today_yesterday
Alexander Beetle christianity

next to

makes_every_inch_of_me_ache

Heh.
010608
...
Toxic_Kisses make_love_with_me toxic_kisses
wish_you_were_her raisin
i_need evil
love__theheavens_theinfinite______ blather_church
i_reached_into_my_pockets_and_found splatter_stained_doll
it_ended_with poetic_science
collection_of_freak_objects in_a_sabbithas_garden
free_live_sex three_words
020318
...
funny shit
free_live_sex at_the_video_store
020318
...
funny shit it_began_with underpants 020318
...
funny shit it_ended_with clitoris 020318
...
funny shit its_sunday pain 020318
...
minnesota_chris i_reached_into_my_pockets_and_found evil


Oh look! I have some evil for ya.
020318
...
Mateo its_all_about_the smile 020323
...
Mateo it´s_all_about_the smile 020323
...
yummyC today is just another yesterday waiting to happen. 020323
...
silver striped mushroom How come there is no tomorrow list of words? Does this mean blather has no future? 020419
...
girl_jane Does anybody else go to that page and read things all the way across? Sometimes it makes nice little things. One I remember on red, in the today column was beautiful, and eyes was across from it in the yesterday column. I was just curious if anybody has done that... 020803
...
girl_jane Examples I noticed before the power went out:

false_hope on_a_night_like_this
honey what_are_you_thinking
you_don't_see_me laugh
wasted drugs
boy_scouts tragedy
confused crabs_need_to_die
020803
...
girl_jane seven men_in_kilts 020803
...
jane oxymoron the_best_sex
i_love_you hahahahahhahahahah
toyota mattress_and_tire_free
shattered ball_of_string
poetryofasingleword me
020808
...
girl_jane kendera

this is not what i intended when i started this 'two words'. i thought that posting spooky combinations from the today / yesterday columns deserved a blather section, like three_words used to. but since three words is now gone and i am an obscure idiot now....i'll just go away.

010322

on the two_words page...
020815
...
girl_jane eskimoe_joe charm
i_did_something_wonderful honestly
schleiffen_man snoring
sleep on_my_own
020815
...
girl_jane i_did_something_wonderful_today honestly

*a correction...
020815
...
Toxic_Kisses Who_are_you Queen_Of_Pain
.
Empty Hate
.
Horny Brown_eyed_Girl
.
kenneth_branagh gorgeous
.
wanting punctuality
020819
...
curious toys woman_in_chains skinny_dipping
king_of_pain end_this_reign
certain brown_eyed_girl
beautiful things_that_i_currently_like
reboot shirley_maxibush
bad_fashion_fads your_face (haha!)
late_breaking_news i_become_a_schoolgirl
so_this_is_my_story crampons
letter_to_sean mail_me_a_bowl_of_shit
horny memories
leave forgetting
silence_before_a_depression not_nice
020819
...
curious toys *correction
beautiful things_i_currently_like
020819
...
hardy har har beautiful inside_the_pouring_rain

something_in_between punctuality
020819
...
. aka two_words 020819
...
neverender we_dance_to_the_music_of_accordion inside_the_pouring_rain

kill anyone_sane_left_here

in_search_of leonard_nimoy

kenneth_branagh well_i'll_be_damned
020819
...
jane random_excerpts_from_my_life looking_back
i_looked_under_a_rock_and_found kamakaze_sushi
bad_fashion_fads things_that_never_go_out_of_style
uncool with_the_world_turning_circles
020820
...
j pain_is fair

something_there died

disease king
021120
...
no reason drown_yourself meryl


i'm really trying not to...
030829
...
Dafremen letting_go sorry_i_stole_your_identity 030829
...
Bespeckled emotionless_sex survivor
contribute_your_universal_symbol in_a_parallel_universe
sometimes_they_come_back suicide

