole time for not sticking to his recent diet a little more strickly. 030902 ... karl the weed at the end of the trrip, we were about to leave, when the care flew off. there wasnt much food left, and what there was was gone by the next day, and i was getting hungry. 030902 ... karl the weed blah car* trip* 030902 ... Strideo As I sat there with thoughts of father stew dancing through my head, suddenly a bright light appeared in the sky. It was the gohstly form of my dead brother and he said "OoOooOhHh! I was the one who took the car! I can't forgive you for murdering and eating me, so you will be haunted by three gohsts . . ." ... 030903 ... Kristopher "Expect the first when the clock strikes ten-thirty-five. You'll know him because he's the one who looks dead." 030903 ... Toxic_Kisses "Go get laid!" I exclaimed interrupting him. I was already in a rather irritable mood as it is from being hungry and lost, yet again, the last freakin' thing I needed was to worry about some stupid ghosts having nothing better to do w/ their time then 'haunt' me bc their board! 030903 ... Strideo Slowly the ghost of my brother faded away and a thin voice lingered on the air "tEn THiRty fIve . . ." ... 030905 ... pipedream and i looked at my watch and muttered "goddamn swatch, im going to kill that car- must've bonked it on the dashboard before ejection' then i had an idea, so i reached up and twiddled the left button on the lingering voice so it said twelve fifty-four like it said on my watch and then the other ghost showed up and said in a bored voice... 030905 ... ghost of blather past "Sorry I'm late. Traffic was Hell. No, really." 030905 ... pobodys nerfect Not a problem,but before you start,just let me tell you that this visit of yours is going to be a total waste of time because I don't regret it at all and the only thing I liked about him was the meal he provided the other night. 030905 ... shivers he was very juicy... i took a small zip lock bag out of my pocket, in it was one of his eyes, i ate the other one earlier and was waiting till i was desperate to eat this one. " ill let u try this one if... 030905 ... pipedream you put on this pink feather boa and do the macarena 030906 ... niska ;however, he preferred to dance the safety dance, and the boa was replaced with a hard hat - just in case the world were to come crashing down on top of him... 030907 ... pipedream but it didn't, only the third ghost DID. it bounced off the hat with a flump and landed on the ground, from where it picked itself up, shook out its taffeta skirt, brushed off its velvet coat with a manicured, ghostie-diamond encrusted hand,and held it out- 'he-llo, how mah-velous to meet you! i'm...' 030907 ... smurfus rex Geraldo Rivera! 030908 ... Toxic_Kisses Although I'd much prefer it if you would call me on the phone she said as she winked @ me 030912 ... TK Typo! put a " between the words Phone and She 030912 ... closet ballerina And in a poof, she disappeared. I was about to walk off, but just as i was turning i noticed a lime green rotary phone sitting in the dust at my feet. It seemed to glow with a soft, unnatural light. 030914 ... pobodys nerfect I walked over to it in a weird sort of trance and began to sing the number, while dialing 867-5309,waiting to hear Jenny(even though I don't KNOW anyone with that name),and after a couple rings,a girl on the other end of the line says "wooka ooka woosh bang!",to which I replied... 030915 ... Toxic_Kisses "oh sorry I must have the wrong number" Paused a moment "wait this -is- 8765-309 right?" 030915 ... pobodys nerfect "No,it's 867-5309,just like that crappy song from the 80's!",she giggled,then said,"Would you like to know what tonight's jello special is?" 030915 ... * . 030915 ... BrokenMirror "Sure. Would you like to fuck me?" 030918 ... lookoverthere She gave an exasperated sigh and the magical glowing phone turned to ash as I held it in my hand. 030918 ... dusty bottoms so then i said, "so can i fuck you in the ash?" 030918 ... xao ieng But the sultry voice on the other end was gone, and I, I was alone. 030918 ... pipedream with a pink feather boa and the stupid fat second ghost, who was now eating a bag of tortilla chips VERY noisily. 'soo!' he burbled, spraying chewed-up-chip gunk all over my hair ' what d'you suppose...' 030919 ... pobodys nerfect we go wake up the other campers with farting noises?",he asked,then laughed obnoxiously loud,the chewed up food in his mouth clearly visable to me and making me feel like I was going to be sick. 030919 ... monolith And a plunger suddenly apparated out of thin air, coming directly towards me.. 030919 ... bnyode It splinted my skin as I grabbed its wooded handle with lightning speed and plunged it into the ghost just to see what its reaction would be. 030919 ... smurfus rex I was slightly dismayed when he just looked at me and said, "Don't you know you can't stick anything in me?? I'm a GHOST, moron!" 030920 ... pipedream 'oh,' i said, feeling rather sheepish as i twirled the plunger in my hands, and guffawing stupidly i chucked it in the nearest bush- but that's when it came flying back and hit... 030920 ... pobodys nerfect ...me in the "unmentionables",causing me to move around in a half-dance-half- walk motion due to the excrutiating pain I was in,while screaming the following words at the top of my lungs... 030920 ... pipedream 'MY TOES! MY TOES!' 030921 ... shivers u see, i have a severe toe phobia. this ghost to my luck was wearing his big black work boots. 