nothing_is_as_beautiful_as farmfish as when she believes in me, when her eyes look into mine. i am determined to find the reasons i am here. 030419 ... pipedream tree leaves when you're lying on the grass and the sky is the colour of a grey wash on the smooth side of watercolour paper a butterfly a baby your mother 030419 ... megan when you know nothing can take that beauty away, not time, not people, not anything. that moment, when all else is gray and the person standing in front of you cuddles your face in their arms and plays with your hair. when you can both promise forever willingly, and know that it's plausible. 030419 ... Anna_Began Everything that crossed my senses today. 030420 ... the eye ...the one i love 030420 ... blown cherry waking up beside you 030420 ... Freak/Lilac/Jessica The scenery as I was falling to the ground at 120mph. We fell right through a cloud. The best part was after the parachute came out and we were floating up there for so long. It was absolutely amazing. 030420 ... megan combined with the blathe below nothing is as beautiful as morning sex haha 030420 ... mo listening to piano music while driving on long tree lined raods in the late afternoon in the fall with your windows down... 030420 ... silent storm maya zshena 030420 ... unhinged hearing someone say 'thank you for healing me' 030420 ... i_o (red) she to me, or he to her. 030421 ... 6am Jasmine, when she was sitting down outside her dorm waiting for me to pick her up for our first date, i was 40 minutes late. 030619 ... Death of a Rose air 031010 ... Lemon_Soda the sky. So all encompassing. So Huge. So blue. The only thing as blue as me. I stop and look up and just wonder at the beauty of it. No two skies are the same anywhere, anytime. It changes every second of everyday and its always beautiful. Lightening bolts play up there! It gives us rain and snow! Birds dip and weave, and man does to. Poeple throw themselves out of airplanes just to briefly kiss it. It always been there. I love the sky. Such bright colors in the morning and evening. Overcast days for walking in the shade everywhere. The sun and moon, the stars. Nothing but pure fantasy. Wonderful. 031010 ... nomatter the wet bridge at eleven p.m. the beautiful reflection of the streetlights. 031010 ... ferret an overcast day. i aggree. with wind. and rain, but not cold rain, just rain. 031010 ... oldephebe Lemon Soda (cool name, that was beautiful) umm..not really into to surly skies or reasons why..but nothing is as beautiful as a child and his/her mother from the ages of say newborn to like 3 years old. The rapture and unqualified adoration in each of their eyes almost always brings a tear to the brink of my eyes.. i'm a sap as the endless blue of 9/29's eyes. They are still indelibly etched into my souls strata..do you know what its like awakening from a dream and then realizing..oh yeah i was sleep..and then the pang and then why am i still dreaming of her after all these years? maybe only once or twice a year now and mostly in the dreams we're just talking..working out the threads of the same conversation i've heard snatches of just before i awaken for several years now..still though she had these perfect blazing blue eyes..the transormation when she removed her glasses always took my breath away..every stinking time..every day..several times a day.. her soul 9/29's soul umm my ex-wife when she was sleep..because there were such truculent tides that churned within her it was beautiful to see her at peace..my non-stop mouth probably churned some of those waves.. the words of shakespeare walking in early august evening summer rain my twin sister before... God's heart towards me..really.. the mind of an articulate strawberry blonde i knew in high school..she has this incredible mind..i think she was a genious but she was too modest to admit it. a brilliantly executed reverse (in football) randall cunningham scrambling..he ran so gracefully..like a gazelle, without effort.. ... 031011 ... ferret knowing you're right but not being able to do anything about it 031011 ... blah-ze mah dawg when he looks at me wit' those big pretty eyes. and yes, he's sitting beside me, and i am feeding his face. 031011 ... oblivionmachine that acne scar below your eye. 031127 ... karl the weed her. 031129 ... Death of a Rose snow 040208 ... pipers when you wake someone you love up, and their eyelids flutter half-open and as they register that it's you, their lips curve up into a sleepy smile. 040209 ... stork daddy it's true...although a deep fried burrito comes close. 