my favorite so far today:
blather my_plan_for_world_domination

see also: two_words
030829
...
Strideo the_poet_cannot_hide blueberries

minnesota_chris sorry_i_stole_your_identity

the_dark cat_with_two_heads

a_fish_who_died counting_spiderwebs_in_the_woods

...
030829
...
pobodys nerfect i'll_be_silent teagan_and_sara
hobbits crunchy_vs_smooth
tell_me_about_your_day green_monkeys
smelly_cat likeme
i_ain't_got_no_hair strings_too_short_to
use
the_story_of_pudding cut
myself am_i
030829
...
pobodys nerfect corporate_jargon_and_the_death_of_
language broiled

woman_passing_by i've_never_been_so_happy
030902
...
pobodys nerfect tell_me_about_your_day fetus
today_yesterday by_myself
030902
...
Toxic_Kisses amphibian cockroach
.
fuck happy_independenceday
.
jezabel jesus_fucking_christ
.
fluff wrapped_in_a_shadow
.
oy apocalyptic_orgy
.
sleeping_with_you by_myself
.
ten_toe weezer
.
proximity as_usual
030903
...
ClairE did_you_masturbate_today_and_to_what michael_jackson 031125
...
notme love_is_not love_actually 031125
...
ClairE we_lost_the_moon at_the_saturn_dealer 040304
...
ClairE where_i'd_like_to_live princeton_new_jersey 040308
...
Adriana i_feel_pretty infinite
pictures_of_blatherites_now break
all_your_base_are_belong_to_us sorry
precious regrets
malevolent eyes


don't_deny_me_the_right_to_feel angry_again
040308
...
kaibutsu homosexual femmes 040308
...
z anonymity vote_him_out 040308
...
iNsEcUrE_GoTh_GiRl i_reached_into_my_pockets_and_found caffeine

things_i_say_too_often rebel

involvment the_thought_jsut_occurs to me
040309
...
iNsEcUrE_GoTh_GiRl correction:

involvment the_thought_jsut_occurs_to_me
040309
...
iNsEcUrE_GoTh_GiRl also

the_most_blatherish_place armageddon
040309
...
somebody Dmz161 Offline_Blues
.
heartbroken wetback
.
Write_a_letter_to_yourself Andrea
.
The_boxing_ring Disaster
.
Tin_girl don’t
.
Consensual_reality wish
.
Apathy Beaver
040312
...
z isreal list 040312
...
z oops

israel lost
040312
...
z random_words_awake 040316
...
z word_association emotionally_unavailable 040316
...
z kurt_cobain i_want_him_all_to_myself 040316
...
white_wave thinks this is fun breathing_can_alter_your nemo 040316
...
z negative god 040316
...
z dont_feel_like_blathering I_need_a_hug 040316
...
z the_most_blatherish_place reality 040316
...
white_wave ask_stork_daddy why_i_like_metal 040316
...
. . 040320
...
white_wave I like doing this. It's silly goofy random fun.

tickle time
my_heart_will_go_on paxil
immense onions
laid_back leg_vibrations
woom spiral
inserted methods_of_murder
040320
...
Adriana take_the_damn_pill_already it's_almost_6_am

i'd_die_for_you colonel_sanders
today_i've_eaten cock
alone safe
marijauna a_treacherous_thing
forgive thythoushallshant
jewish_christian_islamic bitch
040323
...
white_wave touch_me colonel_sanders

today_i've_eaten the_freedom_of_growing_wings

planets starved_for_myth
gingerbread frustration
out_of_my_brain spring_arrives
040323
...
Doar do_you_love_me chocolate_milk
he_would_not run
flowers_from_safeway evil
i_do_stupid_things nonsense_machine
tomorrow_yesterday polar_opposites
040324
...
iNsEcUrE_GoTh_GiRl today_i've_eaten the_blatherskite_directory

show_me cake_or_death

hmmmm
noticeable food theme there.
040324
...
Strideo discarded spam
vanilla_or_chocolate stars
...
040324
...
iNsEcUrE_GoTh_GiRl blather_family masturbation
magic_in_the_strangest_places crotch