030921 ... c I don't have a motive.com 030921 ... somebody not that it really mattered much seeing as how goast don't really have feet or toes 030922 ... celestias shadow when suddenly a neon-green goat came charging out of the conifers with a wickedly threatening look in its eyes. 030922 ... somebody and asked for a cup of flour for the cake it was bakeing 030922 ... pipedream so i whipped out my flour jars and asked, "self-rasing, whole wheat, de-caf or regular?" 030922 ... smurfus rex cautiously, I asked the goat what kind of cake he was baking, since i didn't actually have any flour just sitting in my pockets. 030922 ... pobodys nerfect It was important to know what kind of flour he needed because I was storing the different types in my socks and shoes and I wanted to know which one to pull off,but he just looked at me with a blank stare(he probably doubted that I had flour);"Well come on! Just tell me what kind you need!",I said tapping my right foot impatiently, causing a small puff of flour to escape from my right sock. 030923 ... somebody unfortunately the only flour I did not have was high ratio cake flour so I hoped he wouldent ask for that. Talking about cake though made my tummy rumble from hunger and I began to see the talking neon goat in a diffrent light. 030923 ... crimson With the speed of a hungry ninja, I reached into my left pocket and withdrew a handful of flour, throwing it into the goat's unsuspecting eyes. 030927 ... crimson *left shoe 030927 ... closet ballerina there was flour everywhere, which made the visibility horrible. overhead, a jet carrying 287 passengers passed through the flour cloud and lost their radar from the interference. I grabbed the goat and started to run. 030927 ... pipedream before i realised that a blind goat was just a stupid replacement for a suitcase, so i dumped it in the nearest bushes (where it coughed and spluttered and swore in Goat-ese) and kept running- but that was before i ran smack into... 030928 ... somebody A jagged toothed stinky county bumpkin wearing filty overalls a overly friendly perverted smile and a banjo on his back. 030928 ... crimson from somewhere not so far off... I heard... OH MY GOD... the theme song fron Deliverance!!!!! 030928 ... pipedream and i turned into stone, and the leering banjo-man kept coming closer and closer, muttering something that sounded horribly like 'fresh meat' under his stinky onion-y breath... 030928 ... pobodys nerfect but then that ugly purple dinosaur Barney came along singing that wretched "I love you" song,which simultaneously scared away the perverted hillbilly and broke the rock I was surrounded in,so things looked pretty good until.... 030928 ... pipedream i realised that barney was still there, and baby bop was kind of hop-skip-jumping up real fast behind him, so i said ... 030929 ... crimson "Everybody shut up or Blankie gets it," as I picked up banjo-man's abandoned gun, aiming it at Baby Bop's blanket. 031005 ... pipedream and the blankie froze, as did the dinosaur convention, and as i was lowering my gun (clasped in true FBI style), barney whipped out a... 031005 ... . . 031005 ... somebody baskit of colored chulk, seeming compleatly unfased by my brashness, Baby Bop on the other hand was varry - 031005 ... pobodys nerfect handshake for me and suggested we all just love each other and sing a song, but I was already feeling maniacally gleeful and filled with power as I "drew" a new belt for Barney across his waist with the bullets in the hillbilly's abandoned gun,shouting "you ruined an entire generation with your syrupy songs and now I'm gonna stop it!",when suddenly.... 031005 ... pobodys nerfect note: sorry "somebody". I didn't see your post. I can fix this though. :) when suddenly,I snapped out of my shooting barney fantasy and looked at him holding a basket of chalk,while baby bop screamed like a banshee at the sight of the gun,still in my hands 031005 ... pipedream by this time i was getting REALLY tired of these stupid dinosaurs, so i sung a verse of 'i love you' and shot them. the minute i pulled the trigger though, i noticed something weird about the bullets- they looked DISTINCTLY like those red-feather darts in ace ventura! 'goddamn', i said, in my best holden caulfield manner, and dropping the gun i ran off into the woods in search of another adventure, maybe another surprise sibling to eat, maybe... 031006 ... pipedream 'maybe me', said a sultry voice. i stopped cold and turned around and saw a very foxy-looking drumstick leaning against a tree. 'i had dinner six hours ago,' i told myself, and rubbed my eyes. the drumstick was still there, and it laughed a gravelly kind of cigarette smoke laugh. i pinched myself. 'owww' and then i woke up, because 031021 ... pipedream okay this is getting REALLY boring now. leave it be, pd. 031021 ... TK it was all just a nasty dream produced by the coma I had been in, When I awoke the first thing I saw was... 031022 ... pipedream johnny, sitting in a chair by the bed. his beard was so long it hit his belt, and he was wearing feathers in his hair. i peered at him, and said... 031022 ... pobodys nerfect "cock-a-doodle-doo,good morning to you!",--hey,who cares if it was actually midnight?!--because he looked kinda like a rooster to me and besides I wanted to see his reaction, but I forgot about his fear of farm animals, so things didn't go like I expected... 