on_my_way_out unhinged i am allowed to be sad one of many needed_reminders endings are sad so i am allowed to feel that my life is hell at work. i guess i didn't really expect it to be better; the impinging dread in my stomach on telling work i was moving should have been a sign enough. yesterday was one of my student's last lesson. she brought me flowers. her mother shook my hand, being more of than hand shaker type. tears sprung to my eyes and my voice shook a little trying to hold them in. she looked to have tears in her eyes too but i tried not to look too close. all the employees at work were staring at me, silent. not just at the goodbye, but all day long. everyone was treating me like a leper. so that's what i get from those people after five years. once again, not all that surprising. but i always find myself hoping for better out of people. it's just the way my heart works. i have learned that hope is a dirty four letter word, but i still find my heart turning to it. as my friend said who is also leaving there 'that's how you know they've been talking about us' which is exactly why i'm leaving i just wish there weren't so many casualities 110715 ... Ouroboros The West Coast welcomes you! 110715 ... . . 110716 ... unhinged i realized i have more bravery and confidence than i would have ever thought possible 110802 ... unhinged i'm sorry if i let you down i can't hold the shit you won't carry i'm already at maximum capacity 151107 ... dafremen Someone always hands you a backpack or a wheelbarrow right about then.. 151108 ... arwyn I fumble with the button on my coat Drop my keys Then my bag Fuck me this day is starting rough. I call out good bye to the dog and the teenager Both on the couch Neither respond. Typical. Errand after errand Leading to appointments. In near empty, uncomfortably silent waiting rooms, I wonder who notices my absence more keenly. The teenager? Or The dog? My money's on the dog. 181123 ... unhinged (the dog; make the teenager stay in a dorm at college. he will miss you again real quick) 181124 what's it to you? who go blather from