This came up on the blather home page, under the recent and who buttons;

why_i_like_to_shit why_i_won't

vices support_bush
three_funny_words gabe_is_mine
040327
...
iNsEcUrE_GoTh_GiRl ask_prozen_fizza who_id_like_to_fuck_on_blather
it's_hard_to_remember reality
ghetto_apparently cut
oh leg_vibrations
i_love_juice addictive_personality
billy_mckinney i'll_love_you_forever
040327
...
iNsEcUrE_GoTh_GiRl read this as a sentence;

wish i'll_love_you_forever
in_the private_parallel_universe

i think it's sweet.

also
its_hard_to_remember why_is_there_always_one_sock_left
040327
...
white_wave mercyfuck are_you_a_psycho
rolled_up_dollar_bill delusion
reading_across constant_dreams
blathercompliments us
green magic_in_the_strangest_places
040328
...
z halucinating eachother 040402
...
white_wave colors dancing_on_your_skin 040412
...
strawberryxgash stop that_footprints_in_the_sand_story

we_could_have_been ourselves

prisoner nostalgia

home collection_of_freak_objects

code_challenge to_the_second_cup_employee
040412
...
white_wave tromnisexual jello
social tissue
subversive lingerie
040416
...
Today Blather: t o d a y

* falluja *
najaf
fallujah
sleepy
kx21
breathtaking
who_is_better
nerd
lets_go_for_a_walk
s_force
qualities
one_perfect_day
moment_of_truth
random
free_rights_operations
free_united_states_operations
i
serein
my_happy_place
crazy
happy_birthday_mom
i_want_a_perfect_body_i_want_a_perfect_soul
rain
whitechocolatewalrus
ee_beep_peep
in_reply_to_a_seducer's_poem
falling_petals_rock
north_expedition
answer_machine
why_did_the_hedgehog_cross_the_road
after_an_old_song
a_drunken_song
admonition
to_my_drinking_friend
at_his_hermitage_on_mount_kaya
what'syourfavouritecolourandwhy
putting_an_end_to_myself
drinking_alone_on_a_spring_night
a_widow's_grief
waiting_for_my_love
the_note
sadistic_abuses
jesus
gun
reeses_pieces
kkk
roxanne
city
happening
punk
home
gorgeous
ue
draining
thousand
understand
exact
trent
life
hate
vampires_touch
godfather555
haiku_game
eaf
red
glassjaw
this_is_meaningless
zach
dennys
words
stupidity
attention__i_have_to_say
brush_fire
blatherskites_i_have_met
animal_wars
train_station_beauty
note_to_lauren
mission_impossible
the_test_of_will
lockoblanco
kerry
bush
blair
untitled_blathe
sleep
depressed
kiss
juries
if_you_forget_me
beltaine
political_games
death_toll
still_heart
breaking_news
love
man_with_two_eyes
free_to_write
depression
free_poverty_operations
the_moon_is_clear
three_funny_words
shoulda_woulda_coulda
oldephebe_knows_the_truth
gringomonkee
butterfly_effect
thrills
hipsters
storky
code_challenge
code_challenge_2
why_did_the_chicken_cross_the_road
tits
man_talk
physics
optimism
political_split
horny
penis_list
* mission_accomplished *