031023 ... Toxic_Kisses He looked rather shocked to see me awake let alone makeing fun of his phobia of farm animals as he stood perched on top of the chair he'd been previously sitting in as though a rooster might come strutting in any moment now to peck him to death 031023 ... pipedream so i sniggered and said gotchoooooo! then i looked around and said indingnantly, 'hey! didn't you bring me any ... 031024 ... crimson jello eggs in a wide assortment of colours and delicious fruity flavours? 031028 ... pipedream johnny looked sheepish for a minute before yelling 'surprise!' and pulling out a massive basket of jello eggs from under the bed. i squealed in delight and reached for one, but right then ----- walked in and said... 031028 ... somebody "your awake!!!" and threw her arms around me, out of habbit I huged her back while wondering who she was to me, sister, girlfriend, friend, compleat stranger who was mistakeing me for...(?) so I just tryed to play it off as best I could till I could figure our who she is 031029 ... witchesrequiem was. Her long red hair fell like a veil in her face as she leaned over to kiss my warm cheek. Then I noticed she had this look in her eyes... 031029 ... pipedream not unlike the look michael jackson had in HIS eye at the end of the 'thriller' video. gleep, i gulped to myself... 031030 ... witchesrequiem is this a women or a man. And as I looked at her more closely I thought... 031030 ... pobodys nerfect "It's Strawberry Shortcake all grown up and now she's somehow turned into a flesh eating zombie that's going to kill me at any moment! How the hell am I going to get out of this situation?!" I said to myself frantically,while giving her a great big phoney smile, when it suddenly occurred to me--flesh eating zombies are stupid(!),so I pointed in the opposite direction as I yelled excitedly,"Hey! There's Custard!" and raced out of bed, tripping over my snowman slippers and with little time to spare,jumped through the window with glass shattering everywhere and making me look like one of those ultra-cool action movie stuntmen. 031030 ... somebody this unfortunately was not a movie but realife and I ended up not only being savearly scared all over my face and body but also unable to walk after stupidly jumping out of a window from 23 storys high, I'm "lucky" to be alive they (the docters, family and friends) say, the docter told me that if I work real hard at it I may be able to walk again, but what would be the point? I don't want any one to see me like this, It hurts to know that my beautifull girlfriend is only w/ me out of guilt, she some how thinks it's her fault I jumped out the window when in honesty after just wakeing up out of my year and 3 month comma I was still suffering the after EFX of the dementia I had while in acomma, I've tryed to get her to leave me but she won't, she deserves so much better yet to be truthfull shes the olny reason I ever wake up in the mornin, or for that matter eat, I love her so vary much and I hate myself for holding her back from all the wonderfull things she deserves in her life. 031030 ... crimson My girlfriend tells me that she loves me and I'm sexy like Edward Scissorhands, but I saw her the other day making out with my physical therapist. I was so crushed that I... 031227 ... now for something completely different ran to the nearest diner where I bought a Key Lime pie. "Her favorite." I thought to myself. Now, where to buy the bear trap? 050609 ... - .-.-.-.-.-.-.-continue 050807 ... e_o_i Then Zobu, a mind-reading alien from the galaxy Andromeda, suggested I buy a bear trap on Mars. I was naturally puzzled, since I had believed until that point that there were no bears on Mars. There was so much that I had yet to know... 050807 ... Doar Which is why I invented the god_telephone. I asked him about everything there ever was. He told me "Cheese is not the answer". Needless to say I was quite put out by the phone bill that arrived 2 weeks later. I then sold myself into slavery for all perpetuity. 050808 ... one sentence people... ONE luckily, the man who bought me did not believe in slavery, so i was free to go whenever i chose. 050808 ... Doar Playing By the Rules but he did say that I had to do two things for him before he would set me free. 050808 ... peyton but he wouldn't tell me what they were. 050808 ... u24 so I roamed the earth for many years, pondering what those fateful things could be. 050809 ... u24 *whilst all the time having to do chores for the man who I was still a slave for* (u24 should read the story before posting...) 050809 ... Phew! Then the quite free thinking purchaser of slaves hit the retractor button on the not-quite-freed-slaves (NQFS) leash, bringing the NQFS back to purchasers home, so that the purchaser could tell the NQFS what the two chores were to be. 050809 ... peyton But first, he made me tell a story.. a story within a story. 050809 ... falling_alone I began to tell him how i once ate my brother, but the man fell asleep all the while mumbling "... 060215 ... mumbler "...me like queso-lady...me like queso-lady...me...queso...queso-lady..." 060215 ... u24 .. I began, but he wasn't listening. 060216 ... neesh but i continued to tell the story anyway, to myself... 060216 ... (_) because i wanted to hide in the words, and pretend this wasn't happening 060216 ... Phil My hands began to shake as I looked to a nearby tree. 240217 ... Soma I reminded myself of my grounding exercises - five things i could see, four things I could hear, three things I could smell, two things I could feel, one thing I could do - as I took a deep breath and steadied myself against whatever chaos once stirred within my mind. 240218 what's it to you? who go blather from