040209 ... Nirvanic Blind (From a year old entry in a journal I got as a present) .....There it is, and I still feel the same way till this day. I can't be another person. I can't change. My past won't let me. So I've spent the last 2 years killing myself..... .....The point is that it's when I feel like I'm dying that I'm comfortable. I have to hit rockbottom to start over. After I thought I punished myself enough I tried to make a new life for myself. But my past keeps reminding me that I have to much shit left unsettled to move on. That's when I return to what I know........ .....So I stay here killing myself. This is when I'm comfortable. It's ironic how i'm fucking terrified of death but I feel better when i'm close to it...... .......If I'm expecting death soon because I feel like i'm dying, I can't get caught off guard. This way death can't catch me when I'm loving life the most and unexpectedly. Besides, when you think your dying nothing matters. Your free. I'm happy in those moments....... .....If I can expect death and not get it, it would be like cheating death. And the more I cheat it the more I love life because I'm happy to be alive. And it's not just that. Death is a comfortable thing. I realized this when I went to the hospital a couple years ago. When we pulled into the hospital we couldn't find a parking space. It was packed. I pointed it out to my mom and I laughed. I'm not sure if I knew what was funny about it but I felt comfortable. Finally, we found a parking space and went into the hospital and sat in the waiting room. I didn't want to wait there. Everyone was sick and in an ugly mood. It was like death was looking in and grinning its malevolent smile. I didn't belong with these shitty looking people with ugly attitudes. I felt out of place and a little scared. It just bothered me, so I started reading a book. After a while I put it down and stretched. I was rubbing the blur out of my eyes when I heard some music. I looked around and saw a woman in her early twenties with some earphones on. She didn't look very happy but she didn't look sad either. She seemed content. She seemed like me. She wasn't too comfortable here either but she was content listening to music. I smiled again and that's when it hit me. This girl was like me. She was just sitting there trying to accept her possible fate of immenent death. Suddenly, I wasn't alone anymore. That's why I was happy to see all those car's in the parking lot. There were hundreds of cars, people going to the hospital just to make sure they weren't dying already, just like me. There were people in the hospital beds way worse off than me already dying. The people in the waiting rooms had ugly attitudes because they were just as scared of death as I was. The difference is that they wouldn't stop fighting. That's why they were mad. They were mad because they would be fighting a battle that couldn't be won. They would die unhappy. It felt good to see those people in the hospital rooms dying. Not because THEY were dying, but because I wouldn't die alone. I would die with who knows how many other people. I wouldn't be experiencing it by myself. If there was some kind of afterlife I would be experiencing it with all these other people on their death beds. And if their wasn't, I still wouldn't be going out by myself. Like this I could be comfortable with death. In that hospital I was comfortable with death. I didn't have to fear it anymore. I would die comfortably, or at least content. Because I wouldn't be doing it alone. I really think I was enlightened at that moment. I guess that explains why I'm uncomfortable when I don't feel death. If I don't feel death I will be caught off guard and I can't die content. That was a beautiful moment for me. It was an answer when I feared death the most. I'm just sorry I'm not a better writer. 040209 ... girl_jane screaming until you can't make a sound 040209 ... spiffy clouds 040625 ... kx21 "Black_Hole" in Human_spaces? 040625 ... incoherent the beach at dusk right before a storm the moment when everything goes suddenly still 040625 ... xyz imperfection 040625 ... puredream your eyes 040711 ... Deomis life 040711 ... sab sleeping_naked next to someone 040712 ... nonlucid a moment where you cease worrying about everything and simply be content, ending the chatter of the mind and just live - not thinking, just existing 040712 ... z everything 040712 ... love & hate the love of my eternity. My katie. My precious angel. Nothing ever will be. 040918 ... love & hate because nothing else matters... 040918 ... Neversummer inamorato 060211 what's it to you? who go blather from