***************************************
040501
...
Yesterday Blather: y e s t e r d a y

* home_depot_rule *
chatroom
pavlov's_dog
crime_rate
corporate_scam
american
how_do_you_prove_your_existence
un21
scary_parallels
stranger
nothing
bar_joke
joke
shaking_the_trees
my_email
blather_want_ads
vein
amen
toe21k
historic_expansion
genious
wish
invader_zim
waiting_for_train_in_china
hooters
george_w_bush
in_search_of_nothing
kristin
when_you_wet_on_stage
pads
personality_disorder_test
tyler
m_theory
intoxicating
saddam_hussein
grimace
eurasian
free_will
this_is_me_loving_you
masturbate
your_lost_little_girl
never_knows_best
i_am
happens_all_the_time
muttered
bitch_slap
which_is_sadder
candles
pary_scarallels
playing_the_guitar
who_is_bettert
geocaching
alone
passion
lines_in_movies
word_of_the_day
i_could_fly
pacman
slashdot
doyouknowhatyourdoingtome
i_love_the_smell_of
waves
so_tired_i_can't_sleep
mexican_blatherers
not
sub_orbital_monkey_flange
cuddle
little_people
honest
whatever_she_spoke_became_reality
alcohol
flame_of_invisible_light
take_me_with_you
peercast
desire
she_still_makes_me_tremble
um_hi
your_skin_makes_me_cry
how_she_makes_me_feel
dedication
anyone_awake_and_lonely_right_now
socialized_medicine
the_worst_poem_of_qwerty_the_pig
angelia
current_favourite_god
barnett_bando
matt
you_make_me_crazy_happy
our_bodies
motas
my_whole_life_is_a_dark_room
broken_record
body_issues
acid
the_return_of_the_king
something
thin
idiot
tired_eyes
orgasmic
oooo
of_
faq
dump
lux
dreaming
actions
hold
holds
he's
take
cute
ditto
jealous
default
matt_i_love
crack
loneliness
hurt
care
gray
word
intelligence
rats
society
blather
madness
surprisingly
light
place
string
sad
fuck
shroomery
perfection
the
poptarts
of
down
fall
special
support
heart
starve
closer
hugs
time
uviversalism_vs_objectivism
animal_game
kx21
*************************************
040501
...
? ... 040503
...
z scream poem_without_words 040528
...
*cough* .. 040620
...
unhinged the only difference really, it's raining today.


i miss my faraway yesterdays; most of life is superficial i guess. worrying about the bills. so tired i can't get out of bed most days. job; i need one. there aren't any. already, i'm waiting for the tomorrow when i'm not here anymore. i will be a disappointment. different town same complaint. today, tomorrow, yesterday, all the same. over all, it's all the same.
040621
...
puredream SWITCH ALREADY!! 040625
...
puredream thank you 040625
...
spiffy awwwww sarah

nothing_is_as_beautiful_as art

yummy blatherskites_i_have_met

yet_another_test_page better_off_dead - that's my test page, and i agree that it is better off dead
040625
...
shits and giggles becoming_beauty 2_tons_of_uranium_and_1000_radioactive_items

bad_things_i_have_done i_am_crying

the_fifth_element love_poems

formal_sex
two_words_to_sum_up_last_night

delicious warm_lips

define_yourself_in_1_word unexpected
040709
...
heh ass throbbing 040801
...
kook in a clam what_i_want_to_know_is who_the_fuck_is_alfred 041005
...
:) Clinton's_United_States_top_five_security_threats

Amen.
041006
...
105 Free_White_House_operations 041006
...
106 (: 041006
...
misstree the_way_he_sees_me through_the_looking_glass 041215
...
treemiss correction:
the_way_he_sees_me looking_through_the_glass

is dyselxic todya
041215
...
misstree and reloading after posting:
today_yesterday self_loving______loving_each_other
041215
...
.nom this_is_who_i_am who_are_you 050125
...
pobodys nerfect i_need a_new_sense_of_your_own_story
lyrics_that_make_you_cry when_i_breathe
a_professor_now alone
the_power_of_a_butterfly rescue
buy_me_things anthony
if_you_leave_me mister_brightside
stuff_changes an_extraordinary_and_complicated_coincidence
sunflowers dance
heartbroken liar
if_it_all_falls_apart_at_first_touch banish_the_elements
renovation here
applicable_confusion dear_dear_dillusional
050125
...
pobody sometimes blather has a mind of it's own,despite how you type things in the reply box =P
the "stuff changes" and "extraordinary coincidences" lines were supposed to be together. And my sleepy eyes mis-read the last entry.
050125
...
The Heretic sometimes_i_wish birdmad_is_not_an_old_weirdo 050408
...
Tomorrow * Time_and_causality_of_Karma *

