it_began_with daxle my dad dying 001218 ... Sintina My life began... My father died too. The soilders at the funeral acted so concerned. Here was his little daughter all alone. But they didn't know how happy I was. I couldn't tell any of them. I couldn't laugh at the preacher as he delivered the speech, praising my father. I couldn't cry either. I couldn't cry because I didn't love him. Not anymore. At one time I did, and I had already cried for that lost time that I would never get the opprotunity to rekindle. But at the time of the funeral I had no tears for the man. His ashes were a burden lifted off of my life, how glorious it would have been to grab the urn, open it and send the dust flying off to space, never to be near me again. They gave me the flag. They folded it and unfolded it several times before giving it to me. My mother didn't cry either. They put roses in his niche. I put a rose in too. I watched my rose as the others were laid upon it. I stared at the little pedels and how the sun hit the leaves. And then the door was closed. 010122 ... unhinged you leaving me without a word and now everyday part of me cries. i've wanted to pick up my blade several times today especially right now. he can always ask me for advice but he never notices how filled with love it is. oh well. 010204 ... alex311swim It began with a kiss...in the seat of his truck...it ended with no disaster in my life and with all things around me that I stopped caring that because he never cared too...he used me now it had come to the end 010204 ... birdmad with an empathy borne of weakness loneliness and weariness when they were gone it ended with cold detachment 010204 ... kx21 a Big BANG... What will it end with? 010204 ... kx21 NOTHING, STRING, SHIT, STAR, EVERYTHING? 010205 ... .sunshine. him. breakingmy heart. and now here i am haven't thought about him in a year. drinking and gagging. it began with him. 010505 ... monadh this moment 010506 ... god this pencil, this pear, this snow globe 010506 ... chanaka one word 010507 ... nocturnal touch 010507 ... grendel the same uncertainty that it_ended_with 010507 ... . love 010630 ... daxle a chat room 020120 ... searching a smile, a touch, a dance i was lost after that there was no turning back 020121 ... gwyllynne laughter in the night it_ended_with 020121 ... Mahayana [soul's love in my hands] 020121 ... Mahayana [mysteries of the past] 020314 ... Mahayana [{anger at wrong doings}] 020318 ... blown cherry a doubt. an absent phone call. a late night. lots of late nights. lots of late mornings. being taken for granted. losing respect for yourself. losing respect for me. losing respect for whatever we had left. falling out of love. a stranger. a smile. a look. lots of looks. "you really make me wish I was single" and a "what's the point in saying that since you're not" instead of a rejection. a pub crawl. a video of 3 Kings at 3am. boredom. wiping my nose. a kiss. the taste of blood. falling in love. it_ended_with.... 020319 ... Mahayana [thoughts that shed never talk to the likes of me] 020322 ... Syrope -the AG test in 3rd grade -a shared snicker at the cheerleaders in latin -an automatic "add user" on my ICQ list -a prank email that i just had to question him about 020322 ... Mahayana winter 020611 ... Mahayana [a hug] 020629 ... little fury bug ....um....hi...{shifting eyes, sweaty palms, nervous giggle} 020629 ... misstree i wandered through the party, tasting auras, watching the delicate dance of lifey death. eric looked like a rock star, spiked hair and white button down. he was holding a blend full of blue stuff in front of him, oblivious to her posturings. she leaned in, hands on hips, one finger occasionally stirring to play with a ringlet of long, red hair. she couldn't close the predator's gap because of the blender. he was mine, my beautiful boy, and he was oblivious to her wiles. i smiled, let her try, and moved on. 020630 ... jane savannah and i jumping in his car him putting his arm around me my first time different phases of our relationship have begun different ways, all about a year apart 020701 ... margaux shotgun BANG 021111 ... wish~ an idle message on ICQ, and we've never looked back since. 021114 ... ClairE Blather. Of_course. 030511 ... megan my brother oddly enough he does have good taste in friends, but i never knew how good until 1st grade came along, and so did puffycloud playing endless war games and legos and other mindless banter that young boys invent and i was off playing barbies with the future homecoming queens and sports stars and we didn't know each other until it became crystal clear at the age of adolescence that while in spanish class i could not live without him behind me whispering into my ear and writing me little notes online. and it blossomed, and kept growing and it turned into a dance, and a tear and a question and an answer. it continued with many doubts and many more dances and standing on your feet and rubbing backs and finally kisses and forevers and wants in the middle of the night and sweet dreams and love yous. i'll never forget what it began with nor why nor how. and i know it will continue, just like it always has. 030512 ... /anon my death. i know its a crappy metaphor but my young life died so quickly that I was shocked for long after. I was not carefree anymore. that night was when so many anxietys that kill me now had crashed down onto my arms. thus the end of my joyus childhood and the begining of my miserable adolesence. ah no one cares I dont care I am no good at anything I just use this site to blurt out whatever cause im bored and so I can not dwell but I do anyway ah I am so selfishly sick and self absorbed! 030512 ... Mahayana [a need to meditate] 030910 ... shivers 11:11 and a bonfire 030910 ... counterentity a paper bag 030914 what's it to you? who go blather from