...today_yesterday...
050408
...
Zsiga is still awake define_yourself_in_1_word legacy 050416
...
z gladly restless 050430
...
s) suez 050501
...
refracted oh_boy love_me 050503
...
shilohlives all those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time. And today I'm wasting away cause yesterday is on my mind. cause yesterday is on my mind 050503
...
. 84290489328392038290384204839084139084938493028429 _allslurredtogether 050602
...
z punk elliott_smith 050705
...
z london nightmare 050707
...
z whats_really_inside_of_me clockwork 050819
...
z critical sneakers 050919
...
z low_affect_cool poet_without_words 050930
...
pete silly nick 050930
...
neesh meet_the_antichrist green_gummy_bear_of_death

his secret is out..
051012
...
z not_love pathos 051107
...
z the_annual_blather_awards makeup 051108
...
z overanalyzing sin 051114
...
oren touch_me_there turn_me_off 051114
...
z wanderers you've_arrived 051115
...
oren pointless chickenshit 051118
...
oren blather go_away 051118
...
oren im_feeling_a_bit_like_alice_these_days hurt 051120
...
her royal highness the quirk i almost called you last night. even after all this time i still want to...need to talk to you when i have a hellish day. but you probably wouldn't have cared to or wanted to listen. and i probably would have ended up telling you all kinds of things that you shouldn't know.
this morning i realized i really should have called you. but it probably won't ever happen.
051120
...
2100 ... 051120
...
oren nights_when_you_felt_truly_happy breathing 051121
...
z intelligence_is forgiven 051122
...
oren three_more_words i_am_drunk 051122
...
oren blank_as_a_blank a_rant_of_nothing 051122
...
oren monday so_damned_tired 051123
...
oren forever seussy 051124
...
nom this_is_all_a_joke its_all_just_a_game 051125
...
oren crazed robots_rule 051127
...
meta meta 051213
...
z broken_glass cutting 051219
...
z meta semiotics 051220
...
z feet stink 060103
...
z afterwards_i_turned_into_a cat 060103
...
z i_operate_silence the_meaningfulness_of_life 060213
...
z epitome_of_incomprehensibility blather_voices 060214
...
ClairE i_love_chris nobody_cares 060226
...
oren where_do_i_want_to_go poop 060305
...
oren i_am_becoming blather_newdream_net 060305
...
z vocabulary swarm 060314
...
z the_mediocre_people alarmingly_poignant_three_words 060316
...
z blather_is_back dead_blather 060324
...
z blather_personality_types zoloft 060426
...
KISA most of life made of yesterdays never tommorrows. y look at tomorrow when it could be worse than today 060427
...
z what_do_you_do_with_emptiness goddess_of_simplicity 060512
...
z today_yesterday chance 060512
...
z neurolinguistic_programming tornado 060525
...
z tomorrow unsurprising 060530
...
pobody dontyouhavesomethingbettertodowithyourtime jeff

today_yesterday need_you_tonight

they_are_just_words smile_its_beautiful
060530
...
pobody *smiles* i just created another one--
humans blather
060530
...
*Amy* I don`t like to read other blathes, the ones that aren`t in recent blather. I feel like I`m going into an empty room with antiques, I feel lonely. 060531
...
z going_nowhere summed_it_up_so_perfectly 060627
...
Soma sabbie_you_are death 060628
...
z meta this_website 060629
...
z rewind cognition 060703
...
z the_go_button chance 060703
...
Lemon_Soda and tommorrow 060704
...
Lemon_Soda and tommorrow 060704
...
oren mutant human_constructs 060704
...
z everyone_who_blathers ask_birdmad 060707
...
tessa rice joy 060718
...
z i've_been_described_as narcisstic 060719
...
three words people_who_see_a_photo_of_you_and_go_let_me_see_th this_is_the_cost_of_my_soul 060725
...
two words oops 060725
...
australian highrise I look for you. 060725
...
nom i_wrote_you i_killed_you_first 060807
...
nom your_power grasp 060807
...
the end Today i had an amzing time at a concert and forgot everything that happened yesterday.
But then i went home and unblocked her.
060807
...
z unknown author 060909
...
rage today_i_realised three_single_words he_loves_another

it came back to today
still..... spooky
060910
...
z songwrighting no_lyrics 060914
...
duh songwriting no_lyrics 060914
...
z purr rawr 060921
...
z how_high ashes_to_ashes 060922
...
z mind sex 060925
...
z messianic_complexes god 060927
...
() ( who_writes_history_now dear_americans ) 061107
...
ivyducktwilightseto let_us fcuk 061126
...
pete hungover both 061127
...
() ( truth unspoken ) 061201
...
() ( recursive intuition ) 061206
...
z better to_dream 070109
...
nom nothing cleaned 070109
...
nom i feel 070111
...
z how_did_you_find_blather important

and

today_yesterday things_that_never_go_out_of_style
070111
...
nom speaking_and_saying_nothing important 070111
...
pSyche i_dream_of valentines_day 070211
...
obsessive compulsive. numbering_things brings_me_happiness. 070212
...
z thinking universe 070216
...
. . 070216
...
the sun is shining needing tomorrow
forget the past
070217
...
z the_little_things microbes 070327
...
nom on_a_day_like_today today_yesterday 070328
...
i never knew there was such a thing as... FART NUTRIENTS 070328
...
nom friendship letters 070329
...
dosquatch holy_shit_that's_sexy
drugs_make_it_worse
070701
...
dosquatch are not interchangable.

Were only that it so, I have some yesterdays that deserve another go.
070705
...
serenade write_more_loveletters blather_is_dying 070910
...
when darkness falls i_turned_down_a_chance who_drove_everyone_away 070911
...
melted plastic i_would_like buckets_of_sex

blather, you slay me.
071206
...
up yours eat cunt. 071206
...
melted plastic that's so poetic, it makes me weep. 071206
...
gengifur side_effect_of_ravenous_hunger beyond_the_mirror_metaphor 080105
...
dos chthonic daycare

I don't know if it's daycare BY the deities of the underworld, or FOR deities of the underworld, but either way it's gotta be a good time!
080105
...
werdy whopper herd 080106
...
neesh redhead indifference

if only she'd cared more...
080111
...
melted plastic i_was_wrong ; morning_always_comes 080220
...
j dustin allerjeez 080318
...
asher evocative_captchas haiku

stupid_god_damned_kids being_single
080319
...
asher or rather:
stupid_god_damn_kids being_single
080319
...
jane i_think i_feel_guilty

{is someone
trying
to tell me
something?}
{hmm???}
080319
...
ever dumbening wtf? step up ladies. kissing james 080626
...
. lets not be full of poop now kids 100227
...
z signal_and_noise bad_dreams 100512
...
jio jio 101125
...
fjirio fjirio 110508
...
man in the castro hat fujeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeereeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooooooo 110508
...
cacau cacau 110515
...
cacau cacau 110515
...
cacau cacau 110515
...
() life_is the_most_brilliant_species_on_the_planet 120702
...
z stacked_neatly_asunder in_empty_grasses 120727
...
auburn oh_love stacked_neatly_asunder 120728
...
z thunder haiku 120728
...
() ( not_a_joiner no_solace_no_shelter ) 120730
...
thy thanks_for_the_words three_words 120731
...
REAListic optimIST I noticed that today does not populate until a blathe is made that day. So, until someone blathes, yesterday is still today. I wonder... if no one blathed for two days, would today be the day before yesterday? 121003
...
unhinged pretty much nothing but bullshit abounds

what_else_is_new
121003
...
ClairE how_poems_get_written edna_st_vincent_millay 130127
...
flowerock hsg to_get_to_the_other_side

west_coasto_east_coast
140625
...
flowerock I'm_getting_up late 140703
...
flowerock earthy capacity_to_love

what_I'm_listening_to_right_now_three it's_when_we_are_silent
140816
...
flowerock coffee vegan

coffee_vegan
140819
...
flowerock coffee vegan

coffee_vegan

yum
140819
...
flowerock homeless uterus

the_toilette_is_free food_source
140820
...
flowerock hey_blatherskites slow_down 140825
...
nr fuck iniquity 141015
...
in a silent way occasional beautiful_buried_blathes 141218
...
nr welcome_to class_inequality

waiting; when_will_this_wound_heal?
151113
...
flowerock. Up_all_night engineering 160118
...
flowerock. Pms fuck_valentines_day

I saw more couples arguing in public in valentine's day than usual... maybe this is why?
160217
...
nr burners/fire_signs 160219
...
oops burners, fire_signs 160219
...
Risen Yesterday, I thought that this was a brief thing. ok, a protracted thing, this recovery. But it was a recovery. It was me slowly getting better from my leg and my back, and one day I would go back to do my PhD, and then I would slowly return to a real life. A normal life. I would find a woman and we would settle down, I would get a job and be a productive member of society, I would have a house of my own and yes, there would be bad times and good times, but it would be a normal, every person life.



Then there is today. Today I get this letter, a throwaway consultant letter. About an MRI report. I already know they found no broken bones (I'd call to ask) so I nearly don't bother to read it. But I do. I read it, twice, three times... a few dozen times now.

The MRI did show something. It showed signs of a nasty, painful, degenerative condition. And you know, I already have one of those, so I didn't even think the back pain was a problem. It was from a break and we'd fix that or I'd wait for it to heal or something then I'd go back to the normal.

Only that normal - that painful, sometimes crazy, but my normal, smaller than some people's but still something - that's never going to happen. This is the new normal. Well, this is actually the beginning of a slippery downward slope.

The amount of good I feel now is more than the amount of good I'm ever going to feel again.

There is no more getting better. There is only downhill.

I remember being mad and wanting to die. A whim, something sarcastic and teenager angsty - a middle finger up at the world, the extended tongue. It was caustic and young and so unknowing of what living even was.

This wanting to die is so calm. So certain. Calm.

I want to die, and I've never felt more sane.
160220
...
srealismas weirdly enough, i was at the library and picked up R.E.M. No 5 Document (1987) which has "it's the end of the world as we know it (and i feel fine)" for a buck. these days it's a specialty of mine- finding R.E.M. albums in clearance sales.

also don't die before you have to - and I'm easily here for you to the extent that is appropriate. all my plans were thwarted at 26 when i procured a schizophrenia diagnosis. I was in a PhD program that i quit, and i think about whether i made the right decision most days, 14 years later. which means i probably chose wrongly through being overwhelmed.

Unless you is some crazy lying FBI agent in which case don't mess with me! ; ) i entered my email in the email box.
160220
...
smallhours whale you're_not_helping 180418
...
understory You're_not_helping Whale 180419
...
nr look stupidly_happy 181125
...
smurfus rex put_on_a_happy_face on_my_way_out 181125
...
nr break_me world 200308
...
blather documentarian blather_baby when_was_the_last_time_you_were_decently_fucked 200403
...
thorn simpler / thoughts 211201
...
e_o_i kill_ted_cruz one_time_a_year

(more often than that would be overkill)
220603
...
pobodys_nerfect today_yesterday kill_ted_cruz

(Yikes, it would appear that Blather itself wants to do it now! o.O )
